Posted on 1 Comment

Bernie’s Bagels & Deli/The Distillery

Bernie's-Poster-Wed-Feb-Fourth

After 40 years serving drinks, bagels, and live music, campus institution Bernie’s bit the dust on New Year’s Eve 2015 (so the early hours of 2016, if you want to get technical). More on this space will follow. But for now, below are some pictures from the night my buddy Dave Kemp decided to hold his bachelor’s party here – national indie rockers Criteria played that night, as well as our friends in local band the Handshake:

Bachelor's Party at Bernie's
Some of my other friends on a surprisingly subdued night: Todd Mason (front, hat backwards); the groom Dave Kemp (behind him, blue shirt and ball cap); then L to R next to him – Beau Huey (looking at camera), Norman Flores, Matt Montanya, Steve Simmers.

Then there is this curiosity below, which Damon and I spotted tacked to a telephone pole one afternoon on High Street. The character in this photograph is without question the elementary school guidance counselor we all had, clear up in Lexington. So the parties responsible for this flyer presumably hail from that region, although I don’t think we ever determined who this might be. And of course it doesn’t help matters any that the poster is now partially ripped:

Bernie's-Poster-Wed-Feb-Fourth
Mysterious Bernie’s poster, circa late 20th century

According to my notes this would have been February 4, 1998. A few of us got sidetracked at the Northberg Tavern and, though intending to investigate this mystery, never quite made it down there. Sadly, Bernie’s was demolished in August of 2016, meaning this riddle is unlikely to ever be solved.

*UPDATE!* I was contacted by a Connie Poppledorf who says she made this at Kinko’s, for her band at the time, the pinups. And that the second group listed – which seems to fit with the available evidence, at the ripped top edge of the flyer – would have been Koo Stark. Incredible. The people of Columbus can sleep a little easier, now that this matter has been put to rest.

Photo from epic & weird Dave Kemp bachelor party at Bernie's
Ethan Picman & Matt Montanya – reunited at last!

II.

Tony Painter and his wife Roma own Bernie’s during this era, having bought the club in early ‘95. Among their renovations was a better sound and layout. During this time, they were trying to get approved for an outdoor patio along 16th. Actually, it was apparently approved on a temporary basis, but they couldn’t get permanent permits. I don’t think they typically had any security here, though, leaving the bartenders to police the crowd. Also the bathrooms were often quite gnarly.  

Well, okay, I’m feeling ambitious and am going to attempt posting the events calendar for every year this venue was in existence. Bear with me, though, as this is bound to be a rocky ride and mighty incomplete list for quite some time. But hey, you’ve got to start somewhere:

1999

September 16: Sweep the Leg Johnny

2000

1/21 – Go (from Detroit). Eric Davidson’s review (Other Paper) is middling at best, saying they rocked it up decently, but it was all retro kitsch 70s rock type stuff. Openers 84 Nash, while not quite stellar, nonetheless fare much better. 

1/22 – Flotation Walls CD release show. The Other Paper gives it a mostly positive review. You know, I’ve seen Flotation Walls, but can’t remember if I liked them or not – then again I suppose that’s somewhat of an answer in itself. 

1/28 Nerves show (January): unruly fans launching sharp objects at band, to extent bass guitar is used as a shield. The Dishes open.  

2/1 – Sindust 

2/3 – Whippersnapper, Blatant Finger 

2/4 – Our Flesh Party, Blinder, Lylo 

2/5 – Pat Dull & His Media Whores CD release. The Pop Quiz, The Marbles also play. 

2/7 – Half Japanese 

February 28: Handsome Family, with support from local bands Lilybandits and Bygones. Jerry Dannemiller reviewed this show for The Other Paper. Though Handsome Family are headlining, Bygones play last and he was pretty impressed by their performance.

