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2006

Emma and me early 2006

The year gets off to a tremendous start in Westerville, where sometime in January, Michael’s Pizza becomes the first place to serve alcohol there since 1875. When we moved here in the late 90s, Westerville and one small section of the Clintonville area were still both dry – so this becomes the last domino to fall. In less triumphant though somewhat related news, in symbolic yin/yang fashion, December will meanwhile see city council voting against renewing liquor licenses for Ledo’s Lounge (2608 North High Street), Miani’s (2619), and The Nut House (2159.) Somewhere in between these measures, both philosophically and chronologically, in November, select campus area UDF stores stop selling domestic beer in bottles – this apparently at the behest of Ohio State bigwigs, who are concerned about the ever escalating game day carnage.

January 2

Drexel Gateway Theatre hosts a viewing party for OSU’s bowl game against Notre Dame. It begins at 3:30pm (kickoff for the Fiesta Bowl is 4:30) and features $2 Bud Light Pounders, $1 hot dogs, as well as a $7 “tailgate food buffet.” According to the ad I’m reading, private party space is available for rent as well. Regarding the results, the Buckeyes win the game 34-20.

January 6

The Columbus Bride Show lifts its veil at Vets Memorial. Boasting 170+ exhibitors, three fashion shows, and thousands of dollars in door prizes – all for the low, low admission price of $8 – it runs from 10am to 5pm today, then noon to 5 on the 7th.

January 29

Wendy’s ditches Columbus in favor of the suburbs, as the corporation relocates its headquarters to Dublin.

To see what kind of antics my cohorts and I are up to on any given day, you can always click this arrow icon when you see it:

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February 10

Avett Brothers hit the Blue Note for a live performance.

February 15

Creole Kitchen, which boasts authentic Cajun fare up to and including alligator, opens its doors at 1052 Mount Vernon Avenue.

February 24

Tim O’Brien and Danny Barnes play a show together at the Newport. Here’s one song from their set that night:

For more of the Newport’s 2006 events calendar, please visit that page.

February 25

McCormick and Shmick’s holds a grand opening party out at Easton. Incredibly enough, this is their first Ohio restaurant. Specially invited guests and bigwigs celebrate around an open bar and and endless bounty of hors d’oeurves.

March 1

Lindey’s Polaris hosts its latest First Wednesday event. At this one, Executive Chef Jen Fortes gives a cooking and wine tutorial centered around the theme of “seasonal” favorites.

Kurt Vonnegut has a speaking appearance on OSU campus, which I and some others attend.

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March 2

Sugar Bar opens with owners Chris Corso and Mike Gallicchio on hand, as well as special appearances by two members of the Pussycat Dolls. So these guys are apparently well-connected if nothing else, spotty track records with these clubs be damned. Anyway, complimentary vodka drinks and appetizers are passed out to lucky attendees, one of which is mayor Michael Coleman.

March 8

Yes! Those persistent rumors are true! The 1st Ohio Reptile Research & Conservation Conference is indeed held at Ohio Historical Society on this date.

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March 10

Columbus AIDS Task Force has a People’s Choice reception at Global Living. This is all part of their biannual Art For Life fundraising effort. Here, a representative from Sotehby’s New York picks works that will be auctioned at the CATF’s primary event next month. Patrons vote on the suggested pieces, and Barcelona serves wine to wash down their plentiful appetizers.

March 11

The Raising Cane’s at University City Center opens.

Meanwhile, up at the Polaris location of Saks 5th Avenue, they’re conducting a spring prom fashion show. Students from Bexley and Pickerington model this season’s trendier dresses. Additionally, vendors/owners from businesses such as Linda Kick Cakes, 100 Degrees Salon, Elite Limousines and Daisy Basket Flowers pass out samples and give demos of their products.

March 31

The Ohio chapter of the Ruffed Grouse Society holds its banquet at Villa Milano on Schrock Road.

And I couldn’t really avoid talking about this, either. It’s the most famous cold case in Columbus right now – possibly ever – and one of the more well known missing persons episodes around the world, period. This is the night Brian Shaffer went out for some drinks with a couple friends and was never seen again. Technically speaking, he disappeared on April 1, but he and his buddy Clint Forence began their bar-hopping odyssey tonight. They were later joined by a third friend, Meredith Reed. The three of them eventually wound up at Ugly Tuna Saloona, which is where the notorious incident transpired.

Shaffer is seen on video footage entering the bar, yet never leaving. And this was supposedly impossible, which is why the case immediately gained so much traction. Despite that concept being debunked, however, in countless media outlets over the years, this myth continues to persist and is the big calling card for those who enjoy obsessing over the case. It’s true that every other person seen entering the bar that night has been accounted for and spoken to, however, including the band that was playing, a trio named Rock House. Yet nothing particularly relevant has turned up from this. Anyway, if seeking to learn more about the intricacies of his disappearance, I would recommend the work they’ve done on True Crime Garage.

April 1

A turkey hunting seminar is held at the Hilliard Gander Mountain, 11am. Blue Oyster Cult invade Lifestyle Communities Pavilion.

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April 5

The Black Coin play a show at Skully’s Music-Diner. For a complete rundown of that club’s events, please visit that page.

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April 6

Lerone, Sarah Donnelly, and Adam Newman play at Acme Art Company. Blues Station has Pike Band. Tempest play at Byrne’s Pub. At Flanagan’s Pub it’s Brad Moore. Gibby’s Arena District has Mother Trucker Lite performing. At Grandview Heights Public Library, it’s The Drowsy Lads, Marvin the Robot, and Sarah Asher. Hoggy’s Barn & Grill has Delyn Christian & the Fret Shop Band. At Oldfield’s on High it’s Floor Walkers. On The Rocks has School Boy Crush. The Jimmy McGee Band are at Park Street Tavern. Moving to Boise are playing at Slapsy Maxie’s. Acoustic Theory are at Tommy Keegans. Jonathan Rundman plays at Trinity Lutheran Seminary in Bexley, a free showAt Ugly Tuna Saloona it’s Chris Logsdon. Victory’s has Nefarious Ewe. Zeno’s has The John Turck Trio.

Carabar has Jesse Henry playing. For a rundown of their 2006 events, please visit that page.

Rob Zombie also happens to be in town, performing at Lifestyle Communities Pavilion. John Petric is here and is mostly impressed with the show. Lacuna Coil and Bullet For My Valentine open.

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April 7

At Carlile Club, it’s “Installation 2” of something, but I’m not sure what, exactly. As they are apparently dubbing this series Elektro Fridays, though, I think it means various DJs spinning house/trance/techno records. Vital Recordings is on the ground floor at 10pm, featuring John D. At the same time Dirrrty House Sessions Vol. 2 is at The Underground, featuring Nino Anthony and David Farlow.

It’s Comfest Volunteer Nite at Acme Art Company, featuring Audible Detonation, The Exceptionals, Nuke Daddies, The Floorwalkers, The Rackets, and Church of the Red Museum.

David Sedaris is in town, at the Palace Theatre for an essay reading, followed by audience Q & A and signing session.

Jonathan Rundman is at Victorian’s Midnight Cafe, which is once again a free show. For a complete recap of 2006 events there, please visit that dedicated page.

Elsewhere, tonight Chris Logsdon is at Adobe Gilas. Alrosa Villas has Bobaflex, X Facter 1, Desolate Mindframe, A Vicious Cycle, Umbra, Drifire. The Basement has Flyleaf, Revelation Theory, and Mercy Fall. Billiard Club has Headchange, Addison Lane, Gone Until Tomorrow, and Korba Kai. At Blues Station it’s the Spikedrivers. Bogey Inn has The Aaron Wright and John Zuck Duo. Razorback are playing at Cadillac Jack’s. C.B.R’s has Bad Johnny playing. Crown Sports Lounge IV has Hollywood Sean on tap. The Vague with Slanted are playing at Fat Billiards. Flanagan’s Pub has Eric Solomon. Frog, Bear and Wild Boar Bar has Chrome playing. Gibby’s Arena District has Vinyl. At Goat Tavern, it’s Christopher Swanson. Harvest Moon Cafe has Jonathan Burgess. Bad Influence are at Hot Spot Tavern. Larry B’s has Radio Surfers. Mulligan’s has Delyn Christian playing. For Oldfield’s on High it’s Jakob Freely, Andy Shaw, and Sean Benjamin Band. On the Rocks has Granny Shot, Next Exit. Park Street Tavern has Capital Sound Band. At Pit Stop Lounge it’s Night Caps. Hoo Doo Soul Band are performing at Ravari Room. X Rated Cowboys are at Short North Tavern. Slapsy Maxies has Franc Aledia performing. St. James Tavern has Theresa Fyffe, Stephanie Jeffreys. At Tommy Keegans it’s Under New Ownership. 2 Rascal’s Pub has 70 West Band. Victory’s has Daybreak, Freak Nut Rat Patrol. Woo Doggies Grille has Fat Dog.

Adrienne Young and Little Sadie are at Thirsty Ear Tavern. Tickets are available at Ace In The Hole Music, Fifth Avenue Fret Shop, Magnolia Thunderpussy, the Music Go Round on Bethel Road, and Sour Records in Westerville

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April 8

The PRO Gun Show at Westland Mall hosts a home-study hunter education course, from 10am to 2pm, today and on the 9th.

At Andyman’s Treehouse, Early Empire play a CD release party for their debut EP, Resolutions and a Gun. Pretty Weapons and Vena Cava open. For a rundown of the Andyman’s events, please visit that page.

Elswhere, Billiard Club has Sex Slaves, Umbra playing. Blues Station has Zen Blues Band. Cadillac Jack’s has Liquid Blue. C.B.R’s has Downplay, BlackCoin, Letter to the Editor, The Mercury Retrograde. At Club Sunset it’s The Schmangy Brothers. Crown Sports Lounge has Poison Ivory, while Crown Sports Lounge IV meanwhile Simply Misdirected. At Flanagan’s Pub it’s Blurred Vision. Frog, Bear and Wild Boar Bar has X Ray Jimmy Roger. Gibby’s Arena District has Jesse Davis playing. Harvest Moon Cafe has Brandon Abbott. Mother Trucker Lite are at Hilton. Hot Spot Tavern has Night Caps performing. Oldfield’s on High has Evil Queens, Ho Ag, One Point Three, ARKS. On the Rocks has Amanda Overboard. At Park Street Tavern there’s a Champipple CD release party. At Pit Stop Lounge it’s Wild Eagle. Plank’s on Broadway has JD Burlee. At Ravari Room it’s The Clampdown. Short North Tavern have Soul Kitchen. Slapsy Maxies has Agent 99.

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April 9

the latest edition of the Icebox Music Series means The Eastern Seaboard are playing at Acme Art Company.

April 10

The Subhumans invade The Basement, and according to John Petric, who also attends this show, they deliver a performance for the ages. Caustic Christ and Signal Lost open.

April 11

On the 101st day of the year (get it?), local FM station CD101 hosts a big blowout at the Lifestyle Communities Pavilion. Mayor Michael Coleman even gets into the act, voluntarily shilling for the event, boldly proclaiming this day on the calendar as CD101 Day. Except maybe in leap years when I guess they would have to hold this on the 10th.

Anyway, Rock Kills Kid kicks off the event, followed by Bril, Nine Black Alps, local boys The Sun, then Dresden Dolls, and finally headliners OK Go. In The Other Paper issue that arrives two days later, Rick Allen will claim that The Sun surprisingly stole the show.

A touring production of Little Shop Of Horrors hits Ohio Theatre and will run through April 16. The Basement has The Stills.

April 13

Blues Station has Tinsley Ellis. The Pike Band are playing at Park Street Tavern.

April 14

More of this “Installation” business at Carlile Club. This time around it’s chapter 3. Chicago house from Matt Boyd on the ground level at 10pm, and more of those Dirrrty House Sessions, also at 10, from the same crew as before in The Underground.

The Decals are at Park Street Tavern.

April 15

At CCAD’s Canzani Center, an event called Art For Life 2006 gets underway. This is a fundraiser staged by CATF (Columbus AIDS Task Force) to benefit HIV and AIDS research. Featuring “hundreds of pieces from extraordinary artists,” there’s a live auction with dinner at 6pm – tickets are $125, though these are juried artworks chosen by Sotheby’s and their own selection committee. Then a silent auction and party at 8, which will only set you back $60 a pop if you choose to attend.

Switchfoot are in town to play Lifestyle Communities Pavilion. Terry Davidson and the Gears are playing at Park Street Tavern. Opera singer Dawn Upshaw is at the Southern Theatre.

April 19

Bucktown Kickback play in The Basement.

April 20

Blues Station has Holmes Brothers performing. The Audiologues are at Park Street Tavern.

April 21

Tonight it’s The Jimmy McGee Band at Park Street Tavern.

April 22

CCAD has its annual spring student art sale at Loann Crane Center For Design. Features work from 150+ artists and designers, in basically every discipline imaginable. All proceeds go to the student in question. General admission is $5 and runs from 10am-2pm, though there’s also a first-choice option for $50 from 8:30-10 this morning.

Blues Station has Anthony Gomez. The latest Rent revival hits Palace Theatre, this time for two days only. Park Street Tavern has The Jim Miller Band.

April 23

Ohio Roller Girls kick off their latest season. A Life Once Lost play in The Basement.

April 25

INXS are at Palace Theatre

April 26

Jazz Moves makes its world premiere at the Ohio Theatre. Whatever this is, it’s a Ballet Met production, and will run through April 30.

April 27->

April 28

The Hush Sound play in The Basement. Park Street Tavern alternately lists Groove Soda with Minus the Minus, or else The Shrunken Heads as playing here. If I had to guess, though, I think the second one is a typo and The Shrunken Heads actually played the 29th.

April 29

At Columbus Museum of Art (specifically the Ross Photography Center), the Ohio Art League begins its 95th Annual Spring Juried Exhibition. Claudine Ise, from Wexner Center for the Arts, is the juror, and this exhibit will run through September 3.

Elsewhere, in a completely unrelated development, the museum is also sponsoring “Flashback to Studio 54” night at The Capitol Club. It’s a dance party featuring Buzz Fitzgerald from Mix 97.1 as the DJ, with prizes awarded for Most Out-of-Sight-70s Celebrity Lookalike and Grooviest Hair-Do. Running from 8pm to 1am, tickets are $25 presale, $30 at the door.

Will Hoge plays in The Basement.

April 30

On this gloomy morn, the Sports Car Club of America holds its first Solo II competition of 2006. This autocross event, held on a parking lot behind OSU’s Child Care Center, attracts everyone from kindergarten aged go-karters to serious hobbyists in tricked out Corvettes. Regardless of the vehicle, though, participants must race through an obstacle course consisting of construction cones, and hope to emerge victorious. “For 20 bucks I get a full day’s worth of entertainment,” Aaron Ritch is quoted as saying in The Lantern. He’s driving a 2004 Subaru Impreza and adds, “it’s way better than going to a movie.” Meanwhile, OSU graduate Simi Dhilion, who was best in class last year (she’s driving a 2005 Scion tC now, not sure about then), offers in the same piece, “female drivers might not be taken as seriously as they could be, but the big thing is the driver. A lot of people out there are driving stick cars and still kicking butt.” Attendance is free for spectators, and should any students wish to enroll in this league, discounts are available.

The Fall Of Troy goes down in The Basement.

May 2

The 12th annual National Conference on Diversity, Race, and Learning is held at the Fawcett Conference Center, from 7:45am to 4:15pm

At the Longaberger Alumni House, a conference called “The Knowledge Economy” begins at 8am. Its stated purpose is to take “a detailed look at the nontraditional possibilites available in Ohio’s communities to build economic sustainability by creating innovation that meets changing needs.” And here I thought my run-on sentences were bad. Anyway, it will run to 3pm for those that can endure it.

A lecture called “Safety in the Workplace” is held in Suite 430 at the South Campus Gateway. Presented by Organization and Human Resource Development, it runs from 11:30am to 1pm.

At Kottman Hall, Mick Micacchion is conducting a presentation on vernal pool animals and their habitat preferences. Free food and drinks are also provided – now this sounds a little more like it!

The Black Eyed Peas invade Value City Arena. Tickets begin at $37.50 and the show starts at 7.

And then finally, on the South Oval, they’re throwing down with a free fest called Israel-Palooza, celebrating that nation’s 58th year of existence. Free food, music, and learning are on tap, making this perhaps the most well rounded offering of the day.

May 4

The second annual Columbus Fringe Festival begins, and will run through May 27. This is a sprawling series of events, in multiple different venues and discliplines, which is sponsored by MadLab Theatre. It’s actually a really complex schedule, scattered all over town, that should probably have its own post on this site. But absent that, here’s the condensed version: art exhibits at MadLab, ROY G BIV, Art Access, and Kirsten Bowen Gallery; plays at MadLab, Columbus Performaing Arts Center, Short Stop Youth Center, and Kafe Kerouac; dance/performing arts at Columbus Dance Theatre and exactly one night (May 16) at Axis Night Club; and then music shows at Carabar, Oldfield’s on High, and St. James Tavern.

