Alan and I ride over to this T.G.I. Friday’s at Kenny and Henderson, to meet Leigh and her roommate Jen for dinner. The ladies polish off a bottle of wine between them, which bodes as a tremendous precursor for our trooping up the road to this Traditions dive. And as soon as I’ve set foot inside the place, I feel as though I might have discovered my next great hangout spot.
Located just up the road from Friday’s, about a block away on Kenny Road, situated between it and the other sports bar I’ve frequented around here, Pockets, this place represents an oasis in the form of nondescript hole. And sure, there are a few televisions sprinkled throughout the precinct, mutely broadcasting a smattering of games, but that’s never the prime attraction here. Its drawing card could be its very ordinariness, the no-frills option of a bar that’s never more than half packed, where you can just sit down and pound the sodas.
You breeze in past this shoulder high bracket of retaining walls, facing a fully carpeted floor and a rectangular bar in the center of the room. A couple of pool tables to your right and a dartboard beyond, a jukebox to your left and row of booths lining the side wall of windows past it. A handful of additional tables up front, tucked in the pocket to your right, along the Kenny Road facing windows, between them and the first pool table. That’s the long and short of this cozy little cubicle of an establishment, the lighting neither bright nor dim, the patrons neither raucous nor despondent, regardless of the day or the hour.
No sooner than our first round of drinks are procured, the girls disentangle themselves from us and claim one of those video trivia machines at one corner of the bar, teaming up to tackle its demands. Alan and I immediately grab an open pool table, which isn’t a problem even on a Saturday night. Brews in hand and with nobody itching to play behind us, we take our time shooting the breeze as much as we are these cues. We’re chilling out in this manner when Speeding Motorcycle blasts out of the jukebox speakers, and the two of us nearly choke on our beers. Alan is doubled over, laughing his head off as I declare, “holy shit! That’s fucked up!” To which he can only nod his head while clutching his stomach. It’s a Daniel Johnston song we’re both familiar with, but this isn’t him singing it – a dash to the source reveals that this is Yo La Tengo on some crazy ass compilation CD.
Bored with the trivia, Jen and Leigh join us for a battle of the genders on this pool table. Though Alan’s even more crocked now, he and I mop up the floors with these two, as the night appears to be upshifting into ever more promising terrain. And then Leigh’s roommate slams the brakes on this entire outing by announcing that she has to go home to study.
“You know, if you study drunk, you have to take the test drunk,” I tell her.
She regards me with flower wilting frostiness, as if this is not only the dumbest thing she’s ever heard, but also, far more damning, that it’s really quite sad I didn’t already know the obvious fact she is about to enlighten me with. “I don’t have a test,” she states.
Leigh attempts to salvage this evening by inviting us back to their place for an afterhours, whatever this might entail. Alan’s of course covered in the nookie department, as his girlfriend’s actually in a pretty damn good mood, by appearances, but it isn’t like I’ve got anything better to do at this moment than ride over there with him. Plus, like the coiled snake you’re warned not to poke, though I’m pretty laid back most of the time, once provoked I really enjoy jumping against the cage at an icy personality like Jen’s. Continuing this rich tradition sounds splendid right about now. So we split into the same configurations by which we’d arrived, with Alan, despite his inebriated state, driving us up to Dublin in his truck.
II.
sign in front of Traditions
And now, a word about its bartenders, a random sampler of some people who have slung drinks here over the years…
Steve: Probably the funniest bartender I’ve ever met, anywhere. There were nights that our stomachs hurt after leaving this place, from all the hilarities he’d unleashed upon us. In fact it seemed like he saved his best gut busting material for the slower evenings, so you’d at least have this predictable form of entertainment, if it was a little light on the eye candy front. Leigh and Jen know Steve somehow, actually, from somewhere other than this bar. And our old neighbor Nicole does, too, as he used to date one of her good friends.
The first night I meet Steve, I’m in here with Alan and Jeff. He’s actually not working, but is rather here with some blonde chick, seated to the left of us. Bartenders are commonly fond of hanging out in the establishments where they work, even off hours, which is admittedly a little weird when you think about it – those of us who have mostly waited tables, for example, typically don’t have a habit of waltzing into our restaurants just for kicks. But he does know a ton of people here, and is getting up often to walk around, hobnobbing with everyone. Alan introduces us, and though I don’t know it, will be seeing an awful lot of Steve for the next handful of years, as this soon turns into my favorite haunt.
