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2000

Malfunction 45

January 1

As the new millennium (in popular opinion if not technically) begins, Columbus welcomes its first ever black mayor, Michael Coleman, the rare politician who seems to be mostly respected by both sides. His term officially begins today. Like billions of others, I remember quite well where I was as the clock hit midnight on 1/1/00…and was disappointed to learn, when someone pointed this out to me a couple hours prior, that nothing was going to “happen” with this Y2K computer glitch nonsense, because it had already turned midnight in other time zones. Talk about a major plot spoiler.

Holiday In Lights at Griggs Reservoir is open for the last time this season, at a reasonable $7 per car load.

I was attempting to combine the personal timeline on this page, alongside what was going on citywide. But that started to get a little too unwieldy. It’s also fair to question who might possibly be interested in that junk. Assuming that you are, you can always click on the handy little arrow icon, like this one at the bottom right, to jump over to what was happening with me and my outrageous friends on that specific day. The only exceptions are where individual dates have their own standalone pages, which I’ve left intact. Overall I think this will work better. Understandably it’s still a work in progress, but here’s the first such icon:

January 6

Fats Billiard Emporium has Season’s End performing

January 7 

Men Of Leisure are at Fats

January 9

The Sawmill Road franchise of Borders hosts its first session of what is billed as “Sorcerer’s School” at 3pm. This is a Harry Potter themed club, meeting monthly, and this time around attendees will be making magic wands, chowing down on snacks, and discussing the books themselves. An appearance by someone playing Professor Dumbledore is promised as well.

January 10

City council decides to rescind a contract it has signed with OPI (Ohio Prison Industries) to remove asbestos from Ohio School for the Blind. It seems that OPI, who provide cheap labor in the form of prison inmates, were in violation of a city ordinance requiring that prevailing wages are paid for a project such as this.

January 12

The Afro-Rican Ensemble play at Gibby’s Riverview Dublin from 7-11pm.

January 13

Del’s Bread owner Del Sroufe discusses “How We Are Building a Vegan Community,” at the Community Resource Center, at 14 West Lakeview. Meanwhile, Melissa Mumby of Salomon Smith Barney chats about Investing 101 at the Sawmill Road Borders.

Dan Swartwout’s Comedy All-Stars takes the stage at Fats Billiard Emporium

January 14 

the night we attempt super gluing a microwave to my neighbor’s front door – for details, click the date.

January 15

Bedlam reunite to play this AC/DC tribute show at the High 5 down on campus. For details about this and other happenings, click the date.

For a complete rundown of High 5’s events for the year, please visit that page (link directly above).

January 16

Columbus Symphony Orchestra musicians John & Mindy Ewing are playing for free at the North Market. This is part of the “Music + Market” series, currently held on the 3rd Sunday of every month. Columbus Children’s Theatre presents The Three Little Pigs. Some creature called Bunnicula foists itself on unsuspecting patrons, at the Sawmill Road Borders. Dr. Alexandra Shecket Korros visits the Agudas Achim Synagogue, delivering a history lesson on “The Pale,” a Jewish region under Tsarist Russia. Matt Avery is at White Horse Saloon. At the all new C Note Lounge, Lawrence Winfield is playing as part of the whole “jazz every Sunday” concept.

January 17

The King Arts Complex hosts an open house celebration for Martin Luther King, Jr., on this national holiday named in his honor. There are theatre performances, an exhibition of Elijah Pierce’s works in the gallery bearing his own name, and still another exhibition titled The Power Of One. Naturally, there are  numerous MLK photos on display, as well as a documentary playing throughout the day.

January 18 

Wild Oats Market on Lane Avenue welcomes very special guest Dr. Susan Richards, to discuss principles of a healthy holistic lifestyle. At Pearls Of Wisdom on North High Street, Jacquelin Smith explains “How Our Attitudes and Feelings Affect Animals.” Some sort of comedic one man show called The Male Intellect: An Oxymoron? hits the Southern Theatre, for a run that will continue through the 30th.

January 19

D. Patrick S. Osmer, Chair of OSU’s Astronomy Dept., explains what we know about the universe/origins of man. First Unitarian Universalist Church on Weshemier Road.

Graeme Boone discusses “Architecture & Counterpoint in the Fifteenth Century) at OSU’s Sullivant Hall, Music/Dance Library

January 20 

“Preparing for the 21st Century,” a lecture by Jerry Saunders and wife Gayle Saunders, is held at noon at the King Arts Complex.

January 21

Wexner Center’s two part German film series concludes with The Student of Prague and Waxworks.

January 23 

Dave Power & The Power House Trio are at C Note Lounge.

January 27

California Fitness Centers are hosting “pre-grand opening celebrations” at three locations around town. Visitors who take the tour are entered in a drawing for $500 cash.

January 28

As reported by The Other Paper, a brand new club on Chambers Road, Millennium, has to fork over $1500 because its “valet parking” crew is depositing clubgoers’ cars in the Lennox Town Center lot – which is then having them towed.

Higher Ground, which is some kind of head shop meets local art gallery, hosts a grand opening for this space they’re calling “Half Tone Gallery.” According to local free monthly Chickenhead, turnout is robust, with DJ Prism providing a live hip-hop soundtrack in the background.

January 29

Terry Davidson and the Gears are playing at Shorty’s. Damon and I catch some of the show in our travels.

Veranda, a store in Bexley selling imported goods such as furniture, antiques, and jewelry, hosts its grand opening party.

January 30 

Bobby Floyd plays at the C Note Lounge

January 31

Bill Moss from the Columbus Board of Education drops by North Linden Elementary to read I Know I Can to its second graders. This is part of a city-wide program encouraging these children to get pumped up about college.

At the City Council meeting, Mayor Michael Coleman addresses a bunch of under-utilized police substations, all around town, which he’d like to see put to better use.

February 1

Hard rock band Skillet is in town to (I’m guessing?) sign autographs at the Virgin Megastore over at Easton Town Center. Either that or just hang out. But they are definitely holding a contest to win a handcrafted guitar, autographed by the band! Or, you could go see Beck at Veterans Memorial. I feel like this is a fairly easy call.

February 3

Famed director Richard Linklater shows up at the Wexner Center, the first of two nights here. He answers questions and shows clips for a couple of hours, even chats with fans for an eternity in the lobby.

Hoo Doo Soul Band are playing at the Columbus Museum of Art, as part of the “1st Thursdays” series. The show runs from 5-9pm. As for the museum itself, among the features now are “Artificial Reality: Soviet Photography 1930-1987” and “Object Lessons: Selections from the Robert J. Shiffler Foundation.”

Over at Alrosa Villa, there’s a jam packed bill on tap: The Cro-Mags, All Out War, The Creeps, Final Summons, Shutdown.

Barrister Hall has the Afro-Rican Ensemble. Kim Pensyl Trio are at the Bexley Monk. Shuckin’ Bubba Deluxe play Braddock’s Grandview.

Dance Night at the Newport Music Hall. Rather than list every single event here, please visit that page for a rundown of their happenings.

2Co’s Cabaret, an offshoot of Shadowbox, opens its doors at 790 N. High Street. They will have food and drink service to the tables, while the focus at this location will be more dramatic than comedic. This satellite operation will share talent with Shadowbox, which moved to Easton in the summer of ‘99. They open without a stage and with the interior not quite complete. Upstairs is an art gallery – for the first month, photographer Eileen Wolford is featured. Opening night includes a one act play titled Neitzsche Ate Here along with poetry readings and live music. 

All of this, on a day where a major snowstorm hits, quite naturally.

February 4

Day two of the Linklater experience. Tonight they show his film Before Sunrise, after which, according to The Other Paper, he drifted down to the High 5 and watched Cobra Verde play. Thomas Jefferson Slave Apartments opened that show, which is semi-notorious in its own right, as it was during this set that singer Ron House announced that they were breaking up. This appears to have been a spontaneous decision stemming from an onstage altercation with his own guitarist, Bob Petric. I can’t help but wonder if Linklater had already arrived, and if he happened to catch any of this.

Dispute, 4 Stack, Ember 8, and In Black play the Alrosa Villa.

Orchestraville are in town from Athens, OH, playing at Oldfield’s on High. The band is reportedly so quiet that crowd conversation threatens to drown them out.

February 5 

Winter 2000 acting classes for adults begin at Catco, at a mere $125-$150 a pop. Fiddle maestro Regina Carter and her band tear up the Southern Theater stage.

February 6 

At Karl Road’s C Note Lounge, The Governor is playing.

February 8

Ohio State Board of Pharmacy commences day two of its three day conference, at the Vern Riffe Center on South High.

Cher is at the Schottenstein Center.

OSU student Chico Ballard is murdered in his own apartment, at 328 E. 17th Avenue. It occurred sometime after 3am, after some friends who’d been over to visit Ballard left for the night. Based upon the crime scene, police believe that the attacker was already waiting in the basement, biding time until those people left. Then flipped the circuit breaker to shut off power to the apartment. At which point Ballard grabbed his own handgun and possibly a flashlight, entered the basement to investigate, then was shot 3 times before he even had a chance to respond. His assailant attempted setting the body on fire before fleeing the scene.

This case remains unsolved, although the cops have always believed they know who killed Chico. Pretty much from the outset they’ve focused on a cashier at the nearby BP station, with whom Ballard had apparently exchanged words on more than one occasion. This is especially chilling to me because when I was living on campus from ’97-’98, we would always hit that gas station, particularly late at night, at the corner of Summit and 17th. The help there was a mixed bag, as you might expect from a neighborhood where you’re still technically considered in the campus area, but on the edge of some seedier regions. One such late night cashier I remember was a harmless goober, a pleasant college age kid who worked there for quite some time; but then at the opposite end of the spectrum, after he left, they had this other guy who would lock the door at seemingly strange times – it later turned out he was sneaking off to shoot up heroin on the job.

He didn’t last too long, so I doubt that’s the suspect in question. Regarding their presumed murderer, shortly after Ballard was killed, it turns out that a detective in robbery discovered someone was attempting to use a stolen bank card at an ATM, only an hour or so after the shooting: a card belonging to Chico’s girlfriend. They soon traced this effort back to the cashier at that BP, who claimed he had found the card on some steps in front of a bagel shop. And to date they have not been able to prove otherwise.

February 9 

Weird Al brings his singular brand of genius buffoonery to the Palace Theatre.

February 10

Contemporary Music Festival 2000 kicks off at Weigel Auditorium. Led by composers John Corigliano and Stephen Montague, this event claims to feature “the best in contemporary music,” although I’m not quite sure what this means. One of Montague’s own pieces, Wild Nights, makes its U.S. debut, though there is also something referred to as a “surrealistic bovine dreamscape.” Your guess is as good as mine. But anyway, there are three concerts at Wiegel (one each from the 10th-12th) and a final show at the Mershon, 8pm on the 12th.

OSUDance Winter Performance begins tonight at OSU’s Sullivant Theatre, continuing through the 12th.

On the professional front, King Thompson hosts its latest Career Night for aspiring real estate kingpins, at 2700 Airport Dr.

February 11

The Wexner screens a double feature of Prathibha Parmar documentaries. The Righteous Babes (female musicians of the 1990s) followed by Jodie: An Icon (singing the praises of Jodie Foster) begins at 7pm.

A Midsummer Night’s Dream (ballet) kicks off at the Riffe Center’s Capital Theatre, running through February 27th. I don’t exactly know much about ballet, but the Dispatch singles out Peter Chamberlain’s performance of Puck for praise.

John May is at the Polaris area Barnes & Noble store. Brass Band of Columbus and the Central Ohio Brass Band both play at St. John’s Church on East Mound Street.

Sebastian Bach is at Alrosa Villa, in a show the Dispatch will also profile at length. Local bands American Dog and Mr. Hyde open. Owner Rick Cautela’s 86 year old dad, Albert, apparently still tends bar here, and has the best quote in the entire article: “the rock n’ roll, I don’t like it,” he says.

Tom Russell and Andy Hardin are at Columbus Music Hall. At the Ohio Theatre, Columbus Symphony Orchestra presents “A Symphonic Valentine,” which features Wagner, Berlioz, Faure & Ravel pieces. This one runs through the 13th.

Thomas Jefferson Slave Apartments play what is billed as their last show, at Little Brother’s, opening for Scrawl. They had announced the breakup a week prior, but were already booked for this final gig. Please visit the Little Brother’s page for a complete recap of the year.

February 12

Though the site of former music venue Chelsie’s has sat empty since December, a one-off Valentine’s event is held here, an Erotic Art Show by some collective named Studio 243. There’s poetry, live music from Circadian, and so forth.

Author Delores Thornton is at the Martin Luther King Library (1pm) and Driving Park Library (3pm) to discuss her fiction writing career. Sandwiched in between these, at 2pm, local author and Alive columnist Pat Wynn Brown is performing a “literary stand-up piece” at the Kenny Road Borders.

One Cup At A Time on S. Yearling Road has it’s Valentine’s Day Bash, featuring musical guests Transcend.

Spoleto Festival USA is held a Capital University’s Mees Hall, a chamber music event featuring the works of Suk, Bartok, Schubert, Poulenc and Smetana.

The Big Creak are at Northberg Tavern.

Renowned poet Amiri Baraka brings Black History Music to the King Arts Complex. Among many other highlights from his illustrious career, Baraka (formerly known as LeRoi Jones) rubbed elbows with all the famous Beats back in the day and was part of that whole scene. You can find mentions of him in many of Kerouac’s works, for example, and he is one of the last living major figures from that era. Wow, and then The Stylistics, The Chi-Lites, and The Delphonics bring their package tour to the Palace Theatre. Both events are 8pm, so you’ve got to make some tough choices.

At the same time, Spoleto Festival USA Chamber Music Ensemble is ramping up at Capital University’s Mees Hall. A little earlier, at 5:30pm, ProMusica Chamber Orchestra of Columbus plays J.S. Bach by Request at St. Turibius Chapel, then takes their act down to Southern Theatre a little later in the evening. Whew.

February 13 

Jim Brickman, who is billed (by himself, anyway, or should I say his marketing team) as “America’s Romantic Piano Sensation,” plays Palace Theatre. From noon to 6pm, there’s a Borders Music Festival at the Sawmill Road location, featuring Clinton Rich, Bob Griffith and Michael Brown Jerome. At the Mees Auditorium, you can take in Capital University/Bexley Community Orchestra’s Winter Concert. Columbus Children’s Theatre, today and tomorrow, is holding open auditions for an upcoming musical production of Annie. IBADA plays the C Note Lounge.

February 14 

Columbus City Council gift wraps a very special valentine for the Campus Partners redevelopment squad. Though expressing some reservations, particularly council president Matt Habash, the CCC (an acronym I just made up) semi-reluctantly agree to authorize eminent domain for Campus Partners, in their quest to buy up block after block of south campus. A few pesky holdouts are holding up their plans of building a gigantic retail complex along High Street, but no longer. Councilwoman Charleta Tavares is the lone dissenter.

Over at Millennium, they host a somewhat strange release party dedicated to the newest album from The Cure, Bloodflowers, which goes on sale at midnight. It’s unclear whether there are any actual copies here for purchase, however.

February 15

Over The Rhine plays an hour long live set (2:30-3:30pm) at World Record. They also open up for the Cowboy Junkies at the Newport, later this same night.

February 16

Bela Fleck and the Flecktones are at Mershon Auditorium. Columbus Jazz Orchestra plays a tribute to trumpeter Sweets Edison at Southern Theatre, a show which will run through the 20th.

February 17 

Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni speaks at the Thurber House as part of its Evenings With Authors series, 7:30pm, at Columbus School For Girls’ Shedd Theater.

Martina McBride and Mark Wills are at Veteran’s Memorial Auditorium.

Cannibal Corpse, Hate Eternal, God Dethroned bring the lite tunes n’ rays of sunshine to Alrosa Villa. Okay, they are actually referring to this package as “Death Metal Massacre 2000,” which is pretty freaking awesome – I’m surprised Rob Zombie hasn’t already used this in some capacity.

February 18 

Illusions Of Eden opens at Columbus Museum Of Art. This exhibit is focused upon the American Midwest and features the work of Hart Benton, Margaret Bourke-White, Malcolm Cochran, Maya Lin, Mary Lucier, Kerry James Marshall, Grant Wood and others.

The Stepford 5, Fabulous Johnson Brothers are at Oldfield’s (the one on High Street, I think)

Machinehead and Reveille are at Alrosa Villa

February 19

OSU basketball player Brent Darby only takes four shots all game, each of them from 3 point range, and sinks them all.

The Why Store are at Ludlow’s, with Blackwater opening.

February 21  

Arnett Howard is playing out on the floor and Chef Charles Langstaff is in the kitchen.

February 22 

Rent opens at the Palace Theatre and will run through the 27th.

February 24

Mayor Coleman delivers his first State of the City address.

The Bacon Brothers (famous actor Kevin and his bro Michael, who has won an Emmy as composer) perform at the Southern Theatre. Jeffrey Gaines opens.

February 25 

The Count Basie Orchestra plays its first of two nights at Ohio Theatre. Cringe, which I believe is actually a Mansfield based band, throw a CD release party at Alrosa Villa. Bad Boy Bill, a DJ from Chicago, performs at Red Zone.

February 26

Quite a day in the Cbus annals, yessiree…Queensryche are playing at Newport while Lynyrd Skynyrd (albeit with ZZ Top opening) bring endless guitar solos to the Schott. Does it seem like these two acts should be flip-flopped? I can’t be the only person entertaining this thought.

About halfway in between the two, presidential hopeful John McCain drops by the St. John Arena to give a speech. Attendance is pegged at about 2,000.

Club 504 has what they’re calling the “ultimate light show in Columbus,” with a special appearance by British DJ Jez Jonson. The ad also states that you can see the city skyline from their dance floor.

Weightless Recordings, an indie hip-hop label, has a CD release party behind Roots Records, in honor of both Greenhouse Effect’s Up To Speed and Illogic’s Unforeseen Shadows. But in addition to these two, there’s also a whole slew of performers, both local and from out of town: Aesop Rock, ATOMS Family, Bros. Grimm, Drastic, Lozone, MHz, Mista Rare Groove, Phaze, Prizm, and True Skillz complete, in alphabetical fashion, this insane lineup.

February 27 

Central Presbyterian Church at 132 South 3rd Street presents “The High-Street Four,” a recital featuring Charles Wetherbee and David Niwa on violin, Kenichiro Matsuda on viola, and Trevor Handy on cello, with special guest Caroline Hong joining them on piano. They will perform Six Bagatells for String Quartet Op. 9 (Webern), Quartet in D minor Op. 76 No. 2 Fifth (Haydn) and Piano Quintent in A Major Op. 81 (Dvorak). Show starts 3pm and tickets are $10 for adults, $7 for students.

Meanwhile, at Wild Oats, there’s a wine sampling event featuring 50 different reds, including Freestone Cab Sauv, golfer Greg Norman’s Cabernet Merlot, Allende, Duxoup ’97 Syrah and so on. There’s also live jazz music from Michael Arnold and “wild” appetizers. Tickets are $12 advance/$14 door.

February 28

The Handsome Family play at Bernie’s Distillery.

Rather than clutter this timeline with every show held there for the year, however, I’m listing them in an events calendar on the page itself. So please head over there if you’re curious what was happening at Bernie’s in the year 2000 and before/beyond.

March 1 

Though it’s possible the Dispatch Charities Home and Garden Show was here for more than one day, G.A. Benton attends this particular one and reviews it for Alive. Held at the Expo Center, among the attractions is Gourmet Galaxy 2000. Held in the Bricker Building, if I’m reading this correctly, it’s a series of cooking demonstrations presented by local chefs. Among these are Charles Langstaff of Fusion, and Travis Kawasaki of Strada’s World Cuisine, assisted by this house manager Cheryl Roderheffer.

March 2 

Libertys nightclub files for a Chapter 11 reorganization. This basically means that you are filing for bankruptcy, but are allowed to continue operating as a business anyway.

At the Riffe Center’s Capitol Theatre, OSUDance Downtown runs from today through March 4th. Billed as “dance at its best,” it also features the OSU Jazz Ensemble playing original pop songs.

March 3

Volodos, who is billed as a “Russian piano sensation” (and here you thought that was an extinct animal) will be massaging the ivories at Southern Theatre.

March 4

Melissa’s 21st birthday party, among other highlights. For details please click the date.

March 5

Buckeye Comic Con attacks a somewhat surprising location, the Holiday Inn on Roberts Road. Admission is only $2, with those 6 and under getting in free. There is also a free comic book handout to the first 25 people, and hourly drawings.

A screening of the Hitchcock classic Rear Window at Wexner Center for the Arts.

March 6

The irrepressible Arnett Howard plays a somewhat unusual gig, at Harold’s Cajun Glory Cafe on Bethel Road.

March 7

Fat Tuesday celebration at Harold’s Cajun Glory Cafe.

March 8

AM radio station 1460 (a.k.a. “The Fan”) has Blue Jackets general manager Doug MacLean on the air, alongside guest commentator Don Cherry, on its morning hockey show.

Afro-Rican Ensemble play at Gibby’s Riverside.

March 9 

Canzani Center Gallery at CCAD has an opening reception for their exhibits The Object Considered: Contemporary Still Life In Ohio, Illinois and Indiana and Charles A. Csuri’s In Search of Meaning, 1948-2000. These will both run from today through April 22nd.

The Other Paper’s weekly basketball column, “Hoop Scoop,” announces its first ever PPS Award (points per shot) which averages how many points each OSU Buckeye basketball made per shot. Surprisingly, Brian Brown is at the top of the list, whereas the much more famous (and soon to be drafted) Michael Redd and Scoonie Penn are resoundingly middle of the pack. The columnists stress, however, that this is only a ceremonial award, to keep the NCAA from freaking out and “executing him (Brown) at dawn.”

