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Brewery District

Brewery District sign Columbus Ohio

The Brewery District is often described as the area just short of downtown, from I-70 on the north to Greenlawn on the south; and then bounded by Pearl on the east and the Scioto River on the west. That’s fairly decent, although in my estimation a bit too inclusive – if nothing else, I don’t know anybody who would characterize that huge chunk of land swelling out into the Scioto, which includes the Audubon Metro Park, as part of the Brewery District. Still others people more commonly attribute certain other parts to German Village.

But it’s close enough. I’m only sticking to relevant establishments on this page, anyway (past and present), for the time being, so it really doesn’t matter. And though I’m working on maps as well as other means of organization, at the moment you’re stuck with just an alphabetical, semi-meandering rundown. The names in purple, obviously, have standalone info elsewhere that you can click on.

Current Occupants:

Brewmasters Gate: (495 S. Front St.) – This opened as a positively cavernous club in the early 2000s, and had to be just about the most popular place in town for a good six months. A bunch of us drove down here often during the summer of its heyday, during which time it was unfailingly jam packed with young people throwing down, spilling out to the spacious patio and even the sidewalks. By the following summer, nobody came here, and you were looked at kind of strangely if mentioning it. I’m not sure exactly when the bar concept was shut down, but it didn’t seem to last very long. Strangely enough, however, the place survives and has maintained the same name, though it appears this is now just a hall people rent out for events.

CD 92.9: (local indie rock station). They had three different spots on the dial that I’m aware of, however and whyever that happens, but it remains pretty much the same thing. They used to be located a little more centrally within the Brewery District, right by Banana Joe’s on Front Street – then relocated a little down the line, at 1036 S. Front. They recently went off the air but are keeping the alternative flame alive with an online presence.

Double Take Bar & Grill: (912 S High St.) Restaurant with classier offerings, such as lobster, than I would necessarily expect from the name and the sports bar type setting. Or somewhat offbeat offerings like catfish, grits, and gyros. So yeah, everything you would expect and then some. Karaoke and R&B singalong nights optional.

Gambrinus, King Of Beer: I don’t know that there’s an exact address for this. It’s just this statue of a king holding his ale aloft, one foot resting upon what looks like maybe a pony keg. But if you’re down this way, you might as well take a picture with the merry old fellow. So, yeah, he’s located along S. Front Street, between Beck and Sycamore. There was a brewery named Gambrinus in these parts from 1906-1919 (Prohibition seems to have driven a stake through that one) and I’m guessing that’s where this benevolent king came from.

High Beck Tavern

High Beck Tavern: One of the ironies I suppose of the Brewery District is that there aren’t any breweries left. Columbus has plenty, just none to speak of down here. However, there are numerous places to drink, oh yes! And this happens to be one of them, a conviently located spot right along South High, with outdoor seating to boot. High Beck has been around since 1921, too. Beef Brisket Sandwich is one of their top offerings, foodwise.

Kroger: Miles worked at this one for a while after leaving our prized Bethel Road establishment for good. I want to say this building went up in 2005, and if not then it was pretty close to that. A trendy, very modern looking store for its time, and I’m sure it probably still is.

Plank’s Bier Garten: (888 S. High St.) I brought Carrie here for dinner once, which is the only time I recall coming. About that occasion, what I remember most is that my “non-smoking” date bummed a cigarette from our waitress – so that’s probably telling, that our food here fades into the background, or at least what we ordered did. Although in Plank’s favor, it does have a warm atmosphere, particularly if seated at the spacious outdoor area behind the building.

They were closed for a while, I believe just for remodeling, though reopening in 2018 and surviving to the present. Back in “the day” they had half off pizza on Tuesdays from 7-10, beer specials during OSU football games, and live music on Friday nights. Any or all of these could still be true, but I’m a busy man and haven’t had time to look that up just yet.

Smash Buddies: (460 S. Front St.) this well regarded hamburger restaurant shares this address with The Speakeasy (pretty obvious what type of operation this is) and Basil Thai Cafe (same.) However, I don’t believe these businesses are all connected under the same ownership.

Tony’s Italian Ristorante: I’m not sure if this has moved, been rechristened, or is another enterprise altogether. But there was a Tony’s Italian Restaurant in the Brewery District as of ’01, and I think this is the same place with a slightly different name.

Victory’s: A hit or miss spot over the years. Someone would occasionally suggest this, once a year or so – and that someone might be me – and we’d all troop down there. A good visit often meant a return trip was soon in the cards. A bad trip would have us swearing off this place for a while.

My initial foray was in the summer of ’97, when our friend Maria rented a birthday bus and this became one of our stops. The place was jammed to the gills on a Saturday night with three different DJs spinning tunes for the various dance floors. Yet though very much in keeping with some of the music they were playing, I remember requesting some Prince and basically being told to get lost by each of the attitudinal disc jockeys. We didn’t stay here long. Still, later expeditions months down the road went better, and this became a semi-regular spot for a while, until the next bleak experience. One memorable positive outing occurs during Keisha’s next birthday blowout.

There are two front rooms with one long, connected bar that runs in the middle of each. One side is basically a chill out zone, while the other is encumbered with a dance floor to boogie upon, and a stage for the band. In the back, which is kept much darker, there’s an elevated second dance floor, this time under the purview of a nearby DJ booth, while beyond here the pattern repeats with that exact same scenario out on an exterior patio. The patio is not presently open, however.

Damon and Paul sit off to one side which allows them the perfect vantage point for drinking, smoking, watching and critiquing the band all at once. They call themselves Jonesy, though I’m not exactly sure of the spelling, and these guys do a fantastic job mixing 80’s covers with a few more recent selections, from the likes of Nine Inch Nails. So good, in fact, that these two are debating whether this band isn’t just miming to a tape. Featuring keyboards and electric drums, both elements you don’t see a whole lot of in this city’s live scene, they also boast an impressive live show, although it might actually belong to the bar.

The rest of us are out on the dance floor, hopping around to the music, hoping for a cheap brush of fate with one of these ladies. John breaks away from us to scout the perimeter for any fresh prospects. During this interim I do enjoy the inevitable wayward interactions with Keisha.

“I thought that was so hilarious earlier when my friend got kicked out of the bar, and you were like, gee, that’s terrible!” she’s shouting into my ear at one point, laughing hysterically.

John returns with even better information than this. “There’s a couple outrageously hot chicks on the other dance floor,” he tells me. “Come on, I’ll show you.”

We stroll off to the back room and step up to the elevated floor, casually work our way toward these two honeys. And yes, they are quite exceptional in appearance. Just as we’re about to zero in on them, however, these two dudes swoop in and throw their arms around the girls, clearly some sort of flag panting move. Damn. So the ladies are claimed, but whatever. As more ammunition mounting in this war chest of whatever you want to call it, Keisha and Pam have actually followed us back here, with Mike in tow right behind them. So they climb onto this platform with us, and we continue dancing in this dingy corridor.

Brewmasters Gate map

And now, a memorial for the departed:

482 S. Front St.: Apparently something of an accursed location, considering it’s right in the heart of this district, but nothing is open here at the moment. This sits at the SE corner of Front and Brewer, basically the top left edge of that light blue building above. Its most recent occupant, a live music venue called Double Happiness, is currently listed only as “temporarily closed.” So here’s to hoping they are able to reopen soon.

Lux Lounge & Patio was here up through at least March 2006. They described their style as “contemporary & cosmopolitan.”

Banana Joe’s: an early lesson in how the night of the week is everything. We came here on a Friday and it was one of the most insane crowds I’ve ever witnessed; a Thursday journey maybe two weeks later had more in common with a funeral home.

Barrister Hall: (560 S. High St.) Former live music hotspot mostly known for its jazz offerings. But, circa early 2000 for example, they did have Afro-Rican Ensemble playing every Thursday. Ads say this features “Latin Music, lots of dancing & cigars,” so they were not opposed to shaking things up on occasion.

Brewery District Pavilion: I couldn’t tell you exactly where this was located, but it was in the thick of things down here somewhere. Once upon a time hosted some larger shows, too, like Hootie and the Blowfish with Shawn Mullins opening, on 6/5/99.

Columbus Brewing Company: Though still in existence, they have since moved to a Harrison Road address. But occupied this funky, charming little standalone building up through at least 2016. At 525 Short Street, which currently sits unoccupied. You might be surprised to learn, as was I, that this (and might still be) yet another Cameron Mitchell operation. So at least at the old spot, they have wood-fired pizzas and fresh seafood, of course, in addition to the beers brewed on site. Tamarind Glazed Chicken Wings are a popular appetizer. Among their most celebrated entrees, you will find a shrimp and grits, a blackened fish sandwich, and a jerk chicken pizza.

Frezno Bar & Grill: (460 S. Front St.) The same people behind Frezno Eclectic Cuisine in the Short North. Grilled cheese is noted as being enormous, served on “wide pan” bread, with 3 cheeses, bacon, tomato. Chicken Mushroom & Asparagus another highlight, and includes feta, an unexpected ingredient to say the least. Burgers piled mountain-high, make their own chips and sweet potato fries here. Short rib tacos also stacked to the ceiling with julienned veggies – red, yellow, poblano peppers, jicama, etc)

This space is now occupied by the trio of Smash Buddies/The Speakeasy/Basil Thai Cafe. But I’m not entirely sure what portion of that address Frezno claimed – possibly all of it.

Jimmy V’s: (912 S. High St.) Has a sidewalk patio. This big copper martini glass dangling down from the ceiling. It’s a classy place, actually, and they are heavy on the copper, like this wall on the back patio with running water. Xmas lights above, potbelly stoves, marble floor in jagged shapes back here. A dining area inside, Roman statues, etc. They serve food until midnight, brunch 11am-3pm on weekends. They are still here as of July 2006.

This spot is now occupied by Double Take Bar & Grill.

Le Metropolitain: (95 W. Liberty St.) Their ads used to boast, “Best French Onion Soup In Town!” Were here up through at least March of 2001.

Ludlow’s. A popular live music club located at 485 S. Front Street from 1994-2004

Tommy Keegans: stumbling across this entry in my journal, from early 1998, is an especially striking example of why I’m glad to have taken so many notes. I actually forgot all about this enterprise and haven’t heard mention of it since.

I have always included an apostrophe in their name, but in looking at their ads at least circa 2006, there is none. So I am now omitting it. “Where Soccer Is Home” is their motto and in ’06 at least, they were broadcasting the FIFA World Cup live. And all kinds of other soccer events as well. Describe themselves as a European Pub and Grill, although the logo looks Irish – lots of green, Harp beer logo, shamrocks, etc. Live music every Thu, Fri, Sat at this time. They were voted (2006) as best happy hour in town by, ahem, AOL City Guide. And lasted at least to some point in ’06, possibly longer.

