After 40 years serving drinks, bagels, and live music, campus institution Bernie’s bit the dust on New Year’s Eve 2015 (so the early hours of 2016, if you want to get technical). Located at 1896 N. High Street, this below ground music shrine, though also just happening to serve surprisingly respectable grub, opened in 1975 and became sacred ground for countless generations of music fanatics, drunken collegiates, and third shifters looking for a decent bite – not that those tribes don’t feature more than a little overlap.
More on this space will follow. But for now, below are some pictures from the night my buddy Dave Kemp decided to hold his bachelor’s party here – national indie rockers Criteria played that night, as well as our friends in local band the Handshake:
Then there is this curiosity below, which Damon and I spotted tacked to a telephone pole one afternoon on High Street. The character in this photograph is without question the elementary school guidance counselor we all had, clear up in Lexington. So the parties responsible for this flyer presumably hail from that region, although I don’t think we ever determined who this might be. And of course it doesn’t help matters any that the poster is now partially ripped:
According to my notes this would have been February 4, 1998. A few of us got sidetracked at the Northberg Tavern and, though intending to investigate this mystery, never quite made it down there. Sadly, Bernie’s was demolished in August of 2016, meaning this riddle is unlikely to ever be solved.
*UPDATE!* I was contacted by a Connie Poppledorf who says she made this at Kinko’s, for her band at the time, the pinups. And that the second group listed – which seems to fit with the available evidence, at the ripped top edge of the flyer – would have been Koo Stark. Incredible. The people of Columbus can sleep a little easier, now that this matter has been put to rest.
II.
Tony Painter and his wife Roma own Bernie’s during this era, having bought the club in early ‘95. It had already been open 20 years at this point. Among their renovations was a better sound and layout. During this time, they were trying to get approved for an outdoor patio along 16th. Actually, it was apparently approved on a temporary basis, but they couldn’t get permanent permits. I don’t think they typically had any security here, though, leaving the bartenders to police the crowd. Also the bathrooms were often quite gnarly.
Well, okay, I’m feeling ambitious and am going to attempt posting the events calendar for every year this venue was in existence. Bear with me, though, as this is bound to be a rocky ride and mighty incomplete list for quite some time. But hey, you’ve got to start somewhere. You can click the individual year here to jump ahead, or else keep reading:
1998
February 4 – that pinups/Koo Stark show mentioned above
March 28 – Guided By Voices! With Superdrag opening. Many a tune will have their live debut at this show, considering it’s the first stop of the tour: a totally bonkers 22 songs, in fact, from their 33 song set. Former Breeders drummer Jim Macpherson is now with GBV too. It’s a thoroughly killer set, of course, but you already knew that. Otherwise, some interesting moments on the local folklore front: Bob namechecks Jerry Wick (of the band Gaunt) before the show even technically begins; prior to the 8th selection, Zoo Pie, someone in the crowd shouts out a question, wondering who is better at basketball between Pollard and Ron House (from the Used Kids record store, and local rockers Thomas Jefferson Slave Apartments).
“I think statistics speak for themselves,” Bob says.
You can then hear House chirp from the crowd, “I know, we’re 1 and 1, motherfucker! 1 and 1”
“The answer is Greg Demos,” Pollard eventually concludes, in reference to his bass player.
A little later, there’s a birthday shoutout to some guy named Nick, who I think works here, as he is apparently brought briefly on stage.
April 9 – The Fells
May 6 – The Woggles
June 17 – Guitar Wolf
June 18 – Nebula
September 22 – The Aislers Set
October 30 – Bonfire Madigan
November 2 – Braid
November 11 – Ric Hordinski
November 13 – Murder City Devils
November 15 – …And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead
November 18 – The Sheila Divine
1999
April 2 – Quadrajets
May 9 – Groovie Ghoulies, The Eyeliners
July 6 – Pedro The Lion, The Rondelles
August 3 – Marky Ramone and the Intruders
September 16 – Sweep the Leg Johnny
September 27 – Guitar Wolf
November 10 – The Dismemberment Plan
November 23 – All Out War, Turmoil
December 2 – The Appleseed Cast
The Pop Quiz play a show here (in December I believe) and some drunk fan went onstage, dropped trou. “Dad, I told you to stay home,” the singer reportedly quipped in response, according to Columbus Alive.
2000
January 13 – Forstella Ford, Jeromes Dream, Orchid, Seven Days Of Samsara
January 21 – Go (from Detroit). Eric Davidson’s review (Other Paper) is middling at best, saying they rocked it up decently, but it was all retro kitsch 70s rock type stuff. Openers 84 Nash, while not quite stellar, nonetheless fare much better.
