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Bethel Road

Micro Center sign

Bethel Road doesn’t boast quite as much action-per-mile as Lane Avenue, but it’s close. Both are relatively short roads which have nonetheless packed a ton of firepower into their compact arsenals. The main differences are in size, as both end/begin at Riverside Drive, yet Bethel’s other terminus is at 315 – Lane continues well past that, to High and then Summit. Also, owing to its proximity to campus, Lane Avenue counts many more iconic sights along the way, either directly upon it or within view. Still, it’s definitely possible that nowhere has more personal history for me, whether by the inch or as a sum, than Bethel Road, which is probably why it’s taken me so long to tackle this project – which I’m only slightly getting into at the moment. I used to be in favor of compiling biblical epics of info before publishing a page, but have reconsidered that strategy here lately. Now I would rather go to press with whatever skeletal material I have handy, but then frequently update it. If nothing else, I think this makes it more interesting for the reader.

Regarding this page, we’ll start from the 315 end. Nothing much happens after you get off at the Bethel Road exit, apart from crossing over 315 itself (if driving northbound at that time), so this particular journey begins after passing the Olentangy River Road intersection. The KFC on the corner (711 Bethel) and the BP station across the street (5067 Olentangy River Rd) have been here since at least the late 90s, effective symbolic guardposts opening the door to you for everything that follows.

click arrows to turn on Olentangy; otherwise keep on movin’ along Bethel…

south side of road

747 Bethel Road

Micro Center

The font for this computer store is pure 90s,
which looks amazing. In many respects I can’t
believe this place is still here.

767 Bethel Road

among the buildings in front of the strip mall. Currently a Massage Envy, was once a Blockbuster Video.

769 Bethel Road

Olentangy Plaza. In the late 90s there was an art gallery back here somewhere, that I visited once under weird circumstances: my coworker Joe at the “Bethel Road” Kroger had a friend who was trying to fix him up with some chick who worked here. He asked me to swing by here under the pretense of shopping for art, but really to scope out this woman. And report back to him with my findings, if she was any good looking or not. This may have been Copeland Fine Art, but I’m not entirely sure.

The first set of businesses, in the building nearest Olentangy River Road, have an Olentangy address. After that, as it wraps around from Micro Center in an arc to the right, these all belong to Bethel. There used to be a beloved Kmart back here but I think it sat where the Taylor House high-rise apartment is now, and therefore probably had an Olentangy address too.

833 Bethel Road

Formerly a business that is technically registered as Music-Go-Round, although you might also find it indexed under The Smarmy Jackass Zone. I recall one day my good friend Damon drifted through my workplace pretty fired up about his interactions with the help at this location. Then a couple years later I ventured through these doors and was given a healthy dose of this bitter medicine myself. I realize all the trendiest people work in second hand music equipment stores in the suburbs, but come on.

839 Bethel Road

Kai’s Crab Boil at present. In 1997 it was Holcomb’s Educational Materials.

1299 Bethel Road

In more recent times has belonged to Brush Crazy. At one point housed Video Central, a mighty convenient and oft frequented spot when living nearby.

1325 Bethel Road

Former home of the awesomely named China Gourmet Express. Now just a boring ol’ Dunkin Donuts/Baskin Robbins.

1355 Bethel Road

La Casita: was formerly Harold’s Cajun Glory Cafe. Looks basically the same from the outside.

And before that was once a Long John Silver’s! Which I think you can still detect traces of, on the outside.

1375 Bethel Road

The Forge Tavern: this is where Polo’s used to be.

1381 Bethel Road

Used to belong to this funky little Pizza Hut franchise, which might have even been delivery only, I’m not sure. Notorious in that Roy, Doug Fogle and I once caught a ride over to DiMarco’s from here, in a delivery girl’s truck, in a heavy downpour.

1401 Bethel Road

has been a Marathon for an eternity. Was once “Wayne’s Marathon” although I’m not sure if Wayne is still in the mix or not. As this pertains to personal/collective folklore, immediately after I stopped seeing Stacy, in the early 2000s, she started dating this Damon guy (not my dear old pal of the same name) who worked here. He was friends with Maria somehow and this is how they struck up an acquaintance. As far as I know they are still together, too

1515 Bethel Road

Enchanted Hands (suite #301) is but one of the residents at this address. Which I know because they recently sent me a friend request on Instagram – that’s pretty much all it takes to grab my attention. Hey, you’ve got to do what you can to rise above the muck these days! So their efforts are appreciated. Let this be a lesson to you fellow business owners out there…

north side of road

797 Bethel Road

Unique Cuts For Men & Women, a barber shop, is here now. La Casa Del Pueblo was here as of August 2006, however.

1092 Bethel Road: The Refectory

Award winning restaurant is basically a C-bus institution at this point. It opened in 1976 and has been here ever since.

1138 Bethel Road

Is currently Gogi Korean BBQ

used to be Bumpers, a curiously lively bar considering it didn’t look like much on the outside. And was apparently something calling Accurate Video Solutions in between these two eras?

1270 Bethel Road

The apartment where it all started! This was home base for the first new group of friends I made, upon moving to Columbus in January ’97. Sometimes it seems so improbable that I would ever meet these people, sometimes inevitable. Lisa, Maria, Doug, Mike and Junior were the five roommates at the time I arrived on this scene. In various combinations they were here for a handful of years, at least, with plenty of others coming and going. Some of them moved up the road to another apartment in ’98.

Above is what it looked like in the mid-late 90s. The exterior is pretty much the same. It does appear that they ripped out this tree at some point and planted a pine instead – this tree (or possibly one beside it) is notable in that this random drunk chick fell out of it one night whilst attempting to spy on some dude in the next apartment over. Then strolled into the one where we were partying instead, joined us for a spell, threw up in the bathroom and left.

The living room is behind the ground floor window here. And that would have been Maria’s bedroom up above, beyond the second floor window. Lisa had the other official bedroom, on the back end of the place. Doug and Mike were on the two couches, at the time I made their acquaintance, and Junior was living in the basement. One cool feature is this bay window in the kitchen side wall, too, though you can’t see it here. Parties were legion at this place and occasionally even spilled out into the parking lot.

1380 Bethel Road

Former home of 55 Grille. Is now a Sheetz station.

1434 Bethel Road

Formerly a SuperAmerica, now a Speedway. But yes apparently always a gas station, for as far back as I can track these things.

1450 Bethel Road

As of 1997 a Skyline Chili was here. But nothing is specifically using this address at present – its most recent tenant was a Kebab Hummus Grill that went out of business in ’23.

1460 Bethel Road

Currently Pronoia Beauty, a spa. Back in 1997, though, it would have been Central City Comics.

1462 Bethel Road

Cha Sha & Coffee. Looks like a cool place, though I’ve yet to try their surely delicious offerings. They offer chai flights, and have this cool art piece along one wall, of a shaky, henna’d hand accepting coffee from another holding the kettle. Either of which is enough to make me curious to learn more about their offerings.

Coaches Bar & Grill

(1480 and 1482 Bethel Road) Still going strong after all this time! One of the last bars on this road with the same name it had in the 1990s (and possibly earlier). Not the most remarkable place, perhaps, but a great location and the owners must apparently have their act together. At one time, I’m not sure if he still does, but a fellow named Dave Matthews owned the place. Back in the day, they had “Melrose Mondays” here, whereby the latest Melrose Place episodes were aired with the sound on. Much to the consternation of anyone who maybe hoped to listen to the jukebox instead – like for example, us, as I do remember our small group leaving during one of these incidents.

1500 Bethel Road

Al’s Delicious Popcorn has also been here since at least the mid 90s – which I consider an even more remarkable achievement than Coaches’ continued existence.

1512 Bethel Road

In ye ancient times, was once a Radio Shack. Nobody is using this specific plot on the map at present, however.

1514 Bethel Road

On Tap Pub has maintained a presence here since 2001, another impressive run. Owner Kenny Abraham must be doing something right. All in all, this is an impressive showing of consistency for the back wall of the Center.

Prior to this, Manhattan Bagel Co. called his spot home.

1516 Bethel Road

Golden Delight Bakery has held down this address, once again, from at least from ’97 onward. I have to admit I didn’t realize many of these businesses were back here for even half that long – the lesson here being, for all of us, that we really should get out and explore more, and not just stick to the scripted, heavily touted “popular kids” that get all the press.

1530 Bethel Road

Shooters Cafe was once a highly popular dance club at this spot. My collective colleagues and I came here a ton from ’98 to roughly ’02, I would say. Both as a nightlife option but also for happy hour, as they had pretty decent food at reasonable prices.

Nothing is here right now, but looking it up proves another good example of how your memories begin messing with you over time. I would have sworn this address was more centrally located in this back strip of businesses, and possibly even slightly over to the right. However it’s actually much closer to the far left side, if facing it from Bethel. But then I recall that you pretty much always had to park in that lot beside this strip, over to the left, that these were typically the nearest open spots – and this begins to make more sense to me, the tiny detail that helps arrange everything as it should.

1536 Bethel Road: Bethel Center

This is the address given to the “center” as an abstract, collective entity. Some occupants have Bethel Road addresses, some Bethel Center Mall. There are three separate clusters of businesses (and one small standalone building, in the front middle), and they all belong to Bethel except for the strip on the left, facing sideways. Those belong to Bethel Center Mall instead. So I will have to tackle those in some other fashion.

1540 Bethel Road

Currently belongs to Don Tequila Mexican Grill and Cantina. I almost forget there used to be a Cooker Bar & Grille here, despite eating at this location a handful of times. It was okay enough to visit every now and then. This location was even the first one opened in Columbus, back in 1985.

But what really sticks out in your mind, ultimately, about any place? Incidents like the time Paul and I were here for lunch and I ordered a draft beer, which was served with a huge chunk of food stuck to the inside of the glass, on the side. You couldn’t miss it. Sadly enough, that’s the first thing that always pops into my mind whenever I think about this restaurant. Not to make excuses for these guys (I would later work at a different location and have reasons to doubt ownership’s competence) but this is what you’re up against, if trying to make it in the cutthroat restaurant biz. You can’t possibly have eyes on every employee all the time. You just have to trust you’re hiring people who know better than to serve chunks of food inside their beer glasses.

Reed to Dierker:

At this juncture we’ll move on to my next wacky experiment for this site. I’ve actually been plotting and planning and attempting to wrap my head around this concept for years, but nothing as of yet quite matches these grand visions. The main issue here is that the direction in which we consume content from a website does not match the directions we are moving in the real world counterparts. And there’s almost no way to orient them to make it so – well, I’m sure there are probably brilliant designers out there capable of doing something like this, but if so, I have to admit I’ve never seen it.

Basically I’d like these addresses to come at you like you are driving past the sites in question. With videos of both sides of the road visible at the same time. For this to work, I think you’d need vertically scrolling videos, side by side, with texts that pop up on the sides of those, to match what you’re seeing. So, yeah, this is something I will continue to muddle my way through and attempt to solve. For now, though, the best I can come up with is playing these two videos, at the same time. I’ve set them up to allow a second or two of lag time, for you to click the top video, then the bottom one after that (keep in mind this will apparently only work on a computer browser; if using your trusty ol’ iPhone, I believe it will only play one at a time – yet another reason why I recommend the full screen LLTC experience instead):

I think this is pretty cool and all, given my limited tech or coding skills or whatever, that it even halfway sort of almost resembles what I somewhat have in mind. But even so, without even getting into quality concerns, you can see what kind of problems this entire concept is up against: this arrangement is far from perfect, and yet there’s no way you could position these any better, at least none I can think of, that would match our experience in the real world. I guess maybe if I flipped the bottom video around upside down, then set up endless horizontal scrolling for the text in between the two? But then the bottom video would essentially be useless if actually attempting to read something. This is why I think a pair of vertically scrolling videos, then a column of text dedicated to each, might be the way to go – assuming you could get the text to roll upwards while you watched the videos. Anyway, if there are any website building wizards out there who read this and might care to suggest a solution, that would be awesome. So far, however, anyone I’ve mentioned this to plainly thinks I’m crazy.