Tommy Keegans looks vaguely like one of those modern faux Irish pubs or something, with its painted cement floor, its dark and generally unfussy atmosphere. Being located underground doesn’t hurt, either. The front, larger room holds most of the bar’s occupants, including some annoying, talent-challenged goober playing acoustic guitar and singing near the door. It’s hard to imagine he would receive much encouragement or tip money even if warbling at the campus BW3. But apparently, they pay him to come here.

The back room is a bit more subdued and we make a bee line for it. They’ve got one of those giant hoppers dispensing free popcorn back here, and even while knowing in the back of your mind it’s only going to make your thirstier, desiring ever more beer, which is why they manipulate you such, in the moment you just don’t care and grab some anyway. Or at least this is what I do.

It’s Keisha’s birthday and we started out with a much larger posse, but the war of attrition has whittled us down to these seven survivors: the birthday girl and Pam, and then Damon, Paul, John H, this Mike guy who’s kind of cool, and me. But somehow there’s this random kid just hanging out by these pool tables, of which the bar has a couple back here, and by some convoluted turn of events he winds up being partners with Damon, against Paul and me in a few games of standard billiards. Damon is absolutely on fire for some reason, and they totally smoke us from start to finish. But we’ve already exhausted what limited kicks are to be found at Keegan’s, and have agreed to strike off for Victory’s next.

“Stay and play a few games with me!” the kid begs Damon, “we’ll make some money!”

“Ah, we gotta go,” Damon returns with a laugh.

2006 Events at Tommy Keegans:

April 6 – Cleverin

April 7 – Under New Ownership

April 8 – Mythical Pickle

April 14 – Vinyl

April 15 – Fonzie Monroe

April 20 – Cleverin

April 21– The LabRats

April 22 – Olde Cellar Band

April 28 – Lt. Dan’s New Legs

April 29 – Igby

September 22 – Ohio Music MultiFest Pt. 1. Features Myke Rock, Mas Bagua, RiaSoul, Anthony Stone, Beatles on Bass

September 23 – Ohio Music MulfiFest Pt. 2 featuring Ukelele Man, Postcard, Myke Rock. Lotion Weed, Raks Jahaani, DOB, Chad Eric, Larry Ramey.

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Ludlow’s

The Menus in Columbus Ohio

It’s another chilly Friday night that finds Damon, Megan, Amber and I driving down to the Brewery District, so that we might watch The Menus play at Ludlow’s. The Menus are of course a cover band, but they play a really energetic and varied mix, easily the best and most popular such act around these parts. Actually, they’re not even from here, they hail from Cincinnati, but are obviously in Columbus quite a bit. In fact I’ve probably seen them live more than any C-bus band at this point, with the possible exception of maybe Superstar Rookie. But that would be it. Amber and I dance together quite a bit, those other two not so much.

At one point, the girls head to the restroom, and just about as soon as they leave, here come Stephanie Nupen and Stephanie Porter gliding over to say hello. This feels a little too staged, as though they had to have been watching us, unbeknownst to Damon and me, and waiting for just such a break in the action. Nupen seems extremely happy to see we two fellows, for some reason, and throws an arm around both of us. Both of these girls, I should mention, look better than they had even a few short years ago.

“Hey, sorry about that night,” Damon says, apologizing for a wild time at our apartment, nearly four years ago, which we’ve never had a chance to discuss like this. Though hearing through the grapevine Stephanie was totally cool about everything that transpired…her friend Dawn, however, was not so much. “Things got a little out of hand,” he adds.

“Oh, fuck that girl,” Nupen replies, “she’s a psycho anyway.”

So this is cool to hear, that she’s also had a falling out with her former friend and it wasn’t just us. Porter’s friendly, meanwhile, but we don’t know her as well, and she doesn’t have much to say. Then some preppy guy slides into the picture, it seems pretty obvious that he must be here with Nupen. He drags her away, shooting some evil eye over his shoulder back at the two of us, and Porter saunters off with them as well.

Damon, meanwhile, who is messed up on the cough medicine he’s been taking for his cold, on top of the beers he’s been pounding, is in just the right mood to shout after them, “it’s okay, buddy, I’ve got a picture of her PUSSY at home!”

This is true. We do. But more importantly, Megan and Amber return right after this, missing this spectacle entirely. And we never mention any of it to them.

Damon and Megan mostly just stand in the middle, by some railing on the ground floor, talking. I twirl around some with Amber, like we’re halfway just goofing off, for example Smooth is playing and I enact one of those maneuvers where I spin her out at arm’s length, our hands just barely touching, then draw her back in, as she spins I think in the middle of this improvised choreography. Then I kiss her as she returns to me. Otherwise, however, we have serious matters to discuss.

Like earlier in the night, when we’d first arrived, she hikes up one pant leg to show me these knee high go-go boots she’s wearing. I hadn’t noticed, but this is a bit of an in-joke between us now, stemming from a night where she said to me, “so…Tawnya and I were talking, and we agree that you have a foot fetish!” I had never heard this before, never really considered it, even. But don’t dispute that notion, either – it seems in my best interests to play along, and who knows, it might be true.

“You know all about my foot fetish,” I tell her, favorably commenting upon the boots, which are a new piece in her repertoire.

“Uh huh,” she beams, pulling her pant leg back down.

Then later, we’re standing side by side, the others to the left of us, watching the band, kind of leaning into one another with my arm somewhat around her. At least until she pulls away to grab a section of her still quite lengthy, and gorgeous, curly light brown locks, as she holds this out for inspection, declaring, “I got my hair cut. See?”

“I thought it looked a little shorter,” I tell her.

“Cut it myself,” she says.

“Can you cut mine?” I ask.

“Sure,” Amber replies. “But I cut my brother’s one time and it was all uneven, it was short in some spots and spiky in others.”

I conclude that this is nothing a hat won’t cover up, and insist that I am down for this experiment.

Throughout all this, with basically just an hour and a half at our disposal, Damon and I have been buying rounds of beer to make up for lost time. Just before closing Damon returns with another round, and Amber groans, protests, “I’ve got to work in the morning!”

Jokingly nudging Megan, I say, “it must suck, you know.”

“Well, what time do you have to work tomorrow?” Amber questions.

“Not until late,” I tell her, with an antagonizing wink, “I schedule myself late on Saturdays so I can stay out and party on Friday nights.”

“Maybe I don’t want to make my own schedule!” she fires back at me, in jest.

Once outside, the bitter air stings, seems to wrap itself like arms around us. Both girls especially – in flimsy sleeveless dresses – are freezing. I wordlessly shrug my own coat off and throw it around Amber’s shoulders as we trudge toward where we’ve parked. Damon even offers Megan his treasured hoodie, although she, apparently not realizing the magnitude of that gesture, equivalent to entrusting some random beggar with the holy grail, declines. A little further ahead, the ladies insist that Damon and I limbo under the arm of that parking garage exit thingie.

II.

Ludlow’s was a bar located in the Brewery District, at 485 S. Front Street. Though given this address, it was actually located off the street, facing sideways, toward the courtyard between it and what is currently known as Brewmasters Gate (apostrophe optional – though nearly every city guide I reference lists the name as “Brewmaster’s Gate,” the etching in stone above the entrance arch says Brewmasters. So take your pick). And nothing is currently at this specific spot right now.

The last event listing I can find for them is a show by The Vestals on June 19, 2004. This sounds about right, although it’s still astounding to consider the swiftness with which this extremely trendy and popular live music venue – much like the bars of Brewery District as a whole – fell out of favor. I know that Ludlow’s closed completely at some point in late 2002 or early 2003. Then in in May of 2004 the people who own Brewmaster’s Gate reopen it, as part of a 3-for-$5 package that also includes the Green Room. But interest is still minimal – too many bars here, in my estimation – and they’re eventually charging no cover to get into all three places. The Vestals came here from Minnesota, but admission was free, which is possibly all you need to know.

We saw The Menus play here a ton. In fact these are the only occasions I can remember coming to Ludlow’s, to watch them perform. The above foray was a handy one I easily found in my journals, and probably the most memorable, but there are others I will surely get around to digging out someday.

But what happened to this club? That’s the real burning question. And so maybe a deep dive into the archives is in order, to see what I can find after a little digging around…

Ludlow’s opened in May of 1994, and was initially a Thursday to Sunday operation. Prior to its arrival, the Brewery District is a much more tepid affair, with happenings at the Patio ending at 11pm and not much else going on otherwise. Slicing off an 8500 square foot section of the giant Wasserstrom Building, Ludlow’s figures to change all this, renovating the space as a proper live music venue while preserving some original touches, such as the brick walls and exposed wooden beams.

“We are approaching it cautiously,” manager Mike Edwards says in a Dispatch piece dated 2/4/94, “we are trying to find the formula for success.”

Launching at last on May 26, a Thursday, among their live acts this first summer are Freddy Jones Band and John Gorka. During its down time, meanwhile, the space makes itself available for events, like the DesignTour II business creatives extravaganza which hosts its reception here in June. Dash Rip Rock play here in November, another notable show featuring Watershed as its supporting act, but the venue is still in its infancy, and will take a few more years to fully hit its stride.

Chris Duarte’s performance in February of ’95 earns a Dispatch review by Bill Eichenberger, and is really the first noteworthy coverage I could find while recently researching Ludlow’s. And yet some kinks remain to iron out, if indeed they ever are. Musician Bob Sauls, from the opening band, is condemning the sound here, as these high ceilings tend to swallow the music whole. According to Eichenberger, Duarte overcomes this problem in part with an onslaught of guitar shredding, to the delight of the couple hundred or so hardcore fans on hand. Yet appealing to crowds larger than two hundred, who for example are maybe not into a blitzkrieg of blues guitar shredding, is one nut this venue has yet to fully crack – although by this point, they are commonly open more than just four days a week.

Just three nights later, for example, on a Tuesday, Eichenberger takes in Todd Snider here, and writes a mostly glowing review the next day. These acts seemed to basically summarize Ludlow’s approach at this time, however: out of town bands you’d maybe sort of heard of, but were unlikely to go see unless you’d actually listened to them. Word of mouth hasn’t caught on to the extent people will just show up to see whatever, thus the draw remains somewhat limited.