January 22 – Flotation Walls CD release show. The Other Paper gives it a mostly positive review. You know, I’ve seen Flotation Walls, but can’t remember if I liked them or not – then again I suppose that’s somewhat of an answer in itself.
January 28 – Nerves show: unruly fans launching sharp objects at band, to extent bass guitar is used as a shield. The Dishes open.
February 1 – Sindust
February 3 – Whippersnapper, Blatant Finger
February 4 – Our Flesh Party, Blinder, Lylo
February 5 – Pat Dull & His Media Whores CD release. The Pop Quiz, The Marbles also play.
February 7 – Half Japanese
February 28: Handsome Family, with support from local bands Lilybandits and Bygones. Jerry Dannemiller reviewed this show for The Other Paper. Though Handsome Family are headlining, Bygones play last and he was pretty impressed by their performance.
March 9 – Naca, Quantum 44
March 10 – The Sovines, Johnny Rebel, The Cusacks
March 14 – Arab on Radar
March 21 – The Donnas. Eric Davidson reviews this show for The Other Paper and says it was insanely packed, to the extent the bodies were muffling the music. He mentions a back wall that was recently knocked down to provide more room, but it didn’t help much. Says the band was good but clearly should have played a bigger venue, praises the drummer in particular. Apparently they were whining about the unruly crowd quite a bit, however, and asked at one point “is that safe?” when someone ripped out a piece of the ceiling (I believe it was a pipe in this instance, not a tile; for ceiling tile destruction, please see the Northberg Tavern page.) Opening act Plus Ones were terrible, but that Smugglers (first trip to Cbus) were good retro fun.
March 22 – Kosher Spears (this is actually Tim Easton)
March 25 – The Promise Ring, Pele
March 30 – The Rubix Wheel
March 31 – Black Love, Grafton, Whiteouts
April 5 – Zeke
April 7 – Poster Children
April 20 – Lois
May 4 – NRBQ, New Basics Brass Band
May 5 – Guinea Worms CD release for You Can’t Chump This. Flipping Hades, Cheater Slicks also.
May 22 – Sarah Dougher
May 18 – Death Cab For Cutie, The Aislers Set
May 26 & 27 – Diaphragm Records release parties for Black Love/The Creeps split vinyl EP (26th) and A Planet For Texas (27th). Superstar Rookie also plays on the 26th, along with Black Love. Planet, The Creeps, and a Ft Wayne band called The Beautys play on the 27th
May 30 – Solex
June 1 or 2 (reports vary) (unless maybe it’s both?) – Supersuckers
June 6 – The Woggles
June 7 – The Blacks
June 10 – The Undead
June 12 – The Juliana Theory
June 26 – Marky Ramone and the Intruders
July 12 – Groovie Ghoulies
July 14 – Nod
July 17 – Mad Caddies
July 26 – The Queers
August 2 – The Faint
August 3 – Flotation Walls, Novac
August 31 – Ultimate Fakebook
September 19 – The Mr. T Experience, The Eyeliners, American Steel
September 24 – Mustard Plug
September 28 – The Mooney Suzuki, Spoozys
October 2 – Estrella 20/20
October 4 – The Dismemberment Plan, Anal Cunt
October 5 – Superdrag
October 11 – The Woggles
November 7 – Election Day punk show with Bedrockers (local) who play an upbeat but not especially original set; the Proms (local), as their name might imply, play a goofier, high school strain of punk, replete with harmonies and a couple of Nirvana covers; the Proteens are especially well received, playing lightning fast and featuring a singer with some serious pipes, which inspires the crowd to bum rush the stage; Dirt Bike Annie go over even better, as enthusiastic fans remove all their clothes, one guy is given a shot at a guitar solo, and still others commandeer the microphone for the grand finale
November 15 – The Mooney Suzuki
2001
January 12 – Manda and the Marbles, Twin Cam, The Peabodys
January 13 – Greenhorn reunion show, Silo the Huskie, Salthorse. All ages show, $5 entry.
January 23 – Superstar Rookie
February 18 – Pedro The Lion
March 27 – Diecast, God Forbid
May 3 – The Queers
May 28 – The Twerpentines
June 22 – The Ladybug Transistor
June 25 – Anal Cunt
July 5 – The National
July 9 – Local bands The Bravado (opener) and Them Wranch (closer) play with out of state band The Cuts. In his review for The Other Paper, Rob Harvilla describes all three as being competent but semi-repetitive 1970s based guitar rock, especially when lumped together like this.