On the local music front, Johnny Rebel is at Anydman’s Treehouse. Afro-Rican Ensemble at Barrister Hall. Kim Pensyl Trio plays Bexley Monk. Conspiracy at Braddock’s Grandview. The delightfully named Hootie McBoob at Break-a-way. Jack Widner at Clarmont Steakhouse. DJ Frankie G at Club Bellagio. Tom Crumley at Club Diversity. Paradise Island at Counterfeit Heist. Terry Efaw at Crescendo Pastaria. The Elephant Bar has Milkbone Eddie. Cover band extraordinaire Shuckin’ Bubba Deluxe play Flannagan’s. DJ James Brown is at Garage. AJ Angelo at Gatsby’s. Kay & Molly at Grandview Cafe.  Bill Foley is at Hoggy’s Gahanna. Dave Powers with Aaron Scott & Dave Dewitt at Hyde Park Grille. Frank Ryslavy at K2U. Kelly Goodrich & the Rhythm Kings at Kristofer’s. Zedos are at Ludlow’s. Delyn Christian Trio at Rafter’s Beer Pub. Richard Lopez Trio at Rigsby’s. Matt Mahli at Shorty’s. Chris Logsdon (was this a trio? I feel like the name “Chris Logsdon Trio” rings a bell. Even so, he may have been solo anyway) is at Signature’s. Jeff Gurney at Tommy Keegan’s. L.G. Scott at Top Steakhouse. As Is at Victory’s, and Lloyd, One Man and His Music at VIP Lounge.

For national acts, we have The Chieftains at Palace Theatre.

March 10

Stepping Out Superstore has its grand opening, 10am at Bethel Center. It seems this is primarily a beach attire store, though also featuring “clubwear.”

Toast and Fred Haring play Andyman’s Treehouse. The highly accomplished trumpeter Pharez Whitted, who has recorded for Motown and played on a Mellencamp album, is at Barrister Hall. Bexley Monk has Dave Powers. Borders bookstore on Kenny Road, which somehow makes the “clubs” directory, has “booked” John Morgan, while the one on Sawmill has Kent Burnside playing. The Jack are at Break-a-way. Blues on the Rocks, ain’t no surprise, play Brian Boru’s. Chris Logsdon with or without trio endures the misery that is Buckeye Hall of Fame Cafe. Snatch Box Twinkie are at Cafe Bourbon Street. Jack Widner once again the Clarmont, DJ Frankie G Club Bellagio. Pete Tender is at Club Diversity. Matt Avery at Cosmo’s. Conspiracy are at Counterfeit Heist. James Elliot Project at Courthouse Pub & Grill. Dick’s Den hosts a Jack Kerouac Memorial Open Poetry Reading with the Joe Diamond Quartet. Delyn Christian Band are at Fat’s pool hall. Shuckin’ Bubba Deluxe enjoy a repeat engagement at Flannagan’s. The Crave and Eric Solomon are at Gatsby’s. Dave Bott at GC Grill. Shuckin’ Bubba (of the normal variety) are at Gibby’s in the Brewery District. Lloyd, One Man & His Music are at Hammond’s Bar & Brille. Donna Mogavero at Hearth & Eagle Tavern. Ma Rainy at High Beck. Kim Pensyl with Aaron Scott & Dave DeWitt at Hyde Park Grille. Frank Ryslavy, Kakis Family Green Band with Conchi are at K2U. The Tropics Island Band are at Kahiki. Big Daddy & Hot Damn at Key Club. From Ashes Rise, Flesh Eating Creeps, Crucible, Killed in Action are at The Lab. Chimney Fish at La Cantina. Jonzei at Ludlow’s. Mozart’s Easton has Tim O’Rourke playing and the one on High Street has Susan Walsh. Paradise Island are at Mulligan’s tonight. New Basics Brass Band and Freekbass at Northberg Tavern. Rich Meaty Taste at Plank’s Bier Garten. Biersdorf & Kolbe at Rafter’s Beer Pub. Pocket Fisherman at Short North Tavern. Soul Kitchen are at Signature’s. Snaps & Taps has live jazz and poetry.  Milkbone Eddie are at Tommy Keegan’s. Jerry Wolf at Top Steakhouse. Snow Shoe Crabs, a decent cover band, are at Victory’s. Hurricane Alley at the Whiskey Still. Joe Dunlap plays the Worthington Inn. DJ Russell Carey is at Zuey’s.

Bimbetta, a Baroque music five piece, are playing an intriguing show at Mees Auditorium – one which begins with a lecture, presumably by the band itself, half an hour before the performance. Columbus Symphony Orchestra is playing the “Czech nationalistic work” Smetna My Fatherland, and again on the 11th. Columbus Children’s Theatre stages a performance of Bridge to Terabithia. At Southern Theatre, Columbus Gay Men’s Chorus is performing something called The Women We Love. This will also repeat on the 11th.

March 11 

Something called “Hair Ball 2000” hits the Wexner Center. Described as “an outrageously wigged-out affair,” it’s also a fundraiser, for family and children’s programs. Tickets range from $25 to $35. There are hors d’oeuvres circulating about the room, alcoholic drinks served, music from first Tony Bananza Extravaganza, then DJ Glenn B. Prizes are at stake, too, for the most ridiculous hair.

March 12 

CATCO begins its run of A Raisin in the Sun at the Riffe Center. This one will continue through April 13th.

Henry Alford and Merrill Markoe are the latest featured speakers in Thurber House’s Evenings with Authors series. This one is held at CCAD’s Canzani Center.

March 13

Arnett Howard plays Harold’s Cajun Glory Cafe again. Maybe he has some connection to the place. This time around, he is joined by Chef Charles Langstaff.

March 16

Red Herring Theatre Company stages Oleanna by famous playwright/screenwriter David Mamet, from today through April 9th.

March 17

Union Station Video Cafe offers Irish stew, corned beef & cabbage, Rueben sandwiches, and Guinness Ice Cream Pie for St. Patrick’s Day. I’m not sure if this is out of the ordinary for them or not. Mary Black brings her blend of blues, rock, jazz and country to Southern Theatre.

March 19 

You have to hand it to the Sawmill Road Borders bookstore, they’re at least making a tremendous effort at keeping themselves relevant by booking a wide variety of events. On this day we have a twofer, both slated for 3pm. Ohio Historical Society presents a “prairie fun” event based on the Little House on the Prairie series of books by Laura Ingalls Wilder, featuring crafts, toys and costumes. At the same time, author Laurie Anthony will be elsewhere in the building, signing copies of her book Have A Great One! A Homeless Man’s Story. For this, Safe Mission is also dispensing info on how to help the homeless.

March 20

The awesomely titled Electronic Commerce Internet Training Series kicks off at Columbus State’s main campus. Running through the 24th, these courses are offered by visiting wizards from the Dayton Electronic Commerce Resource Center (or DECRC, if you’re interested in a little biz related lingo) and run the gamut from Getting Started With Electronic Commerce to Homepage Development and Homepage Development Lab.

March 22

The 2000 edition of Governor’s Awards for the Arts in Ohio is held at the Columbus Athenaeum. This luncheon and ceremony features keynote speaker Michael Eric Dyson.

The Columbus Jazz Orchestra brings a show titled Roaring Ragtime to the Southern Theatre. Starring Terry Waldo, Ruth Brisbane, Orange Kellin and Ty Stephens, this will run through the 26th.

Afro-Rican Ensemble are once again at Gibby’s Riverside.

March 23

The city is aswarm with hard hitting seminars. Fawcett Center on Olentangy River Road hosts “Leadership for Today’s Real Estate Managers,” while down at Columbus State Community College, it’s “WINGS 2000,” a forum for professional development. Meanwhile, a two day event at Capital University, held in what is apparently known as its Center For Dispute Resolutions, “Becoming A More Effective Mediator” negotiates its way into the room.

March 24 

Hoster’s holds a Columbus Crew Kick-Off Party, featuring the always in demand Afro-Rican Ensemble.

March 25

The Columbus Crew celebrate their home opener. The Other Paper’s “Crew Scoop” column ridicules the half-time show, during which they pretend to flatten Crew Cat (the mascot) and fire it from a cannon. Original Seattle punks Fastbacks play at The Lab. On the same night, Thirty Ear celebrates its 2nd anniversary with a Ronnie Spector show, former Ronnette/Mrs. Phil Spector.

Columbus Convention Center hosts this year’s edition of the Hip Hop Expo, featuring Greenhouse Effect and Illogic.

March 27 

Having given up on this notion of a Morse-Bethel connector, the Old Beechwood Association votes in favor of a new proposal. This one would cut through the Graceland shopping center, running between High Street and 315.

March 30

Merle Haggard performs at Club Dance. The ratio of drinking songs versus other types of songs seems to clock in at about 2:1.

As far as local musicians are concerned, Paul Brown’s Science Gravy Orchestra is at 501 Bar. Willie Phoenix plays Andyman’s Treehouse. Afro-Rican Ensemble is at Barrister Hall. Kim Pensyl Trio are at Bexley Monk. Hootie McBoob play the Break-a-Way. Jack Widner is at Clarmont. Marion Dees at Clique, DJ Frankie G at Club Bellagio. Tom Crumley plays Club Diversity. Conspiracy are at Counterfeit Heist. Terry Efaw at Crescendo Pastaria. Madrugada are at Dick’s Den. Milkbone Eddie is at Elephant Bar. The Whiskey Saints at Flannagan’s. DJ Jeff Pons at fm. DJ James Brown at the Garage. Eric Solomon at Gatsby’s. Grandview Cafe has Sirens with Kay & Molly. Hoggy’s Gahanna has Bill Foley. Dave Powers with Aaron Scott & Dave Dewitt are at Hyde Park Grille. KSU has Frank Ryslavy. Kelly Goodrich & the Rhythm Kings play Kristofer’s. The Muv-Ment are at Le Metropolitain. Shuckin’ Bubba Deluxe are at Ludlow’s. Moonshine play Northberg Tavern. Sugar Buzz are at Otani. Delyn Christian Duo play Rafter’s Beer Pub. Richard Lopez Trio are at Rigsby’s. Matt Mahli at Shorty’s. Chris Logsdon plays Signature’s. Fat Dog are at Slapsy Maxie’s. Jeff Gurney is at Tommy Keegan’s. L.G. Scott is at Top Steakhouse. Gene Walker plays Whitehouse Bistro. Joe Dunlap the Worthington Inn.

March 31

The Ohio College Republican Federation descends upon OSU. Running through April 2 and bouncing between venues as varied as Longaberger Alumni House and the Lane Avenue Holiday Inn, guest speakers include Governor Bob Taft and yet another presidential candidate, John “Just In” Kasich.

Valley Dale Ballroom opens up for a Toughman World Championship Series event. In essence, this is a competition aimed at crowning the best amateur back alley boxer. Over the course of this two day competition, Jason Smith (heavyweight) and Don Shruck (light heavyweight) take home the hardware, and are able to move on to the regionals.

Insane Foo Fighters and Chili Peppers twin bill at the Schottenstein Center/Value City Arena. Looking at something like this in retrospect makes me wonder what it god’s name else I could have possibly had going on this night, instead of being here. They even have Muse for an opening act. Yet, as it turns out, Dave Grohl is too ill to perform, so the Foo Fighters bow out anyway.

On the local music scene, The Grinders are at 501 Bar. Julie Ivory & Doug Slyman play the 94th Aero Squadron. Barefoot Jubilee are at Andyman’s Treehouse. Anna Sheer is at Barley’s Cafe. The Pharez Whitted Quintet plays Barrister Hall. Dave Powers the Bexley Monk. Blue Coyote are at Big Daddy’s. Doug Wood plays the Borders bookstore on Sawmill Road. Terry Davidson & The Gears are at Break-a-way. Chris Logsdon returns to the Buckeye Hall of Fame Cafe. Overdrive are at Cadillac Jack’s. Jack Widner plays the Clarmont. The Governor is at Clique. DJ Frankie G plays Club Bellagio.  Pete Tender Club Diversity. As Is attempt to pull off the Counterfeit Heist. James Elliot Project plays Courthouse Pub & Grill. The Tailgaters are at Dick’s Den. The Reaganomics are at Flannagan’s. DJ Mike Poe at fm. John Schwab Trio and AJ Angelo are at Gatsby’s. Dave Bott plays GC Grill. Shuckin’ Bubba play the Brewery District Gibby’s. Lloyd, One Man & His Music are at Hammond’s Bar & Grille. Donna Mogavero is at Hearth & Eagle Tavern. Kim Pensyl is at Hyde Park Grille, with Aaron Scott & Dave DeWitt. Paradise Island play Jillian’s. Frank Ryslavy, Kakis Family Greek Band with Conchi are at K2U. The Tropics Island Band play at Kahiki. Snow Shoe Crabs play Ludlow’s. Tim O’Rourke is at the Easton Mozart’s and Susan Walsh is at the High Street one. Don Haines & the Blue Heart Jewels play Mulligan’s. Conspiracy are at the Short North Tavern. Second Nature are at Signature’s. Snaps & Taps has live jazz & poetry. Jeff Gurney plays Spike’s Patio Bar. Moonshine are at Tommy Keegan’s. Jerry Wolf is at Top Steakhouse. Joe Dunlap is at Worthington Inn. DJ Russell Carey is at Zuey’s.

April 1

Billing itself as “Ohio’s only dedicated scooter shop,” Supersonic Scooters has its grand opening, at 1386 # B Fields Avenue. The Sugar Buzz Trio, a jazz band, plays at Otani. Fly Paper are at 501 Bar. Andyman’s Treehouse has Rymocerous for an early show, then a late show consisting of Quinn Fallon, Jason Clayton, Christian from Templeton and Keith from Stepford Five. Tony Monaco Trio are at Barrister Hall. Pete Tender the Bexley Monk. Steve Free at the Sawmill Road Borders.

April 4

Savion Glover, representing in part the advertised “four generations of tap genius,” is at the Wexner Center alongside James “Buster” Brown, Jimmy Slyde, Dianne Walker, and Cartier Williams, a “10-year-old-sensation.” They are here on the 5th as well, and student tickets are half price.

April 5 

Korn hit the Schottenstein Center.

A group of OSU’s organized workers (they belong to Communication Workers of America Local 4501, commonly abbreviated as CWA), who are planning on striking if demands are not met, stage a rally on the Oval, over by Bricker Hall.

April 6 

Another CWA rally, this time before the OSU Medical Center.

April 7

The local school board votes in favor of spending about $70K, for security assigned to superintendent Rosa Smith. Bill Moss is the lone dissenter.

Pinehurst Kids perform at Firexit. Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young bring their reunion tour to the Schottenstein Center.

April 8

Then you see something like this, that Creed are playing the Schott, and you think, hmm, okay, clearly they’ll book just about anyone here.

Troubadour Fest, whatever this is – whatever this is at all – is taking place at the Southern Theatre, and has to be a better use of your time/money.

April 13

A group called Vaud-Villities brings a singing and dancing version of the Michael J. Fox classic Bright Lights, Big City to Veterans Memorial. At least I think that’s what this is. A repeat performance follows on the 14th.

April 14 

It hits about 70 degrees today, a most welcome sunny one after these chilly weeks. We were teased with two 80 degree days in early March, and have been spoiled ever since.

Davis Discovery Center stages a recreation of the Marx Brothers’ Animal Crackers. There are 5 performances in all, running through the 22nd. Easton Town Center’s Easter Bunny Display begins, running through the 22nd.

April 15

Another 70-80 degree day, just awesome. In other developments about town, Nine Inch Nails are sent here to impale the Schott. Of particular interest to local music fans is that Jerome Dillon, formerly of Howlin’ Maggie, is now NIN’s drummer. A Perfect Circle opened, and yet even so, according to The Other Paper, this was a ho-hum, not exactly sell out crowd for the duration of the event.

April 16 

Neale Donald Walsch, in what the ads are billing as “a Rare COLUMBUS Appearance” will bring his Conversations With God roadshow to the Fawcett Center. Further described as “an uncommon dialogue on spirituality, social responsibility, and politics,” it also features special guest John Hagelin, Ph.D.

April 21

The Flaming Lips hit the Newport, with Looper as an opening act.

April 22

Anna’s Restaurant on Sawmill has DJ Zaza perform, as part of this whole “Aegean Nights” theme. The appearance of the “Easton” Bunny at Easter Town Center comes to an end, following one final Spring Fling today. Vendors are on hand selling plants and otherwise springtime related merchandise.

April 24

Oasis plays Palace Theatre. Stephen Slaybaugh gives the show a savage review in Columbus Alive, although he was impressed by opening act Travis.

In slightly less revolting news…10 cent Slyder night returns to Cooper Stadium! That’s right, for the 7:15 Clippers game vs. Indianapolis, White Castle Slyders are just 10 cents apiece. I know this is a popular promotion and all, but the ad refers to these as “delicious” – this is going a bit too far. I mean who are we kidding, here.

Summer classes begin at Franklin University.

Arnett Howard is at Harold’s Cajun Glory Cafe.

April 25

As far as elsewhere around town…the most notable event happening today is maybe highly overrated throwback artist D’Angelo, performing at Palace Theatre, with Mos Def as an opening act. I would rather see Mos Def.

April 26

There’s a rally outside the statehouse from 11am-1pm, sponsored in part by Crime Victim Services. The theme of this rally is “Tools for Tearing Down Sexual Assault: It Begins At Home.”

A bunch of protesting CWA union workers and the students who encourage them storm the administration building at OSU (Bricker Hall) and stage a chant-fueled sit-in.

April 27 

Balletmet stages a performance of Sleeping Beauty in conjunction with the Columbus Symphony Orchestra. Held at Ohio Theatre, it runs through the 30th.

It’s another hot day, as they have all been since Monday.

April 29

Today approximately a thousand Commercial Workers of America members march, from their headquarters clear over to OSU president Brit Kirwan’s.

Mouse on Mars are at Firexit.

May 1

CWA Local 4501 goes on strike, which isn’t exactly a shocker. This high profile standoff has been playing out for weeks. As long as they’re out, OSU takes a hit on the maintenance/janitorial front.

May 4

The Wexner Center kicks off its Mental Hygiene film series focusing upon the (now) hilarious (assuming they weren’t back then, too) so-called educational “hygiene” flicks from the 1950s. On the 5th, author Ken Smith, who has written a book about said films, will be on hand to discuss them and sign autographs.

NYC jazz band Guaranteed Swahili take the stage at Dick’s Den.

As they have been every Thursday, Afro-Rican Ensemble play at Barrister Hall.

Fenster play at Oldfield’s on High.

May 5

The three day Columbus Academy Antiques Show kicks off on Cherry Bottom Road in Gahanna. Among the guests, on “Sensational Saturday” there’s Stephen Earle – sorry, not the Nashville legend, but rather style editor for Martha Stewart’s magazine.

Wyclef Jean plays an interesting and unusual venue: the OSU oval. Tickets are $20 for students but $25 for the rest of us common folk.

At the Wexner Center, Ken Smith signs copies of his book and introduces a couple more movies.

Soul Finger are at Oldfield’s. Stonebyrd are at Short North Tavern.

May 6

We’ve been blessed with excellent weather for about two solid weeks, and today was probably the best of all. Sunny and hot, hot, hot.

As far as what’s happening around town this fine day/evening…the Crew did play a home game against the MetroStars. There was a pre-game party kicking off at 6pm, featuring live music from The League Bowlers.

Elsewhere, Michael Hurley, Holy Modal Rounders, Tull Glazner and Jim Sperry played at the Central Ohio Folk Festival. This is billed as the 4th Annual iteration of the event, and is held at First Unitarian Church, 93 W. Weisheimer. Though the concert itself doesn’t kick off until 7pm, there are workshops of some sort as early as 9 in the morning.

Howlin’ Maggie are at Oldfield’s. Controversy are at Short North Tavern. This being the first Saturday of the month, it is a Gallery Hop night.

May 9 

Heritage Festival begins on OSU campus. The Sigma Gamma Rho Fashion Show, at 7pm in the Ohio Union East Ballroom, is when things formally begin. This festival, which runs through the 14th, is a major networking opportunity for black college students in the region. BET is even covering the occasion.

May 10

Afro-Rican Ensemble are at Gibby’s Riverview in Dublin, as they will be again on the 24th. Concert of Wills: Making The Getty Center plays at Wexner Center for the Arts.

May 12

The CWA picketing on campus turns ugly. There’s at least one fist fight, and someone else manages to get his/her foot run over by a truck.

Wynton Marsalis rustles up the Lincoln Center Jazz Orchestra for a performance at the Schottenstein Center. They are joined by a dance troupe and a vocalist, Milt Grayson, with a set list targeting distant classics from the like of Basie and the Duke. The Other Paper reviews this show and raves about LCJO drummer Herlin Riley. Apparently the event turned into a bit of a swing dance party, with standards such as The Second Line and King Porter Stomp among those performed.

The African-American Heritage Festival, held on the OSU campus, brings out a crowd in excess of 20,000, and again on the 13th as well. Among the highlights is a party at French Fieldhouse. Police spokesperson Sherri Jones is quoted in Columbus Alive as saying, “this is two days of people doing nothing but driving up and down High and Summit,” and traffic is indeed a bit gnarly in this region over the weekend. Still, there are an impressive zero arrests on campus related to this event.

Later, trumpeter Marlon Jordan plays with Pharez Whitted at Barristers Hall.

 

May 13

Around town, Kiss are playing Polaris Amphitheater. For a complete rundown of events at that venue, please visit the dedicated page.

May 14

Heritage Festival concludes with a noon Mother’s Day picnic on the Oval.

May 15

In other news…workers belonging to CWA Local 4501 get to speak before Columbus City Council. OSU was aware of the meeting but declined to send any representatives. Maryellen O’Shaughnessy, one such council member, is moved enough to begin drafting a letter to OSU president Brit Kirwan, on behalf of the union and its demands for a reasonable living wage.

Dr. Mark J. Plotkin delivers an admittedly cool sounding lecture at COSI. Beginning at 7:30pm in the Extreme Screen Theater, he discusses his transcontinental quest to find remedies derived from rainforest frogs, leeches, and snakes.

May 16

Riverdance, which toots its own horn as “the original international phenomenon,” returns to Columbus at the Ohio Theatre. Now through the 21st.

May 17 

Open Shelter proprietors Kent and Mary Beittel, who’ve been renting the space at 370 W. State Street since 1983, officially sign papers to buy the property outright.

May 18

Terry Waldo (piano) hits the Columbus Music Hall. Earth, a film by Deepa Mehta, is screening tonight and tomorrow at the Wexner Center.

May 19

Lynn Miles at Columbus Music Hall

May 20

I attend the Ohio Short Film + Video Showcase at the Wexner Center for the Arts.

Ohio Short Film Video Showcase 2000

Also tonight, elsewhere about town, jazz guitarist Bob Perrazza drives down from Cleveland, to jam with Bobby Floyd and Chris Howes. The Crew host the Dallas Burn over at Crew Stadium.

May 23

The sublime Lea Thompson kicks off a run at Palace Theatre, staring in a revival of Cabaret. A winner of 4 Tony Awards, this Broadway Series event will run through the 28th.

May 24

In somewhat of an atypical booking for Alrosa Villa, Magnetic Fields will play here instead of somewhere trendier.