Then again, they do have Cake on a Friday night in May – a little bit before that band really took off, yet possibly the most high profile booking to date anyway – and hot on its heels is a bash called Summerfest ’95 headlined by Marshall Crenshaw, which is split between Ludlow’s and its sister Patio operation. To me this signals not only that the venue itself is coming of age, but also that this district as a whole has hit its stride as a party destination.

From the mid 90s onward through the early portion of this new millennium, this suddenly hot Brewery District area is on fire. A March ’96 show at Ludlow’s for instance features indie rock sensation The Rugburns…as an opening act, for local band Howlin’ Maggie. In June, they open up their parking lot for a “Southern Comfort Rocks The Blues” all day show. On that day, under a brutal, blistering heat (and at least one rain shower), the likes of George Clinton, Taj Mahal, and Keb’ Mo, and others will take turns gracing the makeshift stage for a solid ten hours.

And the names are getting slightly bigger over time, or at least more fashionable: Duncan Sheik, The Verve Pipe, Semisonic. Luscious Jackson. The Wallflowers. At the same time, the calendar is not so crammed with dates that they can’t open their doors to one-off rentals, like sheriff Jim Karnes’ big reelection party in November of this same year.

Wilco graces this big vaulted interior in early 1997, even. But for my friends and me, we only truly become interested in this place near the tail end of the decade, when some much maligned yet hugely popular cover bands are booked here on a regular basis. I say “much maligned” not due to any quality concerns, but only because these outfits, hopping from venue to venue on one long soundwave of beloved party classics, are controversial in some circles. Local bands trying to peddle their originals to the masses are often disgruntled over the drawing power of these groups. Not only that, but in my experience, plenty of regular hipster type music fans around town will consider you plenty cheesy merely for going to watch one of these performances.

My responses to these complaints, other than the numerous times I surely said some variation of “eh, who cares,” were mostly two-fold, maybe even three or four. First: at least this is live music. If you’re this up in arms, maybe go after the karaoke industry. When you manage to successfully drive that scourge out of town, then we can perhaps discuss these cover bands. Other than that, though, the ladies would often prefer checking out one of these frivolous and fun party ensembles, dancing and singing along with song after song that they already know and love, in a packed, vibrant atmosphere, rather than some local rockers mumbling originals to a crowd of fifteen. And if we are out with said ladies, particularly if fresh recruits we are attempting to woo in the early stages of courtship, then chances are this is what we’re going to do. Beyond these primary points, however, you have to consider that I’ve seen more than my fair share of the local guys peddling their own wares, too. Plus, I’ve also always had an insatiable interest in learning as much as I could about pretty much every corner of this fair city, and this represents yet another tiny sliver of that neverending quest.

The Menus are the first act to convince us we should brave these waters, after a solid year or two of discussing it. I could be wrong – we’ve seen them so many times, at Ludlow’s especially, that these begin to blur together – but if I’m not mistaken, this maiden voyage is a night that Doug and Leah, who are veterans of this scene at this point, convince us to join them down here. And if this wasn’t the first time, then the night I’m thinking of is close to it, with Damon, Paul, and me for sure, and I believe Alan as well joining those two, perhaps some others, as we finally get to witness this band. They hail from the Cincinnati region, but cover the entire state and possibly beyond to a staggering degree. Everyone always whispers that the singer is Jerry Springer’s son, too, and while I don’t know if that is total horseshit or not – mostly because I think we don’t want it disproven, therefore never look it up, or even ask him outright on the handful of occasions where we speak to the guy – he definitely has the showman chops down, either way.

He even has this little dressing area set up on the side of the stage, for his frequent costume changes. The four musicians in the group, meanwhile, range in age and appearance from boyish college-esque dudes, to someone who could maybe stunt double for AJ Angelo, to the evidently much older keyboard player, with his long greying hair, typically a jean jacket, all around looking like he could pass for a member of AC/DC. Oh, and he is also sipping NA beer all night, which hints at a decadence buried somewhere in his past.

“Let’s put it this way,” Damon says at one show, “nobody starts out drinking non-alcoholic beer.”

They all have mad chops, though, and I even seem to recall the drummer playing in a cast at some point. Dedicated to their craft, though, and also somehow finding time to learn hot new songs as these arrive on the airwaves, on occasion, or always throwing in an oldie or two you’ve never heard them play before. And though going over extremely well everywhere, they seem tailor-made for Ludlow’s, somehow, it isn’t difficult at all to picture them as the house band here, for as many nights a week as they care to play. There are others, of course, for example the Snow Shoe Crabs are mining a similar vein at this time, but The Menus wear the uncontested crown.

III.

Ludlow’s sticks around long enough to cross the bridge into an altogether different era, to the extent you just assumed they would be in it for the long haul. By the summer of 2002, there could not have possibly been a more insane block to visit, in all of Columbus, than Brewmaster’s Gate on a Friday or Saturday night. Yet this attraction declined twice as swiftly as it blew up, a staggering reversal that I still can’t quite believe. The courtyard between the two buildings was crammed full of bodies, not to mention the sidewalks (and street itself, half the time, it seemed) of Front, but most of all the bars lining it, of which Ludlow’s and Brewmaster’s Gate were but two. Banana Joe’s for example was another such casualty, and I don’t feel like I’ve ever heard a definitive explanation for what happened down here. It just turned into a ghost town, seemingly overnight, and that was that.

I have seen an ’02/’03 New Year’s Eve listing for Ludlow’s somewhere, and that may very well have been the last show here for a year and a half, if it even happened at all. By January of ’03, the Dispatch is formally reporting that they are toast. Then in the spring of 2004, some bold press releases hit the newsstands, about how Ludlow’s and The Gate were reopening for summer, with a slew of national acts booked. But that all appears to have been concentrated from April to June, and the enterprise may well have gone belly-up again at that point. At any rate, Ludlow’s absolutely did not last into 2005.

But, you know, you really can’t get overly nostalgic for this stuff. It’s a shame the building sits empty at present – without question it would be better if Ludlow’s were here still, or just about anything else at all – yet at the same time, people never grew attached to this place the same way they did, say, Little Brother’s, or Stache’s, and definitely not Andyman’s Treehouse. So that’s the tradeoff, I guess, for not making your bread and butter with these scrappy little local bands, and their attendant smaller crowds. The loyalty’s just not there. At the first slight hiccup, you can be gone, and it’s as though nobody even notices. I mean, despite coming here countless times myself, I feel like I remember their distinctive circular black and white logo with a dog in the middle more than I do where the bathrooms or the bar were located inside, and that’s probably a telling point. Much like The Menus, though, this club was good while it lasted.

IV.

And now for a highly incomplete rundown of some shows they had here. If there’s one tiny sliver of a silver lining to a club being closed, though, I guess it’s that this represents a “closed circuit,” and I might reasonably someday have every event listed. Whereas when some place remains open, then I will probably never get caught up. So here’s what I’ve got thus far…

1997 –

October 6: Brad

October 23: moe. They played, in order, Seat of My Pants, St. Augustine, Bring You Down, It, 32 Things, Waiting for the Punchline, Plane Crash, Yodelittle, Moth, Four, Meat, Head, then an encore of Jimmy Cliff’s The Harder They Come followed by The Ramones’ I Wanna Be Sedated.

1998 –

July 10: moe. again. Brent Black, Moth, Hi & Lo, Plane Crash, Waiting for the Punchline, Salt Creek. Then a couple Grateful Dead cuts (Cryptical Envelopment, The Other One), followed by Sensory Deprivation Bank, Time Ed., Stranger Than Fiction, Recreational Chemistry, Buster. For the encore it’s Queen of the Rodeo, finally Blister In The Sun by Violent Femmes.

October 28: moe. yet again. Akimbo, Big World, Timmy Tucker, Brain Tuba, Happy Hour Hero, Queen of the Rodeo, 32 Things, Plane Crash, St. Augustine, Threw It All Away, Faker, Time Ed., Jazz Wank, Buster, finally freaking Free Bird by you know who.

1999 –

May 5: Semi-local boys O.A.R. are here. Get Away, Night Shift, About an Hour Ago, Conquering Fools, On Top The Cage, About Mr. Brown, The Wanderer, City On Down, Hey Girl, Here’s To You, Untitled, That Was A Crazy Game Of Poker (this is a popular song of theirs, yet despite the subject matter, I’ve never been a huge fan).

September 22: moe. for possibly the last time. at least that i’m aware of. moth, nebraska, captain america, spaz medicine, spine of a dog, rebubula, seat of my pants, rise, tambourine, plane crash, meat, backwoods, and then san ber’dino by the one and only frank zappa.

2001 –

October 11: Chrome

October 12: Reaganomics

October 13: Stop Drop & Roll

October 25: Chrome

October 26: Boogie Fever Ball with Shuckin Bubba Deluxe

October 27: Hoo Doo Soul Band

November 1: Snow Shoe Crabs

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Downtown Columbus

art installation downtown Columbus Ohio

This has already been a fun, if sprawling and chaotic, section to tackle. Expect frequent changes as I continue to add to and revise the page. It’s probably going to take a while to get a handle on this region – so just maybe, if you can, try and avoid these orange construction cones and blinking arrows straight out of the Spring-Sandusky interchange mess.  Until I figure out a better way to organize it, there are three different ways to navigate this page. Down below is another of these crude maps which you have come to know and love. You can click on any of the district/street names to jump to that section. Below that, there’s an alphabetized list by area, if you prefer. Or of course you could always just keep reading, too:

Brewery District

-Arena District-

Route 33 runs east/west through the middle of here, but what’s interesting about this road is that it’s split – Spring Street if you’re driving out of downtown, Long Street if you’re heading into it. Right at the I-670 overpass they join forces and just become Riverside instead, as it bends more northbound or at least northwest from there.

As of 2006 across from the Neil Road intersection, where that dead ends into 33, two black iron trellis style railroad tracks cross the Scioto River, kind of like skis pointed inward toward one another. There’s a footbridge across the river, just west of the westernmost track, a footbridge part of path that leads back to this building they’ve erected at the light, across from where Neil dead ends: brick, with a ton of windows (small, but basically western half of the streetside face, and a little cafe with a bunch of tables outside. North Bank Park – strip of lawn between Spring and Long – grass and benches – spaced evenly apart, black metal. I think they’ve got bands playing inside sometimes. Brick crosswalks. Neil also brick in the short patch between Spring and Long.