As for the blonde, she introduces herself as Aura, says she’s a waitress at 55 Grille on Dublin Rd. Tells us the food there is excellent, to which Steve in passing sticks his head in long enough to agree, before moving onward across the bar. Although at one point he also says to me, “you hitting on her?” and laughs, though it’s true that maybe I’ve been talking to her a bit much. Even if she too doesn’t have much better to do, considering I’m right beside her, and he keeps dipping out. Not that it matters – when Alan and I ask, considering how she raved about the food, how we might arrive up there and have her wait on us, she furrows her brow like we are a couple of idiots. With good reason, I’m sure. “You’d call up and ask if I was working,” she replies.
And now for but a sampler of some top Steve quotes:
“I took Viagra once… split that chick’s ass in half and with Viagra, when you blast, you blast. It made me one and a half times harder, a half inch to an inch longer.”
Steve commiserating to me and Alan once, about a rare cold streak with the ladies, and what will happen the next time he hooks up with one: “it’ll be like Michael Spinks, over in 39 seconds.” However, he has been dating this current chick for about a month, and thinks it will happen the next time he sees her. “Tomorrow night’s the title bout, $39.95 pay per view. I’ll let you guys watch outside through the window,” he adds.
“You guys need to check out this site called Mullets Galore. They have these pictures of the week…one was a mulletard, this guy in a wheelchair. Then they have these profiles. One guy said he was into cocaine, enemas, and fisting…I had to explain to my girlfriend what fisting was.”
“Yeah, I used to hang out with these two girls. I went over to their house one day, okay, and they were out tanning on the balcony. So I took this white tee shirt I had, cut it off so it was just half a shirt, put on nothing but a jock strap, stuffed a can of shaving cream in them and wrote PERVERT on my shirt in big black letters…I walked out to where they were sunbathing and they about died, said they’d give me twenty bucks to go stand out on the side of the road hitchhiking in that outfit…so I did! I’m standing out on Dierker in that tee shirt and jock strap…”
Another visit where Alan and I show up, this is seven months after that first mullet conversation, and Steve greets us as soon as we sit at the bar with, “I’ve got some serious mullet pictures for you guys.” He explains that his latest hobby is sneaking around out in public, stealthily snapping pictures of any mullets that he sees. His favorite recent catch is this guy who looks like “Ron Wood with a mullet,” who is French kissing some girl.
“You’re a dick!” he shouts at some dude across the bar. Then, moments later, a sappy ballad comes on over the jukebox and he places a hand over his heart, tells us, suddenly all sensitive, “this is my song, here.”
Also this exchange:
Steve: “…used to go to school with this guy named Casey Carter, he had the biggest mullet, red hair, feathered back…”
Me: “let me guess, he kept a comb in his back pocket, right?”
Steve: “…’course I used to have a mullet, too , back in high school, had this leather coat, long hair…”
Me: “drive a Camaro, did you?”
Steve: “no, a Fiero”
Drew: This establishment was always overrun with past and current coworkers, especially those who had worked with me at the Damon’s on Olentangy. There for a while Mike Soter could be found throwing darts in the corner just about every time I walked through these doors, and Adam “A-Bomb” Michael was a frequent presence as well; curiously enough, they would tell me that Chris “Mill Run” McAuley was also in here constantly, though I never once bumped into him at Traditions, even when I too couldn’t seem to resist its charms. But the strangest of these is the night some of us enter these premises, and I unexpectedly encounter my former manager Drew Forster standing behind the bar.
“Drew!” I cheer.
“Hi Jason,” he casually replies, wiping down a section of the bar top and not even really noticeably looking up, as though not the least bit surprised, even though it’s been roughly a year and a half since we crossed paths. Or is that he’s not exactly thrilled to see me? It’s true that we got off to somewhat of a rocky start at the restaurant, and he was even the first manager by a mile to write me up for an infraction. But we got along just fine beyond that point. Whatever the case, he will stick around behind the bar here for quite some time.
front view of Traditions
III.
