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January 15, 2000

Bedlam reunited January 15 2000

Everyone is up again at 10:30, except for Alan, who sleeps until one. We loaf around for awhile longer, watching more of the Woodstock video. Then step outside to go grab some lunch. As the first two outside, upon reaching the ground, Alan and I bump into my neighbor, Dajie.

“Did you see any vandals in the neighborhood last night?” I ask, pointing to pieces of microwave all over the sidewalk. 

“No, no,” Dajie says, then speculates, “maybe it was a dog dragging trash around.” 

Alan and I exchange a puzzled glance, attempting not to crack up. While this seems like a highly creative theory, who knows, I guess it is technically possible that something like that could happen. But of course, we know better.

“Yeah, that could be,” I reply. 

When Damon and Paul emerge at last, we head on down the road. Or attempt to, anyway, although there’s some chick blocking the intersection at Kenny and Henderson for no discernible reason. Having already determined that we want to hit the Tee Jaye’s on High Street, we must wait for her to move before so doing. 

It’s kind of funny how what you perceive (in the moment, if not forever) as a random and meaningless drive around town can touch upon what later turns out to be so many significant landmarks. So it becomes on this afternoon, as we park at the iconic Tee Jaye’s, on the corner of Morse Road, although Damon & Paul want to stroll over to Eldorado’s first to buy some cigarettes. So we mosey over that way, while Alan and I stand around a minute waiting on them. On a mounted TV, Jacksonville is waxing Miami 38-0 in the 2nd quarter of a playoff game.

“This might be Marino’s last game,” I tell some old timer also standing nearby, viewing the action.

“I think he’ll come back one more year,” the guy says.

Now that these guys have gotten their smokes, we venture back across the parking lot. As we are approaching the restaurant’s entrance, who of all people should be exiting but…our Hounddog’s waitress from last night! Unfortunately, she is accompanied by some dude.

“You guys up already?” she asks with a smile, remembering us before we’ve even said anything.

“Up still!” Damon jokes, though by appearances she believes this.

As she and her man continue walking, the four of us head inside. Those three all order a Barnyard Buster (eggs, biscuits, gravy), while I settle for a stack of giant blueberry pancakes. Damon guzzles his beloved Mountain Dew, while Alan and Paul both order the somewhat bizarre combination of orange juice and coffee (not mixed together, I should note). Not quite a full-fledged caffeine addict myself, I stick to water and milk.

A nearby table is filled with some hot, exotic looking girls. We keep glancing over at them while debating what the best possible angle might be for making their acquaintance. Eventually, someone suggests and the rest of us agree that inviting them to the movies sounds like an awesome idea (though we in fact have no plans to see any movies). Only problem is, as we are determining this, they are standing up and walking out the door. So much for that concept.

From here, it’s just up the road to Pro Percussion. Alan needs a replacement bolt for one of his drums, before they play their show tonight. In the meantime we’re all messing with various instruments. Paul and I join forces to screw around with this sweet Doctor Groove synthesizer. Though both of us just so happen to have enough cash on us to buy the thing, it’s hard to pull the trigger on a fun but not exactly essential toy, therefore neither of us do.

Our sales clerk is funny, and tells us he was the former drummer for Desperately Seeking Fusion. They were big in Ohio a few years back, I recall, though he’s informing us that they split up, and some of the guys moved to Florida, California, et cetera. At one point, he hops behind the nearest kit to show Alan a couple tricks, like how to fake the intro on Hot For Teacher using a combination of toms and kick instead of just the kick drum.

“Now what do you know about tuning drums?” Damon asks him, “’cause you hear of a few guys doing it, but no one really knows how.”

“Yeah, well, I’ve got a wife, two kids, and a full time job. I don’t have time to tune my drums, you know?” the guy jokes.

From here we cruise out to the Sam Ash on Morse, as Alan was unable to buy his bolt there, plus Paul needs a new input jack for his bass. This time Alan is able to find his necessary piece, but Paul is not, and we have a hard time getting anyone to wait on us besides. Though by no means the first person to observe this, I ask the fellas, “you ever notice when you’re in these music stores that there’s five guys swarming all over you when you’re just looking, but then when you actually need something, you can’t find one?” They mutter their assurances that this is not lost on them, either.

Our odyssey continues with a detour across the street to the Northland Mall, a desperation visit to the Radio Shack found within. Then it’s back to my apartment, where we wait on Paul Radick and Brian Randolph to show up. I’m just the amateur reporter here – those five are part of the attraction, playing the first Bedlam show in three and a half years, for this “Bon-A-Thon” charity event tonight at High 5.