Below is a map of this district I felt compelled to jot down for some reason in the summer of 2006. The directional orientation is not what I would do in this day and age, but, well, that was obviously 20 years ago. A project like this website wasn’t even a glimmer in my eye at that point. So when uploading here, I attempted rotating this image ninety degrees to the right, but that made it even more ghastly to behold. So that didn’t work. In the end I decided to leave this exactly as I drew it, but with a couple directional arrows typed onto the finished product. Just keep in mind this doesn’t point the same way as the other maps on this site:

343 N. Front St.

Address given to a whole slew of enterprises, including a Buca di Beppo, Whistle & Keg, CoGo, Creators’ Kitchen, and the ghastly sounding NASCAR Wings.

A happening live venue with an equally horrific moniker of Frog, Bear and Wild Boar Bar once occupied a large chunk of the front portion, i.e. facing south toward Battelle Plaza and Nationwide Blvd. Miles could never quite remember the name, would usually blurt out his closest approximation of it – but with complete seriousness – of which “Frogs, Hogs, and…Bullhorn” was probably his most famous, when attempting to describe it or tell someone to meet us there or whatever. They had some decent bands, though, and were usually packed, and I did meet one girl here, began dating her for a short while in like 2003 or thereabouts. So it wasn’t a complete loss.

As of September 2006, they had $1.50 domestic drafts and $2 martinis all day every day, as of Sep ’06. They serve pub grub too, of course, including a huge Build Your Own Burger that clocks in at half a pound. But also known for their Chick Parm Sandwich and of course the standard fish & chips.

At present it doesn’t look like anyone is carving out this specific space of the building. But it would have sat between where Whistle & Keg and CoGo now, some percentage of that square footage.

401 N. Front St.

The Jeni’s Ice Cream home office, Creole 2 Geaux (now that’s more like it, branding-wise), Fanatics Sportsbook, a Social Security office for disabilty adjudication, Cardinal Solutions Group, Impact.com, a U.S. Small Business Administration office, JLL, Insight Enterprises Inc., BYLINED, Array Architects Columbus, Richard W. Rubenstein Law, Lazear Capital Partners, Lasso Productions, Small Business Development Center, ODAR Hearing Office, Pennant, Campos EPC, and GREAT Products Inc., and Chipotle all claim suite space in this attractive brick building that you will walk up to, after parking elsewhere (or catching other modes of transportation.)

One of its flagship first tenants, though, when this Arena District initially went up, was Gordon Biersch. They lasted until at the very least April 2006. Have an outdoor patio, dedicated parking. Brew their own beer and craft their own “culinary creations,” according to ad.


The Basement 

(391 Neil Avenue). Concert venue, smaller in scale than Express Live! next door. I remember ex-almost-Beatle Pete Best played here once. Mostly, though, in my experience, the upstairs bar is utilized as a pregame spot for concerts held at 405 Neil Avenue.

The Boat House Restaurant 

(679 W. Spring Street) Charming comfort food spot with great view of downtown, in the shadow of Highway 315, on a little strip of land where the Scioto and Olentangy rivers diverge.

Brothers

(477 Park St.) I just found out while researching this that it’s actually a national chain. It’s been here about 25 years or so but I seriously had no clue. Anyway, though, it’s your standard sports bar in many respects, albeit with a nice patio, and a wonderfully happening location. If this isn’t prime real estate, I don’t know what is.

Chipotle

(401 N. Front St.) I believe this one opened in early 2001. Hard to imagine a time when this (and every) city wasn’t entirely overrun with these puppies.

Express Live! 

(405 Neil Avenue.) Despite whatever name you give this venue (I still fight the urge to call it Promowest Pavilion) it remains a nifty spot, roughly 20 years in, whereby bands can either play indoors or outdoors depending upon the weather. The best show I’ve seen here has probably been Buddy Guy and the worst without question was Little Feat.

Gaswerks

(487 Park St.) Yeehaw! I’m happy to see this bar is still here. Still, though venturing inside virtually every watering hole that ever existed in this district, for some reason I don’t recall hitting this one ever. So let’s take a look at their paper advertisements from the early 2000s, shall we?

Their motto is “Great Drinks Lousy Service,” so I’m guessing there’s some kind of “ironic” stance in play here, maybe a la that Dick’s place or whatever it was where the waiters there would insult you all day. As of 2006, they do have S.I.N. (Service Industry Night) in mind every Wednesday, where you can either bring a check stub or formally register yourself with a S.I.N. Card. Billing itself as “simply the best S.I.N. night anywhere!” it features $1 martinis, $1 Bombs, $2 Calls (have to admit I’m clueless on this one), $1.50 domestic pints, and free pool all night. Every Thursday, they had Garage Band Thursdays, also with free pool and featuring a local musical act.

Huntington Park

(it has an address, of course, though as is often the case, I feel it’s more instructive to tell people this sits at the corner of Neil and Nationwide). This is the current, still relatively new home of the Columbus Clippers baseball team.A former gas station that existed at the corner held up construction somewhat, as the site was deemed environmentally toxic and had to be properly cleaned up first.

Kooma

(37 Vine Street.) Has been here since at least 2006. They are open for lunch onward Mon-Fri, from 4-9:30 on Saturdays, and closed Sundays. Serve upscale fare, including sushi, in a cozy modern setting.

Nationwide Arena

This arena was pushed through under some mild controversy, when the public voted no to fund it, but our mayor gave it the green light anyway. But I’m not here to get on a soapbox debiting the merits/demerits of this approach, particularly as someone who has visited here at least once (and couldn’t even be bothered to vote on it that day anyway, if being honest.) If seeking to read specifically my limited impressions of the Blue Jackets, you can go here. If you truly don’t have enough stress in your life and like to work yourself up into a lather over rich guy hookups and bungled city deals and the way enormous enterprises often pay less in taxes than the janitor sweeping its floors after a Tim McGraw concert, by all means do some detective work online.

Otherwise, we’ll stick to the scattershot details I’ve managed to track down about the operation itself. Like how Cotter’s was a bar/restaurant attached to Nationwide Arena, as of April ’06. They featured $4 martinis from a Signature Martini Menu Mon-Fri from 4-7pm. Also a $4 small plate every evening:

                Mon – roasted vegetable pizza

                Tue – mini steak burgers

                Wed – baked brie

                Thu – flash fried calamari

                Fri – shrimp cocktail

                They also bill themselves as being “directly across from the historic Union Station arch.”

North Market (click to view page)

Park Street Tavern

(501 Park St.) Cozy yet classy little dive, often featuring live music. I came here quite a bit when working at North Market in 2006, to kill time while waiting on the bus. It typically wasn’t too crowded, they had baseball on the TV, and I could almost always grab a table in front of the big picture window for people watching during commercials.

Ted’s Montana Grill

(191 W. Nationwide Blvd) As if you couldn’t guess, a somewhat upscale yet frontier themed, wild wild west type steakhouse establishment. Awesome food, though, it must be said. But they do have these all over the place and you might already be familiar with the chain. Erin and I are especially partial to what they call Almost Pickles here, as far as an appetizer goes.

(honorable mention/the departed)

51 Vine St.

No one’s using this address of the moment. It would have occupied the northwest corner of this larger building, facing Vine Street and the North Market, the same one Kooma is in. Gibby’s was one former tenant, though, through at least March 2006. They were a sister operation to the one in Grandview. Games on tv, wings, beer. You get the drill.

106 Vine St.

BBR Restaurant gave this space a go most recently, though they gave up the ghost at some point earlier this decade. A sports bar with a motto of “Rock It Out,” and advertising Eat, Drink, Sports as its tentpole attractions, they also displayed 106 West Vine on the building front, as their address. Although there is no East Vine.

Before this, Strada was a popular restaurant here, for many a year. As of January ‘01 they had live jazz every Friday night, open til midnight Fri & Sat. Spanish paella recipe: chorizo, mussels, chicken, calamari, shrimp, scallops and pork tenderloin tossed with peas, a traditional saffron rice. Calamari roll recipe: tenderized calamari dipped in francaisse, wrapped around crabmeat, roasted poblanos, boursin cheese, drizzled with jalapeno beurre blanc.

165 Vine St.

This plot of land is now a parking lot. Which I suppose is more useful than yet another live music venue. Still, there were at least a couple noteworthy ones located here, once upon a time.

The Lodge Bar was cool while it lasted, worth a visit roughly once a year or so. The interior was like a hunting lodge, and the stage has been moved to the back end of the bar.

Prior to this, the Brickyard called it home. The likes of Red Wanting Blue would often play here, like for example this memorable show from 2001. During this era, the stage was located up near the front entrance, along Vine Street, to the right as you walked in.

Arena Grand/Studio Movie Grill

(175 W. Nationwide Blvd.) This movie theater was kind of a big deal when it first opened, with plush seating in a fancy downtown setting and what have you. Although the only movie I personally remember catching here is when Erin and I saw Tim Burton’s Alice In Wonderland. In later years it was taken over and rebranded the somewhat befuddling Studio Movie Grill, which is apparently a mini-franchase of sorts but also not the greatest name. This to me makes it sound like merely the cafe portion of the theater itself, or something.

At any rate, this building has sat empty for quite a while. Is it oddly reassuring sometimes when a big profile business like this doesn’t quite make it? I guess on occasion, it is. I wouldn’t exactly wish misfortune on any random business owners, but at the same time, it’s nice to know someone can’t just plonk down a bunch of money, with an idea that’s slightly innovative at that moment, then coast into the sunset forevermore. In a majorly trendy district and, most likely, with significant hookups and/or breaks from the city in some form.

Blues Station

(147 Vine Street.) This low rectangular building with the white exterior is currently a big ol’ slab of nothingness. But it was a happening live venue of some renown through at least July 2006. Live music, Southern themed food such as fried peanut butter & jelly sandwiches. They have a patio too. As of then, every Tuesday they have an open mic jam with Patrick McLaughlin, every Wednesday open acoustic night with Ryan Smith.

Mekka 

Technically this would have sat just outside of the self-imposed boundaries of my little downtown map here. It was an insanely popular club here in town for a couple years in the late 90s. They would also host the odd national touring musician on occasion. According to the historical records I’m researching, its address was 382 Dublin Avenue, which doesn’t even exist anymore. If you’re talking about 382 Dublin Road, I think that’s more or less the same vicinity, but if I’m not mistaken they totally revamped the streets around here when the Arena District went in. So it’s not 100% accurate, either. But of course I could be wrong about that.

Well, anyway, whatever the particulars at that time, it was located in the old Buggy Works building. Opened by a guy named Tom Higgins. We came here just once but I remember it was difficult to find, back then. Which only served to enhance its mystique. It looks like Eve 6 and Lit played here on 4/6/99, Men At Work on 9/11/99. By February 2000 they were closed, however, possibly even earlier.