Though it took a short while to grow on me, this bar soon came to feel like the proverbial old pair of shoes. Or maybe more like bathroom slippers, that cozy and familiar. I have easily spent more time here than any other Columbus drinking establishment. I can’t quite explain what the appeal is here, apart from maybe its simplicity and total averageness. Though I think anyone would classify this as a dive bar, it’s never been too rough or downtrodden. It is well lit and carpeted, both of which somehow enhance the appeal. There are nights where it’s packed to the gills, yet also those where you are just about the only soul, seemingly without any discernible pattern. Though you would think this the kind of place that would be haunted by nothing but a bunch of old men, the clientele has proven decidedly diverse, including that crucial demographic of the young attractive female. Incidentally, to date (as I’m sure will continue to remain the case) I have only ever had sex in the parking lot of a bar once, and it happened right here, with Robin, in a car in that side lot facing Old Henderson – although Traditions had by this point long since established itself as my favorite hangout. This wasn’t a reason why, this was an example, in part, of why I loved it in the first place.
Though I’ve never been a smoker, I did appreciate those who went to battle against “the man,” and fought this ruling, for example Traditions’ owner Dimo Kuzmanovski. He and a handful of other proprietors around town spent a couple of years (from roughly 2004-06) battling this new law, to no avail. My first visit here under the new law occurred in February 2006, and Traditions was fighting it in somewhat clever fashion: all smokers were given a plastic cup filled with water. I believe the thinking here is you could quickly douse your butt and throw this out, in case of some unplanned raid or something.
It’s unclear to me if Dimo still owns the place, but I don’t think so. I didn’t realize until doing some online research just now that this is one of five bars in a loosely connected Classics franchise. This one, which opened in 1992, is the oldest, although I’m suddenly fascinated now to learn they have one in Pickerington, also called Traditions. Considering how much time I’ve spent here, checking that one out soon feels like an absolute must.
Millennium was a club at 747 Chambers Road which opened to tremendous fanfare, in either late 1999 or early 2000. Though heavily hyped, and seeming quite trendy at the time, it got off to a rocky start and didn’t last too terribly long. To my knowledge, we only visited this establishment once – which I had forgotten about anyway, until revisiting my notes recently. I remember the night quite well, but couldn’t recall where we had actually been, despite it not being the least bit wild. Which I suppose is a neat shorthand for the Millennium experience overall.
Another Brad Miller production (following beloved Mean Mr. Mustard’s on campus), it was shooting for the fences to some extent with its very location, on that weird little detached limb of Chambers Road, the part next to the Lennox shopping center. Which isn’t really any kind of dance club hotspot, then or now. Of course, it’s easy to say in hindsight this wasn’t the greatest location, after something has failed, whereas if he’d succeeded, we’d be calling owner Miller “visionary.” But you had an inkling that perhaps not every angle had been all that well thought out, like for example the parking. As reported by The Other Paper, though the club had been hyping up its free valet parking, on at least one occasion in January of 2000, the valets were dropping cars off in the Lennox lot…which were then subsequently towed. And this would continue to be a problem, mostly for unwitting patrons who didn’t know any better.
“How pathetic do you have to be to get a kick out of towing people?” Miller is quoted as bellyaching in the 2/10/00 edition of that paper.
Our visit occurs on March 18th of this year, to celebrate Big Paul’s birthday. This kind of scene was never his cup of tea, though, so I’m not sure how we decided upon this location. It was basically just the shiniest new toy in town and, having missed out on some heavily hyped clubs in the past, we wanted to check this one out before it was too late (one curious footnote about these extremely trendy dance spots is that they almost never last very long, no matter how popular they are; I don’t know if this is bad management, or being unable to outlive a pigeonhole to one short era/scene, or pure coincidence, or some combination thereof).
My notes on this place are somewhat slim, but coherent, at least. So that’s something. I observe that it’s all “hip hop music, swirling lights, and smoke machines cranked full tilt.” Which is a pretty generic description, and would apply to many similar enterprises, here and elsewhere. One weird touch however is that they are attempting to serve somewhat fancy food offerings, which you wouldn’t at all expect in a setting like this. In fact, you wouldn’t really expect them to have a menu here at all. Someone once told me that Ohio law says you must serve some type of food in every place that pours alcohol; I’m not sure if that’s true or not, but for many establishments, a clip strip of potato chips behind the bar neatly fulfills that obligation. Another oddity concerns the kinds of events they are hosting, like one just a month earlier – Valentine’s Day no less – meant to promote The Cure’s Bloodflowers CD release. Yet this isn’t really a goth establishment per se, not to mention that band is slightly past its commercial peak. So I’m wondering how that gala went over, and if they experienced any mad gate crashing.