Voters approve a $75 million bond for Hilliard, to build a new high school on Walker Road. Slated for a 2009 opening, this will give Hilliard three high schools.

May 10

General planning meetings for this year’s Comfest kick off at the Goodale Park Shelterhouse, 7:30pm. Follow up meetings are scheduled for May 21 and May 30.

May 11

Brian Shaffer’s apartment on King Avenue is broken into and a few items are stolen, somewhere around 2am. By 3am the cops are already on the scene and placing a call to his girlfriend, Alexis Waggoner, to inform her of the break-in. Since his lease isn’t up yet and nobody knows what happened to him, everything has been left as is there. Somehow the police quickly determine that this has nothing to do with his disappearance. The main reason for this seems to be that two other apartments in the same complex were also broken into, including his next door neighbor. Which admittedly does appear kind of extreme if someone were attempting an elaborate cover up. The other primary reason this is dismissed as being connected to his disappearance is much flimsier to me. I always find it hilarious and baffling when anybody tries to make a list of the “only” things that were stolen from someone’s house. Columbus police say the thief “only” took his TV and some DVDs – but how could they possibly know this? Even his girlfriend could not possibly know every item in his possession there. I feel you couldn’t realistically list all the holdings for any person who ever lived. So to say for certain that nothing of evidentiary value to the case was stolen is preposterous. I’m sure they went through his apartment with a fine toothed comb prior to this, but still, I would stand by this assessment.

There’s another weird incident on campus, later in the day, though this too is apparently just a strange coincidence. Or something – at any rate not connected in the slightest. OSU student Hiroshi Hayashi seemingly disappears while on his way to class, and his car will later turn up clear out by Tuttle Mall. Family and friends will eventually become concerned enough to file a missing persons report. Hayashi does turn up five days later, though, albeit all the way down in Athens, Tennessee, after showing up at a police station there. He will initially tell officers he was hit over the head and abducted, though is later charged with faking this incident.

The Alive! weekly paper holds its relaunch party at Spice Bar And Lounge. Apparently the place was giving out free Grey Goose beverages and dispensing tasty treats from the kitchen. One attendee is quoted in the next issue as proclaiming, “Columbus has a real paper now,” which can only mean that she never read The Other Paper. I know it was a packed house and sounds like a great time and everything, but come on. Colorful graphics can only take you so far. Another reader is nonethless stoked enough to declare, “it’s my city, my life, and my newspaper!”

At Global Gallery, they are hosting the 4th annual International Dinner, to promote World Fair Trade Day. It’s a buffet where every dish is labeled in a manner meant to promote global awareness, in support of fair trade. Tickets are $12 at the door ($10 advance) with special rates for couples, seniors, and students. This year’s event features a performance stage and also educational games for children.

Bela Fleck & The Flecktones are at Southern Theatre, 8:30pm. With special guest Victor Wooten, a veritable badass on the bass, as well as Future Man and Jeff Coffin.

May 13

S.P.A.C.E. (Small Press & Alternative Comics Expo) is held at the Aladdin Shrine Complex on Stelzer Rd. Boasting over 180 exhibitors, it bills itself as the midwest’s largest event of this sort. 10am-6pm, with free parking.

At the Hyatt Regency downtown, the Half Pint Brawlers bring “brutal midget wrestling” to their Live At Hell City extravaganza. If this is your thing, they start throwing bodies to the mat at 7pm.

Death in the Midwest play at the Basement, 9pm.

The Ravari Room is hosting something called The Clampdown, which is billed as “a monthly rock n’ roll dance party.” There’s no cover charge and it starts at 9pm.

May 18

Gatherings at the Continent kicks off its 24th year – if I’m doing the math right, this means they started in 1983. Fat Dog is the band performing tonight, the first in this summer long series of free outdoor concerts. For the complete calendar, please visit that page.

H.I.M. at Lifestyle Communities Pavilion

Stefan Caldwell is at Blues Station

Tone Loc is at Frog, Bear and Wild Boar!

May 19

Icebox Music Series hits New Harvest Cafe. Tonight this means The Andrew Lamb Trio is playing here.

Train are at Lifestyle Communities Pavilion, with Watershed opening

Cadillac Jack’s has Marq Torien of Bullet Boys fame (?) playing tonight and tomorrow. A Nervous Wreck and Withdrawal are the opening acts.

May 20

Nationwide building is lit in fuchsia tonight – never seen that before. Todd Mason and one of his colleagues share a gallery showing above Surly Girl Saloon (bar also owns). I was in attendance and you can click the arrow below to view my notes:

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At the Columbus Zoo, the National Center For Adoption holds its first annual Forever Home Adoption Celebration. This runs from 5:30 to 8:30pm and features activities for children, live animal demonstrations, a raffle, entertainment, an ice cream tasting from Denise’s Ice Cream alongside other food options, and of course adoption information resources.

DJ Tiesto performs at Skye Bar. Tickets start at $35, with opening acts Serge Davant, Glenn B and Aus-10 also on the bill.

Axis is hosting a 7 Year Anniversary celebration, which is called Oz and therefore has an Emerald City theme. Resident DJ Rob Engel is spinning records, there’s a “special appearance” by Alexis Stevens, and Emerald City Margarita is the featured cocktail.

Invisible Children benefit show is held at Lifestyle Communities Pavilion. This nonprofit event, providing aid to children in Uganda, features the Christian acts House of Heroes, Everyday Sunday, Secondhand, and John Ruben

Adam Marsland’s Chaos Band is playing at Polo’s.

May 23

Tuesday night blues jam at Blues Station, hosted this time by LDB3

May 24

The preexisting older Kroger on Sawmill Road closes. It’s the last store I called home while working for the company, before I left in November 2002. There is of course a newer “Kroger Marketplace” across the street that is already up and running, which replaced it before it even closed.

Enter The Haggis play at Byrne’s Pub. Stinking Lizaveta are at Ravari Room, with Tummler and Devil in Exile opening.

May 25

Chef Ninja X from Taco Ninja is featured in Alive!, rating his top 5 albums. Two local efforts make the cut, one from Guinea Worms (You Can’t Chump This) and another from his own band, Classical Ass, for which he plays drums.

May 27

Memorial Day Weekend party at Dolphin Lounge kicks off at 8pm.

May 28

Something called White Party at Axis

May 29

Tournament Time with DJ Drew Hanson begins at Dub Pub, and will run through June 4.

June 1

Columbus Arts Festival kicks off its 45th year and will run until June 4. This time around it spans four blocks, features more than 300 artists, and boasts about 80 live performers. Artists from lands as distant as Illinois, Florida, or even London, England are among those setting up shop. For the third year running, there’s a poetry slam, and local music acts such as Fabulous Johnson Brothers and Yumbambe grace one of the three stages. Also, along City Center Drive, they’ve set up stations for hands-on activities such as art workshops in virtually every discipline you can imagine, and even charming little poetry tutorials.

Hill Harper of CSI fame is at Brownstone on Main, discussing and signing copies of his book Letters to a Young Brother: MANifest Your Destiny.

It’s bucket night at Cosmo’s. And there’s a Columbus Comedy Showcase at Funny Bone.

June 2

Harry, Drew, and Nick’s going away party is held at B. Hampton’s.

June 3

The Short North Gallery Hop celebrates its 250th run. This time around there’s a massive sidewalk sale which lasts all day, a pair outdoor stages hosting musical performances, and at least one art gallery (p.m. gallery) with an exhibit extolling this anniversary. Titled NFS (Not for Sale), it includes the work of many past artists, leading up to this historic first Saturday in June. Also, something called Columbus Movement Movement apparently performs choreographed dances in the streets, when traffic patterns permit.

It’s also Ally-tini Night at Union Station Video Cafe.

June 4

Jack Roth 5K Rock ‘n’ Run dashes from the starting blocks over in Bexley.

June 5

The Eclectic Book Group meets at the Polaris Barnes & Noble, to discuss the book Forever. New members welcome.

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June 6

And tonight it’s the Mystery Book Group meeting at that same Barnes & Noble. The work in question this time is called Soul Catchers.

June 8

Mistress Juliya, Forever In Terror, and Byzantine play Alrosa Villa.

June 9

The Jimmy McGee Band performs at Park Street Tavern.

June 11

2006 Summer Ohio Guitar Show is held at Aladdin Temple on Stelzer Road. From 11:30am to 6pm, $7 admission but free parking.

June 13

Franklin County Commissioners pass a resolution that allows construction to begin on Huntington Park, future home of the Columbus Clippers, provided that certain fair-contracting standards are met.

June 15

Three Columbus BikeSource locations (Sawmill, North High, State Street in Westerville) begin a Bikefest promo, now through June 25. Customers purchasing certain sale bikes earn themselves Bonus Bucks, ranging from $25 to $75. I’m not sure if these are actual real dollars or if they must be spent in-store.

June 16

Look out! It’s a Party At The Park at Cooper Stadium! John Schwab plays in the Picnic Pavilion from 6-7:15. After which, a scant ten minutes later, the Clippers take the field against Ottawa. Not only that, but The Famous (no longer San Diego) Chicken is here, and they’re giving out seat cushions to the first 2000 through the gates. $1 dogs, burgers, and beverages all night as well.

June 17

Long’s Bookstore enlists a pair of auctioneers to get rid of everything that’s left inside the building. Since they closed last summer and most everything useful was transferred to the new Barnes & Noble on south campus, it’s mostly just an oddball assortment of leftover junk, random souvenirs, and fixtures. I seriously think I might have been more interested in the Long’s employee aprons than just about anything else they are listing. In a somewhat amusing piece in The Other Paper, published just prior to the auction, one of the auctioneers is wondering however why there are mannequin parts strewn throughout the place. “These poor mannequins,” he is quoted as saying, “there’s pieces all over. I think Dahmer was here.” He’s joking, of course, although this does make me wonder: considering that Jeffrey Dahmer did briefly attend OSU, was he ever in Long’s Bookstore? A bone chilling prospect indeed. Mostly, though, this little episode is just the sad, final little upholstery nail in what was a former campus institution.

The 7th annual City Hop takes place today. This yearly events affords paying guests the chance to tour numerous downtown residential units as part of a group tour. This year’s properties include Carlyles Watch, Rich Street Lofts, Lafayette Lofts, 8 On The Square, the horribly named EcleXtion Lofts, Burnham Square Condominiums, Grayson’s Living Ideas, The Hartman Lofts, The Lofts at 106, 60 Spring, Terraces on Grant, The Buggyworks, and The Condominiums at North Bank Park. All told the tour features 17 properties. It begins at 10am at the Galbreath Pavilion on 55 E. State Street and will run until 6pm. Donna Carstens of HER Realtors is involved in some capacity, possibly as the tour guide.

Rockin’ Country Night at Lazy Chameleon in Powell. It begins at 10pm and features Jon Anthony as well as the awesomely named Wishful Drinking.

June 19

Clippers take on Syracuse, another home game. A Monday, also known as 10 Cent Slyder Night.

June 23

This year’s Community Festival (AKA Comfest) kicks off, and will run nightly through June 25.

June 28

Nine Inch Nails survive a rain drenched performance at Germain Amphitheater. Click here to view the complete rundown of 2006 shows at that venue.

Meanwhile, Paul Simon is playing Value City Arena here in town – which is actually the far more controversial show, surprisingly enough, because Ticketmaster is just giving away seats, for the last two days leading up to this.

Apparently ticket sales were so sluggish they decided to make this highly unusual move, even going as far as to only charge a 75 cent “convenience” fee, period, for anyone who wanted to scoop up a seat. I wouldn’t pretend to know the inner workings of a tour like this, but I’m guessing that Simon was probably given a guaranteed payout for the show, and it doesn’t really matter to him whether the tickets do or do not sell. Whether they ever book him again is maybe open for debate, but management on both sides probably figured it looks better to save face by filling up the venue, probably leads to a better show from a morale standpoint, and anyway more bodies equals more concessions and merch.

I always find the unexpected collision of two major acts in town on the same night to be somewhat fascinating. This smarmy quoted dude in The Other Paper, who runs a ticket brokerage firm, is questioning, “who looked at this and thought it was a good idea?” in regards to the Schottenstein Center agreeing to book this Simon show. But, I don’t know, to me I can equally see myself attending either concert, and am feeling like a wide swath of my age bracket would agree. However I do think in a coin flip situation, the older act probably loses – just because you’re more likely to have seen them before.

June 30

Elvis Costello plays Lifestyle Communities Pavilion with his own band plus Allen Toussaint and the Crescent City Horns backing him. After opening the show with Peace, Love, and Understanding, minus Toussaint and company, that crew then took the stage for the remainder of the evening. I Don’t Want To Go To Chelsea, Tears Before Bedtime, Pump It Up, and of course Alison are among the tunes dispensed by this ensemble. Plus lots of new tracks from the Costello/Toussaint CD that just came out.

Painter Karl Mullen’s exhibit opens at Lindsay Gallery, and his very own musical group, Karl Mullen Band, plays here as well, at 8pm.

July 1

The Capital Center at Capital University holds an art sale, featuring over 1000 pieces, some starting at just $10. The sale will also repeat on July 2nd, running 9am-6pm both days.

As part of the Picnic With The Pops series, Patriotic Pops! is held on the Chemical Abstracts lawn. Led by conductor Albert-George Schram, the Columbus Symphony Orchestra begins playing at 8:15, with fireworks to follow the show. Parking is free and the grounds open up at 6pm, whether or not you are in fact packing a picnic to bring at this hour.

Surly Girl Saloon and the Columbus Music Co-Op stage an outdoor music festival called Here Comes Your Weekend/Parking Lot Blowout. Earwig play first, followed in some order by The Morsels, Ugly Stick, Rosehips, Envelope, The Rackets, Tiara, You’re So Bossy, Columbus Power Squadron, and finally headliners Deadsea to close out the night. Artist Thom Lessner’s works are also on display, which feature numerous Columbus musicians of the 1990s.

Sherrie Gallerie opens up a two month exhibition featuring the works of Andi and Robert Moran. Barrington Levy plays Alrosa Villa.

July 2

A shooting occurs at roughly 2am during karaoke night at the Mexican restaurant La Hacienda Real, on Sinclair Road. Two patrons are wounded, while another pair, Jose Galvan and Mario Banales, wind up dead as a result of this melee.

July 6

Awesome Car Funmaker are at C.B.R.’s. At Thirsty Ear Tavern it’s Biersdorf & Kolbe. DJs Jon Witzky & Chris Lutzko are at Bristol Bar, DJ Dubb B at Polo’s, DJ Max playing Euro house at Q, DJ Holla at Skye Bar, DJ Matt Bailey playing everything from “heavy 70s to crushing doom” at Surly Girl Saloon. At Ravari Room they’re hosting Funkdefy with Mikey G & Latino Pimp.

July 7

The fifth annual North Market Food and All-Ohio Wine Festival kicks off at North Market. It will run through July 9. Jeni’s is giving away free ice cream samples, and there are cooking demos sprinkled about the premises, as well as a climbing wall for the kiddies. Yumbambe is the musical act on tap for tonight. This year they have expanded the event, too, to where part of Spruce Street is roped off and included. Admission is $15 for Friday only, though this nets you 10 wine tastings and a souvenir glass. The other two days are $5 each, for two tastings and the glass, though you can add-on if curious about tasting some more.

Elsewhere, Hope Vitellas are playing at St. James Tavern. Eric Jerardi is at Blues Station. DJ Lynn spins records at Crown Sports Lounge, DJ Karen Vowell at Eldorado’s, DJ Quinn Spin at Fifth & Joyce, DJ James Brown at Liu Pon-Xi, DJ Nautikat at Metro Bar & Grill, DJ Daze at Polo’s, Orbit with DJ Matthew S. at Q, DJ Jimmy Sexton at Skye Bar, DJ Shabaka the C-City Rocka at Zeno’s, and DJ Holla at Frog, Bear and Wild Boar Bar. Nickelback stink up the Value City Arena, with Hoobastank (I think we know the answer to that), Three Days Grace and Hinder to assist in these efforts.

Hip Hop & Reggaeton Explosion hits Lifestyle Communities Pavilion, featuring Fat Joe, Pitbull, and Rashad.

July 8

Christian Howes is playing the North Market wine festival. At Blues Station, it’s Mother Trucker Trio, Smoked Stack Lightning. The Fabulous Johnson Brothers are at Park Street Tavern. Roop Brothers has Dick Jackson & Friends. Thirsty Ear Tavern hosts Jah Blues: Free Beer & Chicken Coalition with Amongst the Grass – make of that mouthful what you will. DJ Joey Blaze is at Adobe Gilas, Quantum and Milhouse at Carlile Club, DJ Unibomber at Cosmo’s Grille, DJ Dubb B at Polo’s, Push with Michael T. Diamond at Q, DJ James Brown at Skye Bar, DJ Putzz at Ugly Tuna Saloona, DJ Diamond Dave at Woo Doggies Grille, and DJ Shabaka the C-City Rocka at Zeno’s. 17th Floor play at Frog, Bear and Wild Boar Bar.

July 9

Donna Mogavero closes out the North Market wine festival. Kickin’ Back with Kolbe Acoustic Blues invades Thirsty Ear Tavern. Q holds something called a Tea Dance featuring DJ Jeremy James, Fierce Screaming Divas.