One Nation

(Nationwide Building) Its time here would have preceeded anyone actually referring to this area as the Arena District. Located on the 38th floor of the towering Nationwide headquarters, it was a restaurant open for twenty years, from 1977-97, and had a number of different regionally themed rooms. Both it and the external glass elevator used to reach the restaurant afforded awesome views of the city.

Water Works 

(225 N. Front Street) Former semi-notorious restaurant whose heyday peaked in the 1980s. This address no longer exists, as the entire block and then some has been eaten up by a Nationwide parking garage. Opened on the site of a former warehouse basement, everything here was water themed – but not necessarily in a nautical sense. For example, seating fashioned out of bathtubs, manhole cover shaped menus, dishes with highly questionable names such as Salt-Water Station Scampi. The fare was apparently semi-decent to respectable, and it lasted from 1971-87. But, I don’t know, with a gimmick like this, it’s somewhat surprising they stuck around that long.




-Brewery District-



Though downtown as a whole has been plagued by this to some extent, the Brewery District is unique in that I feel like for 20 plus years now, there’s been this trend of bars blowing into here with a ton of hype, and being packed to the gills in what has always been a happening district – in other words, a theoretically sustainable business – but then the masses stop showing up overnight, a few months down the road, and the place is toast before you know it.

This has its own standalone page now. So if interested please click either the name above or else right here.





-E. Broad Street-



12 E. Broad Street

Nothing is here at the moment, though it was most recently Jack & Benny’s Downtown Diner.  A fascinating cycle of upturns and downswings brought this all-day-breakfast operation downtown again. After their initial run basically right next door (6 E. Broad) ended in 1972, they relocated to the north campus location on High, which still exists to this day. Recent, more prosperous times led to adding this 2nd restaurant, however, and even a 3rd, out at the OSU airport. The downtown location had a tough go of it in the COVID era, though, and were regrettably forced to close their doors.

The original stop at 6 E. Broad, which lasted 18 years, for the majority of that lifespan was connected to another restaurant Jack Sher & Benny Klein owned, Benny Klein’s Charcoal Steak House. Located just around the corner, on High, and accessible via tunnel.

Rhodes State Office Tower

(30 E. Broad Street) A totally free observation deck might be one of the city’s best kept secrets. All that’s needed is a photo ID, and there are even guided tours available.

Sign above Columbus Dispatch headquarters
Columbus Dispatch

Columbus Dispatch

(62 E. Broad) – Home of the city’s major daily newspaper. I don’t feel like Cleveland bests Columbus in very many categories, but this is one exception – The Plain Dealer has always been a better paper. A lot of people, including some of my friends and I, were vaguely horrified when the Dispatch bought up treasured weekly independents, The Other Paper and Alive! True to form, they soon axed The Other Paper, citing overkill. In fairness, however, I will say they didn’t really seem to tinker with Alive! much, far less than expected.

The Dispatch website is highly annoying, however. Even after registering for 5 free articles per month, and logging in, I can’t seem to get the pop-up to go away, which greys out and blocks the remainder of the screen…asking you to either register, log-in, or pay for access. So you might get 5 “free reads” per month, but only in a mathematical model where 5 also equals 0. Overall, while the Disgrace nickname might be a tad excessive, I feel this is only an average or slightly below average newspaper for a city like ours.

112 E. Broad Street

The original site for Maramor restaurant, which was apparently just a house back then. Definitely hard to picture now. A Lazarus employee, Mary Love, opened it in 1920. This closed after a short while, as she moved out west, but then returned to reopen a different spot diagonally across the street (137 E. Broad), which was highly regarded and lasted deep into the 1960s.

257 E. Broad Street

Formerly the location of the first ever Wendy’s restaurant, from November 15, 1969 to March 2, 2007. If you see old pictures of this building, with rounded glass walls topped by blue and white vertical stripes, yeah, it really didn’t change that much over the years, aside from gradually becoming a Wendy’s museum of sorts, too. Declining sales led them to bulldozing the structure completely.

The only Wendy’s trace now is a historical marker in this grassy strip along the sidewalk. Just behind where the restaurant would have sat, though, is The Catholic Foundation, which also houses the totally free Museum of Catholic Art and History, an underrated gem you probably haven’t heard much about. STRS Ohio, an investment service, also calls this address home.

Prior to Wendy’s, it was part of Bill Kay’s Oldsmobile operation. Between the two, I’ve seen it listed as the site for Tommy Henrich’s restaurant, although other sources show the address as 247 E. Broad. So I’m not sure if it was one big connected space or if there’s an error of some sort there.

Motorists Mutual Insurance

(471 E. Broad) – Tall, funky looking dark brown building has a distinct 1970’s appearance to it, though I’m not actually sure how old it is. My ex-girlfriend Heather’s grandma worked here for eons and wound up retiring from the place. She used to buy Amway soap from me and I personally delivered some to her here once.

The Bluestone

(583 E. Broad) – Originally a First Baptist church which was built in 1898, and has undergone many changes since then. A short lived incarnation as Bar Of Modern Art (2006-2010) was considered by most an interesting but doomed concept, and this proved somewhat correct – although for this to last even four years is somewhat amazing. As the Bluestone it’s now an events venue which books live musical acts, too, both local and touring ones, as well as garden variety catering and banquet type happenings.  My stepdaughter Maddie recently had her senior prom in this building, for example. They also host occasional national acts and events like Melted Festival. Here’s one song from Kikagaku Moyo playing the 2019 edition:

I’m not really sure where downtown is officially considered to end out this way, but the point where it crosses over I-71 seems as good as any. From here, you start getting into the Olde Towne East district.


-W. Broad Street-



LeVeque Tower 

LeVeque Tower Columbus Ohio
LeVeque Tower

(50 W. Broad Street). Completed in 1927, this was once the tallest building in town. My ex-girlfriend Jill’s grandfather Carl did some electrical work on this massive structure back in its early days. In 1986, a sinkhole opened up on Broad Street pretty much right in front of it – if I remember correctly, it only ate one car. Some dude was driving along and the road caved in beneath him. Can you imagine? It’s hard to say whether this would make you want to buy a lottery ticket that day, or enter the witness protection program.

Technically speaking, anything west of the Scioto, from this bridge pictured above clear out to where 70 crosses Broad, is considered part of Franklinton. However in my experience, people are much more likely to refer to these following landmarks as “downtown,” and I am the same way.  I’m not sure where the unspoken line exists, but this seems to be a fairly accurate decoder key:

You’ve been there = downtown

Anything west of that = Franklinton

Franklinton is actually older than Columbus. I’ve read somewhere that there were businessmen doing brisk commerce in the early 1800s, offering boat rides across the river. Is this for real? I thought those older folk were supposed to be hardier types. I feel like I’m seriously out of shape now, but could still easily swim across the Scioto. Then again, this might prove difficult if attempting to hold onto your bonnet or top hat.

National Veterans Memorial and Museum 

(300 W. Broad Street) An impressive and modern looking facility. Oddly enough, one of the city’s top concert venues used to be located on this site, the Veterans Memorial Auditorium. Elvis played two shows here, on the same night in 1956, and as far as I can tell this is also where R.E.M. made their Ohio debut. That Arnold Schwarzenegger statue, in front of the Convention Center now, was originally here – it was moved when Vets Auditorium met the wrecking ball. This has something to do with a televised Mr. World strongman competition from 1970, which Arnold won right here, catapulting him into fame.

COSI

(333 W. Broad Street). Center of Science and Industry. It’s an okay spot, though much less exciting than one might imagine. A trip to the zoo or the Ohio Historical Society easily offers you much more bang for your buck. Only recommended if you’ve never been and are burned out on all the other similar options in town.

(honorable mention/the departed)

11 W. Broad St.

Former site of a Doersam’s restaurant, one of at least 4 around town (all within a close proximity, too – a North High, a South High, and an East Gay Street location). They were a burger joint that also served alcohol. This one closed at some point in the early 60s, and by 1970, the building itself was demolished. Cinco’s sits roughly in the same place now, though given a South High address.





-Downtown Proper-

(click on images in map to read more)

2006 notes: a brown wooden fence lines Fulton (east-west) above 70/71. Traffic pours out from westbound onto 4th Street, which is one way heading north. Backhoes work in the former basement of a recently demolished building – large, takes up about 1/4 block – at one corner of Mound and 4th. Ted Strickland’s campaign HQ is also here on 4th. A fire station with a sign in front proclaiming (white script on blue background) “busiest station in the nation.”

122 E. Main St.

Sidebar Columbus, The Cave Bar And Lounge, and the Pretty In Ink “permanent make-up clinic” are all located here now.

From 1991-95 it was a trendy restaurant called David’s On Main/David’s Down Under. Which went under in short order, indeed, due to plumbing and other maintenance issues. Although during this time, owner David Pelzman made national headlines and even Good Morning America for suing a would-be customer who failed to honor a reservation. An amusing tale and all, but there may be some karma related lessons there when your restaurant closes a year later.

From there it became the gay-friendly restaurant Out On Main (different owners) and then later Brownstone On Main (new owners as well.)

Columbus Association for the Performing Arts (CAPA)

Their headquarters is technically 55 E. State Street, next door to Ohio Theatre. Originally this organization was founded to save and restore that historic building, in 1969. But since that time, this non-profit group has taken over management of a number of similar operations around town (Southern Theatre, Palace Theatre, et cetera) and stages productions, hosts events at all of them. Even Franklin Park Conservatory falls under their purview.

Columbus Metropolitan Library

One of, if not the, most beautiful library interiors I’ve ever laid eyes upon. So that’s the face value take. Beyond all that, I’ve spent countless hours inside here over the decades, the nadir of which was probably the days of checking out 25 CDs at a time, in the late 90s, which I think was their limit. Then dubbing onto cassette (burning was not yet an option) the ones I ended up liking. Even back then I felt kind of bad for the clerks stuck dealing with dorks like me. Not that this ever stopped said dorks from perpetuating their antics.

In more recent times, aside from the remodeling flourishes which have made it an even more impressive sight, they’ve proven an invaluable reference resource for this website. For example I remain eternally grateful to one employee in particular, as she showed me how to look up old addresses in their database (often a surprisingly difficult task to accomplish, even with Google at your disposal) – before that, I had resorted to trying to buy old phone books from places like Craiglist.

Dirty Frank’s Hot Dog Palace 

(248 S. 4th Street) Highly rated operation has a thorough selection and serves beer as well.