And now we have reached my former workplace of approximately 5 1/2 years, off and on, the Bethel Road Kroger. Once again, the “Bethel Road” Kroger technically has a Crown Plaza address, so I’ll refrain from going into much detail here. But this is where it would sit on our journey. Up above is what it looks like in more modern times. The fuel center in front did not originally exist. For much, much more about this place you can visit my Bethel Road Kroger page.

Moving along, here’s the view of Bethel from Dierker up to Sawmill, on the north side of the road. Not a whole lot happening here beside apartments and maybe some offices, until you reach the Carriage Place Plaza:

And now we move on to the Carriage Place shopping center. Big Bear was of course a centerpiece of this plaza for quite some time, before they went belly up.

Carriage Place Plaza

As far as personal highlights, one day I was stuck wearing sandals to work, a prospect Kroger management wasn’t too happy about. Having walked there that morning to begin with (a fantastic tale in its own right) I was forced to take a long break and traipse up to Carriage Place to buy some shoes. On my way back, I was just cutting through the parking lot of this bank (doesn’t appear to be here any longer) and some unknown dude in the drive through line started blowing his horn at me, repeatedly, and pointing. I finally figured out what he was trying to tell me: there were a bunch of dollar bills blowing around in the parking lot. I gave him a thankful wave, scooped them up, and kept walking.

Amusingly enough, Mike Nelson would later tell me he saw me walking up Bethel Road this fine morning and wondered what on earth I was up to. Although come to think of it, I’m not entirely sure why he didn’t pull over and offer me a lift.

I don’t think this shipping container with the Getz Builders logo is a permament part of the landscape, but I wish it were. It looks really cool. Instead maybe we’ll call it “pop up art” and if you wish to view this, assuming it isn’t gone already, it’s facing the strip mall itself, parked on the front right edge near the Pickforde side street entrance.

It’s funny how sketch pretty much everyone always looks like in these videos, just going about their normal business. It could be an 87 year old grandma getting cakes out of her backseat at her church, in the middle of a bright afternoon, but she too would look somewhat suspicious with her dealings. And of course, most of all, the unseen guy shooting these puppies – but hey, I’m used to this, and had a choice in the matter. As for anybody else trapped unawares in one of my weird projects (here and elsewhere), my eternal apologies.

2524 Bethel Road: O’Manny’s Pub

It’s down to I think this and Coaches as far as what’s lasted longer on this road – I’m not sure which came first.

2544 Bethel Road

Is now Asian International Market, a grocery store.

Former home of Trading Zone/Video Trader, however. I remember Jill and I ventured in here one day to trade in a boatload of old movies and such. We got some Mario game for the Nintendo 64 and I forget what else. Pretty sure this was also the day I picked up a VHS copy of The Empire Strikes Back with the original artwork, believing it to be a “collector’s item.” Let’s just say I’ve yet to find a taker.

2570 Bethel Road

It was only recently announced that this 35,000 square foot space is soon to become a Fun City Adventure Park, an indoor kiddie/teen playground on steroids.

Until I believe 2023, this was formerly a Cinemark Movies 12. I don’t know if this was always the case, but by the late 90s they had already turned into a second run theater, albeit with movies that weren’t too terribly old. I saw approximately half a bazillion flicks in here, it seems. Particularly after getting on this kick where, if working a split shift (either at the same job or between two different ones) in the area, with a large enough gap between, I would dip into here to catch a cheap movie rather than driving home or something. I remember catching Spy Game and The Good Girl in this manner, for example, which should give you some indication as to the time frame in question.

But I also took in plenty of movies here with others, too. I saw The Wedding Singer twice during its initial theatrical run, and the second time was here, with Jill – nowadays it’s somewhat hard to imagine what kind of flick could even drag me to the theater once, much less for a repeat outing. She and I also first caught Go at this Cinemark, which was memorable in that Jill was fidgeting with a ring on her finger to the extent it went flying off and rolling out of sight. After the movie, she and I and an usher/janitor type employee searched all over for the thing. He eventually found it clear down near one of the front rows – we were all somewhat incredulous that it had managed to roll that far, in a theater at least halfway full of people.

2630 Bethel Road

It seems Music Go Round must have relocated here at some point, from that spot farther down the road. Without most of the previous employees, we can only hope.

2640 Bethel Road

somewhat of a cursed location. It was B Street Grill for a while, where my good pal Clif Davis was working at the time (alongside such luminaries as Colin Gawel of Watershed fame). Before, it had been a Dalts, which literally closed overnight without a heads up to any of the employees, in 1996. B Street Grill lasted not even two years themselves. Then a short lived Banana Joe’s operation, one of at least three around town. After that I think some other bar I vaguely remember possibly visiting, then possibly a couple other things after that, and now a Tire Discounters.

The addresses here don’t entirely make sense, because this is a standalone building up by the road, while the next (2642) is tucked into the strip mall behind it.

2642 Bethel Road

This is now a Half Price Books. More spacious than the Lane Avenue location, yet I always seemed to find less of interest here, somehow. This location actually moved at one point from a different spot in the same strip mall – it was formerly located at 2660, so I’m not sure how or why that happened.

Circa 1997 this address belonged to Petland. I remember when I was dating this Jamie chick we came in here one time, I think just driving around and looking for something to get into. But she may have been looking for a specific new pet – I can’t recall that detail at the moment.

2650 Bethel Road

Was once a Drug Emporium location. My old pal Jamie (not the chick I used to date – rather he was a male coworker I hung out with quite a bit back during that same rough era) (I’m well aware these name droppings are highly confusing to outsiders, but am not about to explain the entire history of every acquiantance on every post; maybe a “cast of characters” roundup could be useful at some point, but, eh, let’s just say that’s not a top priority) ended up working here for a spell after, let’s just say, management at the Bethel Road Kroger became less than enamored by his antics.

Once again, nobody is using this address right now.

2700 Bethel Road

Walmart gobbled up this prime spot, essentially the anchor of this shopping plaza, when a former tenant went bust. For yes, ’twas once yet another outpost of the Big Bear empire. Big what? you might say, if not from this area and/or not of a certain age to remember it. Well, believe it or not, barely more than 20 years ago, this grocery store chain was Kroger’s greatest local competitor. At the time, I recall that Kroger management was fond of saying they knew how to compete against the Bear, and were not worried about them – they would rather have Big Bear in these spots than some other potential competitor. Then in the late 90s/early 2000s, Giant Eagle came to town, a development significant enough to break up that stalemate. By 2004, Big Bear was toast, although I think this location was shuttered slightly before that date.

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Henderson Road

Construction along Henderson Road Columbus Ohio

I’ve been saying for years that my favorite road in Columbus is Henderson, or what me might more accurately call Henderson/Cooke. What’s not to love here? You’ve got a little bit of everything, and the landscape changes often.

Its western edge dead ends into the winding, California-esque highway of Riverside, & overlooks the Scioto River. Tracing its route eastward, Henderson rises up a hill past a few pseudo-mansions, moves through the dignified suburbia of Upper Arlington, into Columbus proper & a strip mall/sports bar region, briefly accelerates & becomes a 4 lane highway, dips down & under a freeway, over the Olentangy River, creaks across some cracked sidewalk terrain into the vaguely hippie-ish neighborhoods of Clintonville, crosses High Street, curves sharply to the right, doesn’t exactly end but rather mysteriously becomes Cooke at this point, straightens out due east again, bobs along a hilly, heavily wooded & sparsely populated 25 MPH region, before coming to an abrupt halt at Indianola Avenue. At this point, Cooks jogs one block to the south, just long enough to creep beneath I-71, then ascends – legally, I assure you – up the right hand lane of the interstate ramp, hangs a 90 degree right turn, thus regaining its original rough latitude as it moves east, through a fading but still semi-respectable & quiet series of residential inner city blocks. At Karl Road, it zags a block to the south before continuing and then finally, at Cleveland, it jogs one block yet again, ending shortly thereafter for good in the heart of a north side, lower income area.

Even so, I guess I wouldn’t say there are a ton of iconic places located along Henderson/Cooke. It’s more that just owing to its placement, this has proven an extremely handy conduit over the years, toward whatever else you might have going on. Although quite clearly many of these haunts have not exactly been unfamiliar ones, over the years.

In the spirit of that bizarre trajectory I have outlined above, let’s move in that direction, then – starting at Riverside and going east. One thing you will note about these businesses, which is true today as it was decades ago, is that the “West” part of the address is only randomly used, apparently upon the whims of the owner. This is in part because there’s very little of an East Henderson before it becomes East Cooke instead. But keep that in mind, that you are basically just focusing on the number. I’m using it all the time here to eliminate any confusion whatsoever.

It’s pretty much all residential from Riverside up until you see that multistory block of the Arlington Centre on your right, with the exception of the First Alliance Church (3750 W. Henderson Rd) at the corner of Sawmill. During this stretch the houses steadily move from eye popping to still-really-quite-nice. Arlington Centre itself does not have a Henderson address, but the buildings just before it, on the opposite (left) hand side of the road do. These are the charming little buildings of Henderson Park Office (3262-3240 W. Henderson) extending a good distance backwards from the road. Tenants past and present include By River’s Way Skin Spa, Futurety, Monarch Health, OSI Staffing Services, a State Farm agency, and Storm Guard Exterior Restoration.

2280 W. Henderson Rd 

There are a number of different operations located in this charming little Cobblestone Center. As far as the bar component is concerned, this is now Donerick’s Pub Henderson. Prior to that, it was most recently the Cbus Sports Pub. Before that it was Joni’s Place, and in between the two it was UA Pub, possibly rechristened UA Tavern at one point, which I visited once or twice. And actually, it was during this UA Pub/Tavern era that I had what I consider to be my final argument with Lisa, right here in this parking lot. Now there’s a Cbus fun fact for ya!

Other current occupants of various suites include Buckeye Entertainment (a DJ service), Lowe’s Air Duct Cleaning, Zinnia Ceremonies & Small Events, Resco Realty, Maven (an employment center), SANBER Embroidery and Signs, Conroy Coatings and Restoration, and Lombardo Esthetics. I think that covers it. This is not even all that old of a photo, but it’s already fairly outdated:

2264 W. Henderson Rd: currently the home of the awesomely named ILoveKickboxing, with its equally alluring bright red facade.

2260 W. Henderson Rd: Penzone Salon & Spa now shares this space with AutoSweet, right beside the kickboxing place. This was formerly a treasured destination for renting one’s video cassettes and/or digital video discs (more on that in a minute).

Wendy’s (2226 W. Henderson Rd): Everyone knows that the first ever Wendy’s was opened downtown. What’s much less well known is that the second was on Henderson, which is where they debuted their initial drive through. However, having said that, I’m not sure exactly where on Henderson that store was located – I’ll have to do more research on that front. But I can tell you that this particular Wendy’s has been right here for at least 25 years, and is possibly the one I’ve visited the most. This spot used to be a regular staple of not just my lunchtime diet but also mighty handy for fueling up before going out at night as well.