Though the Other Paper notes how empty the dance floor was during their visit, it’s actually decently packed for us. Then again, by this point they’ve had an extra month or so to build up additional word of mouth. The problem for us guys instead is that, however predictable, the smattering of women here are surrounded by legions of dudes. As a result you might say, I take a shine to this one barmaid, and even leave her my phone number (unsolicited, true) on a napkin – this is not at all a very common move for me, and doesn’t lead anywhere, but seemed my best bet considering the circumstances.
As of at least October ‘01, they had an ‘80s night every Friday. They had party venue space to rent, listed as anywhere from 25-600 people. All day/night from Sun-Thu, on Fri from 11am to 9pm, and Sat from 11am to 2am.
Anyway, well, yes, you can probably guess the punchline from here. I don’t think this place made it even halfway through the decade. Their motto might have been “Fun With Style,” but it seems that this style, much like the name, was already somewhat passe the moment they first opened their doors.
My first visit to the High Five Bar and Grill occurs on January 15 2000, when an all-star lineup performs AC/DC cover songs all night, as part of this “Bon-A-Thon” charity event. Among these were many friends of mine, in their recently reformed version of Bedlam. Left to right this translates as Alan Kline (drums), Brian Randolph (vocals), Paul Radick (rhythm guitar), Paul Linville (bass), and Damon Privette (lead guitar). Meeting at my apartment prior to the show, I was able to snap a few publicity photos of them, such as this one.
Unfortunately, we only decided to bust the camera out after they went through this costume wearing routine. Breaking out a bunch of random gear found in various corners of this place, Linville had on this crazy cape and purple, medieval looking vest with a matching black hat, skull and crossbones hatband. Alan throws on this business shirt, tie, and dress slacks ensemble left over from my banking days, whereas Brian takes his actual shirt off (in a foreshadowing of future, semi-controversial events) to walk around in a trench coat instead. Damon, meanwhile, brings his own crazy getup, of the very rock star-esque leather pants, but also this shiny shirt that looks red when viewed from one angle, black from another. Radick alone takes the sensible route in wearing his normal street clothes. Nonetheless, just prior to picture time, and long before the show, nearly everyone reverts back to form – Alan alone wears his borrowed costume out to the club.
I actually covered this “Bon-A-Thon” event for a short-lived Mansfield monthly, a black and white local music mag, and still have a copy somewhere. Until I stumble upon that article, though, and can crib some of that material, these notes will have to suffice. Let me say that finding out anything online about the High Five, which bit the dust in 2008, has proven extremely difficult. As always, if anyone has any info or any other hotline tips to submit, these would be most appreciated. Until then there’s my skeletal commentary here to tide you over.
Bedlam have only played Columbus on very rare occasions, such as a weekend back in January of ’96. Their stance has always been a valid one, paradoxical though it may seem: Columbus bands make far less money from the door than they would in other, smaller towns, like the ones in the Mansfield region to the north. At that time (mid 90s – early 00s) it was not unheard of for a very good band, of which they are one, to pull in at least $300 a night playing various bars around those towns. I know of at least one popular metal outfit who was making $600-$900 per outing, in podunk places like Shelby. The problem with a scene like Columbus is not just one of competition, but also a heavily ingrained culture, decades in the making. It’s common practice around here to have 3-4 bands splitting a bill, and fighting for the door. As such you would have to draw 3-4 times as many people just to bring home the same loot. Assuming you were playing for the door at all, and weren’t just being paid in skunky draft beer or something.
Whatever the case, this is for a good cause, they are mostly all AC/DC fanatics, and it promises to be a great time. There’s also the opportunity for networking and promotion, not to mention reestablishing themselves in light of one other important fact: this is the first Bedlam show in about 3 1/2 years. They actually broke up in late ’96. As such, this is not only their initial trial run since reforming, but Brian Randolph’s debut with the group. In fact, as Privette and Linville were splitting vocal duties before, this is their first attempt at having a dedicated frontman, period.