Meanwhile, at Crew Stadium, Columbus’s professional soccer team hosts its first international match, ever, versus Hamburg, Germany’s squad. To commemorate the occasion, a May-Fest party kicks off at 6, featuring German music, foods, and of course a “bier garten.” The game itself begins at 7:30.

May 25

Easton Town Center’s first ever summer concert series begins today, with an Ann E. Dechant show. Special guests are Columbus-by-way-of-Maryland band O.A.R. (Of A Revolution). Free admission and parking.

May 26

Chris Thomas King performs at the Rhythm and Food Festival. As do Afro-Rican Ensemble, at the Bicentennial Stage.

May 27

Health Fair 2000 at the Borders bookstore on Kenny Road. A lecture titled “Eliminate Your Allergies” by Dr. Ralph Gustafson, a chance to meet authors William LePar, Barbara Braham, and David Riese, a discussion of Mary Baker Eddy’s Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures, transcendental meditation with Cary Davis and Dr. Hari Sharma are but a handful of the event highlights.

Phoenix Golf Links opens atop a former landfill, on Jackson Pike. Aside from the novelty of the site’s history, it also features an oddity in the form of an actual 19th hole (as opposed to the clubhouse lounge, often nicknamed such) (or a streaker painting this on his body, with an arrow down to his butt – although this may in fact happen there, for all I know).

May 28

The 3rd Annual Alaxson/Brock Memorial Art Exhibition is held at the Goodale Park Annex Building. Sonia Dada performs at the Rhythm and Food Festival.

June 1

Blistening heat. Columbus Arts Festival begins downtown, along the river. Running four days, among the artists will be glass-blower Ellen Grevey (booth #231), an OSU grad. Wexner Center for the Arts has tent #801, along Washington Blvd. Other notable artists include Don Brown and his watercolors (booth #196), Kara Tennis (jewelry, #215), Barry Kite (photo collage, #207-209), Ray I. Doan (photography, #99), Maggie & Tracy Lake (botanical specimens, #24), Richard Reher (painting, #259), Cathra-Anne Barker (stoneware, #40), Garry Seidel (photography, #102), Mia Tyson (clay, #221) and Kimmy Cantrell (ceramics #192). As for the music, here’s a list of this day’s performers:

PerformerTimeStage
Madrugada11:30amKeybank Fountain Stage
Changeling1:00pmKeybank Fountain Stage
El Calido Viento2:45pmKeybank Fountain Stage
Deanna Sweeney & Friends4:30pmKeybank Fountain Stage
High Street Stompers11:30amColumbusarts.com Riverfront Stage
canonico1:00pmColumbusarts.com Riverfront Stage
Andy Woodson Band2:45pmColumbusarts.com Riverfront Stage
Toll House Jazz Band4:30pmColumbusarts.com Riverfront Stage

Additionally, during the “Thursday Night Champagne Stroll,” numerous other musicians are performing in semi-random places, interspersed with the artwork stands. These are grouped into two separate time brackets:

6-8pm: Pro Musica String Quartet, Drums of Steel, Kent Brunside, Strings-n-Things, Chamber Music Connection, Aisling, Jon Mosey, Steven Riggs, Steve Free, The Early Interval

8-10pm: St. James Inferno, Columbus Light Opera, Sassafras, Neil Jacobs, John Morgan, Wild Carrot, Ann & Phil Case, Bachianna, John Vincent

In other news around town, over at nearby Southern Theatre, also running from 1-4, there’s something called The Male Intellect: An Oxymoron? The JuJuBees play at Braddock’s Grandview. Nash Kato is at the Easton Town Center, with special guest Fetch.

June 2

Another very hot day. Columbus Arts Festival 2000 continues with the following performers:

PerformerTimeStage
Buckeye Tailgaters11:30amKeybank Fountain Stage
Vocal Impact1:00pmKeybank Fountain Stage
Kimberly Lawson Quintet2:30pmKeybank Fountain Stage
The Primtetime Blues4:15pmKeybank Fountain Stage
Gwendolyn Speaks11:30amColumbusarts.com Riverfront Stage
Silent Lion1:15pmColumbusarts.com Riverfront Stage
Mimi Rousseau3:00pmColumbusarts.com Riverfront Stage
Hoo Doo Soul Band4:45pmColumbusarts.com Riverfront Stage
Dick Mackey w/ Mark Flugge Trio6:00pmColumbusarts.com Riverfront Stage
Afro-Rican Ensemble8:00pmColumbusarts.com Riverfront Stage
T. Michael Branner Quartet6:15pmKeybank Bicentennial Park Stage
The Ark Band8:15pmKeybank Bicentennial Park Stage

Additionally, there are some poetry readings, right beside the Bicentennial Park Stage – Rikki Santer at 6pm and Annemarie Brethauer at 8pm.

In other news, Conspiracy are at Short North Tavern. At Gentle Wind on Morse Road, “Practical Energy Techniques For Self Healing” with instructor Carol Wolf are going down at 7pm. This is a free session.

June 3

Columbus Arts Festival 2000 continues with the following performers:

PerformerTimeStage
The General Guiness Band11:30amKeybank Bicentennial Park Stage
Jeannette Williams1:15pmKeybank Bicentennial Park Stage
The Spectre3:00pmKeybank Bicentennial Park Stage
Uncle Owen4:45pmKeybank Bicentennial Park Stage
Brasiliera6:30pmKeybank Bicentennial Park Stage
Columbus Jazz Orchestra8:00pmKeybank Bicentennial Park Stage
Lisa Wagner11:30amColumbusarts.com Riverfront Stage
Barrelhouse Swing1:00pmColumbusarts.com Riverfront Stage
Dragline2:45pmColumbusarts.com Riverfront Stage
Querna Fuego4:30pmColumbusarts.com Riverfront Stage
The Coalition6:15pmColumbusarts.com Riverfront Stage
Mescalito8:15pmColumbusarts.com Riverfront Stage
Debbie Clement11:30amWest Town Street
Tisha Simeral Hines12:15pmWest Town Street
Children of the Future1:15pmWest Town Street
Peanut Butter & Jam3:15pmWest Town Street
Sally Crandall4:15pmWest Town Street
Grandparents Living Theater5:00pmWest Town Street
Capital Showcase Chorus11:30amCommunity Stage
Raks Shadan Troupe12:45pmCommunity Stage
Central Ohio Corps of Dance Clubs12:45pmCommunity Stage
The Ginger Snaps3:30pmCommunity Stage
AIMS Panther Steel Drums5:00pmCommunity Stage

Once again, there are poetry readings near the Bicentennial Park stage: Caitlin Daily (1pm), Catherine Callaghan (2:45pm), Jessica Justice (4:30pm), Craig McVay (6:15pm), Elise Geither (7:45pm). Also, there are music, dance, and theater youth performances over in the Children’s Area, and a couple other general audience activities over on the Grass Patch Stage – Candace Mazur-Darman staging Alice In Wonderland at 11:30am, and something from the Columbus Children’s Theater at 4pm.

Elsewhere around town, Tina Turner is at the Schottenstein Center. Controversy play the Short North Tavern.

June 4

Columbus Arts Festival 2000 concludes with the following performers:

PerformerTimeStage
Daniel Kelly Ensemble11:30amKeybank Bicentennial Park Stage
Kim Pensyl Quintet1:00pmKeybank Bicentennial Park Stage
K’Not Fibbin2:30pmKeybank Bicentennial Park Stage
Throat Culture4:00pmKeybank Bicentennial Park Stage
Blame Lucy11:30amColumbusarts.com Riverfront Stage
Donna Mogavero1:15pmColumbusarts.com Riverfront Stage
The Local Girls2:45pmColumbusarts.com Riverfront Stage
Hajde4:00pmColumbusarts.com Riverfront Stage
Willie Pooch and the Upsetters5:30pmColumbusarts.com Riverfront Stage
Lyn Ford11:30amWest Town Street
Advance Party12:15pmWest Town Street
Shakespeare in a Box1:15pmWest Town Street
El Calido Viento2:00pmWest Town Street
Jim Flanagan2:45pmWest Town Street
Erin Paton3:30pmWest Town Street
Querra Fuego4:45pmWest Town Street
Jewish Community/OSU Hillel Folk Dancers11:30amCommunity Stage
Ohio Wushu Team (martial arts)1:00pmCommunity Stage
Sizzlin’ Seniors2:15pmCommunity Stage
Anna Sheer3:30pmCommunity Stage
Central Ohio Corps of Dance Clubs12:45pmCommunity Stage
The Ginger Snaps3:30pmCommunity Stage
AIMS Panther Steel Drums5:00pmCommunity Stage

Once again, there are youth-based performances over at the Children’s area. Also, Candace Mazur-Darman reprises Alice In Wonderland on the Grass Patch Stage (11:30am). At 4pm the Grimaldi Circus Puppet Parade takes over there.

June 5 

After being closed for a while, Crabby Nina’s coffee shop on Parsons Avenue celebrates its re-opening.

Also, if I’m reading this old newspaper article correctly, did Montell Jordan seriously play Crazy Louie’s on this night? I would love to hear from anyone who attended this. According to the Dispatch, a boy band called 5 A.M. opened the show.

June 6

The Ladies of Desire at are Triple J. A repeat engagement follows on the 13th.

June 7 

These in-demand Ladies of Desire are now at Caddo’s.

June 8

Stefon Harris, who is billed as a jazz vibes sensation, brings his quartet and vibraphone to the Wexner Center.

Theatre company MadLab presents The Jungle, Suicide Notes, and Cheese and Pants Theatre (I believe these are 3 separate plays). All will enjoy another showing on the 16th as well.

Blessid Union of Souls plays Easton Town Center.

June 9

An Ohio wine festival kicks off at Coffman Park in Dublin. This three day event features, apart from the expected rivers of vino, gourmet food, live music, cooking demos, arts, crafts, even things for the kiddies to do. And perhaps most importantly of all: a designated driver program.

Also, Columbus Landmarks Foundation begins its Landmarks Tour, whereby patrons are able to visit downtown landmarks and have a few beers in the process.  Tonight’s version begins at Elevator Brewery and finishes over at the ballroom in Adam’s Mark Hotel. There’s also a correlated street party going on throughout, with Gay Street roped off for a couple of blocks in between High and 3rd. There is another tour on the 10th visiting different downtown landmarks.

MadLab presents The Secret Life of Mimes, The Faustian Physician, which will repeat on the 17th.

Afro-Rican Ensemble play the Parade Of Homes.

June 10

MadLab shows Breaking The Glass Slipper again.

June 15

MadLab presents I Get The Blues and Breaking The Glass Slipper. Looking at their June calendar, I see that The Ladies Of Desire are at Double Deuce. They will also be here on the 29th. Conspiracy play at Braddock’s Grandview. Kelsey Barber plays at Easton Town Center, as part of its summer concert series.

June 16

The Ladies of Desire are at Columbus’s American Legion West outpost.

June 18

Dublin Arts Council’s free concert series begins tonight, and will run through August 20th.

June 20 

Dave Matthews Band at Polaris Amphitheater June 20 2000

As far as an events calendar, I see that the Ladies of Desire are at Monkey Joe’s. It’s a sunny day off and I’m in a great mood, knock out the oil change and tune up appointments with my car. Of far more importance, though, quite naturally, this is also the day of the big Dave Matthews concert.

June 21

Elsewhere around town, the Ladies of Desire venture to Escorpion tonight.

June 22

The JuJuBees are at Braddock’s Grandview. Joy Drop are at Easton Town Center, with special guest Red Wanting Blue.

June 23

Master lampworker Herald Eberhart is conducting workshops on his craft, for students of all ages, at Glass Axis. Classes will continue through the 25th. Tommy, Ryan, Maria, Jen F, Jacob and some others went to the Steve Miller concert.

June 24

Shift at work, followed by trip to Dave & Buster’s, etc.

June 28

Local basketball star Michael Redd is taken as the 43rd draft pick, by the Milwaukee Bucks. Then the Atlanta Hawks draft Scoonie Penn 57th.

Thurber House hosts its 10th Annual awards picnic. This is actually a dinner buffet, held at the Thurber House, serving wine, although they also permit you to bring your own cooler (of food, presumably). The Other Paper book critic Charlie Toft is among the award recipients, and school board member Stephanie Hightower kicked things off by reading some of James Thurber’s work.

June 29 

Cracker are the latest summer concert series band to play Easton Town Center. Virginia Coalition are the special guests.

June 30

The 29th edition of Community Festival begins at Goodale Park. Tony Monaco, whom I’ve seen before and is pretty damn amazing on the keys, is among those performing at the jazz tent.  His set is well received and will find enthusiasts spilling out onto the street to shake their behinds. New Basics Brass Band is over on the gazebo stage, while Watershed closes out the night on the main one. Jenny Mullin, in her piece for The Other Paper, complains that their set was so loud it was drowning out everybody else.

July 1

Comfest continues with, among many, many others, Barry Chern picking an acoustic on the Poplar Street stage. Jack Neat outfits his band in shirts that have “Jack” across the chest, except for lead singer Nikki Wonder, whose tighter shirt says “Neat.” The Johnson Brothers will grace the main stage later, and The Other Paper for one is not impressed. Cleopatra Grip play pop music on this same stage at some point. Howlin’ Maggie play at least Alcohol (one of maybe two songs I know of theirs) and then Fenster will close out the night there. Soul-Fu Villains are over on the jazz stage, quietly laying down the grooves amid this mayhem. A group of local police and firemen bring a bagpipe band to the Fine Arts Stage, and reportedly sound none too shabby.

Over at the jazz tent, Jessica Agler sings with the Columbus Youth Ensemble, and other acts include New Remnants, flutist Kris Keith and his outfit Minan-Dya, as well as Madrugada. Jim Maneri goes over particularly well, accompanied by Derek DiCenzo on theremin.

Slightly north of here, Dr. Dre, Snoop Dogg, Ice Cube, Warren G and Eminem hit the Schottenstein Center all at once. This was a pretty big deal even then and it seems like some of my friends might have gone to it.

July 2 

Johnny Rebel (rockabilly) plays Comfest’s Poplar Street stage, relatively late. As do Sue Harshe and Marcy Mays. Over at the jazz tent, the Famous Jazz Orchestra breezes through the noon hour. Paul Brown and his Science Gravy Orchestra are followed by a Chris Howes set (he had actually just played with Science Gravy as well) where the power goes out. Rodney McCoy and Deep Pockets (from Pittsburgh – I guess I didn’t realize out-of-towners or especially out-of-staters were permitted here) raise the vinyl roof to close out the night, possibly the event as far as I know, into the a.m. hours. According to The Other Paper, Little Brother’s owner Dan Dougan was spotted in the crowd, dancing to their set.

July 3

Following a late shift at work, another relatively crazy night ensues. Which you can read about here.

July 6

Ricky Martin is performing at the Schott. 10,000 Maniacs with special guest Anne E. Dechant are out at Easton, the latest in their series of free outdoor concerts.

July 7

The Sawmill Road Borders has another Harry Potter themed weekend, beginning at 10pm tonight, as they gear up for the midnight release of The Goblet of Fire. Crafts and contests are but a smattering of the delights awaiting thee.

July 8

Borders continues its Harry Potter weekend by way of “Breakfast With Dumbledore,” a couple instances of Hogwart’s Express leaving the station (whatever that means) and a game of quidditch.

Fairmont Girls are at Oldfield’s on High. Westerville’s Music & Arts Festival (2 days) begins at Otterbein College, on the Campus Towers Hall Lawn.

July 12

Author James Kaserman is in town, dressed as a pirate, to promote his latest book and set the record straight about pirates, at the Upper Arlington Barnes & Noble. Elsewhere on the literary front, New York Times writer Andy Borowitz (who also apparently created the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air sitcom!) is the main attraction at the latest Thurber House Literary Picnic.

Director Richard Gordon, as part of the Wexner Center’s “Son of B-Movie Mania” series, is on hand to introduce screenings of his classics The Haunted Strangler and Fiend Without A Face. 

July 13 

Conspiracy play Braddock’s Grandview.

Matthew Sweet plays at Easton, as part of their free outdoor concert series.

July 15 

Elsewhere around town, there’s the 4th Annual Wing Zing, at the Easton Town Center. Wings, live music, and presumably beer, considering that Budweiser sponsors the thing. This is actually quite the lineup: McGuffey Lane, The Dan Orr Project, Molly Hatchet, Joan Jett & the Blackhearts. A number of different restaurants are competing for various event awards, all of them selling three wings for $1.

July 16

This is an interesting sounding show that I wish I would have caught. Billed as “new sounds from the digital realm,” the Wexner Center hosts either a group or series of individuals known as Fennesz/Pita/Schmickler. Whatever it is they’re doing, the pitch is that you will hear how “hotwired laptops and suspect devices shape electronic music’s future.”

July 20

Channel 10 uses their helicopter’s brand new “Sky Zoom” camera to film a good old fashioned police chase, when some out of control driver attempts outrunning cop cars on I-71.

July 27

Tonight’s musical offering at Braddock’s in Grandview is The JuJuBees Rhythm Revue, with Vocal Impact. Elsewhere, a three day event called Bluegrass Classic kicks off at Hoover Reservoir Park.

COSI is hosting a limited run of “Rockin’ Laser Shows” which admittedly sound cooler than anything else they’ve recently had. Though the curiously titled Pop Rox offering runs daily at 3:30 (featuring music by the likes of modern boy bands and Britney Spears) tonight’s lineup is a little better: Beatles at 6:15, Pop Rox at 7:30, but then Beastie Boys at 8:45 and the all but required Pink Floyd at 10pm. The same show repeats tomorrow as well.

Riffe Gallery has an opening reception from 5-7pm for Metaphor and Irony: Czech Scenic and Costume Design 1920-1999, which will run from today through October 15.

July 28 

The Short North’s Special Improvement District team meets with Department of Trade and Development Director Mark Barbash (awesome last name, incidentally) to iron out more details about these proposed arches over High Street. At issue is who’s picking up the tab on moving the power lines from above to underground.

Columbus Symphony Orchestra’s “Picnic with the Pops” series presents a Buckeye Band Bash featuring their outfit as well as the OSU marching band, as well as Civil War cannons courtesy of 1st Ohio Statehouse Light Artillery’s Battery A. A repeat performance is slated for the 29th, too, and lawn seats are just $13.

“Summer of Dance” begins at the Riffe Center’s Capitol Theatre. Tonight and the following night there’s “an invigorating mix of contemporary dance and enchanting classical ballet,” according to the ads.

July 29

Worthington Folklife Celebration begins at 10am. “Where New Dogs Learn Old Tricks,” is the tagline for this event, and it truly is a hodgepodge of, well, see for yourself:

10am-4pm – Make It & Take It interactive art

10:30am & 4:30pm – drum circles

11am & 1pm – Turkeys in the Straw (old time string band)

11am to 1pm – Native Games

Noon – old style hootenanny

1, 2 and 3pm – cake walks

1:30-3:30pm – block party games

1:30pm – John Ulrich & Friends (traditional jazz)

3pm – David Verny Band (traditional bluegrass)

There’s also “storytelling & folks songs” by Browne (2:15pm), Arbaugh (3pm), Browne and Arbaugh (noon). Plus art & craft exhibitors, demonstrations by skilled craftsmen, a pig roast, and an ongoing block party throughout.

Elsewhere about town…the Major League Soccer All-Star game is broadcast live from Crew Stadium, on ABC and ESPN both. Columbus has no starters on the squad, but Dante Washington (not sure who else) is on the bench. Then at 10pm, soccer star Alexi Lalas (who is either confident that the game will be long over by then, or plays on disappearing even if it’s not) is booked for a hilarious sounding head scratcher I almost wished I would have seen: an appearance at Rush Creek on Sunbury Road. It says here there is live music by Nectar Drop featuring Alexi Lalas. But then also Jon Chinn of Pretty Mighty Mighty.

Dragonfly, which bills itself as “high cuisine,” has some kind of lounge DJ event featuring Michael Guldan, Thomas James, Anthony Ramos, and others. 10pm-1am.

July 30

The Rick Brunetto Band plays in Goodale Park, as part of the Short North Sunday Jazz Series. These free events begin at noon, and attendees are encouraged to bring their own picnic supplies, to chill in the grass whilst absorbing these tasty grooves. Special guest Dwight Lenox is also performing. Another Buckeye Comic Con is held at the Holiday Inn on Roberts Road.

August 2

Musical sensations Celeste & Craig are at the Borders bookstore on Sawmill, imploring people to “get down to the salsa sound.”

August 4

Dublin Irish Festival begins. This three day event, held at Coffman Park, features musical acts The Prodigals, Seven Nations, The Fenians, and The Black Family, although I don’t know exactly who played when.

“Summer of Dance” continues on the 4th and 5th, this time with “a shockwave of funky, ultra-hip modern moves and sweeping romantic ballet.” Only to be found at Capitol Theatre, of course.

August 5

Jethro Tull hit Palace Theatre.

August 6

The Short North Sunday Jazz Series continues at Goodale Park. On tap today is the Hank Marr Sextet, with Tom Carroll and Jeanette Williams.

August 9

A new law goes into effect that if you’re buying more than four kegs of beer, you must sign a waiver permitting the police to come and search your property. While this is actually a statewide rule, it’s difficult to imagine any area that will be harder hit than, say, I don’t know, the OSU campus perchance.

What kind of effect will this have on us, though? Too soon to tell. As far as what else is happening around town today, a bad storm knocks out the power at the Henderson Road Kroger, along with traffic lights up and down that road. The Borders on Sawmill welcomes guest speaker Manon Van Schoyck, who is bringing some nocturnal animals and will talk about such during this interactive program.

August 10 

Imperial Teen play at Easton Town Center.

August 11

Now the “Summer of Dance” implores you to “indulge in an explosion of pulsating, passionate dance.” Another opportunity to do so awaits you on the 12th.

August 17 

Wang Chung play at Easton Town Center. It’s another free show and some of us are talking about hitting that, but it’s raining today and this doesn’t happen.

August 19

Grandview is really popping these days! Shoku, a highly regarded Pan-Asian Restaurant, celebrates with a 1st Anniversary party tonight.

August 20

Chad Rager’s Modern Big Band plays Braddock’s Grandview

August 21

Side B of Pearl Jam's August 21, 2000 concert

Pearl Jam plays Polaris with Sonic Youth opening. This is from the first tour where they released every single show as a live disc and set a record in the process (most albums on the chart at once.) If you’re curious about my review of that CD/show, you can read it here.