Some of this minutiae about worldwide franchises might seem a little redundant and insignificant, I’ll be the first to admit. I can totally imagine a reader thinking, “who cares about the history of a totally average looking Wendy’s location!” Where I think this becomes interesting is when you consider the context, and how unlikely it is for any business to survive, or just the vagaries of commerce and public taste in general. For example, during this same era, a nearby Blockbuster Video (2260 W. Henderson Rd) was also an instrumental piece of our near-daily repertoire – so yeah, let’s think about that for a second.

2222 W. Henderson Rd: well, with an address like that (it would after all be a huge poker hand), you might expect  that the luck would run wild in a spot like this. Let’s just say it’s been a mixed bag. Looking at the building, it’s not exactly shocking to learn this was once a Pizza Hut, up through the late 1990s. Following that a Golden Palace restaurant, then Mannequins, briefly a Vinny’s, also a Voodoo something or other, is currently a Starr Bar that has one of the most boring streetside signs I’ve seen. Possibly a few more businesses I forgot about thrown into the blender as well.

But it’s those short lived Mannequins years (2001-03) during which we did the most damage here. A handful of disconnected occurrences stand out. One year I remember it was Tim’s birthday and a bunch of us were heading out around the noon hour to celebrate – I was off for once, and able to join them. Matt Montanya was renting a room off me at the time and had been out mighty late the night before, had just woken up and drifted out of his room, as we were leaving. Was still in his pajamas when we talked him into joining us. Within an hour, he and Tim had already downed two Irish Carbombs apiece here at Mannequins and were about half ripped. Our party starts out small but has swollen considerably by the time we leave here, with further adventures to follow, even though it’s still only mid-afternoon: Tim, Miles, Matt, me, Melissa, Mo, Julie, Carrie, Dave Norris and one of his friends, then Maria and Clif rolling in together near the end. Walking to our cars, Matt wheezes, “Jesus Christ, McGathey!” and laughs, wondering just what I have gotten him into today.

This place received bonus points on account of this incredible blonde named April working behind the bar; there was also this night where for some reason a bunch of us were out on their dance floor, and they had this box of weird props sitting out that you could throw on to really kick things up a notch – the most memorable moment of which finds Miles slow dancing by himself to Marc Anthony’s You Sang To Me (most of us had been out there moments earlier, but just deserted him), while wearing this gigantic fake disco afro wig (a prop) but holding someone’s shoe (not a prop) as though it were his dance partner; still another night (at least I think it was another night) where he and I had just arrived at Mannequins, as we were trying to ditch Lisa…but then see her car whip into the parking lot, because she’s looking for us. So he and I duck down and are crouch walking in between cars to avoid detection, moving away from the door now, without even entering the place. Our plan is to hide out and wait for her to enter, then return to my car and leave. While creeping around in the manner, we’re laughing and I remember telling Miles that this was getting crazy and I should probably stop messing around with her.

 There’s also this moment that always felt like some kind of missed connection episode from a movie, at least to me. It was a day where I had an hour or two to kill in between two jobs. I had waited tables that lunch shift over at DaVinci’s but it wasn’t yet time to go into my meat department closing gig. Therefore I’m sitting at the bar in a white dress shirt, tie, black dress slacks, black non-skid shoes, but also, due to the fact that it’s winter time, I have my black Wild Oats skull cap on. This is an era where some of us were wearing outrageous outfits around town on purpose, but that’s not what I have on here – that ensemble, apart from the hat, is what I wore waiting tables.

Anyway this party of about 4 is hanging out by the door, with their coats on, saying their goodbyes to one another. Except then one of them, this slightly older but really sharp looking chick with dark hair, breaks away and strolls over to me. Though I could hear them talking loudly and guffawing over there, it seems unlikely a normal conversation would travel much distance, i.e. I didn’t get the impression she was just showing off for her friends. At any rate, she tells me, “I just wanted to say, mmm! A suit and a skull cap – it’s working.”

“Yeah?” I question.

“Oh yeah.” 

And then tells me exactly what time she will be here again, on what day. Asks me if I will meet her then, right here where we are. We exchange names and shake on it, and then she walks away, this being the extent of our conversation. I showed up at the agreed upon time days later, but she did not. I don’t know, it was just so weirdly specific and forward, and she clearly wasn’t drunk, to where I’ve always wondered what happened. But there for a little while there, I guess an encounter like that does put a little extra spring in your step, for sure.

2170 W. Henderson Rd: Is presently known as Front Row Sports Bar. But from 2000-21, it was Best Shot Tavern. If it seems as though I know an awful lot about every drinking establishment up and down this road, you are not wrong. However I think a few factors, luckily or coincidentally or whatever, were working in my favor, to keep me generally not nearly as wasted as many of my colleagues. For one, I was often popping in only briefly, either in between two jobs, or else coming out after the second, by which point many of them had been after it for hours; as a writer my mindset was usually devoted to trying to remember as much as possible, which also tended to slow down the drinking; I’ve also generally not found drinking for its own sake to be that enormously entertaining – crass or not, meeting girls was just about always the primary focus; something else I’ve thought about now and then, about life in Cbus, was that you could usually get along just fine without a car. When one of my jalopies would stop running, I might go months without replacing it. I think this in part not only helps explain the relative lack of auto related mishaps (like for example how a wide swath of my friends got DUIs yet I never did), but also that the plotting required and time eaten up by something like riding a bus was working to your advantage too. Or even physical exercise, when riding a bike from place to place.

2122 W. Henderson Rd: The Rock N’ Roll Sunoco! Yes! Still going strong for at least 20+ years!

The reason you might hear old timers refer to it as such is that there used to be an employee who called it this. He was this hilarious middle aged guy with shaggy hair who would greet you in this manner, using this phrase, pretty much every time you came here. As in not just going inside, but even if just remaining outside to pump your gas, would hail you over the intercom as soon as you got out of your vehicle: “thank you for shopping the Rock N’ Roll Sunoco!” Occasionally with still more tacked onto the end of that phrase.

After a few years of this, he eventually wound up at this other gas station over on Kenny. Though also employing the same slogan there (calling it the “Rock N’ Roll Speedway” or whatever it was at the time), it didn’t have the same bite, his heart didn’t seem to be into it as much. And then after only seeing him there a short while, he eventually just kind of disappeared from sight. I often wonder about characters such as this, whom I never really got to know at all, and now regret not learning a little more.

2094 W. Henderson Rd: former home of Keg N’ Bottle Carry Out, which was conveniently located in front of my good friend Clif Davis’s apartment complex. Since that went out in 2005, it has been a Cash Plus, an Ewaves Wireless, and an Identity Tattoo Parlor, its present occupant.

2086 W. Henderson Rd: Whether connected to the previous incarnation up the street or just recycling the name, a different U.A. Pub eventually opened here in the early 2000s. I don’t think this is still open, although their Facebook page and some other online info makes it sound as though it is.

Fifth Third Bank (2081 W. Henderson Rd): Has been here for at least 25 years. And the building looks as though it has always been a bank, in whatever incarnation.

The Gyro Shoppe (2061 W. Henderson Rd): Owner Maher Shamrukh has kept the lights on at this charming little restaurant for equally as long.

2051 W. Henderson Rd: United Dairy Farmers, Quiznos, and I think maybe even Starbucks have all given this spot a go. In more recent times it has been a Hibachi Express, and still is. At some point, part of the space was farmed out to a Domino’s Pizza (2049).

2025 W. Henderson Rd

It would take a biblical scroll to list all the businesses who’ve occupied this building. It’s the square one (or close enough) off to the side in front of the Kroger and Amazing Wok et cetera, off the road and not all that visible from Henderson, behind U.S. Bank and Clothes Mentor. Its current residents include DiBela Hair & Nails, Kiwi’s Clubhouse, Cosmo Prof, and Fresh Cut Salon.

I don’t always recall what made me look up something to begin with, but for whatever reason, at one point I jotted down a note about Suite #50 of this building. This was occupied by Frame Station from at least 1997 up to 2008. They specialized in residential and corporate picture framing, and were run by Melinda Franks for that entire decade plus. It looks like they reached their high water mark, revenue-wise, in 2000. At present, it doesn’t appear the specific suite number of 50 is in use. In fact this is the only business I can find that was ever using suite number 50.

2031 W. Henderson Rd: Was a Bank One up through 1999, before becoming a Chase Bank instead.

2011 W. Henderson Rd: Is currently the Clothes Mentor depicted above. Prior to that, this space belonged to Plato’s Closet and, even earlier, Howard’s Office Supplies.

U.S. Bank (1991 W. Henderson Rd): They’ve been here for as long as I can find any record of this address.

1975 & 1965 W. Henderson Rd: The 1975 part of this equation used to belong to Arlington Cafe. If you want to get technical, I’m looking at a 1999 business directory and the name is listed as “Arlington Billiard & Cafe” with a certain Fhahriar Kazemi as the person running the show. This half of the business was accessed via the side door, i.e. the one facing Nugent Drive. Meanwhile around back you had an entrance numbered 1965, which belonged to the attached Cazzie’s portion of the business. Right now, this is a huge space that is totally empty, in between the Kroger and four smaller storefronts.

Kroger (W. 1955 Henderson Rd):

This whole strip of shops used to be known as Arlingate. That was kind of a stupid name, but I suppose it did have a handy ring to it, a la Watergate, when discussing various scandals. For example veteran meat cutters would usually refer to this store as “Henderson Road” except when discussing what a messed up place it was, in which case it would become a derisive “Arlingate” instead. Kind of like a mom who only shouts out her son’s middle name when he’s in trouble – “you can’t get away with that here, okay? This isn’t Arlingate,” for example, or maybe a, “well, this isn’t Arlingate, you know, so we actually have to pull a decent margin if we want to keep our jobs.” Nowadays this is known as the Greentree Shopping Center, in case anyone out there is unaware and needs to update their insults.

1940 W. Henderson Rd: Currently Kelley’s Pub & Patio, coupled with Ridiculous Eatz. Was formerly an Anthony Thomas candy shop up through I think 1997. But after the candy store went bust, it was Cemento’s, a great hangout while it lasted (2002-11). I remember when they first opened, Miles and I stumbled upon the bar in our travels, and agreed it would make for an awesome “safehouse” type place to hide from, for the most part, certain women that we knew. It’s hard to explain now, but this was a high-drama era, and you seemingly couldn’t go anywhere around here without running headlong into it.

“I hope it doesn’t catch on,” I’m telling Miles, as we sit there at the bar, our first visit.

“I don’t,” our bored bartender pipes up and says. Well, yeah, obviously, but we have our reasons for feeling this way.

First Miles and I had been at Mannequins, this same early evening. But it was karaoke night, dead and full of old people, so we moved on. Before we did, though, exactly one chick (in a pattern that will repeat) approaches the bar and begins hitting on us, or at least talking our ears off. At Mannequins it’s this middle aged brunette named Jackie who’s already wasted.

“What brings you two here?” she asks.

“We snuck out of the house,” I tell her.

“Me too!” she enthuses, “I was here for happy hour, then went home, then snuck out again.”

This is when we start driving up Henderson, bound for Traditions Tavern, before unexpectedly spotting this place. Cemento’s is located on the side of the strip mall, at the opposite end from the post office and Spuds’ and all that. Its sign features a dump truck depositing its cargo into a cocktail glass, which looks pretty freaking awesome. So we agree to pop in there and check it out. While here, again exactly one woman approaches the bar to chat, a classy, beautiful blonde whose name I forget. She’s here with some other guy, yet nonetheless hangs out with us long enough for Miles and I to polish off two beers apiece in that time. Then, as she walks away, touches my arm and says goodbye – it’s funny how some nights are like this, others you are a pariah. He and I continue to Traditions. 