C-bus institution Queen Bee once called this place home, for roughly sixty years. Christina Pritsolas was known for yelling constantly here at the restaurant. She died in 2001 and had a service at the Greek Orthodox Cathedral. She was wearing, according to Chrstine Hayes’s piece in the Short North Gazette (March ‘01), “leopard print blouse and black suit,” was surrounded by red roses. A granddaughter sang a song as tribute to her. They did serve baklava here but it wasn’t a strictly Greek restaurant. They suffered a fire in ’96, closing temporarily as a result, and mayor Greg Lashutka was disturbed enough by this he personally raised money to reopen it.

Franklin County Child Support 

(80 E. Fulton Street) Good times aplenty here, let me tell you. I only visited once in person but suffered many a phone chat with them over the years. Including one especially memorable conference call with then head honcho Randy Human, our caseworker, and Jill’s lawyer. No, that one did not especially go my way, either. In a thoroughly bizarre twist, many years later, my sister Laura will wind up working here.

The Jury Room 

(22 E. Mount Street) Among the older buildings in town, this one has survived more or less intact for about 200 years, pretty much for the same purpose. It was the J.F Gaiser Saloon in the late 1800s, though its longest incarnation was as a bar named The Jury Room. In recent times it underwent a couple more identity changes, including Blind Lady Tavern, before eventually reclaiming the Jury Room mantle.

Smart decision, fellas. When your bar has been around since 1831, you probably shouldn’t tinker with the formula a ton.

Mikey’s Late Night Slice 

(268 S. 4th Street) Trendy and popular pizza establishment with funky offerings to die for, apparently, though I’ve not yet personally tried them. I recently attempted visiting their north campus location, but couldn’t find a parking spot anywhere nearby, though driving around the block twice. And therefore hit Hounddog’s instead. It was a brutal winter night and I didn’t feel like walking farther. But yeah, expect the same customer stampede here, and probably any of their other locations.

Milestone 229 

(229 S. Civic Center Drive) Modern American type restaurant located in Bicentennial Park, overlooking the Scioto.

Ohio Statehouse

Though the address says 1 Capitol Square, this is basically situated at the corner of E. Broad and S. High. Fun fact: Abraham Lincoln was here when first learning he’d been elected president, in 1861. Fast forward to the summer of 2014, and you will find a TGIF summer concert series, held from noon to 1 every Friday, on the statehouse’s west plaza. A variety of prominent local music ranging from rock (Franklin Express) to opera (Opera Columbus) is featured here, along with a pick of the week food truck – Dos Hermanos, Red Plate Blue Plate, Angry Wiener and more.

As of at least 2001, once a year they would give a “Haunted Statehouse” tour. Thomas Bateman, Ohio Senate clerk for roughly five decades, is rumored to haunt the place – apparently he was extremely regimented and used to walk the same way to-from his office every day. Joseph Foraker (former governor and senator) reported seeing Lincoln’s ghost in here one night, dancing with some woman on the senate floor.

Ohio Theatre

Ohio Theatre, 39 E. State St.

(39. E. State Street) Quaint old fashioned performance art space, with a Spanish Baroque design.



Peanut Shoppe

(21 E. State St) Despite the name, this is considered more of a candy store – albeit with an iconic neon Mr. Peanut sign hanging on the corner outside.

Topiary Park

Not to be missed attraction sits just behind the downtown library. Click the link above to visit that page and learn much more about it.

(honorable mention/the departed)

Hartman Theatre

(79 E. State Street) Hartman Theatre used to sit here, at the SW corner of State and 3rd. It was closed in 1969, then demolished a couple years later. A parking lot soon replaced it, though this too eventually gave way to this snazzy newer building which houses multiple different businesses. Plaza Restaurant & Lounge (75 E. State) is probably the closest to where the Hartman would have been.

The theatre opened in 1911 with a showing of the musical The Pink Lady. Seating a little over 1700, it was originally designed for plays and other live performances, although they began screening films here as well, years later. James Thurber’s plays debuted here before they even hit Broadway, as did Eugene O’Neill’s A Moon for the Misbegotten. The likes of Laurence Olivier, Eartha Kitt, Shelley Winters and Martin Sheen graced the stage here at various points. A well-regarded restaurant, The Club, operated inside, although considering that grilled cheese was their specialty, it couldn’t have been too highbrow.

L’ Armagnac

(121 S. 6th Street) A beloved if somewhat short lived restaurant in the 1980s and 90s. A French establishment that was eventually knocked down to make room for Grant Medical Center.

Red Zone

(87 W. Main Street) Whoa. You want to talk about a block that looks completely different from what it did 20 years ago, it would be hard to pick a better example than this one. Nobody uses this address nowadays. But there used to be a sketchy looking standalone building, more or less in the middle of it, which housed a controversial yet extremely popular club called Red Zone. With an even worse looking parking lot beside it.

Chris Corso and Mike Gallicchio owned this place and a handful of other operations around town. It was eventually shut down over a flurry of shootings and a bunch of other ignorant behavior. Yet another place I felt the need to check out exactly once, just to say I did, but never again beyond that.

Currently this block (NW corner of Front and Main) is eaten up by taller, newer, much less horrific apartment buildings. Actually, I’ve seen one other place list their former address as 303 S. Front St. But any official directories I can find, as well as my personal memories, make it seem as though 87 W. Main (basically just across the street) must be more accurate. Either way, it closed in September 2000 – City Council filed an objection in December ‘99, declining to renew their liquor license.

Royal Cafe

(141 S. 4th Street) A huge restaurant with a famous mural and entrances from three different streets. This restaurant closed in 1965 and the building itself was either transformed or knocked down completely – I’m seeing conflicting reports on this.

Snaps & Taps Lounge

(44 S. Washington Ave) Is currently just a parking lot, for the building was demolished in ’04. But Columbus’s first poetry slams were held here, and it was an especially popular and seminal meeting space for the black creative community. As of Oct ‘01, every Wednesday was open mic poetry beginning at 8pm. Every 3rd Wed was a “slam” with cash prizes. Thursdays were live reggae featuring The Spectre, doors opened at 9pm. Fridays were “eclectic nights” featuring Amalgamated Funk, doors opened at 9. Every Sat night from 10pm-4am it’s “Culture Night,” with music from DJs Pacprof & Billy.

Tom Johnson’s

(110-120 S. 4th Street) Another treasured former restaurant that bit the dust, way back in 1957. But they had plenty else around town to keep them occupied. This was a family owned operation that eventually moved and morphed over time to the Johnson’s Fish Market operation that many of us remember. There’s not even a building here now, but it would have sat just south of the one currently housing Omni Title and Columbus Gift Academy.

-German Village-

 



This now has its own dedicated page as well. I’ll probably post a map here at some point, because much like the Brewery District, this technically isn’t “downtown,” but is adjacent enough to merit mentioning here.



-North High Street-



Though High Street north of Broad is probably the most iconic piece of road in town – it helps that this is such a lengthy, central avenue – the section between Broad and the Arena District is one of its least exciting stretches. Click on the link above for a dedicated page about North High, beginning downtown.



-South High Street-

 


Cinco: (1 S. High Street) Mexican restaurant with an assembly line, name-your-fillings type setup, a la Chipotle.

Huntington Center: (17 S. High Street). Some parts of this multipurpose building date back to 1905. Among the tenants now are a Potbelly Sandwich restaurant, a Huntington Bank, of course, and an office for the Ohio Board of Nursing.

77. S. High Street

A ton going on at this address. Capitol Theatre, Ohio Department of Veterans Services, Riffe Gallery, Engineers & Surveyors Board, Division Of Unclaimed Funds, the Ohio State Board of Pharmacy, Office Of Tourism, Elections Commission, and other assorted offshoots of the above consume various suites/wings of this complex. The building in part even extends over and above Wall Street, to a parking garage.

In a previous life, one location of the popular Mills restaurant mini-chain occupied at least part of these grounds. It was here an impressive sixty years, from 1916-1976, and was the site of a popular historic mural.

Lazarus Building

(141 S. High St.) From 1851 (you read that right) clear up until 2004, this was the home of the original Lazarus department store. Founded by Simon Lazarus, this was a highly influential chain in retail history. While never entering this building, not that I can recall, I drove/rode/walked/biked past it countless times – it was kind of hard to miss that trademark retro-retro murky blue exterior (meaning it already looked retro even when theoretically still in style), here and at all of their locations. When City Center went up in 1989, they built a walkway across High Street over to this store. Lazarus eventually merged with Macy’s, in the early 2000’s, before soon retiring the original name, and closing down this flagship location. And though it’s fascinating to look back at old photos of a place like this, to think about and get nostalgic over one major hub like this eating up an entire city block, it’s hard to imagine visiting more than a handful of times even were it still around. It’s sad, but that’s why these retail monoliths bit the dust.

Right now, it’s just known as the Lazarus Building, with a wide variety of operations renting out office space here. Not nearly as cool, but probably more useful in our modern downtown. Pat and Gracie’s, one of three locations around town, is located in one High-Street-facing slot of this building (121 S. High St.) They bill themselves as a “kitchen and tavern,” specializing in, among other offerings, fries made fresh with every order.

Spaghetti Warehouse: 

Treasured destination over the years, mostly because my daughter Emma is somewhat of a spaghetti maniac. Our most notable visit here was probably her 4th birthday party, which featured a memorably random cast of family members. Up above are some photos of her attacking chocolate birthday cake at that party. Maddie appears to be enjoying herself considerably just watching her sister in action.

They were originally located nearby, at 397 W. Broad Street, but have since relocated to a newer, trendier spot at 150 S. High. As the name would imply, the original building was a great old building with a warehouse vibe, the highlight being this train car with highly in-demand seating. Near the end of their run at spot #1, I had heard from some people that the quality of their food had seriously gone downhill. So let’s hope they’ve righted that ship in the process of this transplant.

Emma's 4th birthday party at Spaghetti Warehouse in Columbus, Ohio

160 S. High Street

Currently, a park named Columbus Commons (technically John F. Wolfe Columbus Commons, although of course no one would ever blurt all this out in everyday speech) occupies this terrain. It was planted over the concrete carcass of what was formerly known as City Center, an indoor mall. Almost nothing in the city’s past century or so symbolizes how swiftly things can change, as the plight of this mall does. Opened in 1989, it was the city’s finest shopping destination for about a solid decade. Tuttle Mall’s opening on the northwest fringe in ’97 gave them a run for their money, but even so, this city is certainly large enough to support two modern malls of this type (the 1980’s after all had four of them, in the form of Eastland/Westland/Northland/Southland, against an even smaller population) and it’s debatable whether Tuttle actually improves upon the experience any.