July 10

At Bento Go Go, there’s something called Pump The Breaks with the ever busy Kenny Kim and his unknown sidekick Wild Kyle. Bristol Bar has Monday Mashup. At Fifth & Joyce it’s a Blue Monday with DJ Eddie B, which is funk and r&b oldies, not gloomy 80s Britpop.

July 11

Tricky Home Concoction play at Oldfield’s on High. At Blues Station, there’s an open blues and jazz jam with Larry Smith, Cary and Linda Dachtyl. DJ Moxy is at Q, DJ Prime Time and Skye Bar, and DJ Nando doing “throwback 70-90s” at Summit Station.

July 12

It’s “country night” at Crown Sports Lounge IV. At Bristol Bar, it’s “Hump Wednesday” with Titonton. Q has Retro Wednesday featuring 80s and 90s music. Elsewhere, we have The Serious Side Effects at Park Street Tavern. Floor Walkers at Shi Sha Lounge. Thirsty Ear Tavern has an acoustic open stage with Billy Zenn. VooDoo Cafe has Willie Phoenix Unplugged. DJ Putzz is spinning at Adobe Gilas, 30 Gig DJ at Summit Station, DJ Hooch manning College Night at Whiskey Dick’s and then DJs Detox and R Joe heading up The Beat Lounge revival at Surly Girl Saloon.

July 13

South Campus Gateway’s brain trust, racking their brains for a way to attract more interest in their shiny new project, decide to launch something called Campus Hop – which is exactly what it sounds like, i.e. a riff on the longstanding Short North Gallery Hop involving art, music, businesses keeping later hours, et cetera. Tonight is the first of what they hope will be many more. Cold Stone Creamery is giving out free ice cream, and the Wexner Center, which isn’t located here but plans on getting in the mix anyway, has an outdoor showing of the old b-movie Monster on the Campus at 8:45pm.

July 14

Bon Vie hosts the latest of its Friday night wine tastings. Tickets are $30 for five samples and some hors d’oeuvres to nibble upon. It’s an outdoor patio event, featuring live local music and a raffle.

July 19

Burgundy Room in Dublin hosts an event they’re calling “30 for 40.” $40 gets you a whopping 30 samples, although I’m not sure I’d like to see who is still standing upright after this marathon – could not be a pretty sight, one would imagine. They are providing some munchies to go with your vino, however.

July 21

8th Floor Improv Comedy Group is at the Drexel Gateway. Comedian Harland Williams performs at the Funny Bone. Whiskey Dick’s has Looking South. Woo Doggies Grille has Down 12.

July 22

Grandview Heights Public Library begins its Friends of the Library Book Sale.

The 21st annual Mud Volleyball Tournament digs its heels in at Beulah Park. Gates open at 7am and play runs from 9 to 6. Refs, volunteers, and teams are able to register online, with the proceeds going to the Epilepsy Foundation of Central Ohio.

Hey Hey Bar hosts improv comedy featuring Easily Amused, Pale Imitations, and Squishy!

The Basement has The Steve Raszka Band with Freak Nut Rat Patrol, Letter to the Editor, Four Way Free, and Place the Blame. Bier Stube has JD Burlee. C.B.R.’s has Shallow, SevenFourEden. Crown Sports Lounge has Next Exit. Frog, Bear and Wild Boar has Fat Dog. Grandview Café has Shuckin Bubba. Hilton Sports Club has Mother Trucker Lite. Hot Spot Tavern has Some Kind of Addiction. La Scala has Michael Rose. Lodge Bar has Acoustica Trio. Midway Tap has Taint. Oakgrove has Liquid Blue. Old Bag of Nails on Nelson Road has Nick McGovern. Oldfield’s on High has The Terrors, Aether, Keith Jenkins.

On The Rocks has Lt. Dan’s New Legs. Pit Stop Lounge has Wild Eagle. Scarlet & Grey Café has Air Guitar on the Radio, Wall Between (I think – newspaper corner ripped off here), Intrigue. Short North Tavern has Half Angle Formula. St. James Tavern has The Whiles, The Woosley Band, Thirsty Whale has Average Joe.

July 23

HOFA Rescue Meeting at 1762 Norma Road, an open meeting on proper ferret care. 2pm.

Adobe Gilas has Jesse Davis. Lodge Bar has Acoustica Trio. Oldfield’s on High continues its Hoodoo Soul Band residency. VIP Lounge has Tom Cline & Jammin George.

July 24

Bananas Comedy Night at the Funny Bone

Cheeseburger In Paradise has Bill Foley. Scarlet & Grey Café has Mike Perkins. Smith & Wollensky has Jed Demlow. Thirsty Whale has As Is. Tony’s Bar and Grill has Night Caps. Ugly Tuna Saloona has Name That Tune.

July 25

National Showcase at the Funny Bone.

Brewstir’s French Quarter has Bill Foley. Crown Sports Lounge IV has Diamond Dave. Hoggy’s on Stringtown Road has JD Burlee. Lifestyle Communities Pavilion has O.A.R., Jack’s Mannequin. Spike’s Bar has Jesse Davis. Thirsty Whale has Franc Aledia, James Ranke. Ugly Tuna Saloona has Poophouse Reilly. Victory’s has Acoustic Mayhem with Tom Cline. Whiskey Dick’s has Truckin, Brother.

July 26

The latest Thurber House Literary Picnic features journalist Sharon Hatfield, who is also a professor at not-so-distant Hocking College. She will read from her latest, Never Seen The Moon: The Trials of Edith Maxwell. Apparently Thurber himself once covered this case, so it’s of particularly relevant interest.

Kafe Kerouac has improv comedy night with Johnny Longform. At St. James Tavern it’s open mic comedy night. The Funny Bone has Paul Strong’s Comedy Showcase – Greg Warren is apparently one of the performers, as he’s listed separately at being here, during the same time frame. A run which continues, at least for him, until the 30th.

The Basement has a battle of the bands kicking off at 5pm. Bill Foley, continuing his tour of unexpected venues, is at Confluence Park. Grandview Café has Phil Westerman. Hot Spot Tavern has Night Caps. The Nuthouse has Jesse Davis. Peddler’s Lounge has JD Burlee. Rick’s Coaches has Chris Logsdon. Slapsy Maxie’s has Franc Aledia. Smith & Wollensky has Don Haines. 2 Rascal’s Pub has JP Dippel. Ugly Tuna Saloona has Fonzie Monroe. Victory’s has NB3. Whiskey Dick’s has Shallow.

July 27

Curated by Bellamy Printz, an exhibit called Growing Pains opens at the Riffe Gallery. A gallery tour with Printz begins at noon and is free, then there’s an opening reception from 6-8. It will run until October 15.

Columbus Metropolitan Library hosts its latest Dispatch Book Talk. In this one, reporter Alan Johnson discusses the Scott Turow novel Presumed Innocent.

Gallery 853 meanwhile is hosting an event they’re calling Art & the Environment, in conjunction with the Ohio Environmental Council. Alongside a nice food and wine pairing, attendees have the chance to bid on some local art, with all proceeds going to the OEC.

North American Indian Center of Central Ohio has a pizza night fundraiser. $10 gets you an all-you-can-eat buffet including drink and dessert, and there are also demonstrations including Native American drumming and glass dancing. Also regalia presented by Wolfgrass Irwin.

July 28

Midwest Biker Rally kicks off at Lifestyle Communities Pavilion. This 3 day event begins tonight with local band Terry Davidson & The Gears taking the stage, followed by the Pink Floyd tribute band Wish You Were Here

July 29 ->

July 30

Midwest Biker Rally concludes with the truly hilarious sounding Gospel Biker Brunch (and More!) I can’t even imagine what kind of unholy sights would await thee this morning, leather clad bikers looking half dead as they attempt to rally themselves, shaky hands reaching for the coffee pot, hoping to maybe hold down a few bites of pancakes. If I had to pick one day of the three to attend, it would probably be this.

August 5

Local band Morning Round play in front of Hair Color Xperts for Gallery Hop. The store went all out on promotions, in the form of free food, drinks, and a fashion show as well.

August 6

New Basics Brass Band play the Gazebo at Goodale Park as part of the Short North Sunday Jazz Series. These are free events and are held at the very least every Sunday in August this year.

August 11

American Idol barnstorming tour hits Cbus. Kellie Pickler and Ace Young are among the performers.

August 12

Columbus Blues Alliance stages an event at Whiskey Dick’s, with Scotty Bratcher and Colin John co-headlining.

August 13

Dave Powers Trio play the Gazebo stage at Goodale Park, as part of the Short North Sunday Jazz Series.

August 16

Daymon Dodson of local band El Jesus De Magico unexpectedly dies as a result of a seizure. He is just 29 years old. And actually referring to him simply as being a musician in a local band is incredibly reductive, as he has his handprints on seemingly half a million different endeavors around this great town and beyond. Just to rattle off a couple of them, he was also working as the merchandise rep for Columbus Discount Records and as a designer for Abercrombie & Fitch. In addition to some art projects and countless musical ones.

Elsewhere, up in the Old North/North Campus area, an angry group of 21 residents send a letter addressed to mayor Michael Coleman, police chief James Jackson, and Columbus City Council, listing a whole series of beefs. Basically all of them (drunken mayhem, noise, litter, brawls, etc) stem from the decision to knock down all the south campus bars, at which point the drunken collegiate bros invaded this region instead.

August 20

Tom Carroll Trio play the Gazebo stage at Goodale Park, as part of the Short North Sunday Jazz Series. With them they have special guest Gene Walker.

August 24

Union Station holds the annual Bartender Olympics, now in its 10th year. Contestants are forced to craft three Long Islands and pop the tops on three beers in the shortest time possible. Brad Hobbs (from Smith and Wollensky) takes home top prize of $500 for accomplishing this in 36 seconds. His mom is on hand to lend support, which may have made all the difference. Steven Dunn, Jeff Kover, and Matt Erhard are the judges, and the other known participants include Josh Herndon (3rd place, $200; from Havana here in town) and Dan Murphy (Union Station.) Virginia West hosts in an impressively skimpy outfit.

Addison Lane play at Gas Werks.

August 26

World Party are the latest CD101 Low Dough Show ($5 for all tickets), this time at the Lifestyle Communities Pavilion.

August 27

T. Michael Branner Conceptet play the Gazebo stage at Goodale Park, as part of the Short North Sunday Jazz Series.

August 28

fall classes begin at Ballet Met Columbus

August 30

Old North bar Miani’s is hit with a slew of citations, five total, ranging from unsanitary conditions to a food license infraction.

September 7

Brothers Bar & Grill in the Arena district kicks off Super September with a series of Thursday promotions it is running. Tonight is Books4Bucks, which gives one lucky winner $200 in cash – theoretically for school books, although I’m not sure how they would enforce such a thing.

September 9

In the wake of the Buckeye football team’s victory over Texas, massive “rioting” breaks out all over campus, to the tune of a reputed 40+ known fires the authorities document. A couple of things that are strange about this latest outbreak, though, are that they won the contest – by a relative blowout, at 24-7 – but also that this wasn’t even a home game. Four cars were set ablaze, 17 fine folks arrested. At least two of which were apparently OSU students, as they were suspended for their roles in these incidents. City Councilwoman Maryellen O’Shaughnessy has referred to the nightlong mayhem as “an embarrassment to Columbus,” and I agree. Though well aware that a certain brand of collegiate wiseass would consider her comments hilarious, and inspiration for fueling further antics along these lines. So they’ve really got their hands full with this situation.

September 11

At Otterbein College’s Miller Gallery, an exhibition titled The Tokyo & Kyoto Portfolios: Recent work by Nicholas Hill begins its run. It will conclude on October 13, with a reception featuring Hill himself sandwiched in the middle, on September 22.

Also at Otterbein College, over at the Fisher Gallery, another exhibition gets underway. This one is called The Art of the Bookplate: Works on Paper by Contemporary American Artists. It will run through November 22.

September 13

And at Otterbein College’s Frank Museum Of Art, The Passionate Eye: Selections from the Dianne Komminsk African Art Collection begins. Curated by Albert Germanson, it runs from now through November 17th.

September 14

The Brothers Bar & Grill gift giving frenzy continues – tonight, it’s a mountain bike up for grabs.

The Other Paper runs an article on the Miani’s citation extravaganza and the current rowdy state of Old North/north campus in general. Commander Kent Shafer of the police force is quoted as saying, “our goal is to get out there and let the bar owners know what we expect. We’re certainly going to continue to keep an eye on them.” And that all sounds well and good, surely pertains to that letter they received last month. He does go on to claim that underage drinking is “more frequent than it had been in the past,” however, which I might consider the silliest, most preposterous comment of the year.

Meanwhile, one anonymous area resident declares in the same piece, “this is not campus. This is not a place where you can walk up the street and be an asshole all the time.” That I would merely categorize as wishful thinking.

September 15

Fall Exhibitions Opening Celebration is held at the Wexner Center for the Arts. A free event, it runs from 5:30 to 9pm and begins with an artist panel, followed by a reception.

The Whiles with Eric Metronome are at St. James Tavern.

September 16

OSU’s football team hosts Cinnanati. I’m fairly sure this must have been a blowout, despite not looking up the actual results. At Riverwatch Tower on Lane Avenue, they’re holding the whole Rally At Riverwatch viewing party royale (a blowout of an entirely different kind), which I’m guessing they figure sounds cooler than Hineygate these days – even if everyone still calls it “Hineygate.” Similar to how those who package toilet paper keep trying to get people to refer to it as bathroom tissue, I suppose, though 0.000000% of the population ever has. Anyway, local radio personalities Mark The Shark and Jeff Logan are on hand for this one, as are of course corresponding FM stations The Blitz (99.7) and TED (103.9) and who knows what other broadcasting entities. There’s live music before and after the game, with the contest itself beaming from a giant TV screen set up for the occasion. It’s free, of course, and they get started mighty early, considering it’s a noon start time for the game.

At the Wexner Center, this season kicks off with various exhibits. All are free to view, and offer guided tours if interested. There’s Shiny, which is described as a “bright, playful exhibition featuring artworks with reflective surfaces.” Also Louise Lawler’s Twice Untitled and Other Pictures (looking back) and then Frank Stella 1958, which features paintings by that eponymous American artist.

Tonight St. James Tavern has a Singer Songwriter Showcase featuring Bob Starker, Ed Mann, Jesse Henry, Todd May.

Chrome is playing at The Frog Bear & Wild Boar Bar (as they bill themselves in ads – no commas or other tomfoolery; in events calendars, however, the commas are seemingly always included.)

And columnist/reporter Miss Bella from Alive! has her birthday party at Bristol Bar. Among the known attendees are veteran club owner Mike Gallicchio, and Don Rocco and Jodi Greene from Hounddog’s Pizza.

September 17

The big move in day for dorm residents at OSU campus. Also, the months long exhibition of Richard Avedon’s In The American West ends at Columbus Museum of Art.

September 20

Author Stephen Kuusisto is at the Townsfair Way Barnes & Noble for a reading/discussion/book signing event, centered around his essay collection Eavesdropping.

The Blue Jackets have a home game against the Nashville Predators.

September 21

This is as close as I will ever get, apparently, to official acceptance by the city’s media gatekeepers. Today I have a somewhat short article published in Alive! as part of this contest where they’re looking for their next sportswriter. It began with a preliminary round where everyone who was interested sent them a different piece (mine was ripping on the lunacy of Buckeye football fanatics), from which they selected sixteen finalists. The figures going through these submissions and picking the winners were Jody Shelley (a Columbus Blue Jacket), Dom Tiberi from the local CBS station, AM radio station 1460 The Fan’s Bruce Hooley, and finally Alive! writer Brian Lindamood. So I made it through that round, into this “sweet sixteen” tournament. One which will then have us squaring off, bracket style, head to head until a winner is crowned. This week I’m up against Matthew Haynes and, considering it’s a popularity contest dependant upon who gets the most votes on the columbusalive.com website, I’m pretty much expecting to lose. And do.

In the same issue, Postcard is named Alive! Artist of the Week. And local metal behemoths Teeth of the Hydra are interviewed, or at least the Matts in the band are (singer/guitarist Miner and bassist Bailey.) Matt Miner relates one interesting tidbit I did not know, which is that the uses a Teeth Of The Hydra Lyric Generator to come up with song ideas, which is a box filled with paper scraps of words that have intrigued him. He likes shaking this up and drawing a few out to see what kind of evocative images this might create. Regarding their forthcoming Greenland release, he says, “we wanted to make an album where you listen to it and it sounds like an album.” Matt Bailey adds, specifically concerning the epic Garden of Rotten Teeth, “it’s a departure from our normal music. It was a pretty big risk writing it, but I thought that came out way better than we expected.” As for interviewer John Ross, he says this track makes him want to “stand in the street and fight someone.” High praise indeed.

Upper Arlington Public Library begins its four day Friends of the Library Book Sale, though it also includes vinyl, CD, and cassettes for those who prefer audio entertainment.