Anyway, I would continue to dip into Cemento’s now and again, with/without Miles and/or other friends. A handful of years later, around 2007 or 08, my former associate Stacey unexpectedly began bartending here. So it was cool to connect with her again. Tracing exactly what’s happened through the years at this back corner is a bit tricky, though. Beloved pizza establishment DeArini’s (sometimes stylized De-Arini’s) was back here for about five decades, until only recently going out of business. That would have been 1942 West Henderson. Then the Tarini family which owned DeArini’s, they were also responsible for opening Cemento’s.

The border has been a fluid one between these two addresses, inside. Fast forward to the present tense, and though most of this expanse is now known as Kelley’s Pub & Patio, a smaller section of 1942 is occupied by Ridiculous Eatz. They are running a carryout operation yet also serving Kelley’s patrons. Hope you got all that.

1873 W. Henderson Rd: Though once a Taco Bell, it has been a Starbucks for quite some time.

1851 W. Henderson Rd: a second Wendy’s within a relatively short distance of the same road. Then again, this is the town Dave built. Or something like that. This one is far newer, only arriving on the scene somewhere around 2019.

T.J. Maxx (1871 W. Henderson Rd): My good friend Maria Yanik used to work here, along with her basement dwelling roommate at the time, Junior, last name unknown, and also Jennifer Thomas, the sister of one old friend slash former girlfriend of another. This triumvirate reigned for a stretch (you guessed it) in the late 1990s, possibly early 2000s. I only remember setting foot inside this place once, however, I think with Jill – not exactly a big hotspot for most guys to be spending their free time.

One thing that’s mighty unique about this L shaped shopping center is that one row of businesses (the north facing ones) has a Henderson address, as do the standalone buildings in front; the other row, east facing, has Reed Road addresses instead. So some businesses that are much closer to Reed are considered Henderson, and vice versa. 

1836 W. Henderson Rd: this is now BIBIBOP Asian Grill – a fun name to say aloud, though making me go crosseyed to look at it.

Formerly the home of a Schlotzsky’s Deli where, now that I think of it, once again I knew a lot of the help. Two of its employees wound up being roommates with me over the years, which means I partied with at least a handful of them. Including, on one occasion I know of, owner Paul Grandy. Clif was a manager at this location for quite some time and I think it opened somewhere around 1997. 

Roosters (1832 W. Henderson Rd): has been a Roosters restaurant for as long as I’ve been paying attention. So this would be from 2001 onward. And I have to think it’s probably been one of their most successful overall, is personally the one I’ve frequented the most. In the early going, actually, it was probably a toss up between this spot (worked over here) and the one up on 161 (lived over there). But the wait staff here was on balance much friendlier and far better looking, so they soon won that battle.

Prior to this, it was a Bob Evans.

1828 W. Henderson Rd: Currently a MoneyGram location, but this address used to belong to a real life Lazarus department store! It was but one anchor of the Northwest Shopping Center, back in “the day.” Lazarus closed up shop in either late 2001 or early 2002. 

1810 W. Henderson Rd: Sigh. Another empty storefront, once belonging to a bar called Spuds’ as owned by one Brenda Belisle. Spuds’ was never a personal favorite, although it has a soft spot in my personal lore as the first place here in town where I met a woman and brought her home with me the same night. Ah, the memories. At one point, this bartender named Molly was pulling off a hat trick I’ve never seen replicated before or since: she was working at Arlington Cafe, Spuds’, and then Polo’s over on Bethel all at once. So on any given night you might be served by her at any of these establishments. Although you’d have to be making the rounds quite a bit yourself to know this, clearly.

1800 W. Henderson Rd: was once a Sears Hardware location, which hung in there a lot longer than you might suppose. One day I happened to be in this area and, knowing my lawn needed cutting but that the mower had recently bit the dust, popped in here on my way home. And unexpectedly bumped into John Ivanovich (seafood manager at Worthington Mall Kroger store) back there, shopping . He was checking out mowers too, or at least something in the same aisle. When a clerk came over to ask what I wanted, I told him just to give me the cheapest mower he had,  I didn’t care. John laughed and said something to the effect of, “that bad, huh?” This place finally gave up the ghost in 2018, and I see it’s now a Volunteers Of America thrift store.

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Morse Road

Hauer Music on Morse Road in Columbus Ohio

Okay, I was wondering today just how far out of town Morse Road goes before ending. I couldn’t remember, and don’t believe that I’ve ever driven it to the end before. As it turns out, this puppy extends all the way into almost the semi-distant town of Granville (same name all the way, too) until it crashes and burns into 161. As far as this here little website is concerned, however, we will only focus upon what happens on Morse inside of Hamilton Road, maybe a little beyond if I’m really inspired. As such I will be breaking it down into some handy little sections, for your convenience:

High Street to Sinclair Road

Sinclair to Karl Road

Karl to Tamarack Blvd

Tamarack to Northtowne/Walford

Northtowne/Walford to Cleveland Ave

Cleveland to the Outerbelt

Outerbelt to Hamilton Road

One thing that is odd about Morse is that for such a long, major thoroughfare, there are almost no iconic restaurants to be found upon it. Or much of an iconic anything, really. This isn’t to say it doesn’t have its highlights, however, and anyway that’s half the fun – no matter how cool, you wouldn’t want your streets and your neighborhoods all the same. With that in mind, let us begin, shall we:

High Street to Sinclair Road

115: anyone who drove through this stretch in the 90s and early 2000s remembers the one house on the right (south) side of the road, whose yard was piled up with all manner of total randomness. The owner considered it one big unified art installation, and it admittedly did look pretty freaking cool. The city of Columbus was not so charmed, however. They kept threatening him with legal action if he didn’t move the stuff, and in November of 1999 began fining him $100 a day. And yet he refused to clean it up. As of a Dispatch article in August of 2004, they were still throwing this daily fine at him, but also threatening to take his house.

The homeowner in question was Robert Centofanti, and this battle apparently began in 1998, when the city towed away a bunch of his stuff and then charged him for the privilege. There was also some standoff in ’01 involving the SWAT team and a psych eval. The Dispatch piece goes on to describe his collection as involving “baby toys, random shoes, and a ceramic creation with smoker’s pipes sticking out of it,” as just part of his sprawling collection, alongside the Hunchback of Notre Dame, knobs from faucets, art supplies and a “motorcycle pointed toward the sky.” I’m not quite sure how this saga ended, but the property looks completely different now.

500: Ohio School for the Deaf

This is the only publicly funded school for the deaf in Ohio. Though originally located downtown, behind the main branch of the library (what is now known as Topiary Park), the school relocated to this more spacious plot in 1953. And it is also as of this writing the 5th oldest residential school in the entire U.S.

It was while driving through this stretch one day, westbound, that my red Geo Storm finally bit the dust. Dubbed by one friend as “Ghetto Fabulous” – a name which stuck, in part because we put mailbox decals on both sides spelling this out – I had been driving it around forever with no muffler at all. A couple people had mentioned that if so doing, a wind burst hitting it just right could blow up into your engine and freeze the thing. Which is evidently what happened, as it never ran again.

Sinclair to Karl Road

Above is the map for this stretch of the road. Click on the dots to read more about the places in question.

It remains a work in progress to determine what works best for stuff like this. As always I would advise it’s preferable that you view this on an actual computer screen instead of your phone. Either way, though, you can zoom in to view certain sections in closer detail – like using that little wheel dealio in the middle of a mouse, if you have one.

1270: currently Huong Vietnamese Restaurant. As of at least February 1998, however, a well-regarded Italian place called Trattoria Roma served homemade pasta. They were open for lunch of weekdays, dinner six nights a week, closed Sundays. Leonardo’s Pizza was here from the late 60s until I don’t know when.

This is part of the whole Woodward Park strip mall. Whether it was called the same back then or not, a restaurant called Ponta Roma Room was once here, at 1268. Now there’s a Dollar Tree, a Sav-A-Lot, and a Yogi’s Hoagies.

1271: In a disturbing trend that is bound to repeat countless times, this now a really boring old national chain store (Boost Mobile)  but was once the home of a  local institution (Hauer Music). Incidentally, if you are looking at their ad up top, they began business in 1937 but I don’t think it was at this specific location.

1277: Little Caesars Pizza. You presumably know the drill here.

This spot used to be a Coconuts Music Store, however! I know this location hung in there through at least 2000. The reason I know this is because I bought Kid A here on the day it came out, and All That You Can’t Leave Behind as well. I remember one other trip when I was in the midst of moving and we rolled through here for some listening materials – Damon picked up Beck’s Midnite Vultures and Rage’s The Battle of Los Angeles at that time. They had a decent magazine selection, all the new CDs you would expect, the major catalog offerings, et cetera. In this neck of the woods, during that era, it was either here or the music store at Northland Mall. Unless venturing up to Easton, in which case you had Best Buy and a Virgin megastore.

1279: Namaste Indo-Nepali Cuisine. Say one thing for this Morse corridor, at least, they’ve got all the bases covered with a wide range of diverse ethnic offerings, in a relatively small area. Even if you’ve never heard of them, it pays to get away from High Street and the other trendier regions, and dig a little deeper.

1321: Only a boring old Pep Boys store at the moment, though it used to be a Betty Crocker’s Tree House restaurant. I have no idea what that would have been, but it sounds awesome. Or interesting, anyway. And prior to this, a Brown Derby served up the middlebrow fare here.

1330: Union Savings Bank. It has been here since 2000, and may have been a brand new building at that time – I couldn’t find any earlier reference to this address.

1345: Rooms For Less is here now, in a fairly new looking and stylish building. A restaurant called Mothers opened at this address in 1977 and lasted for at least a little while.

1418: Grandad’s Pizza. I like how Google has a section called “crowd” for every restaurant listing, and this one has “College Students” checkmarked. Like there are theoretically pizza places in town where college students are not welcome. That would be an awesome sight to behold, actually, someone calling up the restaurant and the guy taking the order says, “wait, you’re a college student? Sorry, but no, then. Huh uh. Forget it.” And quietly hangs up.

1454: LL Flooring (Lumber Liquidators). This is the first business, address-wise (front left side) of this tiny strip mall known as The Patio Shops. An unremarkable one, maybe, but a nerd like me finds this stuff fascinating. The other businesses crammed in here with you represent a loose knit family, united in this instance by the chocolate-brown awning up top, upon which each has placed its sign. Or maybe “coworkers” would be more accurate, rather than family – because the names do come and go, over the years. What else is found in The Patio Shops at present, though, and who else has drifted through here? I see an entry for Arby’s (1484) in the distant past, which would be interesting, as I’ve only ever seen them as standalone buildings. So I’m not sure if this strip mall looked the same back then or not. Also a Pizza Inn at 1474 in the 1970s, and a Guy’s Hamburgers (1466 – address, not year) decades upon decades ago. Plus I only recently learned that Schmidt’s Sausage Haus used to have a 2nd or 3rd satellite operation here (1468).

Other current residents include an NS Free Rapid Testing site, African Market, Shefa Center, Golden Needle, Lawshea’s, Mai’s Beauty Salon, ZZ Spa, and Sky Bar.

1496: Somewhat of an unfortunate theme along this road: used to be something (Dexter’s Sub Station, for example), currently nothing.

1506: not in use at the moment. Rugged Boot & Shoe Co. was here though as of October 2001. They offered a 1 year sole wear guarantee, 1 year waterproof guarantee. Another location in town was at 4901 W. Broad St. They had 2 more elsewhere.

1508: Little Dragons, a Chinese restaurant, has been here since at least the late 90s. I know this from occasionally scooping up takeout lunch from the place, as did many of my coworkers at the time. Decent but unremarkable.