I could basically spend all day coming up with maps and listing tenants for indoor shopping malls of yore. This would not bother me in the slightest. So such an entry is coming for City Center someday, oh yes, it shall. For the time being, let’s just run with some meager facts I have at my disposal. They had a Sbarro pizza franchise, of course, on I think the lowest floor, which was pretty much a required visit every time. There was a Max & Erma’s here, one of but approximately 1,000 restaurants around town where my buddy Bruce once worked. Thomas Kinkade Signature Galleries as of Oct 2001. Wentworth Gallery, featuring limited editions and originals by international artists, was also here as of Oct 2001. And I remember they used to bring semi-famous bands in here to play, though it’s difficult to remember who, exactly. It seems like Hanson and maybe The Spin Doctors were a couple of the culprits, however.

Anyway, there are some sweet videos on Youtube if you care to take that particular stroll down memory lane. It was always a popular date option, or for that matter a solid destination for just screwing off with a bunch of people. Like for example this notorious weekend where Alan’s ex-girlfriend eventually kicked us out of her apartment, before any of us guys had moved to Columbus ourselves (the City Center excursion came before the booting, in case that isn’t clear).

Yeah, well, by 2009, City Center is toast. It’s bulldozed into oblivion, and this park sprouts up a couple of summers later. That first year, we attend a screening of Raiders of the Lost Ark against the backside of whatever building that is to the north, and they’ve continued featuring some interesting events here up to and including the Columbus Symphony performing Pink Floyd classics in the summer of 2019. It’s a cool space, don’t get me wrong, all the more so in that it exists downtown. Call me an eco-monster, though, or at the very least untrendy and uncool, but I kind of wish we could have both, because I’m not exactly convinced that the indoor shopping malls of my youth were really all that horrible. And actually, considering the project underway just a smidgen to the east of here, it seems that a lot of people agree with me.

201 S. High Street

Currently Downtown Tavern (AKA Hydeout Kitchen & Bar.) Before that, The Flamingo Room was here. And for over 100 YEARS, from 1887-1995, it was a restaurant named Foerster’s. Although open from breakfast through dinner, though, it’s possible the place was better known for its candy offerings and soda fountain, at least up to a certain point. And an even earlier incarnation, opened in 1875, briefly existed at 301 South High, which is basically just some empty space now beside the Common Pleas Court.

Dempsey’s

(346 S. High St) A brick walled but cheerful pub known for draft beer and live folk performers. Irish fare with a little patio out back, too.

honorable mention/the departed

7 S. High Street

Nonexistent coordinates roughly in between Cinco and the Huntington Center. From 1918-1964, though, a restaurant named QCB sat here. Actually, according to Lost Restaurants Of Columbus, Ohio (an indispensible guide for yours truly while working on this site, and highly recommended), QCB was knocked down to build the Huntington Center. Owner William Petrakis apparently kept one marble section of counter as a souvenir – is this still in existence, and if so, where might it be? Talk about a momento I’d truly love to get my hands on! For the eventual LLTC museum of my daydreams, if nothing else. That book also says a place called Pizza Rustica was more or less located where QCB had been, within the Huntington Bank Building (as it was once known), though they are long since closed.

-Uptown District-

Capitol Square Printing Inc

(59 E. Gay Street) I’m sure this is a compelling operation in its own right.

However, from 1919-40 it was the second location of the world famous Marzetti’s empire. Though more well known as a salad dressing company these days, they were originally a family owned restaurant, with the first opening on the OSU campus in 1896. Their story is a thoroughly fascinating one, and continues onward to this day – they recently even sent me a personal invite to an event they were hosting, which I was unfortunately unable to attend.

Columbus College of Art & Design (CCAD)

(60 Cleveland Avenue) Established in 1879, this private art school typically counts about 1000 enrolled students at any given time. It was originally known as the not nearly as cool sounding Columbus Art School and is one of the longest running such institutions in the country. That big ART sculpture went up in either 2000 or 2001. In spring of 2001 they had free, open to the public artist lectures, every Monday from noon to :130 in the Canzani Center’s auditorium. Brian Novatny and Craig Carlisle are some artists who went here. This college also owns the CCAD Design Studios at nearby 390 E. Broad St.

Jeff Ruby’s Steakhouse

(89 E. Nationwide Blvd.) Jeff Ruby has many such highly regarded restaurants sprinkled throughout the land, though I think this is his only Columbus operation. It’s an upscale steakhouse, in case you couldn’t gather that, and is going to set you back some significant coin. Style-wise it’s Art Deco themed, albeit with significant warmth, its amber lighting, dark wood flourishes, and bright red seating like something straight out of a F. Scott Fitzgerald era movie set.

I don’t know exactly how long this has been here. But local history buffs might also like to hear it was a Damon’s up through at least 2006. At that time they were going by Damon’s Grill, one of 7 locations remaining around town. For the record I think this was a stupid name change (from Damon’s, The Place For Ribs) and yet another factor hastening their decline. Nobody was coming here for, like, a grilled chicken breast or whatever they’re attempting to evoke with that name.

At the moment Philip J. Fulton Law Office, The Baker Law Group, Karr & Sherman Co LPA, Stanley R. Stein Attorney At Law, Nationwide Bank, Bike Down, Lori Burns Painter, and Michael P. Dusseau also claim suites in other parts of this building.



Mitchell’s Steakhouse

Tiger + Lily Bistro 

(19 E. Gay Street) An Asian themed operation I haven’t had a chance to check out yet. Was formerly one of many G.D. Ritzy’s locations around town, a local operation that nearly died out following a bit of an expansion overreach.

ZerOz 

(17 E. Gay Street) Some kind of…futuristic wallet store? I’m not sure visiting their website has even really clarified for me what is happening here. Anyway, it used to be a Big Bite restaurant, which closed in 1984. Stay tuned for gripping updates about what happened in between.

honorable mention/the departed

40 E. Long Street

Currently an ATM machine! As it has been since 2012. Prior to this, however, Club Ice called the place home (2007-11) and Long Street Entertainment (2001-06). Before that, a gay bar (I think it was, anyway, based upon their ads) named The Garage was here for 22 years before closing in 2000.

This is the lineup advertised for their final weekend:

3/10 – DJ Steven Oliveri

3/11 – DJ Julian Marsh

3/12 – Oliveri again (some kind of retrospective counting down their 22 years)

3/13 – Oliveri again, plus “15 dancing boys.” Okay, so yeah, definitely a gay bar I would say. It says it’s open late this night, which must be the finale

It’s difficult making sense of these historical records, sometimes, though. Meaning this is as much an art as it a science, you might say. A lot of times they contradict what is listed in newspaper articles and the like, for example, such as when I’m reading that Fabric is the bar that will immediately replace The Garage. Yet I can find no record of this. Did it never happen? Or are the historical business addresses incorrect? Or was Fabric opened here under a shell corporation name or something? Just many of the countless mysteries remaining to be solved, here and all over the place throughout this great town.

55 E. Nationwide Blvd

If you’re wondering where the local restaurant group known as “Fifty-Five,” it all started right here. The original restaurant opened here in 1984 as Fifty-Five on the Boulevard. This concept went belly-up in 2000, and all company owned locations were closed, although they spun off this original spot to some different owners who kept it afloat for awhile.

187 E. Gay Street

Not in use now, but was once home to a Union Restaurant, in the 1920s. It would have been basically on the backside of where The Athenaeum Theatre currently resides. Then Union Restaurant closed when the same owners shifted to a South 3rd Street location instead (52-54, which is also essentially nonexistent these days) and renamed it Paoletti’s.

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Banana Joe’s

I eventually break down and call up some of Doug’s old roommates, last seen in mid-November. Maria answers and gives me directions to this brand new bar out on Bethel, Banana Joe’s, a second outpost for this popular downtown club. With nothing better going on, Damon shrugs and jumps in the car with me for a ride out to this place. 

Some buildings just seem to possess a doomed trajectory, despite the apparent strength of their location, and so it is with this one. Until recently it was an eatery called B Street, where my friend Clif worked alongside his employment at the Bethel Road Kroger. Through Clif I met other B Street employees such as Colin Gawel of Watershed fame, and the expected plethora of nice looking girls with baggage you encounter at every restaurant.

It’s only February of 1998 and already B Street is toast, replaced by this vague nightclub concept. This standalone building is located in the front of the Carriage Place strip mall, near Sawmill Road’s intersection. They’re advertising this as “Singles Night,” but I’m a little bit confused, for what is every night at every bar in every city if not Singles Night? As far as the crowd gathered here is concerned, though, it’s all seemingly mid-twenties – which we are fast approaching, Damon and I, if on the low end of this spectrum – up to early forties, and therefore bereft of the teenyboppers Paul so abhors. It’s hard to put your fingers on these gradations, although I think he’s correct in some respects, the way there’s a completely different vibe and less bullshit once you snip certain age brackets out of the equation. 

Maria and Denise we locate right away, possibly because they are shouting “POCKETS!” at a volume louder than the music piped in overhead (long story, but this is my nickname with this crew, somehow). And even though exceedingly dim in these passages, we locate them right away, in a corner booth by some windows overlooking Bethel. A barmaid drifts by in an instant, pitching their highly popular $2 Long Islands, the nightly special. My associate and I both order one, though soon discovering why they’re so cheap when the small drinks are delivered in flimsy plastic cups. 

I ask Maria what she’s up to, which sets loose an episodic rampage at a speed and trajectory which would have made John Glenn nauseous. By contrast we have Denise, who is possibly one of the friendlier chicks I’ve met since moving here, although unfortunately not much to look at, kind of short and dumpy and plain. Still, you might make a case for anything, in a loud, dark environment where personality or at least a person’s vibe is the prevailing consideration. 

Nobody ever talks much about 1998 in the context of its major tech triumphs, but I’m here to tell you this was the breakthrough year. The 90s as a whole seem like the shortest decade I can remember, because from ’97 onward everyone was glancing forward, to the extent that the next millennium basically began right there. Lost in the shuffle somehow are the actual quotidian accomplishments, the details of when this stuff is implemented in the Midwest if not everywhere else. In the early weeks of ’98 we install an internet connection at our house for the first time…and then, right on the heels of that development, you have this gadget in Maria’s hands, the cellular phone device.

She’s the first person I’ve personally met who has one of these, and it happens at this unlikeliest of locations. Though as far back as ’92 you might have spotted commercials for such, phones tied to one’s automobile were far and away the most prevalent up until now. My parents and some of their friends even had a car phone for a spell, when those were trendy, in the decade’s early years. This is something altogether different, though, you can sniff it out in an instant, and you just know that we will soon be seeing these everywhere. I even make the mistake of resorting to the extant definitions, which immediately places me in some sort of out to lunch camp.