Bedlam before High 5 show

For a recap of the show, please visit that page. In summary, though, it was a performance for the ages, and for a good cause to boot. As such, it’s perhaps understandable that we missed “A Party With the Berenstain Bears,” despite this being held at the Kenny Road Borders, i.e. basically across the street from my apartment complex. In stark contrast, the Sawmill Road one has “licensed astrologists” J.R. & Suzi Schroeder on hand to discuss “the special areas that each sign must focus on for peace of mind.” Not that any of us would have wound up at either place regardless of the circumstances, but hey, you never know.

What else is going on around our fair city this evening? At present I couldn’t really tell you much, except that I know Velveteens play at Little Brother’s and that The Afro-Rican Ensemble are at El Diablo Lounge. However, I can relate that, after winding up back at my apartment, after this Bon-A-Thon show, despite all the carry-out beer purchased, we decide to stow this in the fridge in favor of hitting the Private Dancer. Alan alone stays behind, citing exhaustion, but the rest of us hop back into my car and head off into the night. Somewhere along Riverside, Brian is sweating that my gas light illuminates on the way there. But Damon tells him not to sweat it, because this happens all the time. And indeed, we make it to the strip club and back without incident. On the gasoline front, that is.

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Ohio State Pizza

A pie is on the way, I’m told, from Ohio State Pizza, which has emerged after all these months as my and Alan’s clear cut favorite. Damon doesn’t much care, because nine times out of ten he’s only interested in the crust. We consider him crazy, but many a night Alan and I will come home, or awaken, to find an entire pizza crammed into our fridge, with the exception that its entire outlying crust is gone. Damon always instructs us to eat the rest if confronted with this, that he never will. And so by process of elimination, and discarding my lone Gumby’s experience, which, aside from an easily recalled phone number (29GUMBY) and their virtual around the clock delivery policy, has little to recommend itself, Ohio State Pizza receives this couch cushion change jangling so loudly in our pockets.

At the northeastern cusp of campus housing, the corner of Hudson and Indianola, Ohio State Pizza functions in an unassuming bandbox about as big as a can of tomato paste. Family owned, family managed, enabling the modest perks and quirks that set it apart. The driver always shows up wearing no shirt, no shoes, jeans slung low enough around the waist to broadcast a good three inches of his tighty whitey underwear. So out of step, our first few times ordering from these cats we assume it’s the same dude showing up, but then we notice that all the drivers have adopted this curious dress code, leading us to rename the establishment Redneck Pizza in their honor. On exactly one occasion we swing through for pick up, but after watching the admittedly mind boggling swift crew dance around one another on autopilot as they throw every food safety precaution aside without a thought, it occurs to us that the inner workings of some machines are best left to the imagination. And anyway, though these wheels are certainly mighty tasty, the main thrust of our infatuation had been from day one that they deliver beer and cigarettes, too, and that no matter how many young girls cavort around inside your apartment as you call, in the background as you accept and pay they never, under any circumstances, ask for ID.

Always, the delivery man’s interruption. The contemporary shirtless low-riding jeans specimen from Ohio State Pizza slams on the brakes curbside and hurdles across the lawn, appeasing our laziness with another extra large oven offering. Sliced in the old fashioned spoke style few companies fool with anymore, another bonus. Having already narrowed down our preferred establishments to two, some insider Gumby’s information Jeremy passed along the other night, gleaned from a mutual friend of ours named Steve who works there, officially knocks them from contention as well. Roaches the size of pepperoni, he says.

We did make the mistake once of drifting inside Ohio State Pizza for a pickup order. This is an experience I wouldn’t necessarily recommend. As you might gather from the photo above, confines are cramped in there, leaving little breathing room as you stand around and wait. Plus something about seeing these pie crafting wizards in action ruined the magic a little bit. Well, it’s either that, or maybe that which is hilarious when brought to your house isn’t quite so if viewed at the source. I’m sure it’s perfectly sanitary and all – and this place remains in operation, to this day, which bespeaks quality – but let’s just say the low-riding jeans, shirtless delivery aesthetic remains in place at home base. Some things are meant to be inferred but not seen.

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Used Kids Records

Poster for 30th anniversary of Used Kids Records, Columbus, Ohio

Used Kids Records has always been the consensus champion as far as Columbus record stores are concerned. Though established in 1986 on High Street, they are no longer located quite on campus, but have managed to adapt and survive in a new location, their third. The first two of these were situated within spitting distance of one another, across the street from OSU. Its current iteration is kind of a “best of” package in that it combines the space of the second with the charm of the first. Still, there’s always a great deal of nostalgia attached to any treasured act’s debut, and so too this holds true with Used Kids’ initial address, though often so crammed you couldn’t move.