Karl to Tamarack Blvd

Camelot Music receipt Northland Mall

Though the former Northland Mall did not have a Morse Road address, you would be remiss not to include that here. The businesses lining the street, in the front portion of the parking lot, all had/have Morse Road addresses, and the mall itself sat here near the Morse/Karl intersection. It was the most significant retail development along this major artery, at least until Easton crashed the gates a few decades later. Former Cleveland Indians owner Dick Jacobs was the one responsible for opening this mall, in 1964, although it wasn’t properly enclosed as an indoor shopping destination until ’75. In the late 90s Jacobs launched a war against the construction of Easton, believing that it would crush his fading indoor site – and he was not wrong about this, of course – as well as protesting on the grounds that the city was just handing Easton free dough to build their roads and other infrastructure.

In the early 2000s, I was chatting with my former boss Donza Mathess on the phone (we worked at the Kroger across the street) and he asked me if I’d been inside Northland recently. When I replied in the negative, he chuckled and said, “you could bring your golf clubs in there and play 18 holes, and nobody would even notice.” Which was sad, but right on the money. Having spent a lot of time here prior to that, I could relate a lot more about this place, but eh, maybe some other time – again, this technically wasn’t a Morse Road business. Though two of the big anchor stores have been repurposed and survive, the rest was all knocked down in 2004.

1690: Sam Ash Music Store. This has also been a presence since at least the mid-late 90s. My friends and I have been in this location countless times, in varying combinations. As far as I know, however, my last visit occurred in either late 2001 or early 2002. Matt Montanya and I rode up here one day because they were advertising a special on drum sets – you could drive off with the entire kit on credit, with no money down. I had just purchased my first house and we were looking to set up shop in my basement. However, after running my application, they told me I had been declined. “I just bought a house, but you’re telling me my credit isn’t good enough for a $500 drum set?” I retorted to the help, thoroughly baffled as we shook our heads and left.

1700: Was there ever a Kohl’s here? This is a very Kohl’s-esque facade. Whatever the case, a hilariously named Eat & Run Restaurant was once at these coordinates. I can only hope their name did not foreshadow their plight. At present this spot belongs to Franklin County Board of Elections, the front, jutting out edge on the right side of this much longer building.

1745: current location of the Morse Road Kroger, on the site of where Northland Mall used to be. Kroger was formerly located across the street, and I worked at that particular store for about 5 months.

1788: China Buffet. I know this place has proudly displayed its yellow and red sign since at least early 2000, which is when I first began frequenting it. Though I can see the online reviews are all over the map, in my experience this place is about what you’d expect – no more, no less. On the plus side, I’d eaten here so much that when some family members showed up for my birthday one year, this is where we came for lunch (plus, it was alcohol free, an important consideration with that group at the time).

As far as negatives, I did get food poisoning from some mussels on one occasion – returning home afterwards, I sat at the kitchen table for hours with a messed up stomach. You can just taste it when something like that happens, and know what the culprit was. To this day I will eat mussels on occasion, but am not exactly crazy about them, not as I once was. However, that incident immediately reminded me of that part in the movie Go where they’re talking about not eating shellfish at a buffet, and I think there’s some truth to this, it’s not something I hold against this China Buffet.

1790: Lombardo’s Restaurant in the 1970s and 80s. It is now the 3C Plus Food Mart.

Tamarack to Northtowne/Walford

North Side of Street – depicted above

1800: longtime home of Krieger Ford

2070: Sweeeet looking little standalone blue and white building, housing a Gyro Express.  Though a G.D. Ritzy’s (luxury grill and ice cream, they said) was here before, I’m guessing  it had a slightly different color scheme. Ritzy’s was the brainchild of former  Wendy’s bigwig Graydon Webb, opening its first location across town in 1980. Though expanding at a phenomenal rate for years, overreach eventually doomed the franchise and Arby’s bought them out in 1991. Incredibly enough, as of this writing, there are still 4  independent locations scattered elsewhere around the US.

2100: As of this awesome 1988 ad I’m looking at, Majestic Paint Centers  had one of their many local locations here. To look it up now just pinpoints a spot  in the parking lot of the strip mall with Guitar Center and Big Lots, etc. Gyro Express is currently 2070 and Rally’s 2110, buildings lining Morse, in front of the parking lot. But I’m not sure what this area looked like back in ’88.

2130: Mark Pi’s Express has set up shop in this building. It once belonged to a Sisters Chicken and Biscuits, however, which was very much a 1980s phenomenon. If this one survived the 80s, I would be shocked. 

2160: Currently an Arby’s, though it was once a RAX  and to be honest still somewhat resembles one, from the outside. RAX was also a roast beef powerhouse, who started as JAX and then changed their name to RIX, then back to JAX for some reason, before settling upon the equally random letters that finally made them famous. Though this chain was once huge, they’ve all but disappeared, as I think Arby’s was the one buying most of them. A handful remain in other cities, but this Morse Road one has been  toast for decades.

(South Side of Street):

1995: South Asian Bazaar, a grocery store specializing in such. As of July 2000, though, this was a ComStation store, one of but 12 around town. Yes, 12. Twelve. They were formerly known as Pager World, which gives you some idea as to the wares they were peddling. That summer of 2000, the stores were promoting a “Re-Grand Opening,” and just to give you some idea about the cultural climate of this time, this wasn’t the only Morse Road location. They had another at 4936.

2057: First you had a Kentucky Fried Chicken in this spot. At some point that went under, and instead it became an almost too hilarious to describe New York Fried Chicken Pizza. It too closed, as did Ye Garden Restaurant.

2081: Formerly a McDonald’s, now a KFC. Both have closed shops elsewhere on this road and reopened new ones at some other location upon it. To hear the inside scoop on how this happens and what strategies are involved would be truly fascinating. And I mean with this with complete seriousness.

2100: 8 Ball Sports Bar & Billiards. Tim Burkhammer, who just bought Starliner Diner, also owns this place. He purchased the Nancy’s Home Cooking concept at one point, too, and after the original restaurants closed, began serving their fare at occasional pop-up locations instead – and this is one such spot.

2115: Dreisbach Wholesale Florists. Used to be a La-Z-Boy Furniture Galleries as of Oct ‘01, however.

2165: Furniture With A Heart Thrift Store

Northtowne/Walford to Cleveland Ave

2225: Was once a Burger King (from the mid 70s or so onward), now ’tis merely an empty building.

2230: Waterbeds N’ Stuff, located in the Northtowne Center strip mall.

2245: Opened in 1969, what is labeled as the first Arthur Treacher’s (though I’m not sure if this is just in town, or overall) once did business here. Wow. At present it’s an E-Z Cash Pawn Shop.  Granted, while tasty, the last time I ate Arthur Treacher’s it seriously tore up my stomach afterwards, but I would still take that over this. A sad fate indeed.

Though the Malin Center doesn’t have a specific address, there’s an awesome sign here whereby the one for KRA Music (if eastbound) was somehow inserted upside down.

2269: nothing here at present. As of April 2000, it was Maka Market and Halal Meats. Abdul Gulaid is the manager. His uncle owns it.

2270: nothing here at present. Was a Mattress Warehouse though, as of October ‘01. They honor all competitor coupons. One of 6 locations around town.

I need to investigate further, because this may have been a building closer to the road. But if it was in the actual strip mall back there, then it would have sat between where Aaron’s Rent To Own and O’Reilly’s Auto Parts are now.

2285: Zam Zam Grocery does business in what had been just a sad, empty, very fast-food-esque looking white building with red trim on this site, facing sideways from the street. Big Bite restaurant was one of many to give this space a shot, though they only lasted from 1982-84.

2295: A Speed Car Wash (according to a temporary sign out front, circa late 2020) is on the backside of Zam Zam. There once was a very strange sounding operation called Hi-Timber Supper And Swim Club here.

2330: This address currently belongs to Shiffa Pharmacy. It used to be a Ponderosa Steak House, however, which I think you can kind of tell from looking at it. Going to Ponderosa used to be a big deal when I was a youngster, and it’s sad that they have faded. There are still some around here and there, and I get a kick out of taking people who have never been – results are mixed (Erin did not like it; the kids were okay with the place) but it remains some good retro fun. Their build your own ice cream buffet was enough on its own to keep the little ones entertained for an hour.

2411: Rosie O’Grady’s just closed their doors, sadly enough. Hilariously low budget yet entertaining bar we always liked to visit about once every few years or so. The visits were infrequent enough and occurring under such disparate circumstances that to think about them now seems surreal. Damon had one of the funniest comments ever in describing the owner or manager or whoever he was as having “ice skater hair.” Yes, totally. That sums it up in a nutshell. Although that guy did come in to my seafood department once at Kroger and was kind of a dick.

Was King Tuts before that, a different kind of club. Going back even farther, a Burger Boy Food-O-Rama, which is kind of self-explanatory. The Burger Boy Food-O-Rama chain was bought out in its entirety by Borden Burger in 1969, but I’m not sure if this particular location was still around by then. Though somewhat of a historical footnote now, Borden Burger was fairly huge in its heyday, and looms large in our family’s history – my parents first met while working at one.

2447: Formerly an International House Of Pancakes

Cleveland to the outerbelt

2811: Presently just a boring old Subway restaurant. However, it was for at least 30 years a Jolly Pirate donut shop, which was open 24 hours. Kyle and I stopped here once following a night of drinking and karaoke. Sadly this was not enough traffic to keep them afloat forever – although the Subway exterior does at least somewhat retain the look of Jolly Pirate, so that’s something.

2933: the Northland area Goodwill outpost.

3015: Lion’s Den, which is currently categorized as a “lingerie” store, according to Google. Moved here in the spring of 2000, after “more than 30 years” across and slightly up the street, at the corner of Westerville. It seems strange, but I don’t recall ever setting foot in either location.

3440: Evans Automotive Repair. They have been here since 1976, I think in the same location.

3811: As of 2005, was Cabinetpak Kitchens, some kind of cost-cutting remodeling service. This space currently sits empty, however.

3840: Has been a Best Buy since at least 1999. I know this is a high traffic area and all, but it’s still somewhat impressive that they’ve stuck around that long. At one time they were referring to this location as HQ Plaza, though I’m not sure if they still are.

3884: Miller’s Ale House has a very snazzy looking new building here. I think it might have been built new from the ground up. Formerly, the now defunct Cooker chain had an outpost at this address. I worked for them (though not at this one) and had a bird’s eye view of how they went from well regarded to a total joke in short order.

Outerbelt to Hamilton

I’m going to have to look up exactly when that notorious Limited compound was built here. Though technically not located on Morse, I’m curious to know if we would have driven past it in the early to mid 1980s – my dad and stepmom bought a house in Gahanna, and when they picked us kids up for visits, this is the route we took: we came down I-71 from the Mansfield area, around the outerbelt to Morse, then down Stygler to their place. For that matter it would be fascinating to see photos and videos of this entire region, from that era. Considering my brother and I spent many a holiday down here, such as Easter and Christmas breaks, not to mention a decent chunk of those summers, it feels as though we somewhat grew up down here, too. And yet I’ve never really glimpsed any footage of these environs from that period.

It always just blows my mind the way things that don’t seem important or interesting at the time later turn out to be. In later years, my first ever serious girlfriend (Heather) would wind up working at Limited, as would a good friend (Kyle) that I had met elsewhere. And the two of them in turn at least became nodding acquaintances while on this job. Weird connections like that are always completely fascinating to me, too. Meanwhile, below is a map someone else drew me, in the early 2000s, for how to get to their place:

4456: St. Luke Lutheran Church, referenced in the charming old hand-drawn map above.

4466: Nationwide Insurance. But one of many outposts for this Columbus based juggernaut.