Another Super September night at Brothers. At stake this time around is an iPod Nano with two, count ’em two, gigs of storage.

Meanwhile, at McFadden’s in the South Campus Gateway, they are hosting a Back-2-School Party featuring the OSU Calendar Girls as well as an appearance by John from Real World: Key West. Actually these scrumptious OSU Calendar Girls must be mighty busy, considering they are also at Sugar Bar tonight – or is this a separate cluster of the same troupe?

Tool are at Nationwide Arena, their first Columbus show in five years. Isis opens.

Eric Dove plays at Gatsby’s. For a rundown of their events this year, please visit that page.

comedian Dom Irrera hits the Funny Bone and will be here through the 24th.

At the Columbus Zoo and Aquarium, Jack Hanna plays ringleader for his annual Fall Fest. There’s kettle corn, pumpkin carving, hay rides, and a lumberjack show, among other delights.

Artist Vivian Pitman has an exhibit opening, somewhere on Cleveland Avenue, from 5-8pm.

The Case of the Grinning Cat opens at Wexner Center.

Curtain Players Theater begins its run of Doin’ Time at the Alamo, which runs through the 24th.

Afro Rhythms with Pat Funderburg, a cardio exercise class held at King Arts Complex, begins today and runs through September 27.

Lt. Dan’s New Legs perform at the Coliseum, beginning at 8:30. Following them it’s 90s Remix night featuring DJs Rob H. and BMass. Hadden Sayers Band are at Oldfield’s On High. Pike Band are at Blues Station. Colin John & Ray Fuller at Thirsty Ear Tavern. Terry Davidson, apparently missing a couple Gears, is at Whiskey Dick’s. Ohio Theatre has Columbus Symphony Orchestra: Midori. Bexley Monk has Dave Powers. Club Diversity has Crumley. At Confluence Park it’s the Brian Smith Trio. Maggie Green plays at Dick’s Den. Mitchell’s Ocean Club has Dan Rowan. At Top Stekahouse L.G. Scott is playing. The Worthington Inn has Too Far North. Gas Werks has Fonzie Monroe playing. Blu has Controversy and Park Street Tavern has Jimmy McGee Band. Sunset Negril has Roots High Power SoundSystem with Pete Funk. The Basement has Matt Wertz & Toby Lightman. Flanagan’s Pub has John Andrews. Hoggy’s Barn & Grill has JD Burlee. Kickstand Pub has Matt Sutton. Joy Boxx plays Lazy Chameleon. Lost Weekend Records hosts Bebek. Lucky’s Stout House has John Turck. At the Old Bag of Nails on West First, it’s Dan Stultz. At the one on North State Street, Free Range Chicken. Slapsy Maxie’s has Moving to Boise. Smith & Wollensky has Matt Munhall. Jessen Henry & the Royal Tycoons play St. James Tavern. Tony’s Bar and Grill has Night Caps. At Victory’s it’s The Nick Brownell Trio.

Bristol Bar has DJs Jon Witzky and Chris Lutzko for a night they’re calling Dirty. DJ James Brown is at Frog, Bear and Wild Boar Bar. DJ Diamond Dave is at Nike Sports Lounge. DJ Max and Mistress Goldie are at Q. Ravari Room has Funkdefy with Mikey G & Latino Pimp. Surly Girl Saloon has Heavy Rocks with DJ Matt Bailey.

On the karaoke front, Bogey Inn, The Clubhouse, Downtown Connection, 8 Ball Sports Bar, Eldorado’s, Nike Sports Lounge, Otani Japanese Restaurant, Peddler’s Lounge, Rick’s Coaches, Scotch & Soda Lounge, Studebaker’s Pub, Thirsty Whale, Wine Shoppe & Bistro, and Woofs all have options tonight. Slightly related are the jam nights – Dolphin Lounge has open stage with Gary, Finish Line Bar & Grill one with Shawn Duncan hosting, VIP Bar & Grill with Chris Lambert and Matt Sutton, Woo Doggies Grill with Bad Johnny & Friends.

September 22

Ann Hampton Callaway sings with the Columbus Jazz Orchestra, at Southern Theatre. The show is titled Blues in the Night and is a tribute to Peggy Lee, which will repeat on 9/23 as well.

At the Tripleforce Artistic Center in Hilliard, they’re staging a British play called Move Over, Mrs. Markham. There are matinee and evening shows today and tomorrow, as well as next Saturday and Sunday. In other related news, they are also beginning auditions today for a production of The Canterville Ghost.

Shucking Bubba Deluxe is at Frog, Bear, & Wild Boar. Something calling itself the Alex Diaz Plastic Fantastic Tour 2006 hits Victiorian’s Midnight Cafe. The Colin John Band is at Blues Station. Kern’s Cafe has Tune Tones. Park Street Tavern has Soul Finger. Ravari Room has New Basics Brass Band. Soul Satyr are at Thirsty Ear Tavern. Bexley Monk has the Kim Pensyl Trio. The Canabar has DJ the Midday Whisper. Club Diversity has Debe Wenig and Mary B. Relotto with Bobby Hamlin. At Harvest Moon Coffeehouse Tom Davis is playing. At Hyde Park Steakhouse on Old Henderson, it’s Mark Flugge. Dave Powers is playing at Mitchell’s Ocean Pub. St. John’s AME Church has Java & Jazz featuring Norwin Megler and Debe Weing. Top Steakhouse has Jerry Wolf. The Worthing Inn has Dwight Lenox Trio. Short North Tavern has Controversy. Adobe Gilas has Chris Logsdon. JD Burlee plays Bier Stube. Gobey Inn has The Aaron Wright and John Zuck Duo. The campus BW3 has Knaus & Lonsdale, Spires & Nash. C.B.R.’s hosts The Loyal Divide, Coverted Green & Beltway Mentality. Dick’s Den has Rev. Nicety. At Fats Billiards it’s Jovial Flow. Fitzgerald’s has No Apologies. Flanagan’s Pub has Blurrd Vision. At Flannagan’s Dublin meanwhile it’s Three Sided Soul. Grandview Cafe has Free Range Chicken. Hot Spot Tavern has The Night Caps. Contagious ’til 4 is playing at Kickstand Pub. At La Scala Italian Bistro it’s Hat Rick. Larry B’s has Willy Jack & the Polecats. Lazy Chameleon lands The Menus. Oldfield’s on High has Your Favorite Assassin & Carson Drew, Lourds & Blue Stone Jack. Pit Stop Lounge has Electric Mud. Scarlet & Grey Cafe has Vinly, Luke Stephens, Bancroft, This Blaze Ablaze. Wexner Center’s Black Box has Nels Cline and Glenn Kotche booked. At Whiskey Dick’s it’s Highway 70. Woo Doggies Grille has Fat Dog. Q Bar and Nightclub has a CD giveaway with DJ Matthew Sphar.

Crown Sports Lounge has DJ Lynn. Fifth & Joyce has DJ Quinn Spin for Old School/New School hip-hop night. Frog, Bear and Wild Bar Bar has DJ Holla. At Liu Pon-Xi it’s DJ James Brown. Metro Bar & Grill have DJ Nautikat spinning top 40 and dance records. At Polo’s it’s DJ Daze. Surly Girl Saloon has DJs Firebird and Muffinranger. Wasabi Bar & Grill has DJ Touch Tone. Zeno’s has DJ Shabaka the C-City Rocka.

As far as karaoke, Bankshot Billiards has DJ Diamond Dave. Other options in this vein include Crown Sports Lounge IV, Groucho’s, Otani, and Summit Station.

8th Floor Improv Comedy Group is doing something at the Drexel Gateway. 8:30pm.

A panel called Godless By Choice convenes at the Northwood High Building, discussing whether or not they believe in one or more gods. August Brunsman, Cassandra Cox, Roger Marcum, John Sterling, and Amanda Warner spearhead this occasion.

At Columbus Maennerchor, Café Comedy co-owner Dawn Holley emcees an event that also includes Jay Hendren, Mike Malone, Ryan Faber.

Whirling Dervishes of Rumi hits Palace Theatre. This is some sort of seventh century Turkish ritual that involves hypnotic flutes, strings, percussion, costumes, and the Dervishes themselves, who seek to enlighten us on the finer points of Rumi and/or Sufism.

An art exhibit titled Camp Friendship opens at Skylab, featuring Grant LaValley and Joshua Erb. Another, at Otterbein College’s Miller Gallery, is called The Tokyo & Kyoto Portfolios and encompasses recent work by Nicholas Hill.

Shucking Bubba Deluxe at Frog Bear

Poets and Writers Guild has its monthly meeting at Areopagitica Books. David Hetzler is the featured guest this time around.

Poetry night at Kafe Kerouac raises the stakes from its customary open mic night, in that poets are only permitted to read brand new works tonight.

The Blue Jackets have a home game vs. Chicago

September 23

Author Clark Greene is at the Polaris Barnes & Noble for a reading from his latest book.

At Kafe Kerouac, the Bison Theatre is holding auditions for an upcoming production of The Wildest Hour by Richard Greenberg. It’s at 4pm and consists of cold readings from the script.

Teeth of the Hydra have a CD release party for their latest offering, Greenland, at Magnolia Thunderpussy.

At both Garden Smiles locations in town, there’s something called Seconds Extravaganza happening. The ads state this is “from the studio of Ohio sculptor George Carruth,” but otherwise I’m unsure what this is.

Megadeth play Nationwide Arena. Jonzei the Frog, Bear, & Wild Boar Bar. Fat Dog are playing at Skye Bar, 9pm, followed by DJ Nohbody at midnight. Columbus Music Hall has Willie Pooch & The Upsetters. Dick’s Den has Prime Time Blues Band. Park Street Tavern host Willie Phoenix Band. Thirsty Ear Tavern has Men of Leisure.

Adobe Gilas has DJ Joey Blaze. Carlile Club has Quantum, Milhouse. Coliseum Nightclub has the latest Sabados Gigantes/Giant Saturday. Cosmo’s Grille has DJ Unibomber. Surly Girl Saloon has DJ Keith Novicki. Ugly Tuna Saloona has DJ Putzz. Zeno’s has a repeat engagement from DJ Shabaka the C-City Rocka. Bexley Monk has Pete Tender. Hyde Park Steakhouse tonight has Bobby Allen Trio. Bob Hamlin is at Mitchell’s Ocean Club. At Top Steakhouse it’s Sonia Modes. Wine Shoppe & Bistro has Jazz Mary. The Worthington Inn has Richard Lopez and friends. Brownstone on Main has Dean Simms & the Funky Gurus. Short North Tavern has The Mac. Club Ice has Caribbean Breeze. Fifth & Joyce Reggae Nite with Echo Sounds. Blues Station has The Mother Trucker Trio. At the Kenny Road Borders bookstore, Jakob Freely is playing. C.B.R.’s has Bullet Jones. Crowns Sports Lounge has Next Exit. Flanagan’s Pub has John Andrews. Frog, Bear and Wild Boar Bar has Jonzei. Kisckstand Pub has Blackened. Introspect are playing at Lazy Chameleon. Lucky’s Grille has The Signal. Mavericks is running something called Rockfest 2006 with Celophane Flex, Gypsy, Solace, Sukus, Soupbone. At the Old Bag of Nails on Nelson Road it’s Nick McGovern. Peddler’s Lounge has JD Burlee. Ravari Room has Lopan, Mars Bonfire (probably not Steppenwolf’s guitarist but rather someone who thinks he’s smalltime enough not to get sued), and Hoval. Scarlet & Grey Cafe has Freak Nut Rat Patrol, Place the Blame. Skye Bar has Fat Dog. At Slapsy Maxie’s it’s Bad Johnny. Megan Palmer & the Hopefuls play St. James Tavern, with Eric Nassau also on the bill. Thirsty Whale has Waragon. At Whiskey Dick’s it’s Low Cash Cowboys, Brother Tucker, Tenk all playing. Woo Doggies Grille has got The Jack.

Q Bar and Nightclub has DJ Michael T. Diamond.

On the karaoke tip we have Blazers Pub, Bob’s Bar, Dino’s Pub, Fats Billiards, Hard Road Cafe, The Main Bar, Sawmill Lanes, and VIP Lounge to choose from. If a musician seeking to ply his wares on an open stage, meanwhile, Dolphin Lounge has a jam night hosted by Doc Jimmy.

The Blue Jackets take on San Jose’s Sharks, here at home.

An improv comedy event at Hey Bar that includes Pale Imitations, Squishyl, Easily Amused. This begins at 8pm. But then the Pale Imitations Comedy Group is also at Club Diversity tonight, at 10.

At Academy of Urban Dance there’s an art showcase/sale called Culture Infinite, featuring the art of John Jarrett, jewelry by Off The Cuff, as well as live poetry renditions.

Dublin’s Abbey Theater hosts a family friendly program called Thaddeus Rex, for ages K-3

India Festival hits Veterans Memorial. This is hosted by the Federation of Indian Associations of Central Ohio. Held yearly, this time around, if not always, there’s a fashion show as well as a cricket tournament (held at Busch Sports Park) alongside the art, food, music, and other expected elements.

Antonia Neal, Camille Betton, and local act NextLevel perform a live concert at 77 E. Long St.

Crema Coffee hosts an Exotic Coffee Tasting event, which catered food from Posh Nosh.

Columbus Crew have a home game vs. Houston.

September 24

For the 8th year, Art + Music Festival hits Dublin at its Bridge and High Streets. Lasting from 10am to 5pm, it features 72 booths’ worth of art, among them Kojo Kamau (photography), Linda Langhorst (drawing), Maryann Posch (jewelry), Jenny Rytel (jewelry), and Michael Winston (marker art; happens to have also designed this year’s program cover). There’s also live music, with the featured acts including Maggie Green, Dwight Lennox, and Postal. Some of the Emerald City Players theater group is also on hand doing who knows what on one of the two stages. There’s also a silent auction, as well as food and drink options of course. Also designated areas where average joes like us can create our own art. Admission to this event is free.

At Upper Arlington Public Library, Kay and Jerri Williams Lawrence host a presentation centered around their father’s book, One Last Dance.

Pontifical College Josephinum is leading a two hour tour of its grounds, which is advertised as “the final destination for the Columbus Landmarks.”

On-the-Go Basics Bike Repair Class is held at a Polaris bike shop called Roll, 11:30am

Southern Theatre hosts an educational hour long musical called Disney’s Cinderella KIDS and The Jungle Book KIDS. I’m not sure about the significance of the capitalized letters. But it seeks to teach kids about the values of teamwork, ingenuity, and other crucial traits versus some classic Disney tunes.

Stealing America: Vote By Vote is a documentary screening tonight at Drexel Gateway. Afterwards, director Dorothy Fadiman, local muckrakers Bob Fitrakis and Harvey Wasserman, and staff from The Free Press sit down for a Q & A with the audience.

Blue Jackets have a home game vs. Carolina Hurricanes.

Shadowbox Cabaret begins is live run of Rocky Horror Picture Show, which will run through October 22.

Middle East Peace Forum convenes at St. Andrew’s Presbyterian Church on Dublin-Granville Rd.

Author Vicki Robin speaks at the OSU Agricultural Engineering Building, on the topic of sustainable living, tying in with her recent book If This is a Free Country, Why Don’t I Feel Free?

Thirsty Ear Tavern has Acoustic Blues Jam with Jim Kolbe. Capital University hosts “One College & Main St. Women in Music Columbus,” at their Huntington Recital Hall. Dick’s Den has The Bob Allen Trio. Dream Lounge has Ministry of Groove featuring Mild Child. J. Gilbert’s has Joe crump, Dave DeWitt, and Derk DiCenzo. Mitchell’s Ocean Club has a repreat performance from Bob Hamlin. Wasabi Bar & Grill has Quiet Fire featuring Dean Simms. Little Brother’s has The Flex Crew. At Sunset Negril it’s Latin Reggaeton. Adobe Gilas has Jesse Davis. The BAsement has Erin McKeown with Anne McCue. At Oldfield’s on High, Hoodoo Soul Band are still going strong with their Sunday night residency. VIP Lounge has Tom Cline & Jammin George.

Q has DJ Jeremy James at 10pm.

As far as karaoke goes, Brewstir’s French Quarter, Studebaker’s Pub, Ugly Tuna Saloona, and Whiskey Dick’s are among your options. O’Toole’s Irish Pub meanwhile has a open stage with Chris Lambert.

September 25

Of Montreal play a special acoustic show at Magnolia Thunderpussy, at 3pm. They are also at the Newport later in the day, and certain lucky fans can win free tickets here.

a comedy competition at the Funny Bone, which costs $10 to enter but only $5 to spectate.

Upper Arlington Public Library unfurls its 12 foot screen for a Family Films weekend, which includes The Case of the Missing Hare, Ferdinand The Bull, and Angus Lost.

