When Easton Town Center held its grand opening, on June 29, 1999, a surprising array of luminaries were on hand to commemorate this event. Les Wexner, obviously, as the mastermind of this bold enterprise, was an expected attendee, and you might even say the same about Arnold Swarzenegger. He has long treated Columbus as his second or third home, and therefore his riding in on a tank, like a triumphant general or something, almost made sense (although he would endure endless ribbing for leaving said tank on site, in a field bordering this property, for years). But rattling off some of these other names – Shaquille O’Neal, Sylvester Stallone, Kelsey Grammar, etc – feels totally surreal, at least until you consider the reason that they are all here. Planet Hollywood, in other words, a notorious business venture cobbled together by a dozen or so famous people, mostly actors.
Viewing the publicity photos from that day is especially hilarious. Knowing in hindsight what became of the Planet Hollywood restaurant/movie theater concept contributes a great deal to that hilarity, although I’m guessing these would have been comical even then. And weird, and maybe just a little bit awe inspiring. One noteworthy shot finds Wexner standing stage left, amid this conga line of beaming bigwigs, all of them holding huge fake movie ticket replicas, boldly bearing the Planet Hollywood logo in the middle, AMC’s a bit smaller off to the side, and then the date at the bottom. The more famous people in the shot, Arnold, Kelsey, Sly and Shaq, are all just sort of smiling as they look over at Les, presumably in response to something he’s quite proud of having just said. Over at the other end are four less famous guys, who must be either company suits or politicians, and they too look mighty pleased with themselves.
It seems baffling in retrospect to learn that Planet Hollywood’s company president just so happens to have resigned in…June of 1999…in large part due to the company’s outstanding debt of more than $350 million. And yet here it is, held up as the shining centerpiece for the boldest development in Columbus’s long history.
Well, I’m not about the break out the tiny violins or anything for a bunch of insanely wealthy businessmen. But this entire Easton venture does kind of highlight how you can’t really win in the court of public opinion. I mean, I get it and everything, and become just as angry as the next person when learning that, say, a local hockey arena pays less in taxes than a Wendy’s fry cook. Nonetheless, you take something like this Easton development, and we want to bemoan a bunch of rich guys pouring tons of cash into something like Planet Hollywood, which soon failed. However, we also want to bemoan a bunch of rich guys pouring tons of cash into the parts that worked, and becoming richer in the process. Yet we also want to bemoan the lack of nice things, like the Easton Town Center, before they materialize.
But if we want the nice things, I guess somebody has to pay for them. Besides, another huge faction are those who complain about something like this, yet patronize it anyway. I’ve complained about the hockey arena, same as so many others, yet patronized it anyway. And the same holds true of the whole Campus Gateway deal. I don’t really recall bellyaching about Easton, though it’s possible. And yet whatever the case, who are we kidding? Easton was a marvel at the time of its construction, and remains so to this day. It was a city dropped in the middle of a corn field, for all intents and purposes, with free parking and a bunch of brand-new experiences for us to sample and savor. What was not to love about it? With that in mind, let’s take a look at this still quite staggering development.
Okay so getting back to that grand opening from 1999, I know that a group of Irish dancers performed on the first floor, in that central courtyard area, or whatever you’d call it. The floor at the time was a white and grey checkerboard pattern – as we stared down the approaching new millennium, nobody could seem to decide what the future was supposed to look like, and therefore a cautious neutrality had won the day. White, grey, maybe silver and bronze were the colors of this era; not so much woodgrain, neon, pastels, or for that matter even black, which was presumably too bleak for these optimistic times. Mozart’s, the popular local bakery cafe, had set up shop right there at the edge of where this group now danced, in the spot currently occupied by Sbarro and Panda Express; up above it, C V Wrapper’s, another local restaurant, was doing business where the Five Guys now exists. Elsewhere, a bunch of life sized or nearly so vehicles are suspended from cables, for whatever reason, such as an old fashioned buggy car, a drag racing car, some other Indy racing type car.