4695: Gentle Wind solds books and gifts here from 1997-2009. “Books and Gifts for Conscious Living,” is their slogan for quite some time. Pat Beres is listed as the first manager and then they went through a few more after that. It’s funny but I can think of an overhyped Columbus restaurant that also lasted from ’97-09, and tend to think, “god, what a dud.” But in the case of a scrappy little bookstore like this, instead I’m applauding their success, that they hung in there so long. So I guess it’s all about context.

“The vision for Gentle Wind came from a realization that the world needs more gentle places…places to renew the spirit refill the soul,” their ad states, circa 2001. They specialize in aromatherapy, massage & reflexology, genesis music therapy (!) (but I’m guessing this doesn’t mean, like, they throw on Duke while you sit there and meditate), reiki, workshops, inspirational books & gifts, unique jewelry, crystals rocks & minerals, art gallery, holiday gift baskets, feng shui. Though also offering workshops, jewelry, other great gift ideas, and, at least for a while, a gallery of Linda Apple’s art.

I also see this listed in some places as Gentle Wind II, so I’m not sure if they rebranded at some point, or if this means it was the second location. Whatever they case, they were the last business to hold this address. It was at the front edge of the Stoneridge shopping center, facing Morse. Comfort Dental is currently at 4693 and Sports Clips at 4697A, with nothing in between.

4750: Chipotle is still here, which means this one has been in place for over 20 years. Then again I don’t suppose too many of these close up shop, no matter where they are located.

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Hamilton Road

Sign for Hamilton Road, Columbus, Ohio

A pressing situation demands our attention, one pertaining to Leigh’s male cat, Gus. She recently purchased a pink bow for some reason and tied it around his neck, a development which has Alan joking the cat’s going to turn out gay unless she removes the thing. As Leigh has done nothing of the sort, Alan determines he’ll have to take matters into his own hands, and somehow comes up with the brilliant idea that this requires a trip to Wildman’s Leather-N-Lace.

“I figured I’d head over to there and see if I could find Gus one of those black leather collars with metal spikes on it,” Alan says, grinning, “you feel like coming along?”

“Yeah sure,” I agree with a shrug.

He got the idea from these hilarious commercials which are on the radio constantly, where this gravel throated pardner who sounds like a cross between Sam Elliott and Wolfman Jack, his accent half vaguely southern and half pure cowboy, extols this store’s wares in rapid fire fashion, spots where he is sure to squeeze the outlet’s name  – Waaaahldmansleathernlace! – into the mix on average a good five or six times. We’re not exactly sure what specific wares might await us there, but based upon these ads, they do seem like a good bet to carry such an item, even if it is ordinarily meant for humans.

After consulting the phone book for an address, he and I finish of our beers and pile into his oversized electric blue pickup, tooling east from campus to the interstate and finally out to South Hamilton Road. We finally locate the place, and are not disappointed to step inside, as it does indeed fuse an odd mix of hillbilly/biker/kinky sex sensibilities all together into one raucous package. They have cowboy boots, leather jackets, motorcycle helmets, sure, but also leopard pattern bikinis, nurse outfits, and handcuffs. And as Alan searches for a spiked leather collar, I get it into to my head to secure a wallet chain.

The wiry, bearded, middle aged dude, who is working alone at the moment behind the counter, we theorize might be the actual voice from the radio pitches. Then the phone rings and we get to hear him answer with that distinctive business moniker slash catch phrase – “waaahldmansleathernlace!” and thereby erasing all doubt. He’s not just this operation’s radio adman, he’s probably the owner and possibly its primary if not only employee. We almost feel we are in the midst of celebrity. Unbelievable…and unbelievably cool.

Alan does eventually locate a collar for poor Gus, but I come up empty in the wallet chain department. Which is really just as well, considering this novelty shop is pretty damn expensive. A recent hilarious online review makes it sounds as though the old man is still holding court behind the counter, however, and though this less than pleased patron gave it one star, I’m kind of tickled to see this shop is still around, at 2264 S. Hamilton.

Upon leaving there that day, we wound up next at a nearby Service Merchandise. I can’t find the exact address for that one at the moment, as it was closed down eons ago, and in fact it seems this chain has disappeared completely in favor of an online-only business model. I couldn’t even tell you what sort of merchandise they specialized in, but circa 1997, they were definitely out of backpacks, trash cans, and fuses, the three remaining items on our shopping list.

This entire excursion was obviously a little strange, but then again Hamilton Road itself carves out somewhat of an odd niche in the Columbus landscape. It’s also central to my first significant experiences in Columbus, at age ten in 1985, when my dad and stepmom wound up living at an apartment complex down here, off of Hamilton.

Living as we did an hour north of here then, in some boonies outside of the Mansfield region, it felt like an epic journey anytime you made it down to Columbus. Aside from a couple of family trips to pick up someone at the airport, or a singular, fondly recalled visit to COSI, an earlier one with gambling crazed relatives to bet on the horses at Scioto Downs, my first memories of this city are during this winter. It’s Christmas break of ’85, when they pick up my brother and me for the first time in two years and bring us down to check out their new place.

Maybe it’s the distortion of being so young, and catching your first extended glimpses of a major city, but I really do think Hamilton Road was a little more glamorous and happening back then. They took us to this magical land we’d never seen before, known as Toys-R-Us, which seemed completely mind-blowing, and the weekly all-you-can-eat perch dinner on Sunday, at another unfamiliar establishment we didn’t have back home, Captain D’s. This chain has without question lost much of its luster throughout the subsequent years, and I think its overall plight (although if I’m not mistaken, this particular location has held steady for about four decades now, somehow) is emblematic of this corridor as a whole.

They have a cheerful two story apartment on some side street, a stone’s throw from Hamilton. I remember they rented a Herbie movie and a couple of others for us to watch – VHS, of course – and that there was some Alvin & The Chipmunks holiday album spinning often on the turntable. A Christmas tree in the living room corner bearing gifts, one of which was this bizarre boxing game featuring Optimus Prime and Megatron.

It has plastic upright models of these two characters in the middle of a ring, and if you landed a punch just right, your opponent’s head would pop upward a few inches on this spring, meaning you’d won the game. There’s one instance where I’m getting just a little too into this, however, an occasion where Daniel and I are playing it on the kitchen floor, while Dad and Faith are learning some new board game they’ve gotten, above us on the table. Having just lost the latest match, I also then receive a stern talking-to for punching my little brother in the arm.

Xmas 1985 Columbus
Daniel and me, presumably opening presents, at the apartment along Hamilton – Xmas 1985. That’s our dad looking somewhat ghostly in the back.

By the next time we saw them, they’d bought a house on a sleepy residential street in Gahanna. But if in town with them, over Easter or summer or Christmas break, or even some random weekend, we would still make the occasional trip out this way. The perch dinners at Captain D’s became something of a tradition, if we happened to be around on a Sunday. I also remember Dad taking me on a meandering motorcycle ride one afternoon, in part along the slightly pastoral northern stretches of Hamilton by the airport, so he could show me where he worked, at the Rockwell aircraft plant.

Of course, they wound up moving away from here before too long, and a good ten years would pass before I ended up in Columbus myself. Thus my experiences here are broken apart into three widely separated chunks: those childhood visits in the mid 80s, an adult living in Columbus in the late 90s/early aughts, and then researching what it looks like now nearly twenty years later.

It’s kind of weird to be occasionally reminded that there are major thoroughfares in your own city which you never travel to, even though that street alone is probably more action packed than 95% of the towns in Ohio. A gluttony of riches, you might say, often taken for granted. And so even though far removed from the trendier districts, well past its prime and sorely in need of a reboot for the most part, Hamilton Road has plenty going for it and is interesting enough to examine in depth – possibly even more interesting, you might even argue, due to its overlooked status.

But enough about this ancient history. Let’s examine the current state of this critical if neglected artery…

Goodwill Thrift Store (5130 N. Hamilton Rd.) – you presumably know the score here.

Kohl’s (4865 N. Hamilton Rd.): Somebody drew me a map to their apartment back in the early 2000s, and it has this on it. At this point, weird artifacts like that feel like something out of Treasure Island, and I’m compelled to mention this place for that reason alone. Kudos to a brick and mortar retail establishment for sticking around this long, though, even a corporate one.

Stoneridge Plaza: It’s the corner of Morse and Hamilton, but is another instance where they’ve given a parking lot a street name (Stoneridge Ln). You suspect this is done to make a new development seem more important than it otherwise is. It doesn’t matter much in this day and age, of course, but was mighty annoying in the time before prevalent online maps. And, really, it’s still kind of pretentious, even now.

But these minor quibbles aside, this charming little plaza offers highlights aplenty, even as it’s decades past brand new. Alumni Club was a classy if somewhat yuppie-centric bar of longstanding, where you’re likely to catch live music most nights. At some point I believe they slightly rebranded as Alumni Sports Bar, but either way, it’s sadly gone now. Currently that spot sits empty, though I imagine someone will fill it before too long. Elsewhere, there’s a satellite restaurant of the local Cap City enterprise here, and also one of another Columbus institution which has expanded well beyond here, Max & Erma’s. 101 Beer Kitchen is newer than either of these, a nuevo rustic gastropub with craft beers aplenty. The ever present Kroger, quite naturally, because heaven forbid there’s a spare block without one of these, and then a Cinemark 16 screen theater, which I’ve only visited once – oddly enough, because of Kroger. They’d rented out a screen one afternoon for a meat/seafood manager’s meeting, following our tour of the nearby store. My buddy Miles was working at this Kroger until recently, actually.

Though I see the sprawl has blazed beyond this region like wildfire, I’m still thinking back to the prehistoric, pre-Google Maps era (2001-ish) where it was basically wilderness beyond here, to the north and to the west. But by all means, explore to your heart’s content. Otherwise, this particular tour is moving south.

1325 N. Hamilton Rd. – no longer in use, though it did once belong to Provincial House Fireplace & Patio, as of Oct ‘01 

1245A N. Hamilton Rd.: Beds N’ Stuff/Waterbeds N’ Stuff Superstore. Occupies the left half of a building it shares with (and receives second billing to, on the roadside sign) Second Sole, a shoemonger.

1137 N. Hamilton Rd.: As of October 2001, this was a chill little bar called Cactus Cafe. Currently, this address does not exist, but would be located roughly where the Fresh Thyme Market (1125) is now.

Gahanna Christian Academy (817 N. Hamilton Rd.): Here’s a video of a volleyball game shot inside the gym there, from September 2008. A bunch of us went to watch my sister Robin play in this epic battle for the ages. Not the most compelling footage in the world, maybe, but of possible interest to history nerds and/or friends and family of those involved:

I’m splitting the road into east/west halves for the next stretch here. This is my goal for all such major roads (at least until technology/personal know-how emerges to match what I really envision) but you’ve got to start somewhere. As always, I would say please try to use a computer or at least a tablet when you’re using this site, and if nothing else turn your phone sideways:

Gatsby’s (151 N. Hamilton Rd., Gahanna): While not without its charms, in my experience this has been the kind of sedate establishment where office workers will stop by for one drink on their way home for the day. You can probably do better than this.

Rusty Bucket (73 N. Hamilton Rd., Gahanna): One of many locations around town…and now elsewhere, as well, including some other states.

358 S. Hamilton Rd., Gahanna: Part of a charming little strip mall where Bicycle One is Suite F, another Goodwill location gets this address without the suite letter.

If traveling in this direction along Hamilton Road, you’ll notice the addresses go from North to South to North to South again. Although my helpful little tips might be useless in this connected day and age (here and elsewhere), this is due to passing from Gahanna into Columbus proper. The dividing line between the two is a natural one, that of the I-270 outerbelt.