July 16 – American Nightmare, Over My Dead Body
September 8 – The Twerpentines
October 5 – Rancid Yak Butter Tea Party have release party for self-titled CD, their first album. Apparently play selections from that, but also Smoof Cribinal (on recent Cringe.com/pilation), Mr. Sandman, something from Ren & Stimpy. The Bloody Matt Dillons, Washout Corp., Erin Wrong & The Do-Right opened the show
October 11 – Van Worthy, Reinfield, Children of Reagan, Unibrow With a Vengeance
October 12 – The Cutters, Teeth of the Hydra, Bloody Matt Dillons
October 13 – The Handsome Family, Amor Belhom Duo (open), Blanche, Banjo Dave
October 14 – DJ Prizm
October 15 – The Liars, The Seconds, 31 Knots
October 16 – K from Ida and Lenola
October 25 – Truth Love Always, Track Star, Tiara
October 26 – Ass Ponys, Moviola
October 27 – Submachine, Jesse & The Rippers, Van Worthy, Children of Reagan, One Point Three
October 28 – DJ Prizm
October 29 – Fin Fang Foom, Boxcar Satan, We March
October 30 – Orthrelm
October 31 – Bernie’s Halloween Bash featuring The Everyday Heroes and others
November 1 – Rival Schools, Walter Schreifels, Goner, Captain Obvious
November 2 – The Chevy Chasers, two other bands – a show I attend.
Pay a $4 cover charge and make my way inside. So hot in this place that sweat seems to drip out of the walls, and I can’t believe that occasional semi-big national acts, like The Donnas, actually play here. Wait forever for this slow-as-fuck bartender kid to give me my Rolling Rock, then skim the crowd briefly for any familiar faces before coming to standstill about ten feet from the stage, to the right.
The band Matt & Libby wanted to see are already playing, in fact they’re almost done. Though unfamiliar with them until just now, they’re called The Chevy Chasers and I immediately like their attitude. They are charmingly sloppy and indifferent, swapping instruments from song to song, and everyone takes a turn at lead vocals. At one point I even look up and the guitar player’s sitting in the middle of the floor. Musically, they have this whole 1960s, forgotten one hit pop stars vibe to them, with even that whole cheesy organ sound transported from that era. As far as their appearance, some of the guys have shaggy bowl cuts, the bass player’s rocking a full blown beard, one kid’s wearing creepy mad scientist style glasses. They also answer a long running question I’ve been forever wondering about: what happens when a good band intentionally tries to sound bad? The result is fascinating, as I’ve always suspected it would be.
Whether playing their own pre-punk originals, or lost vintage nuggets (such as their closing tune, a 10 minute take on Wild Thing) or showing ironic (I’m guessing) appreciation for cornier fare like Van Halen’s Jump, it’s clear that everyone knows what they’re doing, that everyone is well versed on their instruments…but that they’re willing to throw all this out the window and push things, see how chaotic they can possible make a song. Amazing, amazing stuff.
Christine (from Wild Oats, not Maria’s crazy friend) is here, she’s the only known entity I come across in the crowd. And I bolt after The Chevy Chasers are finished. Two other bands were set to follow, but it really doesn’t matter – I can’t imagine how either of them could top the opener.
November 19 – Rilo Kiley
December 14 – The Queers, The Independents
December 15 – The Despicables
2002
March 13 – Billy
April 3 – The Eyeliners, Showoff
April 23 – Bayside
June 14 – Ringworm
July 21 – Dianogah
July 29 – Rilo Kiley, Arlo
August 1 – The Brain Surgeons
October 22 – The Independents, The Jackalopes
November 12 – Dead Poetic, The Pits
December 12 – Too Short Notice
2003
February 6 – The Blood Brothers, Vaux, True North
February 26 – The Queers
March 23 – Full Blown Chaos
April 14 – Minus The Bear
April 16 – The Independents
May 5 – Silverstein, Bayside
May 27 – Dressy Bessy
June 11 – Karl Hendricks Trio
July 24 – The Brain Surgeons
September 3 – The Figgs
October 1 – The Independents
October 20 – The Appleseed Cast, The Lovekill
November 12 – The Appleseed Cast
November 25 – Agnostic Front
2004
January 14 – Steel Train
February 6 – We Regazzi
March 5 – The Lovekill, The Letters Organize, The Pink Spiders
April 19 – Against Me!
Their set list is known: Cliché Guevara
Walking Is Still Honest
Problems
Reinventing Axl Rose
Rice and Bread
Sink, Florida, Sink
Turn Those Clapping Hands Into Angry Balled Fists
Those Anarcho Punks Are Mysterious…
You Look Like I Need a Drink
Baby, I’m an Anarchist!