August 24

Delyn Christian & D.C.B. (I think maybe this stands for Delyn Christian Band) play Braddock’s Grandview. Red Wanting Blue get to headline their own show at Easton Town Center.

August 31

Hot day. A return engagement at Braddock’s Grandview for The JuJuBees Rhythm Revue. The Outfield close out the summer concert series at Easton Town Center.

September 2

The OSU football team plays a home game against Fresno State. These Buckeyes administer a serious beat down to the tune of 43-10, with Fresno not even scoring until the 3rd quarter. David Mitchell manages to return a fumble and an interception both for TDs. Steve Bellisari also throws a 23 yard pass to the immortal Chad Cacchio, among other highlights.

September 9

Tim McGraw and Faith Hill begin their 2 night run at Nationwide Arena. It’s the first ever event held here and, oddly enough, they close with a cover of Fleetwood Mac’s Go Your Own Way.

September 12

Brian Wilson at Ohio Theatre September 12 2000

Brian Wilson show.

September 16

Roy’s 30th birthday party

September 22

Mick Taylor plays at Thirsty Ear, tickets are $25 a pop. Damon and Paul attend. In their recap they tell me they can read his lips, early into his set when he turns to another musician in the band and says, “this sucks.” And has a similarly disinterested attitude for the entire performance. I’m sure it would indeed suck mightily to go from The Rolling Stones to playing a venue like this…but on the other hand, this attitude may explain in part why you’re no longer with The Rolling Stones.

September 23

a rave I attend at Valley Dale Ballroom.

November 4

Buckeye football team takes on Michigan State at home. Damon and Paul attend this game for some reason. It’s the fourth time this year the Bucks have posted exactly 27 points, winning this time around by a score of 27-13. This puts them at a 7-2 record on the season.

November 5

Type O Negative play Alrosa Villa. It’s nice to see that in Rob Harvilla’s reviewing for The Other Paper, he confirms my impression of these guys, i.e. that they’re basically clowning around up there. But are a pretty decent metal band anyway. After opening with a cover of N.I.B. by Black Sabbath, they then thank the audience and jokingly tell them goodnight. Then return and play an actual full set. Overall, he rates it as a weird yet captivating show, replete with long solos, unexpected mid-song shifts, and even more left field cover choices.

Simon Says and the hilariously named SpineShank open.

November 7

Jello Biafra makes some kind of weird spoken word/political manifesto appearance at Independence Hall. As reported by Sonya Huber for The Other Paper, his best quote is perhaps referring to Columbus as, “not the most picturesque city I’ve ever seen.” He also christens this town as “Hellburbia” at one point. A couple of attendees are heckling him, and perhaps rightly so, until security is called to deal with them. And this is before Jello attempts inciting the crowd into action, with a suggestion that they dig up Woody Hayes’s grave, right now, tonight. Thankfully (?) this does not come to pass.

The reason he’s here, presumably, has something to do with Election Day.

November 11

’80s Power Ballad Night at Andyman’s Treehouse. Billy Peake, Miranda Sound, Pfifer, Quinn Fallon (bartender/co-owner of this charming establishment), Rick Kinsinger, Rhonda Everitt, Stepford Five, The Vague, Wolfgang Parker and others take their shot at covering classics from the MTV era.

The photo at the very top of this post is a 45 (AKA “7 inch”) that references a “two year anniversary” for something, I’m not sure what, apparently called Malfunction. My guess is that it was given out at a rave, which was a regular or possibly just annual event. Here’s the flipside of that record:

If anybody knows the first thing about this project, I’d love to hear about it. Currently I have no turntable and to my knowledge never played this artifact. I was at one rave where Ben Kenobi was among the scheduled performers, though, which makes me think this was something similar. Am fairly certain I didn’t attend it, though I can’t quite recall where I acquired this item in the first place.

November 18

This fair city suffers one of its worst ever riots, though the who/what/where are quite familiar: drunken OSU students burning things on campus. The catalyst this time is, what else, a Buckeye loss to Michigan. My “favorite” incident is when some out of town kid from Illinois allegedly tosses a cop’s bike on the bonfire, while he’s busy arresting someone else. This three alarm rager lasts until nearly daylight, featuring police in riot gear as its piece de resistance, with a final tally of 34 revelers hauled in. Cops are quoted in The Other Paper saying that all the bars closing on south campus has had “unintended consequences,” i.e. exactly what many of us had predicted was obviously going to happen. The kids have nothing else to do so now they’re destroying shit.

Regarding the game, the once again much overhyped Buckeyes failed to deliver the goods. Losing 26-38 to the Wolverines, at home no less, puts them at a paltry 8-3 to close out the season, despite a not exactly powerhouse schedule.

November 19

Blue Jackets smoked at home by Vancouver, 6-1. As the record falls to 7-12-1-1 (whatever this means – maybe wins-losses-ties-forfeits?), their debut season does look kind of lost already. Indeed, a glance at the roster reveals just one guy I’ve even heard of, Geoff Sanderson. Well, yeah, and Ron Tugnutt. You don’t exactly forget a name like that.

November 23

A number of local organizations are kind enough to give out free Thanksgiving dinners. Among these are Better Way Ministries, CMACAO Northeast, Community Kitchen, Faith Mission (151 N. Sixth St.), Hilltop Church Council at St. Aloysius Family Center, Inner City Ministries, Salvation Army and Rock of Faith Baptist Church, and Volunteers of America (379 W. Broad St.)

December 3

Police chase deranged speeder on the interstate, a man driving the wrong way in excess of 90mph. After hitting a roadblock in the form of spikes, he flips his SUV multiple times and ejects from it. Incredibly enough, he is still alive after this crash.

December 7

Marilyn Manson besmirches Veterans Memorial with his presence. Godhead will introduce this sacrilege.

 December 31

OSU’s women’s basketball team loses a nail-biter to Penn State, 66-63. With the score tied at 63 in the closing seconds, the ball came loose and both squads attempted to corral it. A foul is called on Lauren Shenk during the ensuing melee, which proves the difference maker.

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Downtown Columbus

art installation downtown Columbus Ohio

This has already been a fun, if sprawling and chaotic, section to tackle. Expect frequent changes as I continue to add to and revise the page. It’s probably going to take a while to get a handle on this region – so just maybe, if you can, try and avoid these orange construction cones and blinking arrows straight out of the Spring-Sandusky interchange mess.  Until I figure out a better way to organize it, there are three different ways to navigate this page. Down below is another of these crude maps which you have come to know and love. You can click on any of the district/street names to jump to that section. Below that, there’s an alphabetized list by area, if you prefer. Or of course you could always just keep reading, too:

Brewery District

-Arena District-

Route 33 runs east/west through the middle of here, but what’s interesting about this road is that it’s split – Spring Street if you’re driving out of downtown, Long Street if you’re heading into it. Right at the I-670 overpass they join forces and just become Riverside instead, as it bends more northbound or at least northwest from there.

As of 2006 across from the Neil Road intersection, where that dead ends into 33, two black iron trellis style railroad tracks cross the Scioto River, kind of like skis pointed inward toward one another. There’s a footbridge across the river, just west of the westernmost track, a footbridge part of path that leads back to this building they’ve erected at the light, across from where Neil dead ends: brick, with a ton of windows (small, but basically western half of the streetside face, and a little cafe with a bunch of tables outside. North Bank Park – strip of lawn between Spring and Long – grass and benches – spaced evenly apart, black metal. I think they’ve got bands playing inside sometimes. Brick crosswalks. Neil also brick in the short patch between Spring and Long.

Below is a map of this district I felt compelled to jot down for some reason in the summer of 2006. The directional orientation is not what I would do in this day and age, but, well, that was obviously 20 years ago. A project like this website wasn’t even a glimmer in my eye at that point. So when uploading here, I attempted rotating this image ninety degrees to the right, but that made it even more ghastly to behold. So that didn’t work. In the end I decided to leave this exactly as I drew it, but with a couple directional arrows typed onto the finished product. Just keep in mind this doesn’t point the same way as the other maps on this site:

343 N. Front St.

Address given to a whole slew of enterprises, including a Buca di Beppo, Whistle & Keg, CoGo, Creators’ Kitchen, and the ghastly sounding NASCAR Wings.

A happening live venue with an equally horrific moniker of Frog, Bear and Wild Boar Bar once occupied a large chunk of the front portion, i.e. facing south toward Battelle Plaza and Nationwide Blvd. Miles could never quite remember the name, would usually blurt out his closest approximation of it – but with complete seriousness – of which “Frogs, Hogs, and…Bullhorn” was probably his most famous, when attempting to describe it or tell someone to meet us there or whatever. They had some decent bands, though, and were usually packed, and I did meet one girl here, began dating her for a short while in like 2003 or thereabouts. So it wasn’t a complete loss.

As of September 2006, they had $1.50 domestic drafts and $2 martinis all day every day, as of Sep ’06. They serve pub grub too, of course, including a huge Build Your Own Burger that clocks in at half a pound. But also known for their Chick Parm Sandwich and of course the standard fish & chips.

At present it doesn’t look like anyone is carving out this specific space of the building. But it would have sat between where Whistle & Keg and CoGo now, some percentage of that square footage.

401 N. Front St.

The Jeni’s Ice Cream home office, Creole 2 Geaux (now that’s more like it, branding-wise), Fanatics Sportsbook, a Social Security office for disabilty adjudication, Cardinal Solutions Group, Impact.com, a U.S. Small Business Administration office, JLL, Insight Enterprises Inc., BYLINED, Array Architects Columbus, Richard W. Rubenstein Law, Lazear Capital Partners, Lasso Productions, Small Business Development Center, ODAR Hearing Office, Pennant, Campos EPC, and GREAT Products Inc., and Chipotle all claim suite space in this attractive brick building that you will walk up to, after parking elsewhere (or catching other modes of transportation.)

One of its flagship first tenants, though, when this Arena District initially went up, was Gordon Biersch. They lasted until at the very least April 2006. Have an outdoor patio, dedicated parking. Brew their own beer and craft their own “culinary creations,” according to ad.


The Basement 

(391 Neil Avenue). Concert venue, smaller in scale than Express Live! next door. I remember ex-almost-Beatle Pete Best played here once. Mostly, though, in my experience, the upstairs bar is utilized as a pregame spot for concerts held at 405 Neil Avenue.

The Boat House Restaurant 

(679 W. Spring Street) Charming comfort food spot with great view of downtown, in the shadow of Highway 315, on a little strip of land where the Scioto and Olentangy rivers diverge.

Brothers

(477 Park St.) I just found out while researching this that it’s actually a national chain. It’s been here about 25 years or so but I seriously had no clue. Anyway, though, it’s your standard sports bar in many respects, albeit with a nice patio, and a wonderfully happening location. If this isn’t prime real estate, I don’t know what is.

Chipotle

(401 N. Front St.) I believe this one opened in early 2001. Hard to imagine a time when this (and every) city wasn’t entirely overrun with these puppies.

Express Live! 

(405 Neil Avenue.) Despite whatever name you give this venue (I still fight the urge to call it Promowest Pavilion) it remains a nifty spot, roughly 20 years in, whereby bands can either play indoors or outdoors depending upon the weather. The best show I’ve seen here has probably been Buddy Guy and the worst without question was Little Feat.

Gaswerks

(487 Park St.) Yeehaw! I’m happy to see this bar is still here. Still, though venturing inside virtually every watering hole that ever existed in this district, for some reason I don’t recall hitting this one ever. So let’s take a look at their paper advertisements from the early 2000s, shall we?

Their motto is “Great Drinks Lousy Service,” so I’m guessing there’s some kind of “ironic” stance in play here, maybe a la that Dick’s place or whatever it was where the waiters there would insult you all day. As of 2006, they do have S.I.N. (Service Industry Night) in mind every Wednesday, where you can either bring a check stub or formally register yourself with a S.I.N. Card. Billing itself as “simply the best S.I.N. night anywhere!” it features $1 martinis, $1 Bombs, $2 Calls (have to admit I’m clueless on this one), $1.50 domestic pints, and free pool all night. Every Thursday, they had Garage Band Thursdays, also with free pool and featuring a local musical act.

Huntington Park

(it has an address, of course, though as is often the case, I feel it’s more instructive to tell people this sits at the corner of Neil and Nationwide). This is the current, still relatively new home of the Columbus Clippers baseball team.A former gas station that existed at the corner held up construction somewhat, as the site was deemed environmentally toxic and had to be properly cleaned up first.

Kooma

(37 Vine Street.) Has been here since at least 2006. They are open for lunch onward Mon-Fri, from 4-9:30 on Saturdays, and closed Sundays. Serve upscale fare, including sushi, in a cozy modern setting.

Nationwide Arena

This arena was pushed through under some mild controversy, when the public voted no to fund it, but our mayor gave it the green light anyway. But I’m not here to get on a soapbox debiting the merits/demerits of this approach, particularly as someone who has visited here at least once (and couldn’t even be bothered to vote on it that day anyway, if being honest.) If seeking to read specifically my limited impressions of the Blue Jackets, you can go here. If you truly don’t have enough stress in your life and like to work yourself up into a lather over rich guy hookups and bungled city deals and the way enormous enterprises often pay less in taxes than the janitor sweeping its floors after a Tim McGraw concert, by all means do some detective work online.

Otherwise, we’ll stick to the scattershot details I’ve managed to track down about the operation itself. Like how Cotter’s was a bar/restaurant attached to Nationwide Arena, as of April ’06. They featured $4 martinis from a Signature Martini Menu Mon-Fri from 4-7pm. Also a $4 small plate every evening:

                Mon – roasted vegetable pizza

                Tue – mini steak burgers

                Wed – baked brie

                Thu – flash fried calamari

                Fri – shrimp cocktail

                They also bill themselves as being “directly across from the historic Union Station arch.”

North Market (click to view page)

Park Street Tavern

(501 Park St.) Cozy yet classy little dive, often featuring live music. I came here quite a bit when working at North Market in 2006, to kill time while waiting on the bus. It typically wasn’t too crowded, they had baseball on the TV, and I could almost always grab a table in front of the big picture window for people watching during commercials.

Ted’s Montana Grill

(191 W. Nationwide Blvd) As if you couldn’t guess, a somewhat upscale yet frontier themed, wild wild west type steakhouse establishment. Awesome food, though, it must be said. But they do have these all over the place and you might already be familiar with the chain. Erin and I are especially partial to what they call Almost Pickles here, as far as an appetizer goes.

(honorable mention/the departed)

51 Vine St.

No one’s using this address of the moment. It would have occupied the northwest corner of this larger building, facing Vine Street and the North Market, the same one Kooma is in. Gibby’s was one former tenant, though, through at least March 2006. They were a sister operation to the one in Grandview. Games on tv, wings, beer. You get the drill.

106 Vine St.

BBR Restaurant gave this space a go most recently, though they gave up the ghost at some point earlier this decade. A sports bar with a motto of “Rock It Out,” and advertising Eat, Drink, Sports as its tentpole attractions, they also displayed 106 West Vine on the building front, as their address. Although there is no East Vine.

Before this, Strada was a popular restaurant here, for many a year. As of January ‘01 they had live jazz every Friday night, open til midnight Fri & Sat. Spanish paella recipe: chorizo, mussels, chicken, calamari, shrimp, scallops and pork tenderloin tossed with peas, a traditional saffron rice. Calamari roll recipe: tenderized calamari dipped in francaisse, wrapped around crabmeat, roasted poblanos, boursin cheese, drizzled with jalapeno beurre blanc.

165 Vine St.

This plot of land is now a parking lot. Which I suppose is more useful than yet another live music venue. Still, there were at least a couple noteworthy ones located here, once upon a time.

The Lodge Bar was cool while it lasted, worth a visit roughly once a year or so. The interior was like a hunting lodge, and the stage has been moved to the back end of the bar.

Prior to this, the Brickyard called it home. The likes of Red Wanting Blue would often play here, like for example this memorable show from 2001. During this era, the stage was located up near the front entrance, along Vine Street, to the right as you walked in.

Arena Grand/Studio Movie Grill

(175 W. Nationwide Blvd.) This movie theater was kind of a big deal when it first opened, with plush seating in a fancy downtown setting and what have you. Although the only movie I personally remember catching here is when Erin and I saw Tim Burton’s Alice In Wonderland. In later years it was taken over and rebranded the somewhat befuddling Studio Movie Grill, which is apparently a mini-franchase of sorts but also not the greatest name. This to me makes it sound like merely the cafe portion of the theater itself, or something.

At any rate, this building has sat empty for quite a while. Is it oddly reassuring sometimes when a big profile business like this doesn’t quite make it? I guess on occasion, it is. I wouldn’t exactly wish misfortune on any random business owners, but at the same time, it’s nice to know someone can’t just plonk down a bunch of money, with an idea that’s slightly innovative at that moment, then coast into the sunset forevermore. In a majorly trendy district and, most likely, with significant hookups and/or breaks from the city in some form.

Blues Station

(147 Vine Street.) This low rectangular building with the white exterior is currently a big ol’ slab of nothingness. But it was a happening live venue of some renown through at least July 2006. Live music, Southern themed food such as fried peanut butter & jelly sandwiches. They have a patio too. As of then, every Tuesday they have an open mic jam with Patrick McLaughlin, every Wednesday open acoustic night with Ryan Smith.

Mekka 

Technically this would have sat just outside of the self-imposed boundaries of my little downtown map here. It was an insanely popular club here in town for a couple years in the late 90s. They would also host the odd national touring musician on occasion. According to the historical records I’m researching, its address was 382 Dublin Avenue, which doesn’t even exist anymore. If you’re talking about 382 Dublin Road, I think that’s more or less the same vicinity, but if I’m not mistaken they totally revamped the streets around here when the Arena District went in. So it’s not 100% accurate, either. But of course I could be wrong about that.

Well, anyway, whatever the particulars at that time, it was located in the old Buggy Works building. Opened by a guy named Tom Higgins. We came here just once but I remember it was difficult to find, back then. Which only served to enhance its mystique. It looks like Eve 6 and Lit played here on 4/6/99, Men At Work on 9/11/99. By February 2000 they were closed, however, possibly even earlier.

One Nation

(Nationwide Building) Its time here would have preceeded anyone actually referring to this area as the Arena District. Located on the 38th floor of the towering Nationwide headquarters, it was a restaurant open for twenty years, from 1977-97, and had a number of different regionally themed rooms. Both it and the external glass elevator used to reach the restaurant afforded awesome views of the city.

Water Works 

(225 N. Front Street) Former semi-notorious restaurant whose heyday peaked in the 1980s. This address no longer exists, as the entire block and then some has been eaten up by a Nationwide parking garage. Opened on the site of a former warehouse basement, everything here was water themed – but not necessarily in a nautical sense. For example, seating fashioned out of bathtubs, manhole cover shaped menus, dishes with highly questionable names such as Salt-Water Station Scampi. The fare was apparently semi-decent to respectable, and it lasted from 1971-87. But, I don’t know, with a gimmick like this, it’s somewhat surprising they stuck around that long.




-Brewery District-



Though downtown as a whole has been plagued by this to some extent, the Brewery District is unique in that I feel like for 20 plus years now, there’s been this trend of bars blowing into here with a ton of hype, and being packed to the gills in what has always been a happening district – in other words, a theoretically sustainable business – but then the masses stop showing up overnight, a few months down the road, and the place is toast before you know it.

This has its own standalone page now. So if interested please click either the name above or else right here.





-E. Broad Street-



12 E. Broad Street

Nothing is here at the moment, though it was most recently Jack & Benny’s Downtown Diner.  A fascinating cycle of upturns and downswings brought this all-day-breakfast operation downtown again. After their initial run basically right next door (6 E. Broad) ended in 1972, they relocated to the north campus location on High, which still exists to this day. Recent, more prosperous times led to adding this 2nd restaurant, however, and even a 3rd, out at the OSU airport. The downtown location had a tough go of it in the COVID era, though, and were regrettably forced to close their doors.

The original stop at 6 E. Broad, which lasted 18 years, for the majority of that lifespan was connected to another restaurant Jack Sher & Benny Klein owned, Benny Klein’s Charcoal Steak House. Located just around the corner, on High, and accessible via tunnel.

Rhodes State Office Tower

(30 E. Broad Street) A totally free observation deck might be one of the city’s best kept secrets. All that’s needed is a photo ID, and there are even guided tours available.

Sign above Columbus Dispatch headquarters
Columbus Dispatch

Columbus Dispatch

(62 E. Broad) – Home of the city’s major daily newspaper. I don’t feel like Cleveland bests Columbus in very many categories, but this is one exception – The Plain Dealer has always been a better paper. A lot of people, including some of my friends and I, were vaguely horrified when the Dispatch bought up treasured weekly independents, The Other Paper and Alive! True to form, they soon axed The Other Paper, citing overkill. In fairness, however, I will say they didn’t really seem to tinker with Alive! much, far less than expected.

The Dispatch website is highly annoying, however. Even after registering for 5 free articles per month, and logging in, I can’t seem to get the pop-up to go away, which greys out and blocks the remainder of the screen…asking you to either register, log-in, or pay for access. So you might get 5 “free reads” per month, but only in a mathematical model where 5 also equals 0. Overall, while the Disgrace nickname might be a tad excessive, I feel this is only an average or slightly below average newspaper for a city like ours.

112 E. Broad Street

The original site for Maramor restaurant, which was apparently just a house back then. Definitely hard to picture now. A Lazarus employee, Mary Love, opened it in 1920. This closed after a short while, as she moved out west, but then returned to reopen a different spot diagonally across the street (137 E. Broad), which was highly regarded and lasted deep into the 1960s.

257 E. Broad Street

Formerly the location of the first ever Wendy’s restaurant, from November 15, 1969 to March 2, 2007. If you see old pictures of this building, with rounded glass walls topped by blue and white vertical stripes, yeah, it really didn’t change that much over the years, aside from gradually becoming a Wendy’s museum of sorts, too. Declining sales led them to bulldozing the structure completely.

The only Wendy’s trace now is a historical marker in this grassy strip along the sidewalk. Just behind where the restaurant would have sat, though, is The Catholic Foundation, which also houses the totally free Museum of Catholic Art and History, an underrated gem you probably haven’t heard much about. STRS Ohio, an investment service, also calls this address home.

Prior to Wendy’s, it was part of Bill Kay’s Oldsmobile operation. Between the two, I’ve seen it listed as the site for Tommy Henrich’s restaurant, although other sources show the address as 247 E. Broad. So I’m not sure if it was one big connected space or if there’s an error of some sort there.