Spoken word night at Milo eLEKtRic

Bristol Bar has Monday Mashup. At Fifth & Joyce it’s the latest Blue Monday, with DJ Eddie B. Q has DJ Jeremy. Bento Go Go has the latest Magic Monday with DJs WildKyle, Kenny Kim, and Carma. Bar Louise has Deep Blue Groove. At Bexley Monk it’s Sonia Modes. Club Diversity has Cabaret Singers with Wendy Foster. Columbus Music Hall has Vaughn Wiester Famous Jazz Orchestra. Dream Lounge has Infusion featuring Shawn Thunder Wallace. At Top Steakhouse it’s Dave Powers. Rumba Cafe has Jason Quicksall, Jesse Henry (from The Spikedrivers.) Smith & Wollensky has Jen Demlow. Ugly Tuna Saloona has Name That Tune.

For karaoke options you have Adobe Gilas, Arlington Cafe, Caddo’s, Cheeseburger In Paradise, Donerick’s, Fitzgerald’s, High Five, Lazy Chameleon, Rosie O’Grady’s, Summit Station, Triple 16 Bar, and Whiskey Dick’s.

September 26

Children’s Drama Company begins auditions for an upcoming staging of The Lion, The Witch, And The Wardrobe, 6pm at Columbus Performing Arts Center.

The Wexner Center begins a four night film series titled “College Football On Film.” It begins in appropriate enough fashion with The Male Animal, a 1942 adapted from local boy James Thurber’s story of the same name. Henry Fonda and Olivia de Haviland star in this one, which enters around a certain Midwestern University that is completely obsessed with beating Michigan come game day. Hmm. The remainer of series will run through the 29th and includes a John Wayne offering, a Marx Brothers one, and a couple more I’ve never heard of.

The Maxim Tour Host Search hits our Funny Bone Comedy Club

Commuting by Bicycle class at Upper Arlington Public Library, led by John Gideon from the Central Ohio Bicycle Advocacy Coalition (COBAC, obviously). Tonight he discusses “the ins and outs of bike riding through the fall and winter months,” at 7pm.

Punk Rock Aerobics kicks a legwarmer into the air at Surly Girl Saloon, 6:30pm.

Black Pearl Poetry night at Brownstone on Main, hosted by Ed Mabrey

Broadway In Columbus: Mamma Mia! begins its run at Ohio Theatre and will continue through October 1.

Tricky Home Concoction are at Oldfield’s On High. Thirsty Ear Tavern has Thursday Nite Hop with Chife Johnny Lonesome, featuring Cliff Starbuck (of Ekoostik Hookah fame), Jimmy Casto, and Fred Gablick. Bexley Monk has Dwight Lennox. Club Diversity has Jazz Mary. Columbus Music Hall has Yumbambe. At Park Street Tavern it’s Jazz Jam Session with Pete Mills, Andy Woodson, Eric Augis, Reggie Jackson. Motherland Grille has Michael Branch & Pure Comfort. The Basement has The Working Title. The Old Bag of Nail’s on First Avenue has Nick McGovern. Poophouse Reilly are at Ugly Tuna Saloona.

Q has DJ Moxy. Summit Station has DJ Nando for 70s-90s throwback night.

For karaoke options you have The Closet, Crown Sports Lounge IV, Gabby’s, Hot Spot Tavern, Nike Sports Lounge, North Point Tavern, Polo’s, Ravari Room, and Trump’s. As far as open stage nights, there’s Alumni Club, Blues Station, and Dolphin Lounge.

September 27

Pavlo Kosmos is the scheduled performer at Bristol Bar. Drexel Theatre has a special advance screening of The Science Of Sleep, which isn’t available elsewhere until the 29th. Thirsty Ear Tavern has an acoustic open stage night with Billy Zenn. Upper Arlington Public Library hosts “Classical Music with Christopher Purdy: Virgil Thompson and Gertrude Stein.”

At Grandview Heights Public Library, reference librarian Wendy Wise conducts a discussion of the Gunther Grass book My Century. And then George Ouzounian is at the Sawmill Road Borders Books to discuss his latest novel, The Alphabet of Manliness.

Improv comedy with Johnny Longform at Kafe Kerouac. Open mic comedy at St. James Tavern. And then the inimitable Pauly Shore is performing at Funny Bone for a mere $20 per weasel.

Lux Lounge Patio has a Pups On The Patio event, which is a happy hour gathering in support of the local Humane Society.

Fresh A.I.R. Gallery opens an exhibit featuring the art of Garner Chapman.

Democracy, Not Theocracy pow-wow goes down at Westerville Electric’s conference room, 7pm

Dispatch associate publisher Michael Curtain discusses our political future in November Elections: What Direction For Ohio? Held at the First Unitarian Universalist Church.

Nintendo Fusion Tour hits Lifestyle Communities Pavilion, too. This roving mini-festival features Hawthorne Heights, Plain White T’s, Relient K, Emery, and a band whose logo I can’t quite make out but might be Sleeping. This show kicks off at 6pm and offers attendees the chance to “be among the first to experience Wii.”

Adobe Gilas has ladies night with DJ Scuba Steve. At Bristol Bar it’s Hump Wednesday with Titonton. Q has DJ Moxy. Summit Station has 30 Gig DJ. At Bento Go Go it’s Soul Glo night this time with DJs Kenny Kim and Carma. Oldfield’s On High has Dynamik. Bexley Monk has Jazz Mary. At La Fogata Grill it’s Dave Bott. Rigsby’s has Richard Lopez with Roger Hines. Tonight Aquarium Cafe has the Reggae Nite with Roots High PowerSoundstem featuring Peter Funk experience. The Obvious has Reggae Weddy Wednesdays. Flanagan’s Pub has Eric Solomon. Kickstand Pub has State North. Rick’s Coaches has Chris Logsdon. At Slapsy Maxie’s it’s Franc Acledia. Don Haines plays Smith & Wollensky. At Surly Girl Saloon it’s Megan Palmer & The Bowmans. Ugly Tuna Saloona has Fonzie Monroe. Victory’s has Nate McDonough.

For karaoke options there’s Caribbean Jerks, Havest Moon Coffeehouse, Nike Sports Lounge, The Point, Red Rock Cafe, The Rustin Saloon, VIP Lounge, and Zeno’s. As far open stage nights, you have Blues Station, the campus Buffalo Wild Wings, Illiusions Neighborhood Pub, Kern’s Cafe.

September 28

And finally Brothers wraps up its Super September series with what it is calling Boob Tube Thursday. One lucky winner goes home with a 27″ flat screen TV. Carlile Club is hosting DJ Nick Nice and his “Naughty or Nice Birthday Bash.”

Court TV’s Mark Gribben is at Upper Arlington Public Library to discuss his thoughts on organized crime, 1:30pm

Introduction to the College Admissions Process held at Upper Arlington Public Library. Christine Harper, who is the assistant director of admissions at OSU, leads this 7pm tutorial.

Meanwhile over at Grandview Heights Public Library, also at 7, Liz CaJacob from Décor & You discusses interior design dilemmas in a program she calls Living With Color.

The excellent Mary Gaitskill is at Columbus School For Girls to read from her latest novel, Veronica. I have read this, incidentally, and it is a truly awesome experience. Tickets are well worth the $15-$18 and I seriously regret missing this.

Elijah Pierce Gallery at King Arts Complex opens an exhibit titled Rock My Soul

CAPA and the Red Herring Theatre Ensemble kick off their run of Ain’t Misbehavin’ at Brownstone on Main.

Columbus Cultural Arts Center hosts its free weekly Conversations and Coffee meetup, whereby art lovers discuss and debate their passions. Michealangelo Lovelace heads up this week’s rendition.

At Carlile Club, DJ Nick Nice oversees a Naughty Or Nice Birthday Bash. Sugar Bar has sometehing called Dr Mojoe Fashion Show which is hosted by this guy named Teddy from an MTV show called 8th & Ocean. Thirsty Ear Tavern has Molly with Grace. The Worthington Inn has Tim Cummisky and friends. Fats Billiards has open mic night.

September 29

Parity International kicks off an Open House at 1305 Holly Avenue, 7pm. There’s a corn hole competition, “random” catered appetizers, open stage and DJ performances both, some sort of surprise cast and crew, a silent auction and cashless bar, all for a suggested donation of just $5. This organization dedicates itself to “bridging the digital divide for disabled individuals, underprivileged students, and non-profit organizations.”

At Carlile Club, there’s an event called Quality with $5 admission. I don’t know quite what this means but it costs $5 and says it features The Sound Republic. Below that some names are listed: Jason “Lemon” Lyman, Pavlo Kosmos, Ryan Mack, Nelson. This place is known for dance parties, so I’m assuming that’s what this is.

The 17th Floor are at Frog, Bear, & Wild Boar.

September 30

Meanwhile today at the ol’ FB&WB (Frog Bear & Wild Boar), doors open at 4pm for what they’re billing as a “Road To The National Championship Party” for the OSU football team. Mmm, not so much, as it would turn out. But you appreciate the ambition. However they are presumably playing the game against Iowa, considering you can reserve tables for such, and they have commemorative 22 ounce Bud Light mugs to document the occasion.

cartoonist Keith Knight leads a workshop for artists interested on breaking through in this medium, held apparently somewhere on OSU and titled Cartooning Is Serious Business.

Day two of the Parity International open house runs from 12-5pm.

The Moops perform at Larry’s.

October 4

Widespread Panic are at Palace Theatre.

October 5

Wexner Center begins a film series titled Before Brokeback: Sex Hollywood Style which includes four separate double features. Among the known movies screened are Henry & June, Baby Doll, and The Outlaw, so clearly they are covering a wide variety of eras and genres under this loose theme.

Paul Oakenfold is at Skye Bar, an impressively major booking for this venue. And now Sugar Bar is hosting a Fall Fashion Show featuring Vinci from MTV’s 8th & Ocean – their recent obsession with whatever this is remains unexplained, but someone involved must be a fan.

October 6

This year’s edition of Terror Park kicks off at Cooper Stadium.

October 7

OSU’s football team takes on Bowling Green.

ArtFUSION is happening at the Columbus Museum of Art, with an Art Ball Cocktail Party to follow.

Fronteras, which is located inside The Coliseum at The Continent, is celebrating its first birthday. According to their ads, the first 100 entrants get a free tee shirt, the second 100 a compact disc of some sort. Revol gives away cell phones with three free months of service to three randomly selected winners. And Son del Caribe play three sets of live music, beginning at 10.

October 8

Oakland Nurseries in Dublin hosts The National Pumpkin Weigh-Off, beginning at 2pm. They boast showcasing some of the largest pumpkins available in the U.S.A.

October 12

Carlile Club holds The Movers and Shakers Affair 2006, whatever that means.

Real Men of Comedy tour hits Palace Theatre. Which consists, quite naturally, of Joe Rogan, Charlie Murphy, and some guy named John Heffron.

October 13

The Wailin’ Jennys are in town from Canada, for a gig at Fawcett Center. And at Brothers Bar & Grill, their Oktoberfest kicks off. If you buy a commemorative jumbo beer stein, $5 will fill it with any Bud product, and it’s just $3 for a refill both tonight and tomorrow night. Polka music is on tap, too, just in case you’re wondering.

A Ballet Met Columbus production of Dracula opens at Capitol Theatre and will run through the 21st. Tonight only there’s an opening night afterparty at 10pm, which is free, and lasts until midnight. This is held at 322 Mount Vernon Avenue.

October 14

Earwig play Cafe Bourbon Street, a CD release show for their latest album Center of the Earth. Which is an incredible listen, it’s worth noting. Rosehips and The Proper Nouns open. For a complete rundown of 2006 events at Cafe Bourbon Street, please visit that page.

October 15

Matt Miner from local band Teeth of the Hydra (and my coworker at Wild Oats) is profiled in a Dispatch piece, leading off their Arts section. He’s being interviewed about their latest album, Greenland, and is amusingly quoted at one point saying, “I don’t write songs about being (ticked) off at work.” Although how he is able to resist that rich material vein I personally can’t fathom. But anyway, it’s a great article, as he gets to discuss at length the inspiration for many of his lyrics on the album. And while workplace drama might be off limits, he does reveal that Eruptin’ is about the band’s van – so it’s not all death & destruction on here, for this skull crushing metal trio.

Donald Berman performs at Southern Theatre, kicking off ProMusica Chamber Orchestra’s 28th season

October 18

Ferry Corsten performs at Skye Bar.

October 19

Sugar Bar hosts a live show from Scaps of Ordinary Peoples.

October 26

A play version of Dirty Rotten Scoundrels begins its run at Ohio Theatre, from today through October 29. Cult of the Psychic Fetus play Ravari Room.

October 27

Men Of Leisure are playing at Grandview Cafe. The OSU men’s hockey team loses 2-0 to the Nothern Michigan Wildcats, even though they only allow sixteen shots on the goal. Morgan Marziali of the OSU women’s hockey team scores a short handed, third period goal at home, in their 4-1 loss to Minnesota. It is her 4th goal of the season.

Light Columbus is giving away cash & prizes for best overall costume. Hosted by Steve Kelly as part of their whole Halloweekend deal.

October 28

And now Hat Trick is the scheduled act at Grandview Cafe.

Matt McIlvane of the OSU men’s hockey team scores two goals in a 4-2 win over Northern Michigan. Jason DeSantis meanwhile chipped in with another goal and an assist, and at this moment leads the Buckeyes in points.

The 2005 Thurber Prize For American Humor holds its award ceremony at COSI. Jon Stewart, Ben Karlin, and David Javerbaum are on hand to read from their prize winner, America (The Book).

Halloweekend continues at Light Columbus. Tonight it’s cash & prizes for sexiest costume. Hosted by Chris Davis from WNCI. They are also giving away free tickets to see Saw III at Marcus Crosswoods.

October 29

Barenaked Ladies are at Value City Arena, with Mike Doughty’s Band opening. Insane Clown Posse are at Lifestyle Communities Pavilion.

October 30

Red Hot Chili Peppers hit the Schottenstein Center.

November 1

OSU’s basketball team squeaks out an exhibition game win against Findlay, their first contest of the season. Despite the 80-57 score, they are actually outrebounded by the weaker team, 39-30, and appear mighty shaky during various stretches. And yet they are ranked #4 heading into the regular season anyway, possibly because people are confident that an injured Greg Oden is going to make a huge impact once his wrist heals. “Now we need to set a practice plan of our glowing weaknesses,” head coach Thad Matta is quoted as saying in The Lantern.

November 2

dance concert at Sullivant Hall Theater titled “virtual.rituals/altered.worlds.” Begins today and will run through the 4th. Brought to you by OSU’s Department of Dance, it incorporates a wide variety of motifs and disciplines. Sarah Hixon, in her third year of the Master’s program, presents Of The Transcendent Unknown, combining Asian and European Baroque in a manner that is, “more about ritual and mythology, sort of relating a lot of imagery but no necessarily a linear story,” she says in today’s issue of The Lantern. Boris Willis’s Abandoned Revolution meanwhile is billed as a live video game, one which is even soundtracked by music composed somehow on a Nintendo Game Boy. The audience plays along during the piece, and in the process learn more than a little about the history of dance. Finally, senior Sara Wiseman performs a piece created by Teen Custer, The Be-Girl Diaries, which explores gender roles in hip-hop, while at the same time presenting itself as a eulogy for that genre as an art form.

November 4

Bob Saget is at Palace Theater

November 5

The Columbus Zoo conducts a job fair, on site, for seasonal jobs that last through the holidays. 12-3pm.

A fall concert called All Creatures is held at King Avenue United Methodist Church, at 3pm, starring the Capital Pride Band.

Columbus Maennerchor and Damenchor stage a concert honoring Mozart’s 250th birthday. Otoniel Gonzaga is featured as a soloist. This held at 7pm in the Holy Family Church on West Broad. Tickets range from $15 to $5 to free, depending upon the attendee’s age. A wine and cheese reception follows at Maennerchor.

November 7

Limited Brands hosts a party called “Step Into Our Closet: Fashion Show and Wine Tasting,” held at their international headquarters. It’s a benefit on behalf of New Directions Career Center and features a buffet courtesy of Bexley’s Monk, live music from the Ft. Hayes Jazz Ensemble. “It’s a fabulous event that brings a New York feel to Columbus, and we’re excited to showcase what we have at the center,” Board president Dawn Tyler Lee is quoted as saying in Alive!

November 9

An ad runs in the paper for a live seminar on “The Non-Surgical Herniated Disc Solution,” tonight at 7pm. It mentions video footage featuring former anchorman Ren Scott. Yet oddly enough never specifies where the seminar is located.

November 10

The Decemberists are at LC Pavilion. Or you can catch Jovial Flow play at Fats Bar & Billiards.

Columbus Dance Theater hosts something called Ten Cents A Dance, which is live cabaret and dance, at the Fisher Theater. A repeat performance follows on the 11th.

November 11

This month’s Coffee And Conversation group at the Junghaus is centered around a presentation on Rumi, the 13th century Persian spiritual master. Claire Hagan Bauza spearheads the gathering, which runs from 10am to noon and is free of charge.

At Southern Theatre, a show called ProMusica Goes To the Movies includes Michael Riesman on piano and Marc Moskovitz on cello. There’s a repeat performance on the 12th.

St. James Tavern celebrates its 10th Anniversary with Whoa Nellie playing at 4pm, Megan Palmer & The Hopefuls at 6, The Townsmen at 8 and The Randys also at 8 somehow (unless this is a typo.) Attendees get a free raffle ticket with their $5 door charge, and the bar’s offering free pizza alongside other snacks, $2.50 Guiness pints, $1 jello shots.