We Laugh at Danger (and Break All the Rules)
May 25 – Misery Index
May 31 – The Independents
August 10 – The Queers
September 15 – Big Collapse, Liars Academy, Scatter the Ashes
October 2 – Dead City Rejects
October 18 – Crooked Fingers
October 20 – The Independents
November 4 – Action Action, Liars Academy
2005
circa 2005, Bernie’s is running the following happy hour specials: whiskey & Cokes on Mondays are $1.50; Miller Lite Draft is featured on Tuesdays at the price points of $1 (12oz), $2 (20oz), $5 (pitcher); Wednesdays have gin & tonics for $1.50 and also Bud draft at the $1/2/5 breakdown; Thursdays it’s vodka & juice, PBR draft; Fridays rum & Cokes and Bud draft again, Saturdays they have Coors Lite draft at $2 for the 20oz only. Also, the Football Saturday Special features a Bloody Mary bar at $2.50 a pop.
And here’s their menu during that era. Sandwiches you ordered by number, and were served with chips. All soups and sides were made in house:
| 1. Reuben Corned Beef, Kraut, Swiss And 1,000 Island Dressing Served On Rye | $5.25 |
| 2. Bernie’s Sub Ham, Salami, Provolone, Lettuce, Tomato, Onion & Mild Peppers With Italian Dressing Served On A Sub Bun | $4.50 |
| 3. Jack Hammer Turkey, Lettuce, Tomato, Onion And Veggie Cream Cheese Served On A Toasted Bagel | $3.25 |
| 4. Grilled Pineapple Ham Grilled Ham, Swiss & Pineapple Served On A Bagel | $4.25 |
| 5. Turkey Reuben Turkey, Kraut, Swiss And 1,000 Island Dressing Served On Rye | $4.50 |
| 6. Buckeye Buster Corned Beef, Turkey, Salami, Cheddar, Lettuce And Tomato Served On Rye | $4.75 |
| 7. Bernie’s Club Ham, Turkey, Swiss, Cheddar, Lettuce & Tomato Piled High On 3 Slices Of White Toast. | $4.50 |
| 8. Pizza Bagel Pizza Sauce & Provolone Cheese Served Open Faced On A Bagel | $2.75 |
Vegetarian Sandwiches | |
| 9. Mama Velvet Veggie Cream Cheese, Tomato, Provolone, Served Warm On An Open-Faced Bagel | $3.00 |
| 10. Veggie Reuben Swiss, Kraut, 1,000 Island Dressing Served On Rye | $3.50 |
| 11. Veggie Club Mushrooms, Cucumber, Tomato, Onions, Lettuce, Swiss & Cheddar Served On Three Slices Of Wheat Bread | $4.00 |
| 12. Veggie Pizza Bagel Pizza Sauce, Provolone, Mild Peppers And Green Peppers Served Warm On An Open-Faced Bagel | $3.25 |
| 13. Vegetarian Sub Cheddar, Provolone, & Swiss With Mild Peppers, Lettuce, Tomato & Onion With Italian Dressing Served On A Sub Bun | $3.75 |
| 14. Veggie Bagel Hummus, Cucumber, Tomato, & Lettuce Served On A Bagel | $2.75 |
| Soups | |
| All Of Our Soups Are House Made And Change Often! Ask For The Soup Of The Day: | Cup $1.50 Bowl $2.50 |
| Sides | |
| Hummus Plate Served With Bagel Wedges | $2.50 |
| Veggie Hummus Plate Served With Cucumbers, Carrots, Celery & Bagel Wedges | $3.25 |
| Homefries | $2.25 |
| Homefries With Melted Cheddar | $2.50 |
| Potato Salad House Made | Cup $1.50 Bowl $2.50 |
| Nachos Nachos With Melted Cheddar And Salsa | $3.25 |
| Veggie Nachos Nachos With Melted Cheddar Topped With Tomato, Mild Peppers, Onions And Salsa | $3.75 |
Drinks | |
| Coke, Sprite, Diet Coke, Cherry Coke, Milk, Orange Juice, Cranberry Juice & Ginger Ale & Iced Tea | $1.00 |
| Coffee, Hot Herbal Tea | $1.00 |
January 14 – Mustard Plug
March 11 – The Queers
June 9 – Brazil
August 12 – Dead City Rejects
September 11 – The Lovekill, The Valley Arena, Bullet Train to Vegas
September 13 – Cursive
September 16 – The Independents, The Queers
September 17 – also apparently The Independents, The Queers. I’m gathering that these are possibly house bands here?