Divided in two, each half shares the musty stench of a century old basement, both no larger than the average master bedroom. The guys working the counter are for the most part trendy, cranky elitists, but even they cannot diminish the singular experience of shopping for slabs of music here. And at any rate are probably on average a tad more approachable than Magnolia’s help. In the left room, upright racks dominate the center of the store’s cramped quarters, with one side devoted to popular used cassettes in the three to five dollar range, the other taken up by bargain tapes for a buck.

Fleshing out the remaining space, pegboard walls hold mounted display racks, with torn, faded posters filling in the gaps. Below these, used CD bins line two walls, with a third dedicated to brand new releases in both disc and vinyl. The truncated front wall, beside a door coated thicker with rock band stickers than our beer label fridge, a counter props up the surly help, often swamped past their heads with stacks they’ve yet to file. A lost gem spins on overhead speakers, a quality cut they’re well aware no one’s heard, justifying their smugness, this refined musical pallette of theirs, for even as they’re smirking at the merchandise you select, it’s just another component of this dungeon’s abrasive charm. Between the cracks, just enough room for promotional materials near the door, freebies, championing local bands, and on the right day room to shuffle sideways around a score of equally obsessive shoppers.

One door over, the Used Kids Annex devotes itself exclusively to vinyl, much of it vintage, mint. A glass case beneath the register featuring rare autographed items and limited edition stuff, a rack by the door for used singles and another for videos. Brighter, less frequented, and a shade less dank, the annex staffs itself unfailingly with someone far more friendly than whoever’s working the other side. As if merely a minor league circuit they relegate new hires to, to cut their teeth and acquire proper smarmy attitudes, only then gaining entry into the main chamber.

The annexed portion formerly belonged to a different record store altogether, SchoolKids, which few remember now. Used Kids envisioned this name as a terrific hook for playing off of their nearest competitor, a tactic that must have worked as the established rival was toast within a handful of years, and Used Kids readily snapped up that space, too.

Front door for original Used Kids Records location, Columbus Ohio
Front door for original Used Kids Records

Damages to the original basement location – I can’t recall at the moment if it was a fire or flood – forced a relocation slightly up the street, to a second story shop formerly owned by World Record. This would have happened at some point in the early 2000s. They were here by 2004 at the latest, as this is the year I finally summoned enough nerve to take one of our CDs up there and see if they would sell it. Ron House happened to be working the counter that day, too, adding to the intimidation factor. He’s a super nice guy – or at least always has been in my limited interactions with him – but is also a Columbus legend and I was basically shaking in my boots asking if they could possibly stock this thing. He handed me $8, no questions asked, and explained that they sell local discs for $10, that if it ever moved, they would take another copy. This was their policy at the time, and you have to tip your caps to them, they were the only record shop around that I’m aware of who would buy an unknown local album outright. Everyone else would agree to maybe stock it on consignment at best.

A guy named Greg Hall, who’d once worked at SchoolKids Records, swooped in to buy the operation in 2014, and, in the midst of a drastically altered campus landscape, elected to move to their current home on Summit Street a couple of years later. I think he made the right call, as most would agree the stopgap middle location (which nonetheless existed over a decade) was probably their least favorite. This spot has a lot more charm than that dim, vaguely industrial feeling loft ever did, and there’s plenty of space to move, a ton of great offerings, including an expansive selection of audiophile gear. I was a bit disappointed to see that the local section has been drastically reduced, but whoever was working that day explained to me that the stuff just didn’t sell well enough to justify the space. And you have to respect this, as times change right along with business models – just sticking around this long, as they and select few peers have managed, is impressive enough on its own.

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Studio 35

Columbus Ohio's Studio 35

A new co-worker I’ve only recently met – and actually, am training, laughable though this may seem – is the first person to clue me in on Studio 35. And maybe her true calling will somebody be in advertising. Because the way she’s drumming up its merits, I basically want to chuck aside this lunchtime shift and race over there right now. Instead, I am stuck with daydreaming.

A dilapidated dive tavern, she says, in the heart of church solemn Clintonville, which just happens to hoist a full size movie screen against its back wall, which buries the whole tacky Flickers franchise beneath a mound of shame. Studio 35, surely I stumble into your dim, smoky aisles some evening on my own accord, with or without the intervention of this righteous nymph, surely I wrap popcorn buttered fingers around a frosted mug of ale while seated on a barstool I can’t even see. Conning roommates along for the freakshow thrill, we’ll crane our necks to imbibe the latest reel of film, as vicious cramps creep slowly up these same necks, absolved only through the continued application of still more alcohol. Surely, o holy tabernacle, surely.