Outside, from the looks of things two different stages were erected, one on the little side street (Easton Square Place) running between The Cheesecake Factory and Barnes & Noble, another turned sideways and facing east, in front of where Pottery Barn has always been. From these, a whole slew of performers held court, throughout the day, to a rapturous or if nothing else mildly curious throng of rotating onlookers. Or actually, I’m wondering if some of these “grand opening” shots posted online weren’t semi-bogus, and from some other night, because I’m beginning to suspect that Easton Square Place stage was not there at all that day. Whatever the case, CD 101 were on hand, to promote and report upon the proceedings, while a Budweiser truck kept the attendees properly lubricated.
If you look at that map up top, this is Easton circa 2014 or so. Though the entire development is referred to as Easton Town Center, this next section will concern only the indoor shopping mall, which is the one I have colored red. One easily lost point about Easton being this retro/futuristic destintation is that it does have this decent sized 1960s/70s/80s-esque interior space at its center, i.e. the very thing it is alleged to have replaced. They didn’t fling the Planet Hollywood off into some distant external shed, after all, but rather used it to anchor the regular old indoor shopping mall. This double decker affair looks nice and has its charms, though few would probably classify it as the main attraction here. Directly below, then, this is the current state of the indoor mall, as 2022 draws to a close:
There are a surprising number of empty spaces in here right now, which hopefully doesn’t foretell a downturn. Overall, throughout this mall, there’s a respectable smattering of local or semi-local only offerings, which is nice to see – and that number swells considerably if you count Wexner’s famous international companies among these. I would also like to mention that there are electric vehicle charging stations in the two covered parking garages flanking this indoor mall.
surrounding area, history, et cetera
As far as I can recall, my first ever visit to Easton occurred in early 2000, a trip to the Virgin Megastore. My roommate at the time Paul Linville purchased a couple CDs, a Donnas and an S.O.D., while I merely looked around and left empty handed. He had been here before and was raving about how many books and magazines and other music related paraphernalia they carried, which was true, but I still avoided buying anything. When he asked why, I explained that I preferred to support small local shops as opposed to a giant corporation like this – although, I have to say that if knowing the direction the music industry was soon headed, I might have had more sympathy toward even the Virgin chains. Then again, I don’t suppose Richard Branson has lost much sleep over this. And anyway, that was somewhat b.s. even at the moment, because it didn’t bother me to frequent the Coconuts on Morse Road, or the Camelot in Northland Mall. It just seemed at the time as though this monolithic shop, planted and fully sprouted to occupy nearly a full city block, was the big bad monster that needed slayed at whatever cost. Even as I think I mostly hoped the rest of this Easton enterprise would succeed.
This store was located at 3965 Townsfair Way, i.e. about a block south of the indoor mall’s front entrance. Crate & Barrel have this address now. I can’t quite recall how much of the building it ate up, though, so it’s possible that the AT&T store on the NW corner might also take up some of Virgin’s former space – that’s going to require a little more research. Parking I have written down as being a joke that day, that we had to park a quarter mile away and walk, though it’s possible we just didn’t know where to look. According to this ad I’m looking at from February of 2000, the Virgin Megastore was open from 10am to midnight Sun-Thu, with the closing hour bumped up to 1am on Fridays and Saturdays. Sounds kind of magical, doesn’t it? Tying in with an upcoming Ben Harper appearance at the Newport, they’re running a sale on his Burn To Shine CD for the low, low price of $13.99.
About a month later, on my 25th birthday, I brought my dad, stepmom, and sisters over here for their first ever visit. In the years since, of course, countless trips out this way would follow. It’s going to take a while to sift through all of those, so expect a running highlight reel with continued scattershot updates. My primitive maps are actually a huge undertaking, primarily because I don’t know what I’m doing, but some more of those should follow whenever I work up the energy again. For now you’re stuck with the couple I’ve already created.