Airport Golf Course (900 N. Hamilton Rd.): I can’t say I’ve ever golfed here, but it has to be pretty cool. You’re teeing off in the shadow of John Glenn Columbus International Airport, the backside of which is across the street on Hamilton.

I have actually ridden my bicycle along Hamilton Road, one day many a summer ago. It feels like this completes the range of possible experiences along this major road, somehow. I know that legally a cyclist has every right to be out here, but you escape from jaunts like this feeling as if it were divine intervention that you managed to survive the onslaught of cars. Anyway, I was living on campus at the time, and like many a young idiot of that transitional age (you were required to carry car insurance, but they had no way of regulating this; many of us just rolled the dice that we wouldn’t be pulled over, ever, with mixed results) I’d had my license suspended for failure to carry insurance. When I was finally eligible for reinstatement, for whatever reason a trip to this license place off of Hamilton Road was required.

Bicycling out from Summit Street to the license bureau, I just sort of improvised my route with a general lay of the land in my head. And then back again, too, of course, which wound up being 20+ miles round trip. Anyway for some reason I have distinct memories of being on Woodland and somewhat surprised to find that it dead ended into 5th. But then taking 5th over to Hamilton and then south from there, all the way across I-70 to the license place – which seemed like sheer hell at the time, though this journey is actually one of my fondest memories of that summer now. Funny how this works.

Pioneer Meat Co (151 N. Hamilton Rd.): A quaint little butcher’s shop.

Wrap City Vinyl (101 N. Hamilton Rd.): Hipsters please note, this is NOT a vinyl record shop. Take it from this hard hitting reporter, beating the streets for a scoop – I clicked on the link for this just now and discovered the bad news. Instead it’s a graphics shop specializing in car wraps, wall murals, and the like. They were founded in Atlanta but opened a second shop here in 2012 to deal with demand.

Waterbeds N’ Stuff Superstore (815 S. Hamilton Rd.): another outpost of this famous local enterprise, with just a slight rebranding (Beds N’ Stuff) at one point, around 2018 I think, although they seem to have reverted back to the original name now. A larger than usual location, as one might gather from the “superstore” modifier.

Body Language Tattoo (1101 S. Hamilton Rd.): Has been here since at least October of 2001. Back then, it was called BodyLanguage Productions, however.

Lalibela Restaurant (1111 S. Hamilton Rd.): once upon a time the address Breezer’s, a club that was open up through at least October 2001.

Tee Jaye’s (350 S. Hamilton Rd.): This country themed comfort food chain is much less ubiquitous than it used to be. It looks like there are just four remaining within the outerbelt, two slightly beyond, and one more each in Newark and Zanesville, that’s it. The most famous of these was probably the now demolished one at Morse and High, which I’ve also personally visited the most. Although running a close second, as improbable as it seems now, there also used to be one at the bottom of the hill down from Grandview, along Dublin Road/Riverside/Route 33, which was a perfect late night option after clubbing downtown.

One charming touch at this particular location, glimpsed during a recent visit, is a historical photo gallery hanging in one corner. Though this franchise probably had its apex in the late 90s, they remain solid alternatives to something like a Denny’s. Offering breakfast around the clock, too, but better than a Waffle House – something closer to if Cracker Barrel remained open 24/7. Having said that, the best thing here might be the country fried steak, breaded and covered with gravy.  Oh yeah, also, this here Whitehall outpost appears to be the only one of the eight which isn’t open all night. They close at 11pm now, so plan accordingly. During that aforementioned 2022 visit, they were positively slammed, which our waitress said has often been the case since the nearby Brice Road location closed.

Roosters (376 S. Hamilton Rd.): Another in this series of Columbus-centric (though rapidly expanding) operations. You basically can’t go wrong here if in the mood for pub grub and a beer. If you find yourself in an unfamiliar stretch of town and are too hungry to take a chance on something weird, yet don’t want fast food or another famous franchise, I feel like these locally based ones at least make for a respectable compromise.

Alexander Hamilton Plaza Apartments (496 S. Hamilton Rd.): One day we had to improvise a route to the east side because I-70 was completely shut down or something, due to Mike Pence’s motorcade driving through town. Once we make our way out here via Broad, my daughter Emma cheers, “Hamilton!” upon seeing the name of this road. This due to her being a huge fanatic of the highly popular musical of the same name. My stepdaughter Maddie and I attempted to convince Emma that this was just a coincidence, that the naming of this road has nothing to do with that figure. Seconds later, of course, we pass this complex, and she points it out to us.

Otherwise, I know nothing about the place. Although the pictures online make the apartments look a little more stylish and modern than I would have expected.

BC Campus invoice February 1998

836 S. Hamilton Rd: Above is a monthly statement from our second landlord, for the house we were renting on Summit. I have to say, I don’t remember the office being anywhere near this close to Kroger (it’s basically right behind it), but memory can be a tricky thing sometimes. At least a couple other businesses have called this address home since then (Trendsetters To Trendsetters, the awesomely named Dezalovsky Investments), and it is still listed as office space, though I can’t find any info on a current resident.

BC Campus doesn’t ring a bell, but Hamilton Village does – I think this is who we were making our rent checks out to. At any rate, I was only out here once, when our landlord Mark Myers asked me to drive over one afternoon. Upon arriving there, he explained that he found four bounced rent checks of mine stuffed into a desk. Apparently his former secretary, who just left the company, didn’t know what to do with these – not just mine, but everyone’s – and buried them in the back of a drawer instead. Let’s just say in those younger days I had a “creative” approach to balancing my checkbook, in other words nonexistent, and had no idea these were floating around in limbo, unpaid. In our defense, youths of this era were caught in this tricky middle period where ATMs were suddenly everywhere, yet you couldn’t yet track anything online (and certainly not with a touch screen phone).

In addition to our building on Summit (a large house that was chopped into four different apartments), I know he was also renting the one right beside us (1996 and 1998 now – I’m not sure if they had 1/2 designations also or what back then), plus who knows how many more around town.

Kroger (850 S. Hamilton Rd.): I only breezed through this location once, right after that memorable low point with the bounced check.  That day we reached an agreement that I’d catch up by giving him an extra $100 a month. To give you some perspective of how much money this was and the cost of items circa 1998, I had $5 to my name, no food to speak of at home, and wouldn’t get paid for two more days – but just so happened to be scheduled off those same two days. I stopped at this Kroger and walked around until buying a box of mini chocolate donuts and the materials to make hamburgers, planning to stay indoors and live off of these items alone until payday. Which is exactly what I did.

1383 S. Hamilton Rd.

Currently Zara Restaurant & Bar, an East African establishment. As of October 2001, however, it was Selam Restaurant. They had stand up comedy night every Wednesday.

1403 S. Hamilton Rd.: pure emptiness at the moment, though Record Connection used to be here. Circa December 1999 but probably not for too long beyond that.

AT&T Store (2583 S. Hamilton Rd.): As of late ’99 we had four different CD Warehouse stores here in town, and one of them was located here.

Eastland Mall: Though the address for the Eastland Mall is given as….2740 Eastland Mall (don’t get me started on this topic), everyone can see it sits at the corner of Hamilton and Refugee, with I-270 buzzing by diagonally overhead. Although they’ve also made the questionable decision to have a Sears entrance with a STORE CLOSING banner as the official photo on Google Maps, this was in fact the last of the four “geography” themed shopping malls left here in town. Northland was bulldozed years ago, while Westland and Southland have been taken over by other businesses.

At the tail end of 2022, this puppy bit the dust. I tried gaining entry here during a Sunday morning in October of that year, but was informed by security that they didn’t open until noon. Somehow I just knew this would be the last chance to explore the interior, and it turns out I was right. Some of the final businesses hanging on here ranged from Tropico Caribbean Grill and Sone’s Bridal, to standard mall staples like Claire’s and Auntie Anne’s Pretzels and a Kids Foot Locker. The Sears anchor store itself left eons ago, but they held onto the space afterwards, kept it open as an appliance repair shop.

2194 S. Hamilton Rd.

Currently Showroom Auto Sales. It used to be (up through at least October 2001), however, an altogether different kind of “show” room: a strip club named Platinum Fox. For Monday Night Football, they had a wet tee shirt contest every halftime, a complimentary food buffet throughout.

ZZ Boots/Wildman’s Leather-N-Lace (2264 S. Hamilton Rd.): Though the visit mentioned up top is my only, it’s somehow heartening to see that this operation, established in 1980, is still up and running. You even hear the radio commercials constantly, with this same dude extolling his wares, in what hasn’t been a hip part of town for at least three decades, and this seems somewhat miraculous.

2596 S. Hamilton Rd.: The AMC Eastland Center 8 movie theater was once found on this plot of land, but the entire building has been knocked down. It’s just a huge and mostly unnecessary parking lot now not particulary needed by any of the other nearby businesses.

Captain D’s (2850 S. Hamilton Rd.): And I’m saddened to see this place is closed now, too. Though standards went kind of south with this franchise at some point, I still have fond memories from childhood. It would be fascinating to see a list or interactive database or something from a company like this, showing which locations have been around for how long. I’m not sure why they’d be interested in maintaining such a thing, but it would be cool. And as far as Captain D’s, I feel the tenure on this one has to be among its longest ever, nationwide.

3100 S. Hamilton Rd.

Currently Thunder Tire and Service. As of 1997, though, it was still one of 5 Kmart locations remaining in town.

Raising Cane’s Chicken Fingers (3820 S. Hamilton Rd.): Erin still cracks up and gives me a hard time about our last visit here, the morning after Maria’s wedding. It was not a pretty sight. Her maniacal brother Tommy would not leave me alone on the coffee flavored tequila front and while I made it through the night without incident, let’s just say an early lunch here did not sit well. Fortunately that was the only such night for me in about a dozen years or so. But yeah, these folks have some amazing chicken, and they haven’t yet expanded everywhere. If you spot a location in your travels, by all means check it out.

The Caniac Combo (currently $10.99) is probably the best deal on the menu, which breaks down as 6 large chicken tenders, a pile of fries, Texas toast, cole slaw, and 2 containers of their Cane’s sauce. The chicken is itself terrific, but what ramps it up to a whole other level is this dipping sauce – I think it must be some kind of smoky BBQ mixed with mayo, and a healthy shake of black pepper. Whatever it is, the stuff is tremendous.

Sign outside Ricart Automotive Group, Columbus, Ohio

Ricart Automotive Group (4255 S. Hamilton Rd.): For decades, this establishment billed itself as the largest car dealership in the world. In more recent times they seem to have lost this title, but whatever the case, it’s still a huge complex, probably bigger even than back when they were making that claim. Among other things, there’s even a Subway franchise and fitness center located on site here.

Pretty much anyone who has lived in central Ohio for the last four decades is familiar with Fred Ricart’s TV commercials, during which he is often found hamming it up via song parodies or impressions of famous personalities. One of the most memorable for me was probably his version of War’s Why Can’t We Be Friends? which in his hands became I Can Deal With Fred. To this day, I still get that version stuck in my head whenever hearing the original. Usually spotted with an acoustic guitar in these promos, and/or serving up zany marketing stunts such as “buy this $10,000 teddy bear, and I’ll throw in a free car!” his trademark slogan was and probably still is, We’re Dealin! 

On a more serious note (well, sort of), there has always been this longstanding rumor which I’ve heard from countless people in nearly identical fashion, which makes you think there might be a kernel of truth to it. This rumor involved his wife allegedly catching him with another woman, and coming after him with a curling iron in particularly graphic fashion. Pretty much anyone living in central Ohio has probably heard this, too, but let me restate again that as far as I know it’s only a rumor.

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Summit Street

The Handshake at Cafe Bourbon St.