“I didn’t know you had a car phone!” I enthuse to Maria. She shoots me a borderline dirty look, answering the call which has drawn my attention in the first place.

After conversing a short while into it, though, she hands the phone to me, explaining that her sister Lisa’s on the other end – the second early adopter I’m aware of. This totally makes sense. These two are unlike most girls I’ve ever known, in a lot of respects. You could make one offhand reference about how you’d like to check out Flagstaff, Arizona someday, or something, and the next thing you know they’ve got plane tickets booked, hotel rooms reserved, an entire entourage assembled for some blowout a scant three weeks down the road.  

As far as the present tense is concerned, however, Maria says Lisa wants to speak with me. Though I will admit to that one night of indiscretions with Lisa, last summer, she subsequently met and became infatuated instead with Alan, an obsession which continues as far as I’m aware, one which found her leaving notes on our front door for him up until a couple of months ago. So it’s hard to fathom what she wants from me right now…well, no, as Maria passes this baton, it’s pretty obvious what Lisa desires, calling from a nearby bar herself. In my corner however is the fact that it’s deafening loud in here, to the extent I legitimately can’t make out much of what Lisa’s saying.

What follows is me shouting, “HUH??!?” with my free hand cupped over its nearest ear, or else muttering enough, “yeah…uh huh…really!” type interjections in what feel like appropriate intervals until the point I can safely conclude, “okay, well, I’ll talk to you later!” before handing the phone back to Maria. I truly have no idea what Lisa just said, what I may or may not have just agreed to. But does it matter? Probably not. 

Maria and Denise announce they are heading over to whatever bar that was Lisa just called from. We decide sticking around here sounds like a better option, however, so Damon and I order a second Long Island flavored water and patrol these grounds in the name of journalism.  

This dance club consists of one large room, slightly bigger than your average house. There’s the requisite bar in the middle, a dance floor on the western, Sawmill facing flank, near where we were sitting, and a live DJ over by the restrooms. Tropical flourishes such as palm trees and whatnot adorn the ceiling and walls, but there’s nothing out of the ordinary about any of this, and certainly no extravagance. We observe the classy looking broads in their sharp evening attire, but then also these yuppie dorks in their sockless Dockers,  sipping martinis. We order a third round of Long Islands, then split.

II.

Having already visited the newer Bethel Road outpost before the much more popular original, I’m moving in reverse of the typical pattern. About a month and a half later, at John H’s behest, I’m joining him and John L for this journey to the downtown location. It’s Friday night and the crowd promises to be insane, I’m happy to be finally crossing this one off my list to visit. The two Johns have been down here before, though, more than once, and they can’t stop raving about the place.

“I don’t know why but H and I have the best luck hooking up here,” John L offers, “this and the Yucatan, back when it was busy…”

I’m stoked already, and as we arrive down on Front Street, in the heart of the Brewery District, the lack of available parking anywhere near this club seems to bode well, too. Rolling the dice a little bit – although there wouldn’t appear to be many reasonable alternatives – a parking slot at nearby Victory’s is where this car will come to rest, despite the presence of TOWAWAY ZONE signs posted everywhere. There are enough bodies walking back and forth between the handful of bars down here to muddy any attempts of tracking them, meaning this should be just fine. The only thing I’m really questioning is what I can possibly bring to the table within this crew, if I can hold my own as an adequate wingman.

“I was just telling John L,” the H Train says with a chuckle, as if reading my mind, “you know, that J-Dog’s a pretty cool guy to hang out with, and he agreed.”

John L nods in concurrence. But while nice to hear, this still brings with it the pressure of living up to the hype. Well, at this point I’m not too concerned with my ability to hang out and function as a laid back guy who’s maybe good for a few witty wisecracks per night. Can I keep up with these maniacs in the drink department, though? And if they are picking up babes, will I be able to pull off the same?

After walking up a majestic flight of long, stone steps, spanning the width of this bar, we open one of the doors cut into this glass wall facing Front Street. And it’s immediately apparent that something special is happening here, a situation I haven’t quite glimpsed before. Wall to wall people, sure, but everyone’s been to some crowded clubs, ones boasting a larger head count than this. This is different, though, in that every available square inch of the club is one giant dance floor. There’s the bar, and there’s the dance floor, nothing else. As such it is literally impossible to avoid bumping into some girls.

Somehow, at one end of the lengthy bar, which runs parallel to the north wall, we find a trio of available stools to set up camp and get our bearings. This happens to sit right near an opening where people are expected to step up and order drinks, making for an ideal set up – or a very bad one, depending upon your outlook on these matters, and who you happen to be with.

No sooner have we sat down does John H order us a round of these Drano colored Kamikazis. I manage to slip in an order for a Budweiser, but then John L springs for another round of beers, as well as Lynchburg Lemonades for the three of us. We’ve only been here fifteen minutes.

Before we get completely sidetracked by annihilation, it’s time to focus upon the lady landscape. We rise from our chairs and begin to see about an entry point into this dance floor, which bleeds right into these very chairs. Chicks are all over the place, all points of the compass, bumping into us, carrying on conversations so close we might as well be included.

“Man, this place is packed!” I shout, “I’ve never so many hot women before!”

John H dips out to take a leak, and returns with some Pat guy he knows, the younger brother of so-and-so who apparently used to work at our restaurant. I’m not exactly paying attention to these details, and wouldn’t say this was the greatest development in the world if I were. But this introduction is no sooner handed out before all worries are absolved, as we hear some female voices calling out our names from some inner chamber of this dancing swarm. We squint at this slightly dim sea and eventually spot Keisha and Pam, merrily laughing as they wave and make their way toward us, as we move to meet them halfway.

In an amusing coincidence, John H says he left a message on Keisha’s machine earlier. But they swear they never heard it, had ventured here anyway on their own accord. Were sitting around getting ripped at the apartment before deciding to catch a cab down here.

So these two are completely torched, which can’t but assist our cause. Without much in the way of other words said, in varying combinations we are taking turns gyrating against these girls. Voluptuous, highly flirtatious Keisha and her massive tits, conservative but no less attractive Pam, with her tropically suggestive tan, her long, straight black hair and lean contour. Keisha does look especially incredible right now in a shiny silver blouse and tight black pants, yet this is just one man’s preference, for Pam is no slouch.

We are surrounded by women, which is fortunate considering that Keisha and Pam inevitably run into even more guys they know and spin off into corners unknown. All four of us guys, however, wind up bumping and grinding with random girls, will lose track of one another for lengthy stretches, only to cross paths long enough to compare notes.

This Pat guy seems okay, if a bit too boastful for my tastes. He’s tall and dresses well, which is probably just about all you need to succeed in this environment. To that point, we wind up within shouting distance of each other during one stretch where he happens to be dancing with some short, hot blonde. Yet while men of more modest height might need to work a little harder to get noticed here, it would seem I’m doing okay, too. There’s this brown haired chick grinding with another guy in my vicinity, but she and I keep exchanging glances, and she eventually glides over, jams her ass into my crotch and begins shaking it against me.

Pat decides this is the perfect time to start telling me some story. I truly have no idea what he’s talking about, with one arm wrapped around this girl as he shouts to me, though I bark out variations of, “yeah…uh huh…oh really?…you don’t say!” into any pauses. Then I happen to glance up and spot pudgy old John L on this platform, laugh my head off to see him there, with not one but two gorgeous females, an arm around each of them. Grinning, yes, like the proverbial kid on Xmas morn.

As for John H, he mysteriously manages to develop a Paul-like fixation on one girl in particular, who has short, light brown hair, parted down the middle. She resembles Jen S a great deal, both facially and with her tight, compact frame, so the source of his obsession is obvious. But he cannot stop talking about her, whenever I bump into him, until he finally works up the nerve to approach her cold.

“Do you have a boyfriend?” are his first, and just about only, words to her.

“Yes I do,” she says, kindly enough, though this conversation extends no further.

Our task force reassembles as John H materializes with yet another round of brew. John L is looking a little winded from the platform excursion. Now Pat’s trying to tell me some other story about this night up at Yokahama’s, a bar on Kenny Road, where, he claims, local DJ Ronni Hunter was trying to come home with him. She has a sexy, husky voice I’ve heard many times on the Blitz, our finest hard rock station, though I’ve never seen the woman.

“She was totally wasted, man…,” he says.

“Was she hot?” I ask.

“Eh, not really,” he says, “I mean, she was okay looking, but not that great.”

I spy this sharp little number nearby and move toward her, as much an evasive maneuver to get away from Pat as anything else. She’s okay with the dancing, but when I attempt to slide an arm around her, the girl pulls away, disappears into the crowd. So much for that.

Oh, but Keisha and Pam eventually return, and in such grand fashion. I find myself dancing between them, as both mash their sublime bodies against mine, holding one and then the other, back again, not wanting to tip my hand necessarily as to which I would prefer. Thinking all the while that then again, it would be great to have both, as this Keisha and Pam sandwich is pretty freaking hot.

They drift away once more, and are gone completely when the house lights come up. How can it possibly be this late already? Seeing those two and especially Keisha had been great and all, but once again, the night has melted away with little to show for it. And the taste she’s given me might create some lasting harm – just about the last thing in the world I need is to dive back down that rabbit hole, start thinking about her again.

But hey, at least this Pat character has vacated the premises. Unfortunately, this disperse battalion of females is stampeding toward the exits as well. John and John are convinced we can squeak in last call at Woody’s if we haul ass up there, however. I think they’re crazy but am in no position to object.

III.

I’m not sure exactly when the entire Banana Joe’s enterprise went belly-up. Going through my journals recently, I discover that there was a third location that I’d entirely forgotten about. This was the spring of 2000 and they had by this point set up shop out on Dublin-Granville Road, though I think the Bethel Road one was gone by then. At any rate, as we’re driving by it, I tell Damon, “I think this is the wrong part of town for that. If it didn’t work on Bethel Road, it’s not gonna work here.” And he agrees. It’s a warm, Thursday night in May, but the drive-by reveals a nearly empty parking lot, which probably foretold their fate.

I can understand why owners don’t exactly tell the world every detail about their defunct enterprises. It’s unforunate, and they probably don’t want to relive bad memories. But at the same time, it would be fascinating as an outsider to learn every twist and turn of what went down with a concept such as this. All you know is that they’re suddenly gone one day, despite periods of great success, and this feels a little sad. Then you might attempt learning more about them online, and discover there’s not much record that places like this even existed, and that’s even sadder.