November 12

AEON begins interviewing candidates for teaching English in Japan. Interviews will run through the 14th.

November 17

Columbus Dance Theater’s “Dancing Alone,” which features eight solo artists. This will run nightly through the 19th at Fisher Theater.

November 24

Columbus Dance Theater stages a ballet titled Matchgirl, held in Cowan Hall at Otterbein College on today and the 25th.

November 25

Johnson’s Fish Market closes.

November 30

Yoga On High hosts a screening of the film What The Bleep Do We Know. It’s free of charge, though seating is limited.

December 7

Le Mystere des Voix Bulgares, who are a Grammy winning vocal group, are in town for a holiday concert at Pontifical College Josephinum Auditorium.

December 8

ProMusica Chamber Orchestra stages something called Messiah Side-By-Side Sing Along at Southern Theatre

December 9

The Fred Hersch Trio stage Hersch For The Holidays at Southern Theatre. A repeat performance follows on the 10th.

December 11

The Who hit Value City Arena as part of their latest comeback tour. The Pretenders open, are the so-called “special guest.”

December 12

Author Sister Helen Prejean is in town for a speaking engagement at St. Stephen’s Episcopal Church. It starts at 7pm and is a free event, though donations are encouraged.

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The Infamous Sandbox Party

living room sandbox just before party

This picture below is actually such a hilarious cross-reference of various threads and eras that I could get sidetracked for days merely discussing all contained within. I guess this is a good example of how when you meet people for the first time, you often have no idea what the hell they are even talking about, though it makes perfect sense to them. This is why we get sidetracked, and have trouble sticking to the script.

But I mean, with all due respect to the five people depicted in this photo, who were if nothing else quite obviously present for the night in question, and all the other fine folks who attended…none of us are typically the first subject on anyone’s lips when somebody mentions this night. Nor for that matter are the strange complementary touches visible elsewhere around them. The floral print couch and lamp are from a previous girlfriend (Jill) who is not on hand for these festivites…Megan here one of just two people, apart from Damon and me, who paid any mind whatsoever to our directives about dressing tropical (Robin’s blonde friend Tammy, not Damon’s coworker Tammy nor my blonde coworker Tammie, is the only other), never mind the snow outside…there’s a disco ball mounted here, as ever, which was an Xmas present from my brother a few years earlier…the unmistakeable Keith Richards and Andy Gibb photos flanking the NO DRUGS sign that Damon and I scored from this blues festival where local musician A.C. Collins just about lost the plot, mid saxophone solo, when we shook this in his face…this lawn chair present in the middle, which I kind of remember was always around even as I can’t tell you where it came from or what this is doing here…the stripper’s name (“Crystal”) hand painted in bleach, an incident which I’ve written about elsewhere…some weird Jesus print, I think, behind Megan, which must have been one of Damon’s decorating flourishes.

Megan Hoff, Clif Davis, Andy Carpenter, Paul Linville, Alena.
Megan Hoff, Clif Davis, Andy Carpenter, Paul Linville, Alena (spell check) (last name unknown.) I’ll go out on a limb here and say this was the only time these five people were in the same room. I’ve always wondered what Megan is laughing about, though, because the person/incident in question appears to be off-camera.

But yes, otherwise, we must address the matter at hand: this infamous sandbox party. Which turned into a sandbox apartment, for roughly the next 8 months or so, after the party was over.

What happened is that, after years of jokingly suggesting such, Damon and I finally went ahead and purchased a bunch of sand bags, then dumped them in our living room and invited everyone over to our beach party. This happened in our northside apartment at 1855 Oak Grove Court. To be precise, we acquired 15 bags that were 50 lbs apiece – so yeah, 750 pounds of sand is what you’re looking at here. And then some potted palms, a volleyball net, and other complementary pieces to accompany this theme.

“See, I’m glad you remember exact details like that,” Damon said, not so long ago, when this subject recently reared its head.

But the photos certainly help. Otherwise even I might have much less concrete evidence available, for documenting this infamous occasion. The ones I’m posting here are merely the safest surviving copies, on a cold March night where some of these girls were in a naughty, skin baring mood. Also even characters as prominent as Big Paul’s future wife have effectively said, “get outta here!” when told about this party, subsequently, as though not quite believing it, and it’s great to have proof for those people. To get back to the basics, though, let’s begin with how this bash even came about.

So yeah, after obliquely informing our usual cluster of suspects about this event, Damon and I went and purchased this sand from a home improvement store at Easton. We didn’t mention specifics, however, only advised people that they should DRESS TROPICAL. As we then preceded to crank up the heat, threw on Hawaiian shirts and/or shorts ourselves (Damon appears to have gone with rolled up pant legs,) despite the snow outside on this mighty frosty night. Yet Clif here is obviously wearing long sleeves, so is Andy C., and this appears to be before our apartment was crammed elbow to elbow with an unfathomable amount of people, raising the temp even higher.

I say unfathomable because this is another weird aspect of this party: the number of attendees. I guess a handful of times in life, things work out even better than scripted (or should we say, this time around, perfect despite the complete absence of a script) and this is one of the top few occasions I can think of. These parties are always tricky monsters to nail down. Sometimes you invite a ton of folks, and relatively few of them show up. Others, you invite almost no one, but wind up with a mountain of guests.

This occasion certainly falls into the latter camp, though even so is more than a little extreme. Damon has gone on record saying he can’t recall inviting all that many people – and I will take this further, confident that I told almost no one about this party. Yet it wound up as, with complete seriousness, the most jampacked sea of bodies I’ve ever personally experienced at any of my residences, for any reason whatsoever. Then you begin parceling out the particulars of who did/didn’t make it, and the whole enterprise becomes even weirder.

Damon wasn’t even banging Megan yet, but she is here; meanwhile his current “girlfriend” Maryland is in attendance, though they are in a rocky patch and don’t even interact much; either two or three of the women I am involved with (depending upon your definition of the word “involved”) will show up, but, I would argue, not the top two or three I am most involved with or starry eyed over at this time. Yet still, this litany of attendees is mind-blowing, even in consideration of the strange gaps. People I haven’t seen since high school, some eight years prior, are inexplicably here. Our dearest friend Paul Radick is not, however. Andy Carpenter somehow made it, but at the opposite end of this limited spectrum, my memory is that Damon, me, Andy, and Chris Nicholson all attempted to persuade Matt Wackerly that he really should make the short drive down from Mansfield, and were unable to convince him.

So let’s get down to specifics. After dumping the sand in our living room and decorating accordingly, Damon and I crack open beers, sit around with not-quite-bated breath to witness who exactly might venture through these doors. We purchased two 12 packs of MGD, two giant bottles of cheap vodka for daiquiris, have a sports cooler filled (meaning a spout on the side for handy sipping) with some Hairy Buffalo type concoction, and also a bottle of Jim Beam (Bill) and Jack Daniel’s (Maryland) that a couple people have given us. Most of the attendees will of course bring their own spirits as well.

Paul Linville is one of the first to show, taking one glance at us and declaring this reminds him of a Hunter S. Thompson novel – and this is before he even notices the sand all over the floor! Arriving with Chris Nicholson (who has at least visited this apartment prior,) Andy Carpenter has never been to any of our collective Columbus residences, before tonight. He in turn is the one who invites our old friend Kara. This wasn’t even our doing. Yet she shows up looking as cute as always, in a low cut orange top, tight jeans. Though gasping like many others when she first sets foot in this apartment, and that blast of cranked up heat hits her face.

With her she has brought sister Kristen, as well as Dave Ekegren, whom I barely even know, and his fairly hot Asian girlfriend; Clif shows up with this chick he is seeing, Alena, along with this goofy Chris kid in a hockey jersey. Maria and Jen F are here, the former doting upon the Chris in question. Andy Knuckles, who works at the Chambers Road Kroger, and his dark skinned lady friend, who manages the rare combination of beauty and personality with aplomb. The near constantly conjoined trio of Alan, Tawnya, and Megan; a bunch of Damon’s coworkers; Robin and some of her chums; Maryland, Joselyn, and this idiotic wigger who insists upon our calling him Big Willie Style, along with a trio of other punks we don’t know; Melissa, Ann, Melanie – and the list goes on and on.

Yet among the most intriguing attendees might be this pair of chicks we only met at Traditions the night before, right around closing time. Their names are Donna and Michelle, and though knowing them for less than five minutes, before tacking on a half-assed invite as we were leaving, here they are. Michelle is a stunning blonde with vaguely stripper-esque vibes, who hits it off bigtime with Maryland somehow (they are both among those who flash their tits, in tandem no less in at least one shot, for various amateur photographers tonight,) while Donna…hmm, to put it kindly, is not much to look at. Yet she volunteers to play bartender for everyone, the entire night, and proceeds to do just that. To the extent we totally fry our own blender, at which point one of Robin’s friends, who happens to live in this same apartment complex, runs to retrieve hers. And keeps this party moving without so much as a hitch.

But there’s one exceedingly strange aspect to Donna’s appearance here, which begins before she even arrives. When Big Paul showed up, he and Damon busted out the acoustic guitars, and started picking around. For whatever reason, they are on this big Neil Young kick at the outset, and are playing his tunes far more than any others (actually I’m wondering now if Cowgirl In The Sand was in that setlist, and if not, how they could have possibly avoided it.) Well anyway, when Donna gets here, having just arranged the blender and liquor ever so in our kitchen and firing up some of her first drinks, these two are at the kitchen table still with their acoustics. They continue the Neil trend right away by jumping into I Don’t Want To Talk About It (technically a Crazy Horse number, minus Neil – later made famous by Rod Stewart) and Donna whips her head around, with a gasp, exclaims, “my uncle wrote that song!”

So yes, she begins to explain: Danny Whitten was her mom’s brother. Though these other two continue picking without pause, I’m pretty floored by this revelation, consider it extremely spooky. Explaining further, everything she tells me will later check out as legit, including her mom’s name and so on – so although it’s possible this was all bullshit, it seems like a mighty weird thing to make up on the spot, and we tend to believe her.

Damon’s grandma calls, in a disguised voice, to ask whether it’s okay to show up topless – guess we can see the genetic roots for his own similarly mischievous side, heh heh. With each wave of attendees, mobilization becomes less possible, as bodies are expelled deeper into the house, against walls, into corners. A running tab of who’s here only navigable to a point, conversations eventually restricted to those within touching distance of the elbow you can barely move.

Bill leaves early, after just two daiquiris…Robin and Amber show up with a cooler, a birthday card for Damon (today is his 26th!) and a cake, leave, return…sitting on a cooler talking to Knuckles & his old lady…I smack Michelle on the ass, in passing, which she seemingly digs – yet is way more impressed by these idiots who showed up with Maryland, so go figure…Carpenter and Alena, as far as I can tell, are the only two people here who aren’t drinking.

At some point, Damon and Paul move upstairs to continue jamming in the bedroom that, curiously enough, belonged to each of them at one point. Nicholson spends about three solid hours trying to shmooze this chick he’s interested in, upstairs, I think in what must have been my bedroom. Although I too have my regrets about this party, to some extent, I am nonetheless definitely not sure their approaches make sense in a setting such as this. And Damon will later admit he thinks this was really stupid, to spend hours sequestered up there playing guitar, for a relatively small audience, instead of mingling with the masses. Meanwhile, during their long ride home, Carpenter berates Nicholson for spending that much time working his target, and being stoked about the results…without even getting her phone number.

“You idiot!” Andy purportedly tells Chris, “you spent three hours talking to that chick and didn’t even get her phone number?!”

In concurrent developments, the other known Chris who was here, Clif’s coworker, he leaves with Maria and Jen, allegedly to hit DiMarco’s first and then who knows what kind of development afterwards. Clif is so intrigued by this that he dials Chris’s number for the down low. Although Chris denies having slept with Maria at the conclusion of this evening, the rumor shall persist for quite some time.

As for me, my aforementioned regrets revolve around not making the most of this golden opportunity, even though I am actually on the ground floor socializing this entire time. In my defense, you might say mobilization is a major challenge, and you’re often stuck just talking to whomever happens to be in your immediate wheelhouse at this moment. However, I know deep down it’s lame to blame any of my results upon this, because my attitude kind of sucks, and that this is the real culprit.

In a nutshell, I’m in this mood where I don’t really care about anybody who has actually made it here, because all I can think about is who’s missing. Despite not actually inviting them, it’s true, which is all the more absurd. Robin will even email the next day to ask me what my problem is and why I treated her so badly at this party. But I think many of us have been guilty of this before, failing to appreciate what’s here and who made it, obsessed instead with who dared to diss your cookout or birthday bash or whatever – I didn’t mention this to anyone whatsoever, though if I’m being honest, this was totally my mindset.

Therefore this is an event which would only seem hilarious to me as the days and months pass, because in the moment I’m somewhat going through the motions. As preposterous as this seems when confronted by the evidence, this sea of people, the volleyball game in the living room, the endless flow of tropical drinks. The chicks flashing the camera, the pictures. I do think things have been going so well for us here, for a number of months, that cockiness was becoming an issue – and so maybe the occasional reset was not only in order, but an inadvertent blessing. I mean, how ridiculous is this? Can you rightly even claim somebody “dissed” you when you’re on some high horse, thinking they should show up anyway, via word of mouth, because you’re too cool to call them? And as previously mentioned, extremely indifferent to some chicks you actually are involved with, ones who did make an appearance.

There’s at least one other what the fuck were you thinking? moment, where I subsequently kick myself for not following through on a sweet proposal falling into my lap. Ann at one point winds her way downstairs and into my semi-circle in the kitchen, where she will remain wedged for quite some time. She’s looking positively dynamite tonight, yet attainable somehow anyway, with her pursed, pouting lips, bright blue eyes and engaging smile, her scientifically perfect posterior tucked into tight jeans. Also, in a comedic, down to earth touch that somehow seals her divinity, a 1970s model shirt, black but with long white sleeves, with the Fantastic Four logo on the front and the word PLAY emblazoned across its back. There for a while, it’s just the two of us talking, and she eventually comes right out and mentions that we should get together sometime.

Instead of embracing this concept, I’m in this scoffing frame of mind where I’m basically thinking, yeah whatever, who cares, I’m sure nothing would come of this anyway. And as a result not only fail to make plans right now, but fail to ever call her, because instead I feel the need to come up with reasons why this would never work.

“Yeah, it would be cool,” I tell her. “We can’t, though. One of your friends would be very upset.”

She seems somewhat suprised yet amused by this answer, as her luscious lips part only slightly, enough to induce her famed dimpled smile. “I know which one you mean,” she eventually says, “I remember that one night when you two disappeared, and I was like, where did they go?

I chuckle at this anecdote, though cautioning her, “don’t tell Damon, though.”

“He doesn’t know?” she exclaims, puzzled initially by this revelation. “He was there…oh, that’s right, he was passed out on the living room floor…”

In my defense, comparing notes later, Damon will admit to making virtually the exact same mistake. He says he too was pinned in a one-on-one with Ann for a relative eternity – in this instance the tiny upstairs hallway – and although she didn’t come right out and ask him, felt like she was slathering on the flirtations with a very thick spoon. Which he also failed to capitalize upon.

And I guess he’s also not having the greatest night. Squabbling with Maryland, lamenting that he didn’t make more effort to socialize. Then, as the party was still going mighty strong yet had at least compressed itself to the ground floor later, merely shutting off his light and calling it a night, without saying goodbye to almost anyone. As for me, this party is maybe the rare exhibit we could present, an exception for those fond of claiming, “man, that dude isn’t bothered by anything!” Obviously this could never be true of anyone, but I do feel like less and less has gotten to me as the years have passed – and times like these have only pushed me farther out onto that ledge, feeling bad afterwards and vowing not to let this happen ever again.

As bodies begin to break up and leave, Kara finds her way over to me, stranded in the kitchen still, and apologizes for “leaving so early.” The funny thing about this, though, is I glance at the clock above our central command post of telephone/answering machine/caller ID, and can see it’s basically midnight. Yet play along anyway and feign extreme disappointment.

“I’ll make it up to you, though,” she says, “would you like to go out to dinner sometime?”

“Okay,” I shrug.

“I’ll hold you to it,” she smiles, before that entire miniature crew splits.

As Tammy and Dragon are taking off, he actually pecks me on the cheek – ah, those crazy Macedonians! Then in another example of something I truly do not care about, Donna jams her tongue down my throat before splitting, saying, “come see me at Traditions sometime,” as if I need any more encouragement to visit my virtual second home. I’m guessing this was in response to something I said earlier about wanting to kiss her, though it does take me by surprise. I wouldn’t exactly claim this is a career highlight or anything – but if nothing else, at least I can tell people I locked lips with Danny Whitten’s niece.

An afterhours scene is developing over at Maryland’s pad, which is only maybe five or ten minutes away from here. Though I could have readily gone myself, joining many from this party who did, it’s also something I’m just not in the mood for. We will soon discover, however, that she and Michelle surreptitiously cleared out our liquor cache to supply their own cause, right before bolting.