3/9 – Naca, Quantum 44 

3/10 – The Sovines, Johnny Rebel, The Cusacks 

March 14: Arab on Radar

3/21 – The Donnas. Eric Davidson reviews this show for The Other Paper and says it was insanely packed, to the extent the bodies were muffling the music. He mentions a back wall that was recently knocked down to provide more room, but it didn’t help much. Says the band was good but clearly should have played a bigger venue, praises the drummer in particular. Apparently they were whining about the unruly crowd quite a bit, however, and asked at one point “is that safe?” when someone ripped out a piece of the ceiling (I believe it was a pipe in this instance, not a tile; for ceiling tile destruction, please see the Northberg Tavern page.) Opening act Plus Ones were terrible, but that Smugglers (first trip to Cbus) were good retro fun.  

3/22 – Kosher Spears (this is actually Tim Easton) 

3/25 – The Promise Ring 

3/30 – The Rubix Wheel 

3/31 – Black Love, Grafton, Whiteouts 

4/7 – Poster Children 

4/20 – Lois 

5/4 – NRBQ, New Basics Brass Band 

5/5 – Guinea Worms CD release for You Can’t Chump This. Flipping Hades, Cheater Slicks also.  

5/22 – Sarah Dougher 

5/26 & 27: Diaphragm Records release parties for Black Love/The Creeps split vinyl EP (26th) and A Planet For Texas (27th). Superstar Rookie also plays on the 26th, along with Black Love. Planet, The Creeps, and a Ft Wayne band called The Beautys play on the 27th 

5/30 – Solex 

6/2 – Supersuckers 

6/7 – The Blacks 

7/10 – The Undead 

7/14 – Nod 

8/3 – Flotation Walls, Novac 

11/7 – Election Day punk show with Bedrockers (local) who play an upbeat but not especially original set; the Proms (local), as their name might imply, play a goofier, high school strain of punk, replete with harmonies and a couple of Nirvana covers; the Proteens are especially well received, playing lightning fast and featuring a singer with some serious pipes, which inspires the crowd to bum rush the stage; Dirt Bike Annie go over even better, as enthusiastic fans remove all their clothes, one guy is given a shot at a guitar solo, and still others commandeer the microphone for the grand finale 

2001

January 12 – Manda and the Marbles, Twin Cam, The Peabodys 

January 13 – Greenhorn reunion show, Silo the Huskie, Salthorse. All ages show, $5 entry. 

January 23 – Superstar Rookie

July 9 – Local bands The Bravado (opener) and Them Wranch (closer) play with out of state band The Cuts. In his review for The Other Paper, Rob Harvilla describes all three as being competent but semi-repetitive 1970s based guitar rock, especially when lumped together like this. 

October 5 – Rancid Yak Butter Tea Party have release party for self-titled CD, their first album. Apparently play selections from that, but also Smoof Cribinal (on recent Cringe.com/pilation), Mr. Sandman, something from Ren & Stimpy. The Bloody Matt Dillons, Washout Corp., Erin Wrong & The Do-Right opened the show  

10/11/01 – Van Worthy, Reinfield, Children of Reagan, Unibrow With a Vengeance 

10/12/01 – The Cutters, Teeth of the Hydra, Bloody Matt Dillons 

10/13/01 – The Handsome Family, Amor Belhom Duo (open), Blanche, Banjo Dave 

10/14/01 – DJ Prizm 

10/15/01 – The Liars, The Seconds, 31 Knots 

10/16/01 – K from Ida and Lenola 

10/25/01 – Truth Love Always, Track Star, Tiara 

10/26/01 – Ass Ponys, Moviola 

10/27/01 – Submachine, Jesse & The Rippers, Van Worthy, Children of Reagan, One Point Three 

10/28/01 – DJ Prizm 

10/29/01 – Fin Fang Foom, Boxcar Satan, We March 

10/30/01 – Orthrelm 

October 31 – Bernie’s Halloween Bash featuring The Everyday Heroes and others 

November 1 – Rival Schools, Walter Schreifels, Goner, Captain Obvious 

November 2 – The Chevy Chasers, two other bands. I’m at this show and you can read my review here.

December 15 – The Despicables 

Yeah so it would seem there are just a few gaps remaining. Stay tuned, however, as I plan on updating this often.