November 20 – Saboteur
December 4 – Southern Bitch, American Princes, Lucero
December 6 – Danko Jones
2006
January 3 – The Great Redneck Hope, The Post Office Gals
March 11 – Ringworm
April 2 – Municipal Waste
April 6 – Kill What I Adore, Iscariot
April 7 – High Noon Hangovers, Joey Blackheart & The Gallows, American Timebomb, Prime Directive.
April 8 – Voted For Kodos, Class of ’98, The Sess, Empathy For A Cause.
July 22 – Think I Care, Attitude, and Brace War play an early show. Then it’s Verse, Shipwreck, Have Heart, Hangtime, and The Come Up playing later.
July 23 – Monotone, I Woke Up And Did The Same Thing
July 24 – Sneakly Pinks, The Runamucks, The Feelers
July 25 – The Confidence, The Useful, Our 18th Sound Year, Sheep Sheep
July 26 – Voidgazer
September 21 – Isadora, Engulfed, Nightsoil
September 22 – B.R.A.V.O. (Buckeye Regional Anti-Violence Association) Benefit. Co-owner Roma Painter joins forces with OSU lecturer John Lanthram and another guy named Tom Brungs. Disc Doctors and The Illusionists play, and there’s also some sort of female impersonation bit going down onstage.
September 24 – DJ Self and DJ Drastic
October 21 – The Independents
November 11 – UK Subs
2007
January 6 – The Queers, Highnoon Hangovers (local), The Snot Rockets (Buffalo), The Damn Yous (local), Backseat Virgins (Alabama) somehow all play.
January 11 – The Queers
January 30 – Death Before Dishonor
February 20 – Blitzkid
February 21 – Fairmont
March 13 – Leftover Crack, Citizen Fish
May 8 – The Dollyrots
June 23 – Dead City Rejects
June 24 – The Casualties
July 12 – Teenage Bottlerocket
July 20 – Cold World
October 17 – The Independents
November 10 – The Dollyrots
2008
January 6 – The Queers
March 25 – The Watermarks
August 6 – The Dollyrots
September 11 – Death Threat
September 13 – The Gaslight Anthem
their set list is known and runs as follows:
Great Expectations
Wooderson
Casanova, Baby!
Old White Lincoln
We Came to Dance
Miles Davis and the Cool
1930
I’da Called You Woody, Joe
Angry Johnny and the Radio
The ’59 Sound
Meet Me by the River’s Edge
Blue Jeans & White T-Shirts
September 13 – Polar Bear Club, American Steel
November 6 – Dressy Bessy
2009
May 29 – The Pinstripes
September 10 – Mouth of the Architect, The Calm Blue Sea
September 23 – Nine Even
their set list:
Silent Bride
Risque or Gambit (whichever you prefer)
Gailleann
Gone, Compromise
29
Phobialairs
Search
The Guessing Game
My Closure
Terra Firma
October 14 – Me And My Arrow, The End of the Ocean
December 9 – The Queers
2010
March 13 – Scion Rock Fest hits Bernie’s. Whatever this is, I can tell it was a yearly event that lasted at least from 2009 to 2014, but in a different city each time. The 2010 edition is held in Columbus, and also includes shows at Circus, Newport Music Hall, and Skully’s.
So the bands playing at Bernie’s are Liturgy, High On Fire, Lullaby Arkestra, Black Anvil, Lightning Swords of Death, Ludicra, and Absu.
April 14 – Your Best Friend, My Ticket Home, To Kill A Monster
July 16 – Twenty One Pilots. They were just starting out and must have been the opening act, because it looks like they only played five songs: The Pantaloon, Addict With A Pen, Slowtown, Car Radio, and Trees.
2011
February 2 – The Queers
Yeah so in summary, it would seem there are just a few gaps remaining. They were after all only open for 40 years. Stay tuned, however, as I plan on updating this often.
The building itself was eventually demolished, to make way for a freaking Target. Preserving history? What? Who cares about that? Not when there’s the prospect of a big box corporate megastore to salivate over! I mean, you can’t just find those anywhere.
Well, they demolished at least the part of it that was above ground – in situations like that, I’m always curious about what happened to the portions that were subterranean, like Bernie’s in its entirety. Someone told me they simply entombed Bernie’s underneath the boring old campus Target which sits there now. I’m not sure if that’s true or not, however, but would sure love to find out. Or I guess I should say, either way, it would probably make me extremely sad.