The last handful of stragglers among us will square off in a guys vs. girls strip volleyball game – my team lost, yet I suspect if the girls were behind and had to shed any more clothing, the game would have ground to an immediate halt anyway. Alan, Tawnya, and Megan are the last three guests remaining, chilling out with me on actual furniture, while I’m reclining in the sand. Then they take off, and despite how astronomically unlikely this would seem, given our recent hot streaks and what an objectively wild night this has been, when I too head upstairs, my roommate and I have both somehow managed to pass out in our own beds, accompanied by no one, with not a single other soul crashing anywhere in this house. No wait, it seems I have that slightly wrong: my notes say Big Paul passed out on one couch. Still, this too is poetic justice, considering he was my first roommate here, and his presence wraps this entire era/episode up with a tidy, flower patterned bow.

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University City Center

University City Center in Columbus Ohio

University City Center was a memorable strip mall, located on Olentangy River Road where The City apartment complex is now. They began knocking that building down in 2018 and its replacement took maybe a couple years to complete. I actually had no idea this project was underway, until cruising past one night in December of 2018 and noticing it was a fenced off construction site back there. Off the top of my head, I know that the Kroger was there for an eternity, and pretty much every building fanning off to the right (north) was in place from at least the late 90s onward.

Yet most of the detached buildings in front, nearer the road, are in place, which reminds me for some reason of how you’ll drive through the country every once in a while and spot a crumbled, abandoned house where just one wall remains standing somehow. Considering they are depicted on the sign itself, we must include them as part of this strip mall as well. A number of these buildings are quite weathered by now themselves. Below is a rundown of various entities who called the UCC home during its spirited run. Since it seems you were most likely to arrive here from campus, we will start at the bottom, southern edge and work our way north through the addresses. These are all Olentangy River Road, aside from a couple notable exceptions I’ll get to at the bottom:

2781: it all depends on whether you want to include this sad little brick building, which I am inclined to do. Though now closed, it still stands here and was formerly a shop selling Buckeye paraphernalia for many a year. It was called Across The Field and they were in business from 2010 to 2022. Somewhat resembles a church, and may have been one in its earliest days. Immediately prior to Across The Field, though, it housed Tedrick & Associates (1999-07), Studio 501 Architects, Space Craft Architecture, Art Access, Williams Music Co, and Allen Church Organs. That was all from the 1990s onward. In more recent times, a food truck called Chicken & Tea has been known to haunt these grounds.

Across The Field Columbus Ohio

2785: From at least 1997 to 2000, something called My Shop Inc. was here, as owned by one Georgeann Mock. But I can’t claim to actually remember this business.

2823: Raising Cane’s. As far as I’m aware, the last new building erected before the main strip mall behind it was knocked down. You know the drill here: great food, pleasant atmosphere, friendly help and tons of OSU/Columbus artifacts adorning the walls, alongside other randomness.

2825: Was once a Citgo, is now a Sunoco. But has boasted the same manager (Khalid Liraqui) for as long as I’m able to track these things (going on 30 years) which presumably means the same owner as well. The most remarkable feature about this location was that, in the late 90s, they ran this promo on a certain day of the week, every week, where all three gasolines “flavors” were priced the same. This place would be positively afire with traffic on that day, people lined up in their vehicles as deeply as the parking lot would allow.

One such afternoon, I happened to be driving through here, and for some reason paid more attention than usual to my surroundings. It was then that I realized, at least on this day, that every single car was occupied by Asians. And I thought this was really cool, kind of somewhat touching – this was before the internet had blown up, so obviously it had become a word of mouth phenomenon, they had passed along this tip in some fashion throughout their community.

On another occasion (who knows how or why this stuff sticks in your head), I was riding around with Alan one day and he popped in here for gas. As we’re leaving, he remarks that he has a headache, then happens for some reason to connect this with the fact that he hasn’t consumed any alcohol yet that day. Then catches himself and jokes, “oh god…I hope I’m not already so bad off that I get headaches if I’m not drinking anything…” We were, like, 22 at the time or something.

2831: I honestly don’t remember a Dairy Queen being here, even though it was apparently in existence clear up until 2008. But, alas, beer was obviously more of a priority for us during those years, not so much ice cream. But anyway, it would have sat at the very southern edge of the strip mall. After DQ left the scene, a restaurant called Cafe Kabul then gave it a go, up until the wrecking ball arrived.

2835: Hair Happening until 2007. A little later became Ace Cash Express, then something named Smokin’ Buckeyes, finally El Jalapeno Mexican Grill.

2839: CNC 30 Minute Photo, incredibly enough, lasted clear up until 2006 before giving up the ghost. Then it became a Liberty Tax operation.

2843: Chalkie’s Billliards had the most significant heyday in this spot. In more recent times I know a trendy modern bowling alley/bar combo sprouted up where Chalkie’s was – although it must not have been that trendy or modern, i.e. not worth saving. And I can’t figure out what that was called, despite having been here on at least one occasion.

I see that something called Red Planet X was also here, though this appears to have possibly been a clothing store. Then finally Sun Spot Tanning Salon.

2855: Big Lots was here for an eternity, right up until the end.

2865: Now we bounce down to one of those separate buildings in front, to a McDonald’s which has cranked out the quarter pounders even longer, and continues to this day.

2867: back up to the main building, where a Swan Cleaners seems to have been the final occupant. They were around for at least a decade or so.

2869: Fortune Chinese Restaurant stuck around from the late 1990s, if not even earlier, until very nearly the end.

2871: Was once a moldering pit called Time Out Sports Bar. Then turned into the much more lively NYOH’s (pronounced nye-ohs) (the owners, if I recall correctly, moved from New York to Ohio.) and then finally E Buckeye Bar & Grill, which I don’t believe I ever frequented. Prior to all this, it was a Mammoth Video, though this was before my time.

2875: Something called Just For You from 2002-04, then later Sushi Ting Japanese Restaurant.

2885: Jo-Ann Fabrics gave this spot a go for quite some time, which means it must not have been just drunken college kids stomping around these grounds, but little old ladies as well. Come to think of it, this probably explains all the fedora sporting grandpas over at Time Out Sports Bar, who were huddled over their Scotches while the wives presumably shopped for yarn in here.

Well, then it became Momo 2, followed by Cadillac Booz (possibly where the crotchety old timers relocated? Just a guess, based upon the name), and finally Red Club.

2893: was a Great Clips for many years, once again up to or very close to the end of this strip mall.

2895: X O X Karaoke Bar from 2013-17

2901: First a Rite Aid, then a Family Dollar.

2913: Kroger held this down as basically the anchor tenant of University City Center for decades. A full-blown operation with bakery and deli, of course, and also a Huntington Bank mini-location inside. Notable as the site where many of us glimpsed a Coinstar machine for the first time. Which in turn surely became the most ever used Coinstar machine for roughly the same group of people.

Cary worked here, at the same time she was a hostess at Damon’s, and through her I got to know a few other employees as well. Prior to her arrival on the scene, though, I actually applied to work at this store, part-time, though they shipped my application up to the not quite open Bethel Road one instead. And I joined the original cast there. As a result, though, this has all become an especially interesting what if? type parallel universe thought experiment for me over the years. Certain aspects of my life – like the Cary experience – might have turned out remarkably similar anyway, while others would have been completely different.

It was also handy on the occasions we ran out of supplies at the restaurant. Which seemed to happen more often than a professional, theoretically profitable operation should ever allow. I know I personally was sent over here a handful of times with some cash, in order to buy them some emergency steaks, at full grocery store retail prices. And then there was exactly one memorable afternoon, where I showed up and our kindly manager Dave Weinle handed me a five dollar bill.

“What’s this for?” I asked.

He chuckled and told me to take a “leisurely stroll” down to the Kroger, use this to purchase some razor blades and shaving cream. Then put those instruments to use in the bathroom mirror before returning to action.

2931: Was a Life Uniform & Shoe Shop, followed by Famous Nails.

2933: Woody’s Sports Club called this home – as we patrons did, in turn – for a relative eternity. Although I have to admit, our final visit was highly depressing and I somewhat regret even coming here then. This was 2008 and the place was long past its prime, though hanging around until the bitter end. It would have been much better to hold exclusively onto memories of its golden era.

For quite some time, there was a framed photo montage in the foyer area, in between the zigzag of its two front doors. I knew a few people captured in that collection, and often debated just grabbing the thing somehow, when nobody was looking. And, once again, regret not doing so, but I just never had the nerve. If there is ever such a thing as a theft for a just cause, however, I think this might qualify. Maybe I’m wrong, but suspect this probably wound up in a dumpster, eventually, and where is the justice in that?

2937: This was a Subway franchise for eons. Our pal Jeremy Wendling worked here a bit in the late 90s. This dude named Garry Appleton owned the joint and he also ran some other business out of here in his spare time – Sigco Inc., whatever that may have been.

One night some guy left his car running in front of the store while he ran inside to place an order. Meanwhile, somebody else allegedly strolled out of Woody’s, half-ripped, and climbed behind the wheel, drove away. The cops apparently showed up at Woody’s and everyone said they soon determined that the culprit was this Michael guy, who had just started waiting tables at our Damon’s a few days earlier. We never saw him again, it goes without saying. Although I’ve been unable to verify this episode online in more recent times, so who knows.

2941: And now for the business bookending this lineup, the PNC Bank at the front, northeast corner. I applied for an account here when first moving to Columbus, yet they refused me on the grounds that I only had a state ID, but not a driver’s license. I.e. the exact same piece of identification, except for the driving part. This made absolutely no sense to me and they eventually called a manager over to intervene.

“Let me get this straight – you only open accounts for people who can drive?”

“Yes, that’s correct,” she said with a straight face.

I think basically they didn’t want to trifle with deadbeat youths, if at all possible. Nonetheless, though never venturing inside again, their external digital clock would prove quite useful to me for roughly the next year and a half – comparing it, against my watch, which comes in handy on the occasions where management at Damon’s would maybe try and get clever by adjusting their own time clocks. Claiming we were late, and trick us into showing up a minute or two earlier.

2943: Finally, back to the strip mall for the last couple businesses. Comprehensive Chiropractic was here up to 2004. Then, a Georgetti’s Pizza.

2945: Rick’s Beverage peddled its wares here, possibly with some slight name changes, for well over two decades. It appears at some point they added a check cashing and possibly even a U-Haul renting racket to their portfolio of offerings, too.

OSU Red Roof Inn Columbus Ohio
OSU Red Roof Inn

Honorable Mentions:

This is one final pair of businesses, lining the southern perimeter, that I feel must be included under this University City banner. Both Ackerman addresses, one still here and one long gone, though both represented crucial pieces of the comprehensive UCC experience:

Applebee’s – I probably visited this one more than any other Applebee’s, ever. This primarily due to a popular strategy when working doubles at Damon’s, in that many of us would drift over here in between, pound some drinks and possibly lunch before strolling back to work for our dinner shifts. Hey, the veterans were doing this long before I arrived on the scene, so it isn’t as though this was my big idea. I don’t recall Applebee’s employees reciprocating this stunt, ever, though, which probably just means they were a much more professional operation and strictly forbade such. Or else didn’t schedule their employees doubles like that, or else Applebee’s employees had no interest in visiting our dingy hole – take your pick.

As far as double agents go, my former colleague and “disciple” Kathleen is the only person I know who worked in both places. Although it seems highly likely that others attempted this move over the years – and if so, I’m highly curious to see the breakdown on which direction more traffic flowed. Up until this bit the dust in 2017, by which point the Damon’s had already been long, long long long gone.

Red Roof Inn – this remains an ideal, centrally located base of operations if visiting Columbus, or for that matter a local resident wishing to crash after barhopping. In my experience, it’s always been a reasonably priced and totally decent hotel option. Aside from all that, or should I say included with this, there are a couple memorable nights I can recall, which transpired at least in part on these grounds:

1) Melissa informs us that she and a bunch of her fellow ADPi sorority sisters are renting a room at the campus Red Roof Inn, for reasons unknown. Needless to say, once we hear of this, Damon, Alan, and I are all about joining forces with them. Exactly three of those chicks we vibe with, I would say, and they are with us as well: Melissa, the other Melissa, and Tonia. Aside from them, there’s some lame redhead, a lame heavy set girl (you may detect a trend here), and a few others that don’t make much of an impression. Plus two other guys – one of which, Stan, is dating Melissa P. these days. The other being the lame redhead’s younger brother.

“Oh McGathey, what happened to you?” Melissa P. says, with considerable sadness. I assume by this she means the year or so detour into a serious relationship with Jill, but don’t ask. Granted that was a previously unthinkable development, although then again she doesn’t have much room to talk considering the presence of this cheesy Stan guy.

And anyway it doesn’t much matter, because Tonia is fused to my hip now. I don’t quite know how this happened, but sometimes the very first occasion you meet someone, it isn’t so much that you “hit it off” extremely well, more like you have this idea about exactly what kind of shtick or approach will work with this chick. And every once in a while that turns out to be correct. She’s a slightly chubby blonde, wears braces even, thinks herself really hot shit indeed, is considered annoying by some…but has a pretty face and I’m not complaining. To anyone else, anyway. With her I’m just kind of breezy and distant and for some reason she eats this up.

When we show up, it’s immediately apparent that there’s not nearly enough beer for eleven people. We brought a 24 pack of Busch, but there’s very little alcohol on hand apart from that. Not to mention, everybody is kind of hungry already. Therefore, we take up a cash collection for more brew, and theoretically some pizza as well. Damon is trying to shmooze the other Melissa, who has curly, dark hair, wears glasses, decent body and face, seems really cool. Alan is attempting to work the magic with one or more of the others. In consideration of this, it’s determined that I will make the big supply run. Tonia wants to come with me, of course. Unfortunately however the redhead’s brother is following her around everywhere, drooling in her footsteps, and insists upon riding along in the back seat.

Our first pit stop is at Hounddog’s, although they are closed for some inexplicable reason. Then again it is a weeknight and after 11pm, so maybe that’s what they’re doing these days. We roll onward to the Big Bear, up the road on High, figure we’ll just get the beer as well as whatever grub we can rustle up here. Throughout Tonia keeps peppering me with questions, but I maintain the same dry, don’t-give-a-fuck routine as always, and she seems to find this the coolest, funniest, most interesting material ever. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not suffering from the delusion that any of this is hilarious or remarkable. Yet you have to remain in character anyway, and as long as I can maintain that, then she continues digging it.

If Paul were around, he would surely be miserable, though. And to some extent would have a point. Were it not for a couple of these fluke outliers, there would be no reason to have ever associated with these sisters. Really, I guess the most amazing aspect is that the other ones don’t torch our causes completely, which is often the case with these huge groups of girls where only a small percentage like you. It’s obviously not a problem if we’re with the smaller configurations of known allies – Melissa, Melissa, Tonia, maybe Melanie, in whatever varying combinations. Anything else has been a waste of time, though, if not an outright semi-disaster.

We tell ourselves in advance, hey, these girls are a little older now, maybe the other ones might take a little more kindly to us and our antics. Nope. And this includes nights like this where we are totally just playing it cool. In fact, our takes on these situations are that they are frequently the more ridiculous acting among us. See the girls drink a couple of cheap domestic beers and babble incoherently henceforth! See the girls (at least one per night, often more; tonight is admittedly on the low end) run off into the night crying over something (nothing)! See the girls insist we finally relent on playing Truth Or Dare, but only ever select Truth themselves, which is absurd considering none of them have done anything interesting to tell anyone about anyway!

Additionally, Melissa and Stan spend half the night locked in the bathroom, not to be seen again. Stan tells everyone with a broad grin, at one point, “Melissa gives great head,” which is presumably related to what they’re doing in there. But at least this counts as an interesting development, you could argue. Otherwise, in a room full of people, Tonia as usual lapses into total know it all mode, which is just something I’m going to have to learn to wait out or tolerate, assuming I have patience for this; the redhead’s brother continues striving to impress her, without success; these other whiny, wet blanket females, don’t change their trajectory one iota; and then there’s perhaps the only remaining salvation, the other Melissa, who remains really chill and cool. Damon seems to have that one locked up on his end, however.

In one of the exceptionally rare Dare turns, she does have to pull down my zipper with nothing but her teeth. Beyond this these young ladies seem mostly interested in comparing numbers, who has done what and how many times. Alan was crushing us at one point, but has been stuck at 18 for an eternity, thanks to his own recently ended monogamous relationship; in the wake of breaking up with his own girlfriend, meanwhile, this past year has seen Damon sail well beyond this figure, he says, and now tops 30; I’m able to dodge this question longer than most, but stick with the patented answer of 3, which nobody ever questions. I continue to believe this works better than the real figure and for certain much better than a bogus inflated one would. Not only that, but you have to know your audience, and in this crowd I’m definitely not convinced those large numbers are doing these guys any favors. They did after all notoriously kick that one chick out of the house for being too slutty – she was over at our apartment crying about it afterwards. And these girls all answer between zero and six themselves, as far as sexual partners. With one key exception, of course: the other Melissa.