And now, onto those highlights, or at least the random tidbits I’ve managed to assemble thus far…
BD’s Mongolian Grill (3977 Worth Avenue): One of two Columbus locations. Though I’ve been to the Sawmill spot slightly more often somehow, this is a mighty convenient and nigh unavoidable option if you’re making a day of it here at Easton. For those of you not in the know (there are restaurants in 8 different states, although I feel like it’s slightly less popular than 10-15 years ago), you simply must experience this place at least once – not only delicious but a lot of fun. It’s a build your own stir fry place where you load your plate up and take it to the cooks to fry in front of you. Despite the name – the whole “Mongolian” part may scare off some – I feel confident saying that just about anyone should be able to find some things they like to eat here.
SEE (Selective Eyewear Elements): From an April 2000 ad, their motto is Very Hip For A Lot Less. Boasting of additional locations in Los Angeles, Chicago, Georgetown, Birmingham, and Ann Arbor, with others opening soon on South Beach & West Palm Beach. The address is given as “Easton Town Center,” however, and nothing more specific than that. I don’t think this lasted too long, wherever it was.
Shadowbox Theatre (formerly at 164 Easton Town Center): now known as Shadowbox Live, this troupe has been around since 1988 and currently bills itself as the largest full-time ensemble in the country. They have called a few different places home, occasionally overlapping with multiple venues open at once. In 1999, they moved into this brand new 220 seat theater, to bring their singular mix of rock music, sketch comedy, plays, and other assorted performances to an entirely different demographic. Unfortunately, this particular site is no longer open. Addresses seem to be a jumbled up mess around here, but I think this must have been located inside the mall.
I have not yet been here, therefore must rely on Damon’s review of the place. A few days after some girl suggested they go there on a date, he gives me the recap of his night, that he couldn’t understand what the hell was going on – he thought all along the whole thing was a play, wasn’t aware these were a bunch of independent skits.
“I didn’t realize till the whole thing was over that they weren’t supposed to tie in together,” he tells me with a sigh.
Other than that, though, he says it mostly an okay experience. They seat you at a table with 8 or 10 strangers, where this multi-talented cast try on their many different hats: actors, musicians, even hosts and waiters, they all the same people, everyone does anything. Unfortunately, his assessment is that they are well rounded in everything but not necessarily great at any one element.
Regarding Easton as a whole, he adds, “I think it’s cool, though, everything they do out here seems pretty cool, like the parking’s free and everything. Now that Shadowbox, I don’t know, but…” he trails off, in anotherwise positive review.
Steak ‘N Shake (4047 Morse Crossing): Alan, Big Paul and I spend the early(er) portions of the evening at various Upper Arlington locales such as the Friday’s at the corner of Kenny/Henderson Road and then Traditions Tavern. Following this, as is quite often the case, we’re all hungry and decide that the Tee Jaye’s at Morse/High sounds awesome. Problem is, just about every other half drunken idiot in this zip code had the same idea at roughly the same time, and the place is lined literally out the door. We do park and stand on the sidewalk for a short while, by my count about 20th in line or so. Then decide screw this, as Alan suddenly has a better idea.
The plan now is to drive clear out to his girlfriend Angela’s place, for an unannounced pop-in. Multiple justifications in support of this concept are hatched, which can be summarized as a) she lives on Morse, albeit way the fuck out beyond Easton and I-270 even, b) they had a spat a few days ago, so this could be a good strategic move on his part, to patch things up, c) she has a decent looking roommate that Paul and I can possibly attempt to hit on, and d) they should theoretically also have some food.
Well, you may have some inkling how this turned out, considering that a visit to Steak N’ Shake was eventually in the cards. We drive all the way out to Angela’s place, despite the late hour, an apartment complex that looks about twenty years old, even though much of the surrounding acreage had been farmland until recently. Yet, it turns out that she is not home, which is perhaps a whole other topic worthy of discussion at some later date. Regarding the three of us and the present tense, though, we’ve no choice but to drive back into town, at which point Alan suggests one of the first restaurants we happen upon, this Steak N’ Shake. I hadn’t known this specific, nearly brand new location even existed, but have been to these before and attempt to talk them into something else.