Motorists Mutual Insurance

(471 E. Broad) – Tall, funky looking dark brown building has a distinct 1970’s appearance to it, though I’m not actually sure how old it is. My ex-girlfriend Heather’s grandma worked here for eons and wound up retiring from the place. She used to buy Amway soap from me and I personally delivered some to her here once.

The Bluestone

(583 E. Broad) – Originally a First Baptist church which was built in 1898, and has undergone many changes since then. A short lived incarnation as Bar Of Modern Art (2006-2010) was considered by most an interesting but doomed concept, and this proved somewhat correct – although for this to last even four years is somewhat amazing. As the Bluestone it’s now an events venue which books live musical acts, too, both local and touring ones, as well as garden variety catering and banquet type happenings.  My stepdaughter Maddie recently had her senior prom in this building, for example. They also host occasional national acts and events like Melted Festival. Here’s one song from Kikagaku Moyo playing the 2019 edition:

I’m not really sure where downtown is officially considered to end out this way, but the point where it crosses over I-71 seems as good as any. From here, you start getting into the Olde Towne East district.


-W. Broad Street-



LeVeque Tower 

LeVeque Tower Columbus Ohio
LeVeque Tower

(50 W. Broad Street). Completed in 1927, this was once the tallest building in town. My ex-girlfriend Jill’s grandfather Carl did some electrical work on this massive structure back in its early days. In 1986, a sinkhole opened up on Broad Street pretty much right in front of it – if I remember correctly, it only ate one car. Some dude was driving along and the road caved in beneath him. Can you imagine? It’s hard to say whether this would make you want to buy a lottery ticket that day, or enter the witness protection program.

Technically speaking, anything west of the Scioto, from this bridge pictured above clear out to where 70 crosses Broad, is considered part of Franklinton. However in my experience, people are much more likely to refer to these following landmarks as “downtown,” and I am the same way.  I’m not sure where the unspoken line exists, but this seems to be a fairly accurate decoder key:

You’ve been there = downtown

Anything west of that = Franklinton

Franklinton is actually older than Columbus. I’ve read somewhere that there were businessmen doing brisk commerce in the early 1800s, offering boat rides across the river. Is this for real? I thought those older folk were supposed to be hardier types. I feel like I’m seriously out of shape now, but could still easily swim across the Scioto. Then again, this might prove difficult if attempting to hold onto your bonnet or top hat.

National Veterans Memorial and Museum 

(300 W. Broad Street) An impressive and modern looking facility. Oddly enough, one of the city’s top concert venues used to be located on this site, the Veterans Memorial Auditorium. Elvis played two shows here, on the same night in 1956, and as far as I can tell this is also where R.E.M. made their Ohio debut. That Arnold Schwarzenegger statue, in front of the Convention Center now, was originally here – it was moved when Vets Auditorium met the wrecking ball. This has something to do with a televised Mr. World strongman competition from 1970, which Arnold won right here, catapulting him into fame.

COSI

(333 W. Broad Street). Center of Science and Industry. It’s an okay spot, though much less exciting than one might imagine. A trip to the zoo or the Ohio Historical Society easily offers you much more bang for your buck. Only recommended if you’ve never been and are burned out on all the other similar options in town.

(honorable mention/the departed)

11 W. Broad St.

Former site of a Doersam’s restaurant, one of at least 4 around town (all within a close proximity, too – a North High, a South High, and an East Gay Street location). They were a burger joint that also served alcohol. This one closed at some point in the early 60s, and by 1970, the building itself was demolished. Cinco’s sits roughly in the same place now, though given a South High address.





-Downtown Proper-

(click on images in map to read more)

2006 notes: a brown wooden fence lines Fulton (east-west) above 70/71. Traffic pours out from westbound onto 4th Street, which is one way heading north. Backhoes work in the former basement of a recently demolished building – large, takes up about 1/4 block – at one corner of Mound and 4th. Ted Strickland’s campaign HQ is also here on 4th. A fire station with a sign in front proclaiming (white script on blue background) “busiest station in the nation.”

122 E. Main St.

Sidebar Columbus, The Cave Bar And Lounge, and the Pretty In Ink “permanent make-up clinic” are all located here now.

From 1991-95 it was a trendy restaurant called David’s On Main/David’s Down Under. Which went under in short order, indeed, due to plumbing and other maintenance issues. Although during this time, owner David Pelzman made national headlines and even Good Morning America for suing a would-be customer who failed to honor a reservation. An amusing tale and all, but there may be some karma related lessons there when your restaurant closes a year later.

From there it became the gay-friendly restaurant Out On Main (different owners) and then later Brownstone On Main (new owners as well.)

Columbus Association for the Performing Arts (CAPA)

Their headquarters is technically 55 E. State Street, next door to Ohio Theatre. Originally this organization was founded to save and restore that historic building, in 1969. But since that time, this non-profit group has taken over management of a number of similar operations around town (Southern Theatre, Palace Theatre, et cetera) and stages productions, hosts events at all of them. Even Franklin Park Conservatory falls under their purview.

Columbus Metropolitan Library

One of, if not the, most beautiful library interiors I’ve ever laid eyes upon. So that’s the face value take. Beyond all that, I’ve spent countless hours inside here over the decades, the nadir of which was probably the days of checking out 25 CDs at a time, in the late 90s, which I think was their limit. Then dubbing onto cassette (burning was not yet an option) the ones I ended up liking. Even back then I felt kind of bad for the clerks stuck dealing with dorks like me. Not that this ever stopped said dorks from perpetuating their antics.

In more recent times, aside from the remodeling flourishes which have made it an even more impressive sight, they’ve proven an invaluable reference resource for this website. For example I remain eternally grateful to one employee in particular, as she showed me how to look up old addresses in their database (often a surprisingly difficult task to accomplish, even with Google at your disposal) – before that, I had resorted to trying to buy old phone books from places like Craiglist.

Dirty Frank’s Hot Dog Palace 

(248 S. 4th Street) Highly rated operation has a thorough selection and serves beer as well.

C-bus institution Queen Bee once called this place home, for roughly sixty years. Christina Pritsolas was known for yelling constantly here at the restaurant. She died in 2001 and had a service at the Greek Orthodox Cathedral. She was wearing, according to Chrstine Hayes’s piece in the Short North Gazette (March ‘01), “leopard print blouse and black suit,” was surrounded by red roses. A granddaughter sang a song as tribute to her. They did serve baklava here but it wasn’t a strictly Greek restaurant. They suffered a fire in ’96, closing temporarily as a result, and mayor Greg Lashutka was disturbed enough by this he personally raised money to reopen it.

Franklin County Child Support 

(80 E. Fulton Street) Good times aplenty here, let me tell you. I only visited once in person but suffered many a phone chat with them over the years. Including one especially memorable conference call with then head honcho Randy Human, our caseworker, and Jill’s lawyer. No, that one did not especially go my way, either. In a thoroughly bizarre twist, many years later, my sister Laura will wind up working here.

The Jury Room 

(22 E. Mount Street) Among the older buildings in town, this one has survived more or less intact for about 200 years, pretty much for the same purpose. It was the J.F Gaiser Saloon in the late 1800s, though its longest incarnation was as a bar named The Jury Room. In recent times it underwent a couple more identity changes, including Blind Lady Tavern, before eventually reclaiming the Jury Room mantle.

Smart decision, fellas. When your bar has been around since 1831, you probably shouldn’t tinker with the formula a ton.

Mikey’s Late Night Slice 

(268 S. 4th Street) Trendy and popular pizza establishment with funky offerings to die for, apparently, though I’ve not yet personally tried them. I recently attempted visiting their north campus location, but couldn’t find a parking spot anywhere nearby, though driving around the block twice. And therefore hit Hounddog’s instead. It was a brutal winter night and I didn’t feel like walking farther. But yeah, expect the same customer stampede here, and probably any of their other locations.

Milestone 229 

(229 S. Civic Center Drive) Modern American type restaurant located in Bicentennial Park, overlooking the Scioto.

Ohio Statehouse

Though the address says 1 Capitol Square, this is basically situated at the corner of E. Broad and S. High. Fun fact: Abraham Lincoln was here when first learning he’d been elected president, in 1861. Fast forward to the summer of 2014, and you will find a TGIF summer concert series, held from noon to 1 every Friday, on the statehouse’s west plaza. A variety of prominent local music ranging from rock (Franklin Express) to opera (Opera Columbus) is featured here, along with a pick of the week food truck – Dos Hermanos, Red Plate Blue Plate, Angry Wiener and more.

As of at least 2001, once a year they would give a “Haunted Statehouse” tour. Thomas Bateman, Ohio Senate clerk for roughly five decades, is rumored to haunt the place – apparently he was extremely regimented and used to walk the same way to-from his office every day. Joseph Foraker (former governor and senator) reported seeing Lincoln’s ghost in here one night, dancing with some woman on the senate floor.

Ohio Theatre

Ohio Theatre, 39 E. State St.

(39. E. State Street) Quaint old fashioned performance art space, with a Spanish Baroque design.



Peanut Shoppe

(21 E. State St) Despite the name, this is considered more of a candy store – albeit with an iconic neon Mr. Peanut sign hanging on the corner outside.

Topiary Park

Not to be missed attraction sits just behind the downtown library. Click the link above to visit that page and learn much more about it.

(honorable mention/the departed)

Hartman Theatre

(79 E. State Street) Hartman Theatre used to sit here, at the SW corner of State and 3rd. It was closed in 1969, then demolished a couple years later. A parking lot soon replaced it, though this too eventually gave way to this snazzy newer building which houses multiple different businesses. Plaza Restaurant & Lounge (75 E. State) is probably the closest to where the Hartman would have been.

The theatre opened in 1911 with a showing of the musical The Pink Lady. Seating a little over 1700, it was originally designed for plays and other live performances, although they began screening films here as well, years later. James Thurber’s plays debuted here before they even hit Broadway, as did Eugene O’Neill’s A Moon for the Misbegotten. The likes of Laurence Olivier, Eartha Kitt, Shelley Winters and Martin Sheen graced the stage here at various points. A well-regarded restaurant, The Club, operated inside, although considering that grilled cheese was their specialty, it couldn’t have been too highbrow.

L’ Armagnac

(121 S. 6th Street) A beloved if somewhat short lived restaurant in the 1980s and 90s. A French establishment that was eventually knocked down to make room for Grant Medical Center.

Red Zone

(87 W. Main Street) Whoa. You want to talk about a block that looks completely different from what it did 20 years ago, it would be hard to pick a better example than this one. Nobody uses this address nowadays. But there used to be a sketchy looking standalone building, more or less in the middle of it, which housed a controversial yet extremely popular club called Red Zone. With an even worse looking parking lot beside it.

Chris Corso and Mike Gallicchio owned this place and a handful of other operations around town. It was eventually shut down over a flurry of shootings and a bunch of other ignorant behavior. Yet another place I felt the need to check out exactly once, just to say I did, but never again beyond that.

Currently this block (NW corner of Front and Main) is eaten up by taller, newer, much less horrific apartment buildings. Actually, I’ve seen one other place list their former address as 303 S. Front St. But any official directories I can find, as well as my personal memories, make it seem as though 87 W. Main (basically just across the street) must be more accurate. Either way, it closed in September 2000 – City Council filed an objection in December ‘99, declining to renew their liquor license.

Royal Cafe

(141 S. 4th Street) A huge restaurant with a famous mural and entrances from three different streets. This restaurant closed in 1965 and the building itself was either transformed or knocked down completely – I’m seeing conflicting reports on this.

Snaps & Taps Lounge

(44 S. Washington Ave) Is currently just a parking lot, for the building was demolished in ’04. But Columbus’s first poetry slams were held here, and it was an especially popular and seminal meeting space for the black creative community. As of Oct ‘01, every Wednesday was open mic poetry beginning at 8pm. Every 3rd Wed was a “slam” with cash prizes. Thursdays were live reggae featuring The Spectre, doors opened at 9pm. Fridays were “eclectic nights” featuring Amalgamated Funk, doors opened at 9. Every Sat night from 10pm-4am it’s “Culture Night,” with music from DJs Pacprof & Billy.

Tom Johnson’s

(110-120 S. 4th Street) Another treasured former restaurant that bit the dust, way back in 1957. But they had plenty else around town to keep them occupied. This was a family owned operation that eventually moved and morphed over time to the Johnson’s Fish Market operation that many of us remember. There’s not even a building here now, but it would have sat just south of the one currently housing Omni Title and Columbus Gift Academy.

-German Village-

 



This now has its own dedicated page as well. I’ll probably post a map here at some point, because much like the Brewery District, this technically isn’t “downtown,” but is adjacent enough to merit mentioning here.



-North High Street-



Though High Street north of Broad is probably the most iconic piece of road in town – it helps that this is such a lengthy, central avenue – the section between Broad and the Arena District is one of its least exciting stretches. Click on the link above for a dedicated page about North High, beginning downtown.



-South High Street-

 


Cinco: (1 S. High Street) Mexican restaurant with an assembly line, name-your-fillings type setup, a la Chipotle.

Huntington Center: (17 S. High Street). Some parts of this multipurpose building date back to 1905. Among the tenants now are a Potbelly Sandwich restaurant, a Huntington Bank, of course, and an office for the Ohio Board of Nursing.

77. S. High Street

A ton going on at this address. Capitol Theatre, Ohio Department of Veterans Services, Riffe Gallery, Engineers & Surveyors Board, Division Of Unclaimed Funds, the Ohio State Board of Pharmacy, Office Of Tourism, Elections Commission, and other assorted offshoots of the above consume various suites/wings of this complex. The building in part even extends over and above Wall Street, to a parking garage.

In a previous life, one location of the popular Mills restaurant mini-chain occupied at least part of these grounds. It was here an impressive sixty years, from 1916-1976, and was the site of a popular historic mural.

Lazarus Building

(141 S. High St.) From 1851 (you read that right) clear up until 2004, this was the home of the original Lazarus department store. Founded by Simon Lazarus, this was a highly influential chain in retail history. While never entering this building, not that I can recall, I drove/rode/walked/biked past it countless times – it was kind of hard to miss that trademark retro-retro murky blue exterior (meaning it already looked retro even when theoretically still in style), here and at all of their locations. When City Center went up in 1989, they built a walkway across High Street over to this store. Lazarus eventually merged with Macy’s, in the early 2000’s, before soon retiring the original name, and closing down this flagship location. And though it’s fascinating to look back at old photos of a place like this, to think about and get nostalgic over one major hub like this eating up an entire city block, it’s hard to imagine visiting more than a handful of times even were it still around. It’s sad, but that’s why these retail monoliths bit the dust.

Right now, it’s just known as the Lazarus Building, with a wide variety of operations renting out office space here. Not nearly as cool, but probably more useful in our modern downtown. Pat and Gracie’s, one of three locations around town, is located in one High-Street-facing slot of this building (121 S. High St.) They bill themselves as a “kitchen and tavern,” specializing in, among other offerings, fries made fresh with every order.

Spaghetti Warehouse: 

Treasured destination over the years, mostly because my daughter Emma is somewhat of a spaghetti maniac. Our most notable visit here was probably her 4th birthday party, which featured a memorably random cast of family members. Up above are some photos of her attacking chocolate birthday cake at that party. Maddie appears to be enjoying herself considerably just watching her sister in action.

They were originally located nearby, at 397 W. Broad Street, but have since relocated to a newer, trendier spot at 150 S. High. As the name would imply, the original building was a great old building with a warehouse vibe, the highlight being this train car with highly in-demand seating. Near the end of their run at spot #1, I had heard from some people that the quality of their food had seriously gone downhill. So let’s hope they’ve righted that ship in the process of this transplant.

Emma's 4th birthday party at Spaghetti Warehouse in Columbus, Ohio

160 S. High Street

Currently, a park named Columbus Commons (technically John F. Wolfe Columbus Commons, although of course no one would ever blurt all this out in everyday speech) occupies this terrain. It was planted over the concrete carcass of what was formerly known as City Center, an indoor mall. Almost nothing in the city’s past century or so symbolizes how swiftly things can change, as the plight of this mall does. Opened in 1989, it was the city’s finest shopping destination for about a solid decade. Tuttle Mall’s opening on the northwest fringe in ’97 gave them a run for their money, but even so, this city is certainly large enough to support two modern malls of this type (the 1980’s after all had four of them, in the form of Eastland/Westland/Northland/Southland, against an even smaller population) and it’s debatable whether Tuttle actually improves upon the experience any.

I could basically spend all day coming up with maps and listing tenants for indoor shopping malls of yore. This would not bother me in the slightest. So such an entry is coming for City Center someday, oh yes, it shall. For the time being, let’s just run with some meager facts I have at my disposal. They had a Sbarro pizza franchise, of course, on I think the lowest floor, which was pretty much a required visit every time. There was a Max & Erma’s here, one of but approximately 1,000 restaurants around town where my buddy Bruce once worked. Thomas Kinkade Signature Galleries as of Oct 2001. Wentworth Gallery, featuring limited editions and originals by international artists, was also here as of Oct 2001. And I remember they used to bring semi-famous bands in here to play, though it’s difficult to remember who, exactly. It seems like Hanson and maybe The Spin Doctors were a couple of the culprits, however.

Anyway, there are some sweet videos on Youtube if you care to take that particular stroll down memory lane. It was always a popular date option, or for that matter a solid destination for just screwing off with a bunch of people. Like for example this notorious weekend where Alan’s ex-girlfriend eventually kicked us out of her apartment, before any of us guys had moved to Columbus ourselves (the City Center excursion came before the booting, in case that isn’t clear).

Yeah, well, by 2009, City Center is toast. It’s bulldozed into oblivion, and this park sprouts up a couple of summers later. That first year, we attend a screening of Raiders of the Lost Ark against the backside of whatever building that is to the north, and they’ve continued featuring some interesting events here up to and including the Columbus Symphony performing Pink Floyd classics in the summer of 2019. It’s a cool space, don’t get me wrong, all the more so in that it exists downtown. Call me an eco-monster, though, or at the very least untrendy and uncool, but I kind of wish we could have both, because I’m not exactly convinced that the indoor shopping malls of my youth were really all that horrible. And actually, considering the project underway just a smidgen to the east of here, it seems that a lot of people agree with me.

201 S. High Street

Currently Downtown Tavern (AKA Hydeout Kitchen & Bar.) Before that, The Flamingo Room was here. And for over 100 YEARS, from 1887-1995, it was a restaurant named Foerster’s. Although open from breakfast through dinner, though, it’s possible the place was better known for its candy offerings and soda fountain, at least up to a certain point. And an even earlier incarnation, opened in 1875, briefly existed at 301 South High, which is basically just some empty space now beside the Common Pleas Court.

Dempsey’s

(346 S. High St) A brick walled but cheerful pub known for draft beer and live folk performers. Irish fare with a little patio out back, too.

honorable mention/the departed

7 S. High Street

Nonexistent coordinates roughly in between Cinco and the Huntington Center. From 1918-1964, though, a restaurant named QCB sat here. Actually, according to Lost Restaurants Of Columbus, Ohio (an indispensible guide for yours truly while working on this site, and highly recommended), QCB was knocked down to build the Huntington Center. Owner William Petrakis apparently kept one marble section of counter as a souvenir – is this still in existence, and if so, where might it be? Talk about a momento I’d truly love to get my hands on! For the eventual LLTC museum of my daydreams, if nothing else. That book also says a place called Pizza Rustica was more or less located where QCB had been, within the Huntington Bank Building (as it was once known), though they are long since closed.

-Uptown District-

Capitol Square Printing Inc

(59 E. Gay Street) I’m sure this is a compelling operation in its own right.

However, from 1919-40 it was the second location of the world famous Marzetti’s empire. Though more well known as a salad dressing company these days, they were originally a family owned restaurant, with the first opening on the OSU campus in 1896. Their story is a thoroughly fascinating one, and continues onward to this day – they recently even sent me a personal invite to an event they were hosting, which I was unfortunately unable to attend.

Columbus College of Art & Design (CCAD)

(60 Cleveland Avenue) Established in 1879, this private art school typically counts about 1000 enrolled students at any given time. It was originally known as the not nearly as cool sounding Columbus Art School and is one of the longest running such institutions in the country. That big ART sculpture went up in either 2000 or 2001. In spring of 2001 they had free, open to the public artist lectures, every Monday from noon to :130 in the Canzani Center’s auditorium. Brian Novatny and Craig Carlisle are some artists who went here. This college also owns the CCAD Design Studios at nearby 390 E. Broad St.

Jeff Ruby’s Steakhouse

(89 E. Nationwide Blvd.) Jeff Ruby has many such highly regarded restaurants sprinkled throughout the land, though I think this is his only Columbus operation. It’s an upscale steakhouse, in case you couldn’t gather that, and is going to set you back some significant coin. Style-wise it’s Art Deco themed, albeit with significant warmth, its amber lighting, dark wood flourishes, and bright red seating like something straight out of a F. Scott Fitzgerald era movie set.

I don’t know exactly how long this has been here. But local history buffs might also like to hear it was a Damon’s up through at least 2006. At that time they were going by Damon’s Grill, one of 7 locations remaining around town. For the record I think this was a stupid name change (from Damon’s, The Place For Ribs) and yet another factor hastening their decline. Nobody was coming here for, like, a grilled chicken breast or whatever they’re attempting to evoke with that name.

At the moment Philip J. Fulton Law Office, The Baker Law Group, Karr & Sherman Co LPA, Stanley R. Stein Attorney At Law, Nationwide Bank, Bike Down, Lori Burns Painter, and Michael P. Dusseau also claim suites in other parts of this building.



Mitchell’s Steakhouse

Tiger + Lily Bistro 

(19 E. Gay Street) An Asian themed operation I haven’t had a chance to check out yet. Was formerly one of many G.D. Ritzy’s locations around town, a local operation that nearly died out following a bit of an expansion overreach.

ZerOz 

(17 E. Gay Street) Some kind of…futuristic wallet store? I’m not sure visiting their website has even really clarified for me what is happening here. Anyway, it used to be a Big Bite restaurant, which closed in 1984. Stay tuned for gripping updates about what happened in between.

honorable mention/the departed

40 E. Long Street

Currently an ATM machine! As it has been since 2012. Prior to this, however, Club Ice called the place home (2007-11) and Long Street Entertainment (2001-06). Before that, a gay bar (I think it was, anyway, based upon their ads) named The Garage was here for 22 years before closing in 2000.