After shooting these photos, we head out in two vehicles, which translates as Kline and Linville riding with me, the other three in Radick’s car. They’re following us most of the way, although we manage to lose them somewhere along High Street, just south of campus. Though driving around a bit, looking for them, we finally park, figuring they’ll find their way somehow or another. We order a couple of pizzas from the Papa John’s down the street, then stand around outside in hopes of spotting the others. At last, they appear, walking up to us from the south on High Street. Turns out Radick had hit a pothole which somehow managed to screw up his power steering, and now the car is parked blocks away while he tries to figure out what to do.
So while Alan goes to grab the pizzas, the rest of us have no choice but to retreat to Radick’s car instead, pitch in to retrieve the rest of the equipment. Well, everyone but Brian, who insists he must remain indoors to “protect his voice.” En route, Radick’s on the phone with his dad, getting advice about the car predicament.
Back at the bar, the crowd is small at first but fills up quickly, despite a somewhat steep at the time $5 cover. Our buddy Travis Tyo shows up, though he’s not playing with own band Superstar Rookie tonight. Instead, he’s joining forces with Dan Focht of Salthorse and some other local cats. As far as friends in the crowd, Damon’s sister makes it here with one of her chick friends, Radick’s sister with a couple of her own. The ever present Sean Gardner’s wandering the premises, although I don’t recall him playing with anyone this evening. Also, in another unexpected twist, we bump into former classmate Jason Woods, despite only spotting him I think one other time in three years of living here.
As far as what’s happening on the stage, two middle-aged guys on acoustics play first. Though the purists might think this is horseshit, I kind of like the distinct spins everyone is putting on these old AC/DC chestnuts. Following them is an outfit calling itself Servants of Evel (as in Knievel), which features a redhead chick singer in a red, white and blue bikini top. After their set, I’m “interviewing” the singer for my own goofy ass purposes. She says her outfit was designed after Evel’s motorcycle logo, but of course I could have already guessed that.
Other than this, I break off from our crew for a little while and dance with some hot girl named Nicole, meet some other lady in furs. In between this, I’m getting caught up in some tiny Bedlam related drama. Brian is dealing with a case of the nerves, wants to read off lyric sheets while singing, as in literally stand there holding sheets of paper at the microphone. I’m guessing teleprompters are out of the question here. The other guys are bitching to me about it, Linville especially, but nobody has told Randolph point blank that this is out of the question. I finally decide to tactfully approach Brian, despite not having any actual dog in this fight, and tell him that he doesn’t need the lyric sheets, because nobody pays attention to the words anyway.
And yet he takes these pieces of paper up with him regardless. But it doesn’t really matter, as Bedlam go over extremely well, playing a five song set of the classics: Big Gun, Gone Shootin’ and Shot Down In Flames I know for certain, as well as two others. The only blemish proves to be Randolph’s doing, although this particular development blindsides everyone, has nothing to do with the lyric sheets: at some point in their set, he whips off his black tank top, and is standing there shirtless. As in, he thinks that the chicks will be impressed by his wicked buff bod or something. I am hanging out near the stage when this happens and witness the whole thing. Kline and Linville tell him straight up that if he ever does this again, he will be immediately fired.
They have a point, considering that I actually hear girls in my vicinity groan when this transpires. But, I don’t know, it sure seems like certain personality types are drawn to certain roles within a band, and this is what you’re signing up for if you decide to take on a front man. From a performance standpoint he can certainly deliver the goods, except, well…you might have to endure some cheesy moments, such as this. I still think it’s a mostly worthwhile tradeoff.
As soon as their set ends, I make a bee line for the bar, and bump into Jason Woods yet again. We’re leaning against the bar, with our backs to the stage, chatting about our current jobs, when the announcer guy congratulates Bedlam from the stage. At which point Woods just about chokes on his drink, at the shock value in hearing that name. He has talked to the guys a little bit here, of course, but apparently didn’t realize that they were still going by Bedlam, as they were clear back in the early high school days, nearly a decade ago.
“Are they still using that name?” he marvels, though that is obviously the case.
In other developments, there’s this Arty guy who is connected to High 5 in some capacity, playing bass for Pat Dull & His Media Whores. He’s wearing this very shiny outfit and they go over extremely well, in fact I would say they are the crowd favorite. Travis and his thrown together crew play a killer set, too. They all wore plain white tee shirts here, because the original plan was to spit fake blood during their set; that plan was eventually scrapped, and yet the tee shirt look prevailed anyway.