Summit Street is a strange road, too, any way you slice it. Mostly a one way, southbound conduit for US Route 23, it’s also mostly residential. But every block or so, it seems, there’s at least one business which has featured predominantly into the landscape for decades, if not our entire lives. It being Route 23, local boy Dwight Yoakam has even technically written a song in part about this.

Considering that Hudson Road is where Summit begins the one way split (turning into more of a sleepy, residential street north of here), it makes sense to begin our journey here, and head steadily south:

2515: Baba’s. Only added dinner hours June 2018.

2507: Rumba Cafe.

2500: the 3rd different home for Used Kids Records. This one is different in that there’s a performance area in one corner, a nifty little section where the brick lined wall is covered by reams of posters, with a sign bearing the familiar black and white Used Kids logo mounted right in the middle. I would be surprised if you found much Dwight Yoakam here, however.

2491: Wild Goose Creative. This is a really interesting space which holds everything from marathon epic novel readings, to screenings of indie films.

2216: Cafe Bourbon Street. The owner had to be talked into hosting live bands circa 1997, though they soon became a staple of this establishment. The exterior still looks basically the same, with that dark blue awning, the name spelled out in white.

Our first visit here will transpire only a few weeks before this development, however, during that summer. Dan rings up the house and talks to Alan, suggests we meet him at this place up the road called Café Bourbon Street. The two of us have never frequented this establishment, though it sits just a few blocks from our house. With its eyesore interior of tacky multicolored tile and walls painted so bright they nearly glow, the horseshoe shaped bar in the center is a point of refuge we scamper for and cling to, more so than usual. The bar stools represent a small chain of islands, ports against the storm of crass interior decoration. Of course we’re still left basking in an eerie hue of orange and green overhead lights, molding our faces into monstrous masks if we catch the wrong angle.

Dan is one of the good guys, among the cooler people I’ve ever met, a stout, dark haired, conscientious Jewish boy who’s loyal to his friends and kind to the casual stranger. When he smiles his face actually seems to shine, somehow. Our core group often remarks that he could and should probably be the fifth member of the inner circle. The only reason he isn’t, really, aside from possibly not having quite the same enthusiasm for our more off the wall stunts, is that his first passion has always been music, and he works relentlessly at it. Hence the instrumental demo cassette he’d played in our kitchen earlier this summer, featuring him and another friend, Travis Tyo, and a drummer we’re not familiar with by the name of Dave Copper. Now Dan tells me they’ve settled on the tentative moniker Superstar Rookie. I think it’s great and suits their sound like a well-oiled kick drum, but he is having second thoughts, at present considers it a mismatch.

The old man who runs this place is pacing around between this bar and the one next to it, Summit Station, a lesbian hangout. He owns both and oversees each through a door connecting these two disparate establishments, though he doesn’t seem to be doing much of anything at either.  Wondering how he’s going to pay the bills this month, maybe, judging from the sharp creases on his brow.

Slinging drinks here, while the owner paces around, is a sharp Asian fox by the name of Seresa.  Seresa, it turns out, graduated from Clearfork, a country school district in the sticks about ten miles southeast of Mansfield. She smiles a lot and flits through each of the conversations taking place at her bar, which at this hour and day doesn’t amount to much. Her shiny silver blouse and tight black slacks accentuate a body I’m already a big fan of, that and everything else I’ve seen from this girl.

“You gotta watch her, though,” Dan cautions, “she’ll start you a tab and keep slapping drinks down in front of you when you’re not paying attention. Last time I was here she hit me with an eighteen dollar tab.”

Aside from the three of us, Dave Kemp’s sitting further down the bar, at one of the corners, next to another face I remember from high school, Tiffany Miller. Tonight Kemp’s already drunk and just as hilarious as ever, though he’s also apparently taken a serious turn with his music, and is now playing in a band called Secret Of Flight. As for Miss Miller she’s wearing a sleeveless black blouse with tattoos up both arms. She’s younger than the rest of us and I never really knew her, but don’t recall that she ever looked this incredible before. Elsewhere, across the bar from us sits a tall, lanky goon who resembles the bass player from Nirvana, with a couple teeth missing and messy black hair. He and the chick sitting next to him, representing the only other people in the bar right now besides Seresa and our Mansfield crew.

One of the perks hanging out with some fresh faces delivers, apart from the possibility of catching up on old times, is that it allows you to shake up your conversational game. With Alan, Damon and Paul, the four of us pretty much never talk about anything else but girls, alcohol, and classic rock music. That’s it. Entire weekends have been kept afloat without a single variation in this material. Seated at the bar tonight with Dan, however, we’re venturing into offbeat topics such as Beethoven, jazz, and the films of Kevin Smith, all of which are welcome diversions – although some of the old standbys aren’t necessarily verboten, either.

“You guys try that Pink Floyd/Wizard Of Oz thing?” Bandman asks us at one point.

“No,” I admit, having somehow become the mouthpiece for our party as Alan’s not saying much tonight, “we keep meaning to rent that movie, but I always forget.”

“My roommate Norman tried it,” Dan explains, and by this he means Norman Flores, yet another familiar face from our Mansfield days, “but he said it didn’t work. I don’t really see the connection anyway – The Wall and The Wizard Of Oz?”

“No!” I protest, laughing, “it’s not The Wall you’re supposed to use, it’s Dark Side of the Moon!”

Dark Side?” Dan returns, intrigued, as if he’s just been afforded some amazing revelation. “Well, no wonder it didn’t work…I’m gonna call him right now actually…”

At this, he strolls over to this alcove where a working payphone awaits. I take this opportunity to have a look around at the rest of this fine enterprise. A piano along one wall, a jukebox next to it. A tiny raised platform in one corner utilized exclusively on karaoke night, as they’ve never had live music here in all the years that old man’s owned this tavern.  By the door, this minuscule booth with a window serving a small selection of pub grub, though closed at present and the lights turned off.

Concerning the embargo on live music, Dan addresses this upon returning, when he explains that they’ve just about convinced the wearied owner here to host his first ever rock band. Naturally, that band would be Superstar Rookie. They wouldn’t fit on the stamp sized karaoke stage, obviously, but there’s no reason a handful of tables couldn’t be shoved aside in that vicinity, enough to cram in their gear. They’ve been practicing with a singer of late, Brandon Tuber, and are just about ready to play out. The owner isn’t sold yet on the concept but they’re convinced they can draw enough if persuading him.

A line of mirrors, halfway up the north wall, has always lined the stage. They would string Christmas lights up and leave them well past the season, perhaps even year round. There for a while – I’m not sure if they still do this – musicians would get free Black Label beer on the nights they played.  

2210 Summit Street: Is presently The Summit Music Hall, and there’s also a Crunchwerks eatery inside. The exterior is a sharp looking black with bright red trim, looks great, though I haven’t been inside. For the longest time, however, this was Summit Station, a prominent lesbian bar.

(click arrow to navigate)

-South Of Lane



1990 1/2 Summit Street: disgraced former residence, an address that was quickly abolished as soon as we moved out. Dan Focht of Salthorse fame lived here right before us.

Downstairs and onto the rickety front porch, the winter air reaches our lungs with bracing clarity. The blizzard like conditions raging outside for much of the day and early evening have long since ceased, encasing our neighborhood, as is often the case after these storms, in a seeming stop motion stasis.  Trapped under a sheet of glittering glass, our vehicles and houses, an illusion broken only by the traffic zipping past us on US 23, and the occasional restless human.

Three young children stand on the side of the road, directly across the street from Ruby’s, before the bus stop. With a tape measure stretched out across the slick pavement, each in turn takes a running start and skids across the ice, as the other two comrades measure his distance. Waiting out the occasional burst of cars zooming down the three lane one way route, the boys are admirably patient, they chirp merry gibberish to one another before consummating the next round.

“Isn’t that fuckin awesome?” Alan enthuses, giddy from the spectacle.

In flannel shirts, jeans, and cowboy boots, a trio of rough and tumble older gents drift past, chuckling heartily. By all appearances beer guzzling hicks bound for Ruby’s, they queue without pause and give one running start at this child’s game apiece. Each fares better than I would have expected, stumbling to a fitful rest maybe twelve feet down the line, though none can match the grace or distance of those kids and their tennis shoes. Hooting in the wake of this unseen diversion, or perhaps the fleeting memory of their own distant childhood stunts, our grey haired rustics glance up Summit for cars, they click their boots across the pavement and disappear inside the bar.

“I’ve got a new game!” Alan announces, after the kids have long since departed, as he and I stand alone, mesmerized before the hypnotic swish of tires on icy road.

“What is it?” I beg, jolted awake, enervated, by our spell out here in the cold.

“Throw the Snowball at the Car!” he declares, scampering down the three cement steps from creaking porch to powder crusted lawn.

We begin by standing in relatively plain sight, hurling meteors at passing cars as they sail south down our street. A week’s worth of ammunition rests readily all around us, leaving the only real challenge a scientific one, between the intricate arts of packing, timing, and firing. That, and the danger of being spotted, which drives us soon enough behind a pair of giant barren bushes near the sidewalk.

Breezing along at accelerated speeds even under such adverse conditions, we can’t wait for these cars to arrive directly upon us, or they’re gone before we’ve so much as gotten the projectile packed. The trick, then, is to loft our charges out there ahead of time, let them hang midair until the vehicles arrive and impact. Of course this complicates matters in that an occasional wildcard police cruiser peppers the deck, but we can’t discern their identities until it’s too late. We see a pair of headlights coming and the crystal spheres fly, beseeching success.

Stephanie steps out onto the front porch to enjoy a cigarette and let Stella run around. As the dog sniffs our tracks and then our ankles, disappearing around the side of the house for a moment, Stephanie watches our game with a wry smirk crinkling the corners of her mouth. Exhaling this frigid air in the same breath as her smoke filled lungs, but even thus obscured, given even the lack of comprehensive lighting, I can discern a difference between this expression and the one she’s always unfailingly worn up to this point. Just as this surfeit of snow signifies to me winter’s last hurrah, and the incipient arrival of spring, so too is our neighbor beginning to thaw out.

“We’re playing a game called Throw the Snowball at the Car!” I beam up at her.

“You guys are gonna get busted,” she laughs.

Well, that didn’t happen. We got away with so much at this house. Although it does seems really strange now – as it rightly should have at the time, i.e. before we did such a thing – to think that one night Alan, Snoop and I broke out my clubs and blasted golf balls from the front yard, to see who could hit them the furthest down Woodruff. Maybe I shouldn’t be mentioning this. But this is a prime example of how you just can’t win sometimes about your past: mention it and you are glorifying such behavior; omit this and it means you’re whitewashing the incident, attempting to bury it. But it happened, yes, interpret this how you will. Kiddies, just maybe don’t try this at your home – or anybody else’s.

1978: Ruby Tuesday, longstanding live music venue and dive bar of considerable renown.

1866: A gas station has sat here, at the corner of 17th, since at least the late 80’s. Was once a BP, is now a Shell, but more importantly to nearby residents, in whatever incarnation,  it’s been open 24 hours for their cigarette and beer and late night junk food runs. Well, except this brief stretch where we’d find the door locked at weird hours, and it turned out the lone employee was shooting up heroin in the cooler. He didn’t last too long, however.

The Subway shop inside is even more of an institution and used to keep the latest hours on campus (3am Fridays and Saturdays, possibly Thursdays even), though I see they’ve now scaled back to a much more standard midnight.

1041 Summit Street

Has been Auto Transport Service Inc. since at least January ’01. So kind of an impressive run, actually. Damage free towing, 24 hours a day.

Also Reliable Advertising & Distributing Co. as of Jan ‘01