This is the lineup advertised for their final weekend:

3/10 – DJ Steven Oliveri

3/11 – DJ Julian Marsh

3/12 – Oliveri again (some kind of retrospective counting down their 22 years)

3/13 – Oliveri again, plus “15 dancing boys.” Okay, so yeah, definitely a gay bar I would say. It says it’s open late this night, which must be the finale

It’s difficult making sense of these historical records, sometimes, though. Meaning this is as much an art as it a science, you might say. A lot of times they contradict what is listed in newspaper articles and the like, for example, such as when I’m reading that Fabric is the bar that will immediately replace The Garage. Yet I can find no record of this. Did it never happen? Or are the historical business addresses incorrect? Or was Fabric opened here under a shell corporation name or something? Just many of the countless mysteries remaining to be solved, here and all over the place throughout this great town.

55 E. Nationwide Blvd

If you’re wondering where the local restaurant group known as “Fifty-Five,” it all started right here. The original restaurant opened here in 1984 as Fifty-Five on the Boulevard. This concept went belly-up in 2000, and all company owned locations were closed, although they spun off this original spot to some different owners who kept it afloat for awhile.

187 E. Gay Street

Not in use now, but was once home to a Union Restaurant, in the 1920s. It would have been basically on the backside of where The Athenaeum Theatre currently resides. Then Union Restaurant closed when the same owners shifted to a South 3rd Street location instead (52-54, which is also essentially nonexistent these days) and renamed it Paoletti’s.

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Summit Street

1990 and 1988 Summit Street Columbus Ohio

Summit Street is a strange road, any way you slice it. Mostly a one way, southbound conduit for US Route 23, it’s also mostly residential. But every block or so, it seems, there’s at least one iconic business which has featured predominantly into the landscape for decades, if not our entire lives. It being Route 23, local boy Dwight Yoakam has even technically written a song in part about this. Also believe it or not, legendary rocker Joe Walsh lived on Summit Street as a young boy, and was in this house when he first learned guitar – I haven’t been able to figure out the exact address yet, but remain hopeful that fact is buried in some archives somewhere. On a related note, local band The Godz had a place on Summit, too, when they first started getting serious about their act.

But let’s move on to (mostly) the present tense. Considering that Hudson Road is where Summit begins the one way split (turning into much more of a sleepy, residential street north of here), it makes sense to begin our journey here, and head steadily south:

2515: Baba’s. Only added dinner hours June 2018.

2507: Rumba Cafe. Hoodoo Soul Band has been playing Sunday nights here since 2008, after switching over from Oldfield’s On High.

2500: the 3rd different home for Used Kids Records. This one is different in that there’s a performance area in one corner, a nifty little section where the brick lined wall is covered by reams of posters, with a sign bearing the familiar black and white Used Kids logo mounted right in the middle. I would be surprised if you found much Dwight Yoakam here, however.

2491: Wild Goose Creative 

This is a really interesting space which holds everything from marathon epic novel readings, to screenings of indie films.

2216: Cafe Bourbon Street

This is now one of the longer running live music hotspots in all of Columbus.

2210 Summit Street

Is presently The Summit Music Hall, and there’s also a Crunchwerks eatery inside. The exterior is a sharp looking black with bright red trim, though I haven’t been inside. For the longest time, however, this was Summit Station, a prominent lesbian bar. There’s actually a historical marker in front of it, on the sidewalk, because this was Ohio’s first lesbian bar, period. It lasted from 1970 to 2008, first called Logan’s Off Broadway and then Jack’s-A-Go-Go, before Petie Brown took over as owner in 1980. And held onto this business until the very end.

(click arrow to navigate)

-South Of Lane–

The building at the top of this post was once split into 4 housing units, with apartments numbered 1/2 on the 2nd and 3rd floors. I know this because we moved into 1990 1/2 Summit Street in January 1997. And this disgraced former residence was quickly abolished as soon as we moved out. Dan Focht of Salthorse fame lived here right before us. This picture is from much more modern times, however.

At the time we moved in, Stephanie Silver was occupying 1990 and Sherry Shaffer 1988 (some nice alliteration there, eh?) We never really got to know these guys living in 1988 1/2. Sherry wound up putting her rent into escrow over some disputes with our landlord, Wayne Ault, moved out, and then later on ended up working with me at the Damon’s on Olentangy. Stephanie moved out in the summer of ’97 and was replaced by this teenage kid we ended up befriending, Will, along with his mom and ever so briefly a sister.

Will was always a good sport and took what nowadays might be considered “hazing rituals” or even “bullying” in stride – part of the rite of passage, hanging out with some slightly older dudes. The pinnacle of which, I somehow forgot to even mention in Riots Of Passage, might have concerned this unused roadside flare I found one day, while riding around on my bike. Stuffing it into my backpack, I brought the thing home. And then we eventually talked Will into lighting it, running out into the middle of Summit, and placing it into the center lane directly in front of our house. As we then all stood on the front porch laughing our heads off, endlessly watching the cars swerve around it.

We got away with so much at this house. Although it does seems really strange now – as it rightly should have at the time, i.e. before we did such a thing – to think that one night Alan, Snoop and I broke out my clubs and blasted golf balls from the front yard, to see who could hit them the furthest down 19th/Woodruff. Maybe I shouldn’t be mentioning this. But this is a prime example of how you just can’t win sometimes about your past: mention it and you are glorifying such behavior; omit this and it means you’re whitewashing the incident, attempting to bury it. But it happened, yes, interpret this how you will. Kiddies, just maybe don’t try this at your home – or anybody else’s.

Sean Gardner, along with some of his friends, moved into the house next door to us in I think late ’97. It looks like this address must have been 1992.

1978: Ruby Tuesday, longstanding live music venue and dive bar of considerable renown. Although it appears they have slightly renamed themselves only recently into Ruby’s On Summit!

1866: A gas station has sat here, at the corner of 17th, since at least the late 80s. Was once a BP, is now a Shell, but more importantly to nearby residents, in whatever incarnation,  it’s been open 24 hours for their cigarette and beer and late night junk food runs. Well, except this brief stretch where we’d find the door locked at weird hours, and it turned out the lone employee was shooting up heroin in the cooler. He didn’t last too long, however.

The Subway shop inside is even more of an institution and used to keep the latest hours on campus (3am Fridays and Saturdays, possibly Thursdays even), though I see they’ve now scaled back to a much more standard midnight. There’s also a Dunkin’ Donuts here now, too.

1864 Summit Street

This corner has been revamped quite a bit, however, despite the constant presence of that gas station, and a Subway as well. For instance, there didn’t used to be a Summit-facing entrance, but rather one pointed toward 17th. And I think they actually must have knocked down the original building completely to build a newer one.

I say this because it not only looks bigger, but because 1864 Summit is shown as the former address for Ault Rental Co., as of 1998. This was the home office for campus landlord Wayne Ault, who owned that house we lived at up the street. And the gas station to my eyes does look bigger than I recall, plus it explains why I haven’t been able to figure out in more recent times where Ault’s office was located: that building probably doesn’t exist anymore. Nobody is using this specific address at present (nor the one below) but if I remember correctly, it seems like the office itself was slightly below ground, i.e. you had to go down a short stairwell to enter.

1864 1/2 Summit Street

I’ve seen one business address directly that has this down for an entity named Scrawl, in 1997 and 1998. I don’t know if this means the local band of that name had someone living here, or maintained an office here, but suspect that it does.

14th and Summit-ish: Melissa & Ann were living in an apartment near here, summer 2000

It’s kind of interesting to see what is going on with various residential properties, too, during any given era. Like as of a Nov ’06 classified ad, 2157 Summit #1 is listed as a one bedroom with “newer” beige carpet, A/C, off street parking, water paid. $400/month. 1680 Summit #1C and 3C (2 bedroom flat/townhouses) and 2117-2119 #1 (efficiency/studio) meanwhile are among the over 1000 apartments Buckeye Real Estate has for rent. 1661 is listed as a spacious one bedroom going for $375/month. 1503 a one bedroom with office/study, A/C, security system, dishwasher (mmm!) for a scant $450.

1041 Summit Street

Has been Auto Transport Service Inc. since at least January ’01. So kind of an impressive run, actually. Damage free towing, 24 hours a day.

Also Reliable Advertising & Distributing Co. as of Jan ‘01

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Olentangy River Road

The City apartment complex sign Columbus Ohio

Though I’ve been saying for years that Henderson/Cooke is my favorite road in Columbus, owing mostly to its bizarre path and plentiful landscape changes, Olentangy River Road charts a pretty wacky trajectory itself. Sure, Riverside is probably the most picturesque drive in town. High and Broad are obviously the pivotal main arteries, with a number of other major avenues not far behind. But the more I think about Olentangy River Road, I begin to realize it’s not without its selling points, also, in all of these categories combined. And for me at least, a lot more personal history than it would appear at first glance, too.

Beginning on the south end at the intersection of Goodale, where it’s really just a renamed version of Twin Rivers, Olentangy at first just sleepily winds itself upward, block after block, ever so slightly curvy here and there yet mostly content to sit on 315’s left shoulder. Or make that kneecap, maybe, as it resides below that elevated highway, in the shadow of what I’m guessing (research hasn’t taken me this far yet) was sculpted as its successor, a much speedier north-south conduit across town.

But the first plot twist arrives just past Target and the AMC Lennox and all that, when the road sweeps a full 90 degrees to the left, appearing as though our compass is about to dramatically shift – and indeed, the path does point forward there, though this road is named Kinnear. As for Olentangy, it’s a brake slam here (both figuratively and usually what happens in real time) at the light in front of Champp’s, cutting a hard right and ducking under 315 now, to sit on that highway’s opposite shoulder, with the two routes not even visible to one another now.

After swinging out to the furthest distance separating these alternating options, they will gradually draw closer and closer once more, criss-crossing at near right angles one final time, near Riverside Hospital, in reverting to original form. And from here very little will change about this dynamic, although Olentangy’s landscape undergoes a gradual shift as it slowly bleeds into the often gorgeous countryside, north of Bethel. At Wilson Bridge Road, you are advised that upon crossing it, into this residential neighborhood, the road will change to Linworth E, although according to the post office and Mr. Google’s maps, this doesn’t actually happen for another block or so. And this would appear to be Olentangy’s coda at last, although some sort of primeval appendix remains, separated by road construction decades ago, another small strip clear on the other side of nearby 270, connecting Hard Road to….yes! route 315, which is at this point also known apparently as Olentangy Freeway.

And yet the plot thickens further still. At this juncture, Olentangy River Road and 315 become one and the same. For approximately a mile still further north, these are Columbus addresses, too, up until a house at 8419. From this point onward, we are officially in Powell, so it seems a good enough place to halt our travels. For the curious, however, these two names are conjoined until Olentangy and 315 both terminate into 23, in the countryside near Delaware.

But enough about these nerdy details. Let us now turn around and consider the finer points found along this route, reversing course and heading south:

7860: The Hills Market. This is probably my favorite grocery store in town – actually, you can safely remove the “probably” now that I think about it, considering that all the other locally owned greats have either given up the ghost or been bought out. It’s the kind of regional-promoting, specialty goods market which was all the rage in the early 2000s but is under siege of late. Whatever your inclination, though, they’ve got a great selection here, down to and including hot foods – I saw a supreme pizza posted on Instagram the other day, for example, that made me want to jump through my telephone. In case you’re confused, this is the Worthington location they mention on their website (referring to this as Worthington seems a bit of a stretch, but who am I to say). They do have a downtown spot as well, on Grant.

7800: Another Rusty Bucket restaurant. A Cameron Mitchell protegee, Gary Callicoat, opened the first of these in Dublin in 2002. The spot on Lane Avenue sprung into being a few years later, and this one as well. Now it seems they are on the brink of becoming a nationwide phenomenon. Their Belly Buster burger was always my favorite (egg over easy on top of a beef patty), though this is unfathomably no longer on the menu.

Prior to this, it was a pub/club called Hearth & Eagle.

7706: Sullivan Centre, which is apparently a liposuction clinic.

7647 to 7351: That weird little detached section I was referring to, connecting Hard to 315. Just a handful of homes dot that hill, lording over the road, and as far as I can tell only four of them have Olentangy River Road designations. An outfit called Eddie Pollina Band apparently considers one of these its base of operations.

7097: This is where the name and numbers resume, in a quiet little neighborhood far removed from the last entry. To get here, your fastest route would have been to turn right and climb that mountain which is Hard Road, hang a left on Linworth Rd, cross 270, and then hook another left on Linworth Rd E, into that sleepy neighborhood across from Bluffsview Elementary School. I’m always saying the ever changing street names in Charlotte, NC, for example, make no sense whatsoever, but this area is plenty nutty in its own right. Then again that’s half the fun.

After crossing Wilson Bridge Rd, southbound, the landscape will grow steadily prettier. At first you will have a bike path running parallel, to your left, and then the cars of 315 zipping along beyond the fence beside it. Though I see there are a couple business addresses listed through this stretch, it would appear that these are home based, as this is otherwise another mostly sleepy neighborhood, the streets and houses fanning outward up the the hill to your right.

South of 161, though, you will begin to encounter homes on both sides of the road, along with the occasional church or business, while at the same time this rolling terrain proves a lot more forested.

5811: The Timbrook Guesthouse. This is a sprawling bed & breakfast in a house built clear back in the late 1800s.

5800: Antrim Park. A beautiful 120 acre site which runs underneath route 315 and spreads out to an even greater degree on that side. The lake and Olentangy Greenway Trail are over there, in fact, across the highway. Back when living on campus and working at the Bethel Road Kroger, during my bicycling heyday, on a few occasions I rode the trail clear up here, then backtracked down Olentangy to Bethel. It feels like a secret passage, almost, crossing the city in this manner.

5067: Gas station at the corner of Bethel, signifying you have returned to civilization. I think this has been a BP outpost for eons.

↑ North Of Bethel Road

 

 

South Of Bethel Road ↓

5019: Gallo’s Tap Room, which faces Bethel but is located within the Olentangy Plaza strip mall complex. One of their signature food offerings is The Big Easy, a New Orleans style muffaletta – which means it features an especially tasty olive salad. They’ve been here since at least April 2006, possibly earlier.

4990: Anheuser-Busch Sports Park. Fittingly enough, the only occasions I ever came here, there was pretty much always beer involved. This one summer a few of us at Kroger got on a kick where we’d pick up a six pack or so after work, then head over here and take turns at the batting cages. Those not currently swinging at 80 MPH fastballs would catch their breath and a few quick chugs back at the car. It was better than moldering in some dim happy hour, anyway.

As you continue further south, with this massive park at your left, 315 continuing to buzz along above it, the funky looking houses, occasional business, or slightly outdated apartment complex are still mostly situated on steep inclines to your right. It’s pretty obvious how and why they originally picked this patch of smooth, low ground for this pair of major north-south roads. Again during my bicycling days, this intersecting road called Jasonway seemed way too coincidental to ignore, and it did indeed prove a bit of a shortcut during these constant Summit-to-Bethel jaunts, although typically the traffic flow and hill situation made it a better option for the return trip.

Up ahead, Henderson Road crosses and bottoms out, the vortex of a not exactly modern configuration which makes for some gnarly rush hour pileups. This is actually one of the few longstanding headaches an otherwise progressive city has not managed to address, as thus far voters have shot down a proposed Bethel-Morse connector countless times. As someone who actually made this specific commute for months (Henderson-High-Morse) and major fan of the bike trail and parks, I understand both sides of the debate. But have to admit I really don’t see how “green” it is to fog up the region with idling motors in the name of saving a little park space.

Concerning Olentangy River Road, little changes as we head further south along this corridor. A caged in bike path does cross overhead, spanning the river, 315, and Olentangy River Road, connecting the unseen trail beyond all that mess with this residential neighborhood known as The Knolls, rising above you to the west. I did attempt using this on exactly one occasion, but wouldn’t consider it worth the effort unless actually living back there in one of those deathly still houses.

4477 to 4149: It is along this stretch that you would encounter the next set of postal hijinks, this one in the form of a nearly hidden access road. The access, running parallel, is also Olentangy River Road somehow, presenting this unheard of phenomenon: side by side streets, separated by bushes and just a few feet apart, given the same name, with neither of them being of the one-way variety.

3814: Formerly where a plastic surgeon named Arthur G.H. Bing plied his wares, though it’s unclear to me whether this building even exists anymore. At any rate, neither the address nor the business does. I have to admit I find this stuff fascinating. Would have been located in between where the Gerlach Center to Senior Health and MaternOhio Clinical Associates currently are.

3773: Big Red’s Lodges. These guest facilities, though rustic looking and set off a slight distance from the street, are actually a piece of the massive OhioHealth hospital complex you will soon stumble upon.

Riverside Hospital

(3535 Olentangy River Rd.) A number assigned because they had to settle on just one, although this gleaming, mostly ocean blue and cloud white metropolis is as large as many a rural Ohio town. My step-daughter Maddie and daughter Emma were both born here, five years apart and under spookily similar circumstances: given the same due date (April 5), yet born many weeks premature, arriving March 8 and March 14, respectively. And yes, truth be known, in neither situation was I technically “with” baby’s mama at the time. They are a pleasant reminder, as is the very physical appearance of this center itself, that not all is doom and gloom inside a hospital. Helpful to remember at times because at the other end of the journey, this is where my grandpa Allie died, too, and therefore the last place I ever saw him breathing.

After passing Broadway and dipping underneath 315, you begin to enter a region which is more or less considered the outer reaches of campus. The first large swath of Union Cemetery, which is divided into two huge chunks diagonally opposed from one another, will appear on your right, this long road’s first genuine strip of commerce on your left.

3370: Roosters wing joint. There is apparently no apostrophe in the name, which I never realized before. This particular outpost of the steadily expanding chain has been in place since at least the late 90s. As their catchphrase states, this is a really laid-back atmosphere to grab a beer and some decent sports pub grub. Maybe I will look like an idiot someday and learn that this comes out of a giant, commercially available tub, but whatever the origin, their blue cheese dressing is the best I’ve ever had.

Roosters on Olentangy River Road Columbus Ohio
Maddie & Emma at Roosters on Olentangy

3360: Kohl’s store tucked back way behind it, barely even visible from the road. I can’t remember the previous tenant but believe it might have been Burlington Coat Factory.

3349: Union Cemetery, regardless of which half you’re talking about. The most famous figures buried here are all sports related. Woody Hayes, a veritable legend in these parts, is in the west cemetery, while Stephanie Spielman (wife of former OSU, Cleveland Browns, and Columbus Destroyers football star Chris, though she’s actually more well known as a cancer awareness spokesperson) is at rest in the east cemetery. There’s a Paul Hornung here, too, although he isn’t the Green Bay Packers great, rather the Columbus Dispatch sports writer who once covered 326 Buckeye games in a row.

3230: The Cowboy! A really popular and quite tasty Mexican restaurant, El Vaquero, is an institution at this point. About fifteen years ago a bunch of us met here to kick off an “old friends reunion” type night on the town…which is sadly the last time I’ve seen some of those people, and also my final visit to this establishment. Alive named them the best Mexican place in town, 2000 (although there may have been other years, too), alongside their Riverside Drive location. Flying clowns and other oddball decorations fill the room. Homemade chips.  

3165: The local NBC television station has called this home for years.

3045:

Currently a Holiday Inn Express & Suites. However in a former life it was Euphoria Fitness & Massage Therapy (as of October ‘01, not sure for how long thereafter.) On Wednesdays they offered mixed level Pilates mat class, a 6 week course for strengthening the lower back and abdominals. Also prenatal/beginner yoga classes (males are also welcome) through October, another 6 weeker. So this building was then knocked down at some point and the current hotel erected.

3025: Once the Parke University Hotel and the Damon’s restaurant attached to it, now a Denny’s. The building housing it and a few other businesses was newly built for the occasion.

University Village Resident Life Center, Columbus, Ohio
University Village Resident Life Center

2981: At the corner of Harley and Olentangy, you will now find the University Village apartments’ Resident Life Center. It’s a really slick looking, modern building with fitness facility, computer lab, a rec room with wide screen television and billiards, et cetera. They even offer a shuttle service running an extensive loop. The apartments themselves, a campus rite of passage of sorts which has been in place since the late 50s, dots the landscape behind it, along Harley.

The Damon’s where I used to work was of course located right on this very plot of land. It’s always peculiar to think about conversations you had, or events which transpired, in buildings that no longer exist. Almost as though you’re turning into a ghost while still alive. This experience is even odder if occurring on upper floors, above ground level – or, like here, in the basement. Even if the only time any of us ever ventured into the basement, apart from possibly retrieving kegs, was to mix drinks for ourselves in the otherwise abandoned break room.

The Parke was demolished first, which made for a strange sight, the handful of years that Damon’s continued to limp along. It was this outdated vaguely Tudor looking building in front of a barren field. You kind of knew at a glance that it wasn’t going to be long for this world. Their best bet would have been a brand new facility, and that never happened.

“The Town” and The City

The City is a rather dumb/semi-obnoxious name given to this huge and relatively new apartment complex. Seeing that sign always reminds me of Jack Kerouac’s first novel, and also that Interpol song where they insist they are not going to the town, but rather the city. Perhaps this was used in promotional materials, advertisting available units, or maybe they even play it on a loop in the lobby. And then give you a special edition of The Town and The City as a welcoming gift when you sign the lease.

Well, anyway, The City now sits where the strip mall known as University City Center once did. Those buildings have all been knocked down.

The standalone businesses in front survive, however, which I guess we may as well refer to as “The Town.” The bank (2941 – it’s a PNC now but wasn’t always), McDonald’s (2865) and Sunoco (2825) have all been in place since at least the tail end of the 20th century, if not longer.

A Raising Cane’s location (2823) is the most recent addition, which sprung into existence somewhat near the end of University City Center’s time on this earth. During our most recent visit there, we brought Erin’s parents, who’d never had Cane’s before and agreed it was the best chicken they’d ever eaten in their lives. Then Erin accidentally left her cell phone there, and we were halfway to Bucyrus for a wedding before realizing it. Fortunately her cousins were still in the area and were able to retrieve it for us.

Columbus Ohio's Across The Field Store on Olentangy River Road
former home of Across The Field

2781: Currently empty, but used to be Across The Field. Inside what once was a quaint little church, you would have found – what else? – a shop dedicated to selling Buckeye apparel.

2540: Chemical Abstracts Service – would occasionally host concerts on their lawn, like Picnic at the Pops events that might also include fireworks afterwards.

2355: Jack Nicklaus Museum. Honoring possibly the most famous athlete ever to hail from this fine city, and certainly the greatest golfer. This is one of these places I keep meaning to check out but, you know, haven’t.