Melissa and her sidekick are bored to tears at this point, announce they’re heading out. But Shelly and her very attractive friends are having a great time, in fact they are talking about partying with us at my pad afterwards. So Damon and I spring for a bunch of carryout beer. Even Radick, who has pounded a few ales and is pumped up about their seamless return to form, is in buoyant spirits, says fuck the car, he’ll worry about that tomorrow. We’re trying to talk Travis into riding out to my apartment, too, but he explains he lives in Grandview and isn’t about to drive that far tonight.
Then, after we’ve already bought the damn beer, the girls back out and leave. This means that the six of us, their equipment, and the carryout beverages must all fit in my Geo Storm, as we drive halfway across town. Somehow, we just barely manage to pull this off.
Okay, so that’s all I have at the moment on the High 5. Over the years to follow, however, I will attend countless other shows here, which I hope to transcribe in the near future. In the meantime, all I can tell you is that this place was sold in late 2008 to a few guys around town, including the owners of Skully’s and somebody from Ravari Room. They began remodeling the interior, but only got around to formally rebranding it as Circus in early 2009. So there’s that, and there’s also this mighty incomplete events calendar, which is all I’ve been able to cobble together thus far:
Year 2000 Events Calendar:
January 14: New Bomb Turks
February 1: Plague Daddy, which is some kind of free techno show
February 3:Pfifer, The Marbles, Mr. Earl
February 5: Gossamer, Low Sunday, Monster in Your Closet
February 7: Spoken Word Night. Either that or this is the name of a band – which, come to think of it, wouldn’t be a bad marketing strategy.
February 8: Plague Daddy techno again
February 10: Superstar Rookie, 84 Nash, Pat Dull and the Media Whores. I attend this show but must admit to not remembering many specifics.
February 11: Templeton, Prospect, and Silo The Huskie
February 12: Anger Nation and Crush Effect
February 14: At least some people theoretically spent Valentine’s at High 5, where Tixeon DJ is plying his wares.
February 18: Combine, Sporadic Still, God Thought
February 19: The Mendalsonics, The Sovines, and The Wahoos
February 21: Tixeon DJ again.
February 22: Plague Daddy again.
February 23: The Vague and Mr. Earl
February 25: Gigolo Skills and Miranda Sound
February 26: Dubok vs. Evolution Control Committee, whatever this is.
March 9: Superstar Rookie, May/June, Pat Dull & his Media Whores
March 10: Templeton, Beta Roric, Rancid Yak Butter Tea Party
March 30:Green Sky Grey, Season’s End, Turnbull
March 31:Jive Turkeys, Jack Neat, Lylo
April 21: The Breakdown
May 9:Furnace St. and Chew’s Eye Shop
August 5: Ronnie Dawson
Year 2001 Events Calendar
January 14 – New Bomb Turks, Cult of the Psychic Fetus
March 3 – Owen Grey, The Stapletons
March 4 – Punk Rock Matinee beginning at 6pm. Features Nothing to Lose, Innocence Lost, The Creeps and more
March 5 – Man Planet, Hex on Wheels, Neverwhere, Japanic
March 6 – Punchy, Trapper John
March 7 – In Motion w/ DJ Eric D, Rotating E.D. Prodagy, Noah Nine
March 8 – The Urban Funk Ordinance, HeeVahAva, Amara
March 9 – The Flux featuring members of Gunga Din, Gil Mantra Party Dream, Jack Diesel
March 10 – Silver Star, Phantom 13, Something Said
March 11 – another Punk Rock Matinee. This one features Jessie & the Rippers, Little Orphan Anarchey (sic), The Brute AFO, 5 Foot Nothing
March 12 – Cee Knowledge & The Cosmic Funk Orchestra (tentative)
March 13 – Pop Sound Lounge
March 14 – Jeremia Grotto, The Husher
March 15 – Basrtard Squad, Hex on Wheels
March 16 – Jessie & the Rippers, Criminal Authority
March 17 – The White Outs, Bob City, A Planet For Texas
March 18 – Punk Rock Matinee again. This time it’s Rancid Yak Butter Tea Party, Half Barrel, 12oz Rebels
March 20 – Pop Sound Lounge
March 21 – Leveled, Diluted
March 23 – Doors-A-Thon for the Open Shelter
March 24 The Cusacks (plus unnamed support act(s))
March 25 – Punk Rock Matinee. Face Down, Burning Dawn, The Creeps, Innocence Lost
March 27 – Pop Sound Lounge
March 28 – In Motion w/ DJ Eric D
March 29 – Mercy Township and unnamed support act(s)
March 30 – Pat Dull & Media Whores (tentative)
March 31 – Ohio Punk From 2001 (part 1). Starts at 5pm and is an all day showcase. Innocence Lost, 12oz Rebels, Time has Come, The Creeps, Lazy American Workers, Blatant Finger, LegBone, ScallyWagon, 2% Talent, The Echoes, The Throbs, In Common, The Hitchcocks, Jerkwater Jive, Ska Blue plus Food, Drink, Videos, DJ.