It’s probably not a coincidence she digs Damon most of all. When we’re playing this game, she says she’s been with 12. That becomes a baker’s dozen by the end of the night, however. Those two eventually take off together, and we will learn of their exploits later. For now, Alan and I remain at the hotel, grinning and giving them a thumbs up as they leave. We have our own fish to try around here, with varying results.


2) I had rented a room here as my own HQ, having left town, but returning a year later to visit various people. This was the night of that final Woody’s visit, actually, which I planned out well in advance as seemingly the best place to conclude our full slate of adventures, considering it’s stumbling distance from this hotel. Not only that, but I also knew I would be calling my ex-girlfriend Heather when we got back to the room, though exceedingly nervous about this prospect. And am therefore drinking a wee bit more than usual. She keeps late hours, and this early AM one will be the best time for us to chat; this is an attempt to coordinate a reunion, but it’s been about five or six years, so who knows how any of this will go.

At this point, Damon is the last one left hanging out with me, though we met up with others earlier. The room has a spare bed, so he figures he may as well crash there too, then drive to work in the morning. Which surely helps amplify his alcohol consumption also. Not only that, but I’d already purchased some quality beer and stashed it in the fridge over there, to cover and any and all bases.

Well, Woody’s is a depressing ghost town, fallen considerably from its glory days, which isn’t helping matters any. Combine all this and I am in much more of a confessional streak than usual, and wind up telling him a couple things about which he had no clue. It’s been rainy out, and at closing time we are dodging puddles in traipsing across the lot, while continuing to chat. He asks me what Jamie was like in bed, which is funny to me because I was always under the impression that he had secretly banged her. But apparently not. In this funky mood I don’t mind divulging details, though, not at all.

Back at the room, I crack open a beer and dial a number I actually still somehow have committed to memory. A couple of my opening jokes bomb out somewhat miserably, but beyond that Heather and I have a fantastic conversation, one that stretches out beyond three hours. Damon is awake, kicking back in one of the beds and watching TV while listening for most of it. Even as this phone chat extends until 5:30 in the morning. She and I somehow skate around and technically don’t discuss one iota of our past together – instead it’s all about what’s happening now.

I tell her about Mom’s health problems and abrupt coarse correction into heavy drinking, which she has trouble believing. Then again, her mom is dead. And yet grandma Mary is still alive and well! She hasn’t talked to her sister in years, however, after they had a major falling out. I admit I felt like I had no choice but to leave town and move south, though am in this no man’s land right now where that doesn’t feel like home and neither does this, so I’ll probably just keep bouncing back and forth between the two for who knows how long. Obviously with Emma living here I will be up to visit quite a bit anyway, multiple times a year. Heather’s been working for Victoria’s Secret, which I know Damon finds the most interesting aspect of this entire conversation – out at the Limited compound, but still. That could prove a fruitful association, ahem. So she’s filling me in on how things are going over there. And we make plans to meet later this week.

When I finally crash out, I must have my neck angled at some crazy angle on the pillow, because it is killing me for the entirety of the following day. Comparing notes later with Damon, he says he couldn’t sleep very well, ended up watching some Lenny Dykstra documentary before getting up and heading into work. But that he glanced across the room at me, before splitting, and thought to himself that it looked like my head was at an extremely uncomfortable angle on the pillow. So he’s not the least bit surprised to learn that it is killing me now.

former Woody's Sports Club site Columbus Ohio
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Alpha Delta Pi

Alpha Delta Pi house Columbus Ohio

It isn’t until Monday afternoon that I feel reasonably whole again – a very fortuitous time to get myself together, incidentally, because on this very evening Melissa ends her short stint as our roommate. Summer is nearly over and the sorority house is open, Alpha Delta Pi, located directly in the murderer’s row of such on 15th. Damon and I therefore help her pack her things up and ship them out, drive them down to campus.

Not that there isn’t a little bit of friction here, at least initially. It’s a hot, sunny day and both Damon and I are busting our asses carrying boxes in and out, until after a few trips, when it occurs to us that Melissa’s been sitting on a couch all this time, strumming no discernible chords at all on an acoustic guitar.

“Are you gonna help or just sit there and play with the guitar all day?” Damon snaps, at this juncture. She protests but gets up to join us nonetheless.

Melissa’s stuff had taken up the entirety of our washer & dryer closet, which gives an idea just how much stuff of hers she’d crammed in there. Now, less than two weeks later, we are piling it all back out again, so she can move once more into the sorority house. Funny, too, I could have sworn I had a basket of dirty clothes in the closet somewhere, but they’ve been M.I.A. ever since she moved in.

We get Melissa’s car & Damon’s truck loaded up, follow her down to campus. After parking behind the house, the three of us commence carring armful after armful of stuff up three flights of fire escape stairs that run along the house’s backside. These lead into a 3rd floor hall, and Melissa’s room is the first on the right. There’s already a radio humming softly in her room, some local pop station either she or a roomie turned on.

Somewhere along the line we decide to take a breather and detour into the downstairs dining room, where dinner has just recently been served. Mashed potatoes, gravy, bread, salad and the like, lukewarm and not very good to begin with, but what the hell. Damon and I help ourselves to heaping piles atop our plastic plates, as Melissa’s too cool sisters look over at us, aghast as usual. But we’re long since accustomed to this response.

Another handful come drifting in and Damon attempts to be friendly, but by now we are making a joke of how unwelcome these girls always make us feel. Unpleasant plain janes devoid of any personality, they look away or snicker should we try and actually carry on a conversation with them.

“How’s it going!” Damon cheerfully hails our newcomers. But two of them fail to acknowledge he said anything, and the third, she offers only a curt nod before sitting down to chat with someone else.

Out and out bullshit, in other words. But already my wheels are turning, devising some crude means for pranking them.

Exactly one of Melissa’s sisters is tolerable, a slightly chubby blonde (I prefer the term “soft” and consider it much more applicable) whose name I nonetheless forget. She offers to pitch in and help, is even willing to give up this Scooby Doo poster hanging on her doorway when I express interest. But no…it is best not to accept tainted merchandise, even this angel in the land of demons is dirty by association.

With four individuals sweating their way through the task instead of three, the work moves along much more swiftly. We’ve gotten everything out of Melissa’s car and made our way through most of the material in Damon’s truck when a most unexpected discovery turns up.

“My dirty clothes!” I shriek, “how the hell did they get in here?”

It is the green laundry basket I scoured the house for a couple weeks back, only to have it finally turn up here. Really quite remarkable – unless considering it was obviously mixed up with Melissa’s stuff this entire time. The others just laugh.

Only as Melissa and the blonde have trudged up the rusty metal stairs again with their arms full do I lay out my sudden, improvised, but quite beautiful plan for Damon. Stuffing both our pants pockets full of my dirty socks, he and giggle and start our way up to the third floor.

“Alright, what are you guys up to now?” Melissa demands from above, hands on hips and grinning, all too in tune with her brother and me by this point not to recognize we are up to some sort of mischief.

“Nothing,” I snicker.

She shakes her head and waits for us to pass before descending the stairs once more.

In Melissa’s room I hide a dirty sock behind her dresser. And these aren’t any dirty socks, mind you, but formerly soaking wet, filthy, fishy smelling socks I’d worn back in the seafood department at work, left to rot in the bottom of a basket that had been tucked away, apparently, beneath Melissa’s goodies in a humid, musty closet and only now, weeks later, allowed to surface momentarily before being thrust into the bedrooms and bathrooms, mattresses and drawers of unsuspecting nineteen, twenty year old girls.

To put it mildly, these bitches stink. The socks, that is, I mean. Let me clarify that before proceeding.

Up and down the hallway, we’re tossing those slimy bombs into one room after another, slinging them with careless abandon over our shoulders, behind our backs, alley oops style as they go skidding across linoleum bathroom floors. At the end of the hall, we hook a left, and in this one room with bright blue walls, I encounter what has to be the hottest chick residing here, this cute little blonde, sound asleep in bed.

I fling one sock in there, but then consider that this isn’t going to cut it. Precious seconds tick by and I act as lookout, as Damon must venture back in for one more mission, the most dangerous of all.

He takes our very last sock, a particularly foul one, and hangs it on the bed right in front of that blonde’s face, draping it only inches from her nose. Barely escaping in time, we laugh and dash down the hall as this brunette next door stands folding clothes and eyeing us suspiciously.

Melissa and the friendly soft blonde return upstairs with one last load; it doesn’t take a genius to behold our winded, gleeful expressions and gather we’ve been up to no good, but what, precisely? That, they can’t quite put their finger on.

Damon simply must have one last look at the hot blonde and tiptoes into her room. A reproachful glance from the clothes folding neighbor stops him briefly on his way out, but he explains, “I used to know a girl that lived in that room named Renata…I thought that was her…”

The brunette isn’t buying it, but that doesn’t matter. Damon coyly slides in behind Melissa and our friendly blonde, then he and I hop, skip, and jump down to ground level again before anyone notices something amiss.

“Do you still want my Scooby Doo poster?” the friendly blonde questions from just beyond my passenger side window, as she’s followed us outside.

“No, that’s okay…,” I demur, “…uh, you’ll have to come partying with us….we’ll do it again sometime…”

“I don’t party much…,” she mutters as, Damon backs out.

“You will,” I tell her and we zoom on out of there, up the road and off to our next adventure.

II.

Alpha Delta Pi was a sorority house which sat at 94 E. 15th Avenue, in the heart of the Ohio State University campus. Comically enough, I guess you could say, this house is no longer a sorority house at all – it belongs instead now to a frat, Phi Gamma Delta, as it has since at least 2005. The header photo on their website is especially hilarious to me, this smiling ocean of lads in navy sports jackets, trampling all over the patio we were not exactly welcomed upon with open arms ourselves. It’s as though they are pulling off what we could not, not fully, anyway, by claiming this land as their own.

These dudes have been known to report, however, that this building is haunted. Which we could have maybe told them, depending upon what they are talking about.

If taken literally, then this source is not the least bit amusing. Residents report often seeing an apparition in the hallways or even their mirrors, which they believe might be the ghost of a former sister who committed suicide. Chandeliers are also allegedly shaking for no apparent reason, although nobody’s sure if this is paranormal activity or due to jackhammers and bulldozers operating at various nearby construction sites.

ADPi, as the organization is colloquially known, was actually the first exclusive society for women in the world. Regarding their OSU chapter, it was officially welcomed to the club on June 14, 1921, which they celebrated with a banquet at the Chittenden Hotel. Helen Huffman was named as their first ever president, and one of their great big early causes they rallied around – difficult though this might be to fathom – was chipping in $25 apiece for the construction of Ohio Stadium. But sports were evidently a greater concern all around than in many later years, as for example the house also participated in OSU’s inaugural Panhellenic Basketball Tournament.

The early phase of this chapter sounds quite tumultuous, as within the first year alone they initially occupied a house at 1917 Waldeck Avenue, then another at 199 W. 10th Avenue. Finally, in 1922, they moved yet again, to 263 E. 15th, just up the road from their final and by far most permanent location, at 94 E. 15th, which they presided over from 1949 clear up until they vacated OSU altogether, some 50 plus years later. Though celebrating 80 years at OSU in 2001, with a ceremony at Longaberger Alumni House, this chapter would not last much longer beyond that point. Lauren Fitting, whose tenure ended sometime in the early 2000s, is the final president I can find listed for this chapter.

III.

We park on Indianola in front of the middle school and walk the few blocks to Melissa’s sorority house. We throw pocket change at a window until a roommate opens it, and retrieves her for us. She comes to the window, then meets us at the front door.

I have to pee very badly and do so down a drain on their laundry room floor. When I return, everyone’s in the kitchen. I sit down at an out of tune piano in the nearby living room and start banging out Let It Be. Melissa comes and drags me away, shushing me and saying I’m going to wake up her sisters.

Some girl in glasses comes down, then goes back to bed. We decide to rearrange some items in their den. Melissa cuts us short of completion, however, and suggests we go terrorize the Tri Deltas instead. We’re walking around with no clue how to find this particular sorority. Paul’s bitching about getting kicked out of school, and how he’s wasting his time at Columbus State. We ask two girls walking past where Tri Delta is, and they are at least able to give us the correct street. But still we cannot find it. Damon says it would be a good idea to ask the next person we see, once again.

“Yeah, as long as they don’t live there!” I joke.

So a guy and his date come out of this house right in front of us, and we pose the question to them.

“Right here,” he says, and points to…the place they’ve just emerged from!

They climb in a car and split. “Let’s get out of here,” Paul says. Damon and I settle for knocking over a flower pot before leaving.

IV.

I can’t find an exact date of their departure from the OSU scene, nor any stated reason. All my usual resources are coming up blank in that regard. It could be that, much like the society itself, these facts are intentionally kept secret. Or maybe this is just what I get for some admittedly juvenile antics on these premises. We did have our fun with some of these ladies, however, the select few who actually dug us – both at this chapter and one other – so I suppose I shouldn’t be complaining too much.

There are numerous references to the Phi Gamma Delta frat returning to OSU in 2003, after a five year ban, though. And I’m guessing it was at this point they took over residence of this iconic house on East 15th. So we’ll run with that, as the actual date couldn’t be too far removed from there, whatever it is. Until I unearth more, whether from my own archives or elsewhere, we’ll have to live with this minimal history, one as murky and elusive as that mysterious ghost who roams these halls.

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C-bus Cassettes

various Columbus Ohio cassette tapes

The Buckeye Marching Band tapes

Hot Pursuit – Safety Zone

Hot Pursuit – Back In School

The OSU Tailgate Cassette, Volume One

These High Street Stompers are good at what they do, on for example Down By The Ohio, but this is not for me. I’m finding this material far cheesier than the Hooked On Harmonica tape, for example. This instrumental jam on We Don’t Give a Damn For The Whole State of Michigan is where it’s AT, however! Courtesy once again of the Columbus Jazz Quintet, although on this selection I would single out pianist Phil DeGreg for special praise. And then they follow up with an equally excellent Across The Field, this time highlighting the smooth saxophone of Michael Cox. Round On The Ends And High In The Middle is certainly a title you can interpret any number of ways, though of course it’s supposed to specifically mean the name Ohio. Fortunately for us, with their slick late night grooves, OSU Jazz Ensemble skirts all controversy with their excellent instrumental take.

There is an absurd amount of blank space following the last song on side two, Carmen Ohio. It’s the most extreme example I can recall from any cassette I have ever owned. I’m actually curious to hear the backstory about how this might have happened and why – did he purchase a ton of blank cassettes in advance, and miscalculate the running order at hand? Did one or more licensing deals fall through at the last moment? If anyone knows anything about this gripping mystery for the ages, by all means let me know. Overall, this collection is not quite as good as Volume Two.

The OSU Tailgate Cassette, Volume Two

Overall, this is a wickedly entertaining collection. And I ended up with two copies of this tape, too! One of which has never been opened! You can even see the faint print of a Buckeye Corner price sticker on the back. Therefore anyone interested in purchasing the unplayed cassette can obtain it from me here.

Go Bucks! The OSU Tailgate Cassette, Volume 3

Brass Band Of Columbus Lead On!

Recorded Live @ The French Market – Sharon’s tape

Recorded Live @ The French Market – Missy’s tape

David Tolley – Live From OSU

This is some mind-blowingly impressive solo piano work, let me state for the record. I can’t even fathom how a human could perfect his craft to this degree in a single lifetime. As far as specifics go, on this relatively short (six tracks) collection from 1989, Tolley tackles a handful of classic classical pieces, as well as one original, Sonata 1981, Movement 1. His composition is impressive enough in its own right – you basically wouldn’t know this wasn’t a standard, at least not to my ears – but his take on Bach’s Fantasie In C Minor is my personal favorite. Otherwise, he tackles three Chopin pieces, and the various movements of Beethoven’s Sonata Opus 22, B Flat Major.

Watershed – Three Chords and a Cloud of Dust Live

Somehow I ended up with this one on cassette and CD both. While certainly not complaining about this outcome, I’m going to skip reviewing it all over again and suggest you visit my previous post on this topic instead.

The Columbus Jazz OrchestraBig Band, Swing, Blues & All That Jazz

Hooked On Harmonica Vol. II

Otherwise, only a few of these tunes are even familiar to me. Sweet Georgia Brown’s not bad, and of course everyone knows Rocky Top. If this sounds like your thing, though, I feel confident saying you will enjoy the whole album. This cover image did inevitably make me wonder how many of these fine folks are still alive, though. Even though it came out in 1988, i.e. “only” 36 years ago, I was thinking that there are probably only three, maybe four participants from this ensemble that are still around. To potentially tell us something about this club and these projects, if we’re lucky.

The Dolby Fuckers

If I had to pick one favorite from this album, that would probably be it. And fear not, kiddies, lest you worry about liner notes – oh yes, we have them, and handwritten ones to boot! And I am mighty thankful for these as well, for they are pure gold. A couple of the names sound vaguely familiar, but I don’t think I ever knew a Lee Andrew Keeler, who wrote most of these tunes. I’m not exactly surprised to see Kyle Sowash show up on one of the tracks. All in all I would say these are some extremely talented and clever people, whoever they are. The MySpace reference is also quite charming nowadays.