“Dude, the food’s not that good, and you only get, like, two fries, and it costs ten dollars,” I tell him.
Nonetheless, I am outvoted, and we eventually decide for whatever reason to park and go sit down inside the place. Grabbing a booth, I observe that there are exactly three other tables currently occupied, all of them by what are clearly barhopping youths of the same rough age bracket as we. In fact, this duo seated nearby, a pair of young white guys who seem pretty messed up, begin chatting our ears off, unprompted.
“We got kicked out of Denny’s,” the one kid explains.
“This guy here took a shit in my Burger King cup!” the second one explains/complains, pointing at his partner in crime, “what do you think about that?”
“I think it’s brilliant,” I reply.
“Brilliant!” the shitter declares, quite obviously pleased with his work, “see, now there’s an adjective I hadn’t thought of…”
Such engaging repartee can only distract us from the matter at hand for so long, however, and after a good ten minutes of sitting here, scanning our menus, we still have not been greeted in any fashion whatsoever. Meanwhile, the two cooks visible behind the line are plainly just screwing around back there, while the solitary server wanders around as though lost.
“Hey, can we put in an order!?” An incredulous Alan eventually asks, having finally managed to flag down this tall, lanky black kid who would theoretically be our quote unquote waiter.
“Yeah, just a minute,” he says…then waltzes over to the server station and continues to stand around over there, in plain sight from where we’re sitting. At least for about the next five minutes of this, at which point we chuck our menus aside.
“Let’s get out of here.”
“Yeah, fuck this place.”
“Fuck this place,” the three of us agree, in succession. And then, yes, it’s true, physically do in fact wing our menus across the room, at more or less the same instant.
Back in Alan’s truck, however, he is suddenly singing a different tune. “I don’t know, maybe I’ll slide through the drive thru,” he suggests, “I’m really fuckin hungry.”
And so here we go again. Joining the fray as one of but several vehicles in line, progress is glacial, and then comes to a dead stop for quite some time. However, we eventually determine the reason behind this latest twist, which isn’t the restaurant’s fault (at least not directly; indirectly, it pretty much is) when we discover that the dude ahead of us is asleep behind the wheel. As we pull out and around him, the three of us are cracking up to observe this poor guy, some other black dude, is passed out with his head tilted back against the headrest, as though sitting here for hours.
Which he may very well have been. Even upon eventually, blessedly reaching the speaker box, by which point it’s about 4am, we continue to sit here…and sit here…and sit here…until our driver has at last reached his breaking point.
“Man, fuck this place!” Alan shouts. And not only that, but he leans out the window and – BAMM! – gives the order box a mighty shove. Either he put every bit of his strength behind it, or this puppy wasn’t planted too firmly into the ground, however, for it wobbles, and then topples all the way over. At which point the three of us start cracking up and peel out of there.
Back at my place, we settle for defrosting some frozen stuff. While this cooks, Linville passes the time calling up that Steak N’ Shake not once but twice. The first one, a more sustained argument with the employee at the other end, concludes with him shouting, “you guys HAVE THE WORST FUCKIN SERVICE IN TOWN!” before slamming the receiver down. Then he immediately hits redial.
“Same caller?” is what the person on the other end says, by way of greeting.
“Yeah. Just wanted to say you guys have the worst fuckin service in town,” Paul reiterates.
“Fuck you bitch,” the employee says.
“Fuck you, bitch!” Linville tells him, and hangs up again.
The Cheesecake Factory (3975 Townsfair Way): rubbed up against the edge of the Virgin Megastore from the beginning, and is still there to this day. The same applies to the Barnes & Noble (4005 Townsfair Way) which has always been the next building to the east, a block removed from the indoor mall, facing it.