Shortly hereafter, a few of us manage to check it out. Studio 35 collides against the eastern rim of Clintonville’s dry district, able to serve alcohol by a matter of feet. Dating from the 1930s, this building features a wedge shaped marquee, dangling above the street where we park, and a glass bubble ticket window expanding out into the sidewalk. Each night, three paltry dollars buy a triple bill of second run features, the most reasonable admission in town. And while we’ve missed the first of these, whatever it was, the heavily hyped horror flick Scream awaits us, followed by some unknown comedy titled SubUrbia.

Here, the movies themselves might garner lowest priority. We’re five minutes late for the second leg of this triad, yet it scarcely matters, for the main attraction is a dark, smoky tavern occupying the theater’s back third, allowing full view of a regulation size screen. Beyond, rows upon rows of traditional seating flesh out the remaining space, but we don’t give those small, uncomfortable chairs a second glance. Stools around the bar, they speak to us. Falling into line astride them, we inspect their sizable array of bottled beer, ultimately settle upon some reasonably priced drafts. The bartender also brings forth a menu from the relocated Papa Joe’s, which has this unique arrangement with Studio 35, which operates  next door in a tiny, lifeless pizza shop galaxies removed from its once riotous, now legendary, campus institution. Sympathizing with their plight, we order a large pepperoni. Our heads crook sidelong to enjoy the show.

With equal frequency, our heads also tilt in the opposite direction. Lured by her salacious rasp, the blonde at the bar’s distant end has us captive. A voice more lewd, animalistic, than any we’ve ever heard, she leans on the bartender’s every word, responds in kind with her own. Punctuates each offering with a husky, kittenish chuckle. Damon, for one, chain smokes anxiety away watching her, as if aware he can’t match the seductive film noir cool of her own graceful drags, lazy exhalations, and won’t even bother trying. Just as we’re certain that, with every chair between her and us resolutely unoccupied, our drooling leers must hang all too obvious in the aquamarine glow of the small, sad fishtank behind this bar.

“I swear,” Damon says, “I could sit here for hours and jack off just listening to her talk.”

At intermission, having dusted off the pizza, we stand to stretch and look around. A row of booths line one side wall, and then the lobby, where a flimsy film of red carpet daubs the ground, worn raw by week after week of cutrate attractions. Smokers head outside now to mingle fresh air with their flaming butts, but we interrogate the contour, from the countertop popcorn machine to the pair of 1980s video games, one on each wing, to the movie posters lining every square inch of these walls. The profiles, titles, and slogans adorning these advertisements are cut out, overlapped, stacked atop one another with impressive originality, and taped on balloons stream famous soundbites from select actors’s mouths, so that even a trip to the restroom stall requires facing off against Clint Eastwood and one of his timeless lines.

I envision this as a hideout you’d visit alone to disappear for a few hours, inviting and anonymous. Contrasting so distinctly with the tacky, fading prefabrication of other quote unquote independent operations, this kind of dogeared character you just can’t fake.

Studio 35 in Columbus Ohio

Of course, these days you can’t smoke at Studio 35, either, because you can’t smoke anywhere. I’ve never been a smoker, yet I believe that this law did chop off one leg of the tripod from this place’s charm. Even so, it has become a rite of passage through the years. Chances are you’ve brought every girl dated to this place exactly once, and chances are they hated it. A couple of times you’ve even bothered to drift down and sit in the actual theater. In the days before internet, without a paper handy, you would call and listen to the recording delivered by some jaunty sounding fellow, one whom I never met – even now, any time I see a sign for Weber Road, I think of it in the almost singsong manner he pronounced it on those recordings, and often say it aloud: Weber Row-uhhhhd!

During the height of Studio 35 mania, our presence here became so predictable that one friend dropped in, believing on a wild hunch that he might find the rest of us here, and he was correct. I must admit I haven’t attended in way too long. As always, Columbus’s oldest, best indie theater keeps itself afloat screening a nice mix of mainstream and independent fare, and here’s to hoping it continues to do so until my next visit.

Opening clear back in 1938 as the Indianola Theatre, it eventually switched over to its current name – although I’m not sure about the meaning behind this Studio 35 moniker. Whatever the case, a more significant development occurs in 1972, when owner Frank Marzetti installs draft beer, thereby making it the first movie theater in the nation to do so. John Conti bought it in 1995, and did a great job revitalizing the theater, from adding a new curved screen in the late 1990s, experimenting with karaoke at the bar, working out a delivery deal with the Papa Joe’s pizza place next door, and revamping the format to (mostly) a double feature of just slightly not-quite-new movies. With the occasional art house, retro, or Rocky Horror and otherwise themed nights thrown into the mix, of course. I believe they are on their third ownership group at this point, but could be wrong about that.