It is here in our travels that we encounter Lane Avenue. The Schottenstein Center is impossible to miss on the northwest corner, though technically it sits neither on Olentangy nor on Lane. The impressive (particularly if viewed at night) and quite modern suspension bridge, meanwhile, would lead you east, over the river and into the heart of Ohio State University.

2200: Longaberger Alumni House

 

↑ North Of Lane Avenue

click on arrows to turn on Lane Avenue.

South Of Lane Avenue ↓

Continuing down Olentangy south of Lane, with the impossible to miss Horseshoe to the east, the river and the monolithic round white bookends of Morrill and Lincoln Towers, you will pass a number of other campus buildings, dip under Woody Hayes Drive and a foot bridge as well. Here the scenery is often beautiful – if you are into the way a major university might look, that is, fused like an implant with the heart of its city. Just beyond the 315 underpass, the road will appear to reach its terminus at Kinnear, in front of the Lennox Town Center. But no, turning left at the light here will continue our Olentangy jaunt.

1827: The Capital Grille. Champps was here for an eternity, and although that seems like exactly the sort of restaurant which would have bit the dust in about 2004, and it lived on somehow into the early-mid 2020s. My friends Dan Bandman and Dave Kemp both worked here way back in the late 90s. I once brought my girl Jamie here on a date, but she and I were both feeling not so fresh following this dinner – though unable to speak for her, these tummy troubles dissuaded me from ever returning. In early 1998 they added a karaoke night on Wednesday which stole a decent chunk of Woody’s clientele for the same.

1803: Currently a Bravo Cucina Italiana, though I haven’t drifted through these doors since it was a Don Pablo’s.

Behind these two, in the main building of Lennox Town Center, it’s somewhat reassuring to see that Staples, Barnes & Noble, Old Navy and Target all continue to soldier on across the years. I’m not a sentimentalist per se, nor someone who believes your entire metropolis should be populated with nothing but trendy local merchants. The ideal situation closely matches reality, at least as that pertains to Columbus right now – sometimes ancient pieces of architecture need to go bye-bye, and sometimes even national franchises feel like a comfy pair of shoes.

For an example of what I mean, one need look no further than across the street, to the tiny strip of land currently hosting a Starbucks (1570) and a couple other operations. Formerly this impossibly small parcel, which looks as though it may as well sit on 315, was the home of a decrepit strip club and I’m not sure what else. When the entire structure burned to the ground, there weren’t many lamenting the loss of this eyesore.

1791: Core Life Eatery Opened 6/19/18. Before that it was a Johnny Rockets, before that a Cup O’ Joe. Cup O’ Joe had 3 locations in town circa 2000, the year where they were named as “best desserts” in town by Alive. Carnegie Deli Chocolate Truffle Torte is one of their signature offerings – chocolate, chocolate, and more chocolate. 

1739:

Barnes & Noble has been here for a relative eternity. Peering backwards a bit, as of Oct ‘01 they had Great Books Discussion Group at 7pm every third Monday. Every third Tuesday, a Science Fiction Book Group, 7:30pm. Children’s Storytime at 11am on Thursdays. Kids Storytime (for 6-12 year olds) at 1pm on Saturdays.

1445: Varsity Inn. I recently booked a room here and found it perfectly acceptable, despite being the cheapest place around. They’ve got this nifty “drive thru check-in” type carport which I’ve never seen anywhere else. The rooms were acceptably clean, had cable, et cetera, although I seriously believe there was dried blood on the bathroom door frame. Also the fridge made some weird ticking sound that sounded like a toaster oven, nonstop all night. I think I even had dreams about a toaster oven. But don’t let this deter you from rooming here – my solution to that problem was a Hounddog’s Pizza and about three tall cans of Seventh Son lager.

1421:

Former site of Buckeye Hall Of Fame Cafe. The team of heavyweights which brought you the Olentangy location of Damon’s, The Place For Ribs was behind this enterprise as well. They promised us a brand new building yet erected this months later instead. It looks like this restaurant/arcade was in business from 1997 to 2009, and while I wouldn’t necessarily classify an eatery which lasted 12 years as a “dud” (at least not without access to their financial records), it feels a bit short, especially when considering the lofty pronouncements and aspirations connected to it.

Also whether this is a typo or something, I’ve seen at least one 2001 print piece where they were referred to simply as “Fame Cafe.” So this may have been a brief effort to rebrand even in the middle of their run. And lending credence to this theory is that at this time, they were hosting live theater-type shows such as Four Suspects At A Funeral, which ran every second Wednesday during that era. I gather this experiment was not a resounding success, however.

Before this, it was the Jai Lai, Woody Hayes’s favorite restaurant in town. Jai Lai Restaurant was celebrating its 50th year in 1982. For Easter Sunday of that year, they were offering three options for the main course, at $8.75 each: roast turkey, baked ham, or leg of lamb. Or, if I’m reading this right, you could add the buffet for only 20 cents more, which offered everything “from soup to nuts,” but only in their lower level for groups of six or more. No word on whether Woody Hayes helicoptered over here to take advantage of this deal, however.

In more recent times, the entire structure was destroyed and replaced – a very impressive, modern looking SpringHill Suites by Marriott sits here now.

1299: Cap City Fine Diner And Bar. They use to feature “jazz & lobster” every Sunday but discontinued that promo quite some time ago. The atmosphere here is interesting in that it feels as though they’re shooting for a high end rustic vibe – kind of like if Bob Evans decided to skew a little more upper class. So I would say it’s really not the least bit stuffy despite that “fine diner” business in the name. My former downstairs neighbor Stephanie was a waitress here and insisted salmon burgers were their greatest offering. Erin says that this place has the best tomato soup she’s ever eaten.

1245: Columbus Fish Market. Voted best seafood restaurant in town by Columbus Alive in 2000. Another Cameron Mitchell offering, which opened in 1998. A gigantic metal fish hangs above the entrance. Frequently rotating menu, known for their clam chowder.  

1177: was a club called Libertys, in the late 1990s/early 2000s. Originally a restaurant and bar, but they decided to scrap that concept in December of ’99 and become a nightclub instead, with the same name. This place was inexplicably popular for a little while, despite a really bland motif.

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Lane Avenue

Though High Street might represent the city’s nerve-packed spine and, well, to properly extend the metaphor, I suppose you’d have to say Broad is Columbus’s waist (though to me it seems much more like a carpenter’s level, stabilizing all with a steady straight line through the middle), in this space I would like to throw out the hypothesis that no other road in town boasts the wattage per square foot as Lane Avenue. It isn’t even my favorite avenue the city has to offer – that honor would have to go to the two-headed Henderson/Cooke monster, charting a seriously strange trajectory through a series of different locales. But you have to at least entertain the argument that over the relatively short stretch of roughly four and a half miles, Lane Avenue is the most densely packed action hub within C-bus city limits. Let’s begin our journey moving east along this road, picking up where it changes from residential to majorly commercial.

Heartland Planning Associates

Heartland Planning Associates: 1800 W. Lane Avenue. In case you couldn’t tell, this is among the newer buildings that they’ve thrown up this century. Apparently this business is only located on the second floor, though, which I think means the ground floor is unoccupied.

1760 W. Lane Avenue: formerly belonged to a place called Silver Vault, which advertised “the largest selection of unique silver gifts” in the region. Currently the Cheesecake Boutique does business here, an oddly named clothing store.

Jack Seibert Goldsmith Jeweler: 1741 W. Lane Avenue. I’m not sure how long this has been here, as their website wouldn’t load just now. But they have an ad in this 1998 edition of Columbus Monthly, so they’ve been peddling the gems for at least this long.

Chad Cacchio DDS: 1700 W. Lane Avenue, Suite 100. Dental practice opened by this former Buckeye football standout, still one of my all-time favorite players.

His business sits on the left hand/driver’s side/north side of the road, if traveling east. Meanwhile, if stopped at this intersection, this is the view that would greet you straight ahead:

The clusters of buildings to the right belong to Shops On Lane (formerly known as Lane Avenue Shopping Center, I believe). Everything on the left is relatively new, i.e. was only constructed in the early 2000s or later.

1693 W. Lane Avenue: This address has hosted at least three business names that I’m aware of, although it’s possible the 3rd was a slight rebranding of the 2nd. Bistro Roti was here, then at some point is followed by Healing Garden Relaxation Station and Yi’s Relaxation Station.

Shops On Lane Avenue: 1675 W. Lane Avenue is its formal address. Fancy semi-newfangled mall which is nonetheless nearly 20 years into its remodel at this point. The Rusty Bucket was our most frequented haunt here, by far. My crazy coworker Charlie, busted for drinking at this establishment during his lunch break, attempted to claim it wasn’t beer, that he was imbibing “Rusty Teas.” A handful of my performance reviews were conducted here over lunch. One night my brother was in town and a few of us came here for dinner. Spotting some kind of Blue Jackets paraphernalia – and this would have been 2003 or 2004, i.e. a number of years into their existence – he asked what kind of team this was. Had never heard of them and didn’t believe me, when I explained that this was an NHL franchise.

Erin had never eaten at the “Busty Rucket” until I recently made a point of bringing her, inspired by this research. Though disappointed that Gary’s Belly Buster is no longer on the menu, there are always seasonal drafts to keep a fellow entertained. Also, of course, the food. For the uninitiated, the nickel dressing is basically their version of a sweet house Italian. Erin ordered soup and salad, was impressed by both, in particular the latter’s blue cheese crumbles and this nickel dressing. I have the Green Chili burger, which is topped by their house made beer cheese and also “green chili relish,” which is basically nothing but a cascading mountain of serrano and jalapeno peppers.

Back in its Lane Avenue Shopping Center days I know there was at least a Banana Republic here. This would have been not just before the boom, but before the bust as well. In other words: 1998. Alan and I were roped into shopping here one time when Paul was looking for shorts. This being such a remarkable occasion in itself that we couldn’t resist tagging along.

Nowadays there’s an Anthony Vince Nail Spa and The Original Pancake House, among other tenants. Rusty Bucket is still here, and Whole Foods is in the same lot, is therefore satellited into this.

1651 W. Lane Avenue: This would have sat at the Lane Avenue Shopping Center also, as of October ‘01. Operated by Ohio Designer Craftsmen, advertised as a “marketing opportunity for professional craft studios.” Not currently in use, but would have been roughly in between where Chico’s and Ulta Beauty are now.

1583 W. Lane Avenue: Sammy’s New York Bagels lists this as their address through at least February 2002. They also landed their wares in many a coffee shop about town.  However, I don’t actually remember them being here, and it must have occurred in a building which no longer exists.

1578 W. Lane Avenue: No longer in use. I’m guessing this address was obliterated by the ol’ bulldozer when they revamped this stretch. It was an art studio called Benjamin-Marcus up through at least October of 2001. Nowadays there’s a Homewood Suites by Hilton at 1576 and a snazzy apartment building called The Lane at 1600. So it would have sat right in between these, i.e. across the street from Whole Foods, more or less.

1670-1288 W. Lane Avenue: for a quick slideshow about this stretch, down the left (north) side of the road if driving east, check out my slide show:

Wild Oats/Whole Foods: 1555 W. Lane Avenue

With nearly six years of service time at Wild Oats, I didn’t even have to look this address up. It hasn’t changed, though Whole Foods bought them out, knocked down the building and re-established a base camp in the same spot. I actually don’t even know where to begin describing this place. A whole book could certainly be written about my experiences here – and has been, actually. I finished my first draft quite some time ago and it just might see the light of day one of these years.

Official Wild Oats sweatshirt, popular with grocery and demo employees circa early 21st century.
Wild Oats sweatshirt. These didn’t really work in the meat department, but I ended up with one anyway.

Graeter’s Ice Cream: 1534 W. Lane Avenue. A semi-regular go to back in the Wild Oats days, when you needed a little spirit booster. Typically the gopher would be running over there with at least 3-4 orders on behalf of his colleagues.

1486 W. Lane Avenue:  Was Howard’s Barber Shop from at least the 1970s onward, if not earlier, until OSU bought them out and demolished the building in 2004. Therefore it currently houses the Ohio State University Office Of Advancement. Regarding Howard’s, I started getting my hair cut here in the late 90s, when they told me at work that I needed to trim things up substantially. One slow march home and a phone book consultation later, I’m in my car, cresting the hill of West Lane Avenue beyond campus. The unfamiliar altitude atop this hill, Upper Arlington, its pastoral tree lined prosperity, the flush green lawns between these well spaced houses rich, detached, immoderate, much like the residents themselves. As if fertilized by proxy through the conspicuous manure aroma, enameling the breeze here via adjacent OSU farms. I find myself at a modest wooden shack, painted bloodsucker red, lost amid this opulence, a mile west of the university. This charming little old school barber shop reminiscent of ye olde Mayberry, with two older gentlemen chopping locks and, somehow, a really hot brunette chick whose waterfall ringlets drop halfway down her back. Time slows down in a warp light years removed from the outside world, though comfortably. Eight dollars apparently doesn’t reserve the brunette’s chair, but it, and a two dollar tip, will buy a brand new me.

There were actually two guys named Howard, Warner and Salzgaber, conducting the barbering here, along with that aforementioned really nice looking brunette girl. I never had enough nerve to specifically request the curly haired brunette, would usually end up with one of the Howards. Salzgaber bought the business from Warner in 2000, and moved to W Fifth Avenue in Grandview after OSU came knocking (down). Unfortunately, Howard S. passed away in 2017, but his son Danny keeps the family tradition alive down there.

1397 W. Lane Avenue: currently belongs to Lane Lofts, a five story or so, luxurious looking apartment complex. Up through about 2020, however, there was a Pizza Hut here. It seems they averaged about 25-30 employees or so. Donna Carney was the manager here in the late 1990s, followed by the awesomely and quite fittingly named Pete Di Piazza, who as far as I can tell had the longest tenure, from 2001 to 2007. Doug Smith followed, for a few years there, followed by Jason Ferrell, with possibly a couple others in between.

I actually have a very old video, shot inside that building, from the legendary Hi-8 film camera of yore. Here’s an edited clip, because as fascinating as it is to me, I don’t suppose other people want to watch ten minutes of my kids eating crackers.

This is from a day Jill and the girls met me during my lunch break at Wild Oats. As far as any of us are aware, this is the oldest existing video footage of the kids – Emma’s 8 months old, Maddie 5 years. I’m looking a little ragged, if you ask me, from the bonkers work schedule and bicycling and overall mayhem of this era. Plus the gap toothed grill isn’t helping matters any. Jill always had a sweet voice, which is part of what continually got me in trouble over the years, heh heh.

I treasure the footage for personal reasons, of course, but regarding this site, it’s also of interest for the Buckeye flag in the corner, that dude in the Bengals jacket, whatever game that is on the TV, and also the general historical aspects of the decor, a freaking buffet at a Pizza Hut (although I think these are making a comeback), what we’re all wearing, and so on.

Half Price Books:  1375 W. Lane Avenue. Other locations in town are larger, but I always liked this one the best. It has the best atmosphere and, for whatever reason, I’ve consistently enjoyed better luck picking up great finds here. This was also the site of an all-time favorite overheard conversation, from these two random kids browsing the music section. Keep in mind that this was 1998:

“Man, I wish I could find a Vanilla Ice tape. I’d buy it in a second – no, half a second,” the one kid says, and it’s safe to say the ironic distance is slathered on fairly thick, “see, everyone acts like they don’t like him, but they all know he’s the best rapper ever. That’s why you can’t ever find any of his tapes used.”

Tommy’s Pizza: 1350 W. Lane Avenue

This place was even better than Camille’s in the part-time side gig department, and I still feel bad about the manner in which I left. The manager, Teresa, was a shopper at Wild Oats and that’s how I landed this job. I had promised her I wouldn’t flake out and just stop showing up…but then eventually flaked out and just stopped showing up. Matt was getting married in Montana and asked me to be his best man, and I never quite got around to asking for the time off or lining up anyone to cover my shifts. And never went back, subsequently.

“You should have told me!” she chided, the next time I saw her in Wild Oats. And what can you say, she was right.

There are actually two Tommy’s Pizza locations within just a couple miles of one another on West Lane. Prior to getting hired here, I’d only eaten at the one down the hill, on campus. This Upper Arlington-ish location, at 1350, it has two pizza ovens – one of the more modern conveyor belt types, but also an old fashioned Italian oven, which we only used by request. Demand for that remained pretty robust, though, and on Friday nights, the owner, Rick, had a tradition of coming in for a few hours to man the Italian oven himself. He basically received the local celebrity treatment during these shifts, as customer after customer would make a point of drifting past the counter to wave and say hi. From where I was standing, though, he sure had a deer-in-headlights look about him most of the time, during these encounters, playing along but trying to figure out who this person might be.

Those of us on the pizza making line had a TV mounted above us, and you got pretty good after a while at vaguely paying attention to it at the same time you were assembling your order. Jeopardy seemed to be on half of the hours I spent working here, and workers would race to see who could shout on the correct answer fastest. After a while you got exceptionally good at sensing if anyone was behind you, because as crammed in as we were, with just a tiny walkway separating us from the conveyor belt oven, one false move could spell disaster.

The pizza here was curious in that one ingredient alone seemed to transform it from pedestrian to magical. I tried it both ways, and for whatever reason, this garlic salt we sprinkled on top kicked their pies into some other realm of awesomeness. I’m not sure why this would be the case, just a winning combination of ingredient alchemy. Though trying this at home with basically every other pizza brand ordered or baked throughout the years, garlic salt has never had anywhere near the same impact as it would on a Tommy’s offering.

As the person firing the pizzas into one end of the conveyor oven would not be the same person retrieving it on the other end, you had to have codes for transmitting what was special about this pizza if, say, someone made a request that wasn’t immediately obvious. These would be communicated by placing one slice of a pepper atop everything else in the exact center of the pizza. I don’t remember what the various colors meant, but a red bell pepper might indicate no salt, a banana pepper might mean let it get a little crispy, et cetera. Then you’d take the pepper off before traying or boxing the pizza.

A couple of times I was handed the giant pitchfork for popping air bubbles in the pizza. You would stand at one open side of the conveyor and stab them as they slid into your realm, a surprisingly entertaining task. One night, a bunch of us were bored and decided to bake pizzas in all manners of weird configurations. Among the most surprising finds was that strawberries on a pizza have no flavor whatsoever.

Kingsdale Gynecologic Associates: 1313-1315 W. Lane Avenue. I only mention this because there is one curious feature to this building, which you can see from the road but may have driven past countless times without noticing. If you look in the middle bank of second story windows, you can see the old neon front sign for what used to be Fiesta Lanes. It’s hanging above the stairwell there as a tribute to the bowling alley which formerly occupied this plot of land.

As for Fiesta Lanes, I only had occasion to check this out once that I recall. It’s January of ’98 and after a handful of us meet up at Jenny Hughes’s apartment. We head out in two cars up Lane Avenue, crossing the Olentangy River as we leave campus in favor of Upper Arlington’s outer reaches. Just up the hill, past the recently constructed Schottenstein Center – which the Buckeyes basketball squad will soon call home, as their final season in St. John Arena is nearly finished – and the western fringes of campus, a garish neon sign on our left, heavy on the pastel blues and pinks and curved to the extreme with its retro zaniness, Fiesta Lanes beckons us to its not exactly overflowing parking lot.  

The scene inside is just as outdated, if paradoxically, accidentally cool, the way some items in your grandparents’ closets might so happen to find themselves in style again. John and Jenny immediately dash off in search of something here to eat, while Alan and Damon seek beers in the house bar. Carrie challenges me to a racing game in their pitiful arcade section, handily clobbering my sorry moves at every turn. 

With our various tasks met and dispensed, the six of us reunite to pick out shoes and balls, to hit the appointed lane in this old school bowling emporium. I’m not one to knock the décor, though, in particular the 1960s bachelor pad style shaggy carpet, and also the charming lack of modern scorekeeping devices. As the girls and I are the only ones who even remember how to manage this by hand, with stubby golf pencils and ad encrusted sheets of rectangular paper, this job is left to us…which conveniently frees up the other three dudes to sharpen their macking skills. 

“My back hurts,” Carrie complains at one point. 

“Want me to rub it?” Alan offers, further explains, “I’m going to school for massage therapy.” 

When curiosity and politeness compels the ladies to ask Damon about his chosen profession, he too makes up something ridiculous, and they nod in approval, buying it wholesale. Meanwhile, as the hours roll onward, what crowd was here steadily dispenses, until we’ve bowled two games and are literally the only people left who aren’t employees. I don’t suppose that midnight on a Tuesday is the most happening time frame anywhere, at least not without the saving graces of some miracle league, but you do have to wonder how this operation fares in general, and if they’ll last much longer. Without a major overhaul, you get the feeling they’ll have to grit it out until a place like this becomes an ironically rad trend again.  

Of course, that never happened. With so many entertainment options, you can only spread yourself so thin attempting to patronize all. Fiesta Lanes is gone within a couple of years of this visit – I can only hope they managed to cash in somehow and didn’t just go bust.

1315 now boasts a wide variety of options. Piada Italian Street Food, Wings Over Columbus, Buckeye Corner and a Starbucks are all crammed into this building at present.

Camille’s Sidewalk Café: 1305 W. Lane Avenue

I wound up at this one on my own accord, and really enjoyed my time here. This was the 2004 edition of my “holiday cash” experiments, and proved a shade more successful. I was actually part of the original crew who opened this store. Craig, the manager of this operation, was about my age or possibly a little younger even, and must have been one of the best character judges on record – his hiring process was to continue bebopping around behind the counter, without pause, making a wrap or what have you, while firing questions at the interviewee, and would decide on the spot whether to hire this person or not. And during my time here, I have to say, this method of his produced almost nary a dud.

This location was the first restaurant in Ohio to have one of those flavor adding machines for the soft drinks, whereby you could pump cherry or vanilla or whatever into your pop. At least this is what some bigwig told us when he flew out for a motivational pow-wow, prior to the store opening. They played good music here and the work was easy yet fast paced. Food was also pretty decent, and I didn’t stick around long enough to get bored with it.

Unfortunately you do run into some baffling decisions from management now and then, basically anywhere you might work. They were happy with my production and had moved me up the ranks – if you really want to call it that – to their core handful of store openers. There were some brutal winter mornings trudging here in the pre-dawn hours, let me tell you. Still, this was only a part-time job. When I asked to have the week from Christmas to New Year’s off, they refused to grant it. So I informed them that I would be quitting, instead. Sometimes these places shoot themselves in the foot because they want to make some weird point, and are afraid of setting a precedent.

Jersey Mike’s Subs: 1293 W. Lane Avenue. Has been here since at least 2006.