October 11 – One Drop, Trailer Park Ninjas
October 14 – 5 Hand Gang, Speed Devils
October 15 – karaoke
October 16 – DJ Kinkey Doll, DJ Kahkai
October 25 – Lowdown, Unlearned, Soma, High More Body
October 26 – Urn, Gossimer, Josh Roxxx
October 27 – Trailer Park Ninjas Halloween Party
October 28 – 60 Watt Jackass, Crooked Country, Two Cow Garage, Full Custom Time Bombs (or is it Full-Custom Tim, and F Bombs?), Ukelele Man. Different ads list slightly different lineups, though, so it’s possible some of these acts didn’t play.
October 29 – karaoke
October 31 – Separation of Terms, More Plastic
November 2 – Cringe CD release after party. They are also judging and announcing winners for a new logo contest. According to one ad, the owner’s predelections are “jack of hearts, guitar, guns, voluptuous women.” Local musicians, artists, media, and owner comprise the judging panel. I’m not sure how it turned out, although hopefully it solved the High Five/High 5 disparity – they usually display their name as High 5, but events calendars usually list them as High Five. I like the way High Five looks better personally, but I understand the thinking behind the other, official name, considering this is near the corner of High and 5th.
Year 2006 Events Calendar
January 2 – punk rock karaoke. This is a Monday, and they have the exact same thing booked for all Mondays, so you get the drill. I won’t be listing them all. Someone named GURU hosts these things and the bar features half price pitchers on PBR, Bud, Bud Lite.
January 5 – Somany Dynamos, I Against The Tower. This is an early show.
January 6 – Houses, Ashley Creek, Cale, Autumns Last Romance. This is an early show.
January 7 – Chris Mills and the New Miserable Bastards, Two Cow Garage, Chris McCoy and the Gospel
January 8 – at 2pm Jack Rinella hosts the first NLA meeting of the year, revolving around the topic of “Bedroom Play.” This has something to do with folks who are into leather for spicing up their sex life. A $2 door charge contributes to the cause.
Much later, there’s a good ol’ fashioned music show featuring Peelander Z, Marvin The Robot, and Ali Zjana.
January 12 – Deadwillrise, Harlots, Burning Love Letters.
January 13 – Audible Detonation (the bar’s website at this time raved about the band, saying, “High Five loves this band! They’re crazy, they’re fun, they’ll make you dance.”), The Real California (which features Ron and Don from The Peachbones.)
January 14 – Rapfest twin bill with both Kadiz and Lyrical having a CD release party.
January 15 – Girls Girls Girls, One Step Ahead
January 16 – Possibly Cyborgs play an early show. This is before the punk rock karaoke juggernaut lumbers to its feet.
January 17 – Femme Fatality, The Colour Scheme, The Stock Market Crash, Anna Ranger
January 19 – Day 9, Lead the Children to the Slaughter, An End To All This
January 20 – MC battle
January 21 – Kati’s graduation party, from 5-9pm. Then the Evolved Kings Of Rock hoedown, hosted by columbusparty.com and featuring at least 8Kount, Simply Waiting, possibly others.
January 24 – They start (at least I think it begins here) this new thing that sounds kind of cool, Tuesday Amateur Nights. Lasting from 8 to 10, it costs $15 to register, though this does get you passes for two guests to come watch you play. It says they are using “Apollo style judging,” whatever that means, and the winner gets $150. Will repeat on future Tuesdays hereafter.
January 25 – following an open dodgeball night at nearby Thompson Rec Center, there’s an afterparty here at the bar. Optional $1 donations are encouraged and it runs from 8-10pm.
January 26 – A dance party called UNDERGROUND, which is also known as Less Than Zero, features what sounds like someone spinning classic records ranging from Britpop to punk to new wave and