Tai’s Asian Bistro: 1285 W. Lane Avenue. A well-regarded take out place which has also been here since at least 2006.

Up next is the view out your driver’s side window, if continuing to move eastbound. This is a huge farm that OSU owns, formally known as Waterman Agriculture and Natural Resources Laboratory Complex. The address belongs to Carmack Road but this view clearly does not:

The Schottenstein Center: Okay, so clearly they just like to give these huge operations an address of some funky little side road behind them. I’ve never heard anyone mention that this was located on Borror Dr. When describing it to people, it has always been on the corner of Lane and Olentangy. However, I’m leaving it here for now because, like the St. John Arena, it’s a can’t miss piece of the landscape if you’re driving up Lane. Numerous concerts attended here over the years, but zero OSU basketball games.

Past this enormous indoor stadium, these signposts of westerly campus sprawl. Leading the way along Lane through an impressive arboretum, underneath the 315 highway overpass and into the pastoral OSU owned farms, before university owned property terminates uphill in the old money nobility of aptly named Upper Arlington.

  ↑ West Of Olentangy

click arrows to turn on this street

East Of Olentangy ↓



Hineygate: Informal name (not that there’s a formal one) for long-running tailgate party, Saturdays during Buckeye football games. Lane Avenue is closed down in its entirety along this stretch, and open containers are permitted. My friend Harold somehow lost one – but just one – shoe here during a 2001 installment, which tells you pretty much all you need to know.  This tradition began in 1983 in the Holiday Inn parking lot (328 W. Lane Avenue) up until 2009. Ground zero for this huge party, with live music, food, and alcohol aplenty later moved to the Varsity Club (278 W. Lane Avenue) instead.

Ashley’s: Speaking of the Holiday Inn…

Ashley’s is a cozy little hotel lounge, crammed into the left pocket of this Holiday Inn lobby. We claim the far end of the central, seemingly requisite horseshoe shaped bar, with a karaoke session on the near side which is nearly as loud as the carpet. Probably thinking more about the tip money than the prospect of actually serving us, John L frames an indulgent smile between his dark goatee, and will commence dispensing shakes of the head, along with our drinks, at a ratio of about 1:4.

I only joined these guys somewhere around 8 o’clock, and it was immediately apparent most of them had gotten off to an early start. Though Wiseman’s mostly content to offer jaded quips and ironic, off-kilter grins, seemingly impervious to whatever he’s drinking, the other four are halfway sloshed by the time we reconvene here. A little bit of a break surely helped, but they’ve revved it up to full speed in seconds flat and are giddily drunk again soon enough.

This compulsion to catalog everything slows me down, both in drinking pace and in the physical time it took me to cross the bar and claim a seat. As a result I’m the last to sit, which leaves me at the end of the chain and saddled with the not exactly ideal conversational partner of Mehlman to my immediately left. However, it just so happens that a pair of women who look to be in their late thirties soon settle into the stools on my right, the better looking of the two directly beside me.

“J-Dog, you’ve got the best seat in the house!” John H and A-Bomb keep shouting down the bar at me, leaning forward and peering down it with giant, knowing smiles.

For it does seem I’ve accidentally stumbled into a winning lottery ticket here, maybe. This woman at my elbow is extremely chatty and seems to know what she wants. Possesses an attractive face, too, and while her body as a whole is only okay, she has an amazing ass, glimpsed once when she and her cohort leave their chairs for the ladies’ room. It’s a mighty tight specimen, all the more impressive when considering her age.

“There’s this bar out in Dublin, called the Hard Road Café,” she says, “do you know where it’s at?”

“No.”

“Well, it’s off Hard Road there in Dublin,” she reiterates, slightly stumped, as though struggling to think of a better way to describe the place, “anyway, they have this karaoke night every Saturday. I’m gonna be out there tomorrow – you should come.”

“Maybe I will,” I mutter, though knowing it’s never going to transpire. I want to make something happen with her tonight, and if not that, then at least get her number.

“Jay Dawwwwwwg!” A-Bomb shouts down the line again, “you know any piano?”

“A little,” I admit with a shrug.

“Well come on! Let’s go!” he barks, and drags me out into the lobby, where a set of ivories sits just outside the lounge entrance.

Cackling nonstop throughout, A-Bomb plops down on the bench first and runs through a few small pieces he knows. Then leaps to his feet and commands me to do the same. Though confessing that basically all I know is a few Billy Joel tunes, I sit down and begin hammering out my crude approximation of Piano Man. Leaning against one side of the piano, Adam howls and takes issue with my pacing.

“Isn’t it supposed to go dee doo dun dun, dee doo dun dun?” he questions, eyes watering from this incessant laughter.

“Eh, whatever,” I chuckle in return. If someone can at least recognize what I am attempting to play, then this is satisfaction plenty.

My lady friend flits past our audition area, en route to the restrooms again. “Keep playing!” she tells me, without a break in stride, “I’ll be right back!”

I’m trying to remember this one Beatles song when Rookie moseys out to join us. Though he’s been at the restaurant a while, he’s basically just a totally normal, soft spoken white kid of about the same age as the rest of us. Kind of clean cut and baby faced, belying the whole stereotype about every cook on the planet being an obnoxious dickhead. Which makes it all the more hilarious that, when he smiles, there’s one tooth completely missing in the top right row of an otherwise flawless set of chompers.

He sits down on the other end of the bench and begins running though something he recalls up on the highish middle range of the keys. Laughing hysterically from where he stands, A-Bomb leans forward just enough to plonk out a few random really high notes, completing this decidedly avant-garde three part symphony we’ve just improvised. One guy who is definitely not impressed with it, however, is the Holiday Inn security guard, who marches over and draws a finger across his throat, in the universally recognized sign language for telling someone to knock it the fuck off. His next move is to point into Ashley’s, as in we need to head back inside there, right this second. According to him, this piano is drowning out the karaoke.

“First time I’ve ever been kicked into a bar,” Rookie observes, as the three of us are heading for our stools

In the interim, Mehlman has slid down next to John H, though, which forces us to redraw our seats. Without thinking about it, I land in the middle of the three vacant ones, with A-Bomb to the right and my lady friend beyond. He doesn’t make any moves on her, though, and maybe she considers my choice some kind of intentional slight. After all this prep work, this woman and her sidekick stand up and leave without another word said. Just when it seemed like things were headed somewhere – and I never even so much as got her number. Maybe Hard Road remains an option, although I’m even less inclined to pursue this lead following that odd exit.

But the drinks continue flowing, with L hooking us up considerably on the tallies and the pours. Meanwhile, A-Bomb chatters away about all manner of randomness.

“See, you’ve heard of Citron, right? That lemon flavored vodka?” he says.

“Yeah…”

“Well, they’ve got all kinds of flavors now…blueberry, cherry, I forget what all they’ve got…hey L! What kind of flavored vodkas do they make now? I forget.”

“Ummm…,” L ponders and scans the bottles below the bar, “vanilla, blueberry, raspberry…I don’t know, I can’t remember them all…”

But then A-Bomb orders a Captain and Coke anyway. Yet instead of drinking it, he slides the glass down the bar, past me and toward Scott Mehlman, who has somehow ended up on my immediate left again. I guess I should correct this to state he attempts sliding them, for there’s this seam in between me and the drink’s target, two pieces of the bar surface which don’t line up quite exact. The Captain sails until he hits this ridge and topples.

Mehlman is half turned, towards the others, and only notices this drink as the spill extends into his field of vision. The two of us in the know are laughing hysterically, though manage to button it up a bit when L drifts back into our midst and A-Bomb asks for another. The second cocktail disembarks in the same manner, with identical results.

“What the fuck?” our sad cowboy Mehlman grumbles now, with the second oil slick in as many minutes covering the bar before him.

A-Bomb and I are just losing it at this point, and he presses his luck by asking for a third Captain and Coke. Having witnessed this latest maritime disaster, our bartender wordlessly shakes his head no.

“You know it’s pretty bad when L has to cut you off,” I tell A-Bomb. But this just causes him to howl even harder, his blue eyes teary and bloodshot over this whole series of events.

But L in fact must cut all of us off now, for the Holiday Inn lounge is closing. Somehow I managed to only drink two beers, and one of the few Cap’n & Cokes which didn’t crash, a miracle leaving me in much better shape than the rest of our gang. More miraculous still is our collective tab which, as Ashley’s doesn’t track their liquor like most bars do, has permitted John L the leeway for generous accounting. He only charges us $25, total. We leave him a $42 tip on top of it, though, a neat piece of shorthand indicating the extent of his largesse.

As of Feb ’02 it seems they feature a well-regarded Sunday brunch buffet, featuring made-to-order waffles, omelets. And a pretty decent lunch beyond that. Lawrence Tower is on this plot of land now, meaning the Holiday Inn and Ashley’s are both no longer around.

St. John Arena: Well, well, as it turns out, though I did not know this until just now, while it certainly appears to face Lane Avenue, i.e. this is the only side from which I’ve entered the building, it actually has a Woody Hayes Drive address.

352 W. Lane Avenue: former site of a longstanding 7-Eleven, which was dubbed the “poor man’s Hineygate” due to sizable overflow parking lot crowds on OSU football game days. Now it is nothing, to no one, as the shop is currently closed.

Fanning elsewhere, further along Lane finds first a towering cluster of dormitories, one window of which, eighteen or nineteen stories high, proudly harbors a neon Bud Light sign. Visible from blocks away in any direction, this glittering, glowing advertisement reaches people like a beacon, calling everyone within the signal’s radius to cast their cares aside and party. We can’t help but conjecture as to its owner’s identity, whether a polished ladies man leading thousands into battle, or a lonely recluse begging for just one person to arrive upon his doorstep. Or maybe not even a guy at all but a member of the fairer sex, some hedonistic hellcat that can drink every male she knows under the table. Interlacing this scene like stitches are tiny apartment complexes and houses of every architectural stripe and era, high rises even, and a smattering of university buildings.

The Cooker:  300 W. Lane Avenue

Though my friend Bruce had warned me to steer clear of this operation, I was hard up for holiday cash and decided to wait tables here part time anyway. This would have been 2003 and they were on their last legs. By this point it was one of those places – and many of you have experienced such, I’m sure – where management is taking it out on the help because there aren’t any people coming through the doors. Apparently they thought we worked in the advertising department or something. As a result, when working doubles, some of us would stroll up and drown our sorrows at The Library between the two shifts. Needless to say this pretty much negated the whole “holiday cash” concept and may have put me in the red on this enterprise. During more prosperous times they were notorious for scheduling small armies of servers for every shift, then cutting people immediately as the level of need became apparent. This could explain why their ads were pretty much a constant presence in the classified section. Until the entire franchise went out of business in 2004, that is.

This address now houses a Panera Bread location. You know it’s pretty sad when I’m saying this is clearly a marked improvement.

Varsity Club (278 W. Lane Avenue): Somehow, it took us about a year of living here before we got around to visiting this campus hotspot. One of just five campus bars I can think of which has been around since the 1990s or earlier.

174 W. Lane Avenue

Formerly the location for another Tommy’s Pizza, which lasted an eternity despite being located not that far from the Upper Arlington one mentioned earlier in this post. Has since closed and there is currently nothing at this address.

Tommy's Pizza at 174 West Lane Avenue, Columbus Ohio
Tommy’s Pizza on OSU campus. Maybe I was holding my camera crooked, but I actually think the building slanted.

16 W. Lane Avenue: A bar called Quarters dispensed drinks here, once upon a time, lasting into at least the early 2000s. Before this it was known as The Jailhouse and looked pretty much the same. This address doesn’t exist now, though the newish Buffalo Wild Wings on the corner of High basically sits where it would have been.

  ↑ West Of High

East Of High ↓



From this point onward, until its termination into Summit, Lane is almost purely residential. Having said that, it’s not as though these homes are any less action packed than your typical place of business. Here are some notes on addresses I’ve had the privilege to visit, right here on East Lane Avenue:

Brian’s House (Big Paul’s Friend):

I must admit at this point I can’t really sort out which house this was. My original journal from 1997 and first edition of One Hundred Virgins both list the address as 88 East Lane, but this is clearly wrong. Coincidentally, I would later spend a great deal of time at 88 East Lane (see below) which is one reason I know this is wrong. Judging from Google’s ever present maps, it looks like this house must have actually been either 82 or 78. In later, corrected editions of Virgins I just omit the number entirely and only mention this as an East Lane Avenue house.

Whatever the case, we know the address this night, once Big Paul calls us from Brian’s house with particulars. Damon, Mandy, Melissa and I take off on foot to find the place. It proves a breeze to locate, thanks mostly to the mob of kids packed sardine tin tight upon its front porch, the exterior of Brian’s house echoes ours and virtually any other on campus. A thoroughly antiquated beast, enormous and ancient, but possessing the battle scarred character of a thousand senseless nights. Unlike ours and nearly all the rest, however, his has avoided the axe, standing as one large residence rather than a ream of smaller apartments. Top to bottom, all three floors and this giant deck and the meager yard, these are his to do with as he pleases for as long as he pays the rent.

We elbow our way through the front porch throng, into a living room teeming with bodies no less dense. Before a neglected fireplace, two kegs trail side by side lines, stretching beyond these four walls and into his equally congested den. Past this roiling ocean of unfamiliar faces, we search for just one we know. Each room along this ground floor is painted a uniform shade of white, and with overhead lights blazing brightly in each we’re not struggling so much with identifying the bodies as much as we are making sure we don’t miss any. Scouring the living room and den, the kitchen, we move upstairs and repeat the process through a bathroom, a number of bedrooms. This sharp looking Oriental girl stumbles into our midst and Damon does his best to land this cold contact, jumping into the fray and hitting on her with astonishing bravado. She spurns his advances, however, drifting off to parts unknown.

Eventually our search uncovers another flight of stairs leading up to a finished attic on the third floor, and it is here we find the Cleveland gang, those purveyors of evil we’re seeking. Makes sense these cats would hole up in the darkest corner of the house, a place where their dark jeans and jackets can melt into the shadows. True to form, Linville’s strumming ominous chords on acoustic guitar, and tall, lanky Rob, attired in the same basic outfit as Paul, frowns invariably, saying little. But contrasting sharply against that dour duo, our host Brian, a short, affable fellow, smiles readily, between his business casual clothes and well trimmed light brown hair. Yet to shed the last vestige of his baby fat, Brian seems at peace with the madness two floors below, perfectly content with that and the Oriental chick sitting beside him, otherwise known as his girlfriend. “Ouch. Sorry….I didn’t know,” Damon stutters, suddenly awkward.

“It’s okay,” she says and laughs, as Brian, who has no idea what they’re talking about, offers a corresponding smile.

Thick Asian rugs cover the floor, and aside from the central couch and chairs we’re crowded around, a window faces Lane Avenue, another Brian’s back yard. Likely the warmest room in the house, this tepee shaped attic has a hypnotic charm found nowhere in our own meager abode, insulated by unpacked boxes from the clamor below these white floorboards. But we haven’t come here for solemn reverie, nor a pastoral rehashing of old times. The girls are distracted asking Linville to play them some songs, but even as he’s blatantly ignoring them, Damon and I have found our avenue for exit.

Properly ground once more, we raid the kitchen, desperate for two solid containers of any size. Still our contempt for beer runs rampant, but we see consumption of the vile beverage as a psychological tool. Draft, worst of all, but if mimicking the Romans grants us that slight edge we may pry ourselves into some young girl’s panties.

Nailing down the last two useful items available – a pitcher for me and something resembling an orange juice carafe for him – we are drawn to the keg’s honing signal, jumping into line like cattle for slaughter. Ahead, an arresting sight captivates our virgin eyes, as one young kid does a handstand atop the keg. Two guy hold his legs and a third shoots beer into his mouth from the tap, with the crowd chanting out each passing second in unison.

“What the hell?” Damon mutters.

“Keg stand,” the football player in front of us turns around and grins, a well seasoned veteran of these affairs.

Our makeshift mugs eventually filled, we have seats along the stairwell, the nerve center of this titan beating heart. Scanning the room, we gauge attendance for Brian’s soiree at somewhere between a hundred and one fifty, not bad for a kid who’s moved here from the shores of Lake Erie just a few months ago himself. But most of the girls we talk to, drifting past us en route to the second floor restroom, are either too drunk or too refined to maintain a conversation with us, and our pickup lines are uniformly awful.

“Hey, it’s been awhile!”

“Didn’t we used to work together?”

“So, you know Brian, huh?”

Some chick named Olivia we recognize from high school plops down on the stairs between us, yet gorgeous as she is, it’s a vaguely uncomfortable encounter. We scarcely knew her then and have nothing to say now, and the elegance by association we might reasonably hope to acquire dissipates. A few game candidates emerge once Olivia moves on, but little meaningful can come of it, because we don’t know how to carry ourselves in these situations, we’re not sure what we’re supposed to be saying, or doing, or for that matter wearing. The most genial of these creatures will stand and speak or sometimes even sit but we can’t get over the hump of making an impression somehow, these are obviously faceless encounters no one will remember five minutes from now.

Lines roughly half as long as those for the kegs issue now from both restrooms, first and second floor, highly skewed female. Female because the men don’t give a damn, the men are outside pissing on the side of the house, pissing in the yard, some even pissing out of windows. Meanwhile, this black kid in the den is playing DJ, spinning a ceaseless procession of great dance tunes, stemming mostly from the Beastie Boys’ License To Ill, for wherever we go, whatever the year, this has always been the lone CD everyone agrees upon. Finally, we’re standing in line for another round of beer, and Brian crosses our path.

“I just tried to change the keg,” he pants, incredulous, “and I’m coming through with the new one and some guy’s like, Hey! Who do you know to be changing a keg! and I’m like, I live here!”

“Did you know the guy?” I ask.

“No, but then again there’s a lot of people here I don’t know.”

Brian drifts off, possibly to the hideaway upstairs and the arms of his hardbodied girlfriend. He no sooner disappears when Mandy, Melissa, and Big Paul reemerge, or maybe he’s trying unsuccessfully to elude them. Damon and I have realized our approach isn’t working, and moving one step ahead of that crew, we reassign ourselves to a couch in the den. Here, the disc jockey’s operating in detached tranquility behind an easy chair, while the dozen or so females chatter with a few randomly scattered males.

Linville eventually manages to dump his fan club off with us, but until he does we’re free to ogle unabated. Mostly stunning in appearance, a handful of these beauties actually stoop low enough to converse with us, but again it leads nowhere. The best we can hope for in this situation is to hold tight, pray that a clear break will open if we outlast everyone else. As Brian’s five keg surfeit is whittled down to one, bodies begin streaming out, a slow though visible depletion, and this is ideal. But between Mandy’s wicked glares at the glamorous, dolled up dames surrounding us and Melissa’s outrageous guffaws in response to all that’s said, we’re not making much headway, the cause seems lost.

During an idle moment I spy this sheet of notebook paper near my feet, and tuck it into my pants pocket. A list of names and phone numbers, I explain when Damon asks, though judging from his knowing smirk I guess he’s already aware. The identities imbued upon it matter little, but I’m nestling a dim belief it might net us some positive gain, keeping this ship afloat.

One of the ladies talking to us as a group gradually ignores everyone else, sidling up next to Mandy. She places her hand on Mandy’s knee, smiling grandly as she whispers in Mandy’s ear, attempts throwing an arm around the shoulders, clearing digging our quintessential tomboy. Up north in hilljack country, flagrant lesbianism is far from an everyday encounter, and miss Goff’s face grows a deeper shade of crimson with each passing moment, half anger, half embarrassment. Clearly on the brink of blowing her top, Mandy’s anger has the rest of us rooted firmly in voyeuristic heaven, elbowing one another as a conversational muffle falls across the room.

The DJ spins with his head hung low, oblivious to the imminent fireworks. We’ve seen Mandy stomp other girls to shreds in the parking lots of the roughest Mansfield bars, but she needs a half gallon of whiskey to summon that brawling mien. Tonight she simply leaps from the couch and stomps out of the room, out of the house and into the wintry night. The remaining three of us, we don’t even bother locating Linville, we gag our howls and follow.

“Oh my god, that was hilarious!” I crow.

“It was not,” Mandy insists, refuting any humor.

Stuart’s Apartment (88 East Lane):

When Bruce calls much later, I ask for directions and walk in the rain to get there, only a block north up Summit and then a few west along Lane. Once inside the apartment here at 88 East, I’m introduced to Stuart, who rents the place along with two other cats. It’s the very last apartment in the small row of about four or five, in a light brown brick building jammed snugly sideways between two houses, an awning of black shingles overhanging it like a hat. As for Stuart, at first glance he seems a bit on the preppy side to be associating with this Bruce character. He wears fashionable clothes, after all, and his jet black hair closely cropped in an uber-modern style. Is also one of these creatures who adopts khaki shorts as a standard issue uniform, even as our motley trio steps out tonight into the chilly drizzle.

But, as if I couldn’t have guessed, it turns out Stuart’s the same brand of inconsistent wiseass as the rest of us. A little more vicious, perhaps, which plays into his appearance, one of these guys who can turn apparent respectability into a Trojan horse type subversive attack, undermining the system from within. Or something like that. He drives an ancient white Studebaker, though, not that we’ll be using that tonight, and after all he does let Bruce crash on his couch for free, when the latter runs afoul of paying rent on time to his actual technical roommates.

“I’m usually running about three weeks behind,” Bruce explains, with a mad, gleeful cackle. His favorite word is bitter, which he crams with a volume explosion into many a sentence, and his general speaking style is to croak out the syllables slowly, for dramatic effect, which would feature untold ellipses if written. “So usually, you know, about…one week or so into the month, my roommates start hitting me up for rent. That’s when I start…steering clear of that place, and crashing at Stu’s!” They both laugh heartily at this, so there are evidently no complications with this drill. Bruce then concludes, “so yeah…I do this pretty much every month.”

This occasion of my first visit, we don’t stick around, as the three of us walk to a party over at Joanne and Sarah’s place nearby. But I will soon wind up stopping by here on average about once per week for the next six months. Between the three actual roommates and singular honorary one, in Bruce, there’s always something going down here. There’s a gravel lot behind the place, accessible from whatever alley this is running behind Lane, and a dented shed at its edge which someone spray painted INSANE CLOWN POSSE across. And this seems to fit the general vibe, where you can’t quite get a handle on the occupants, or why there are always a couple of random but pretty decent looking girls in the mix. For a while, this card game called In Between becomes all the rage here, a gambling variety which typically finds one lucky soul walking home with everyone’s tip money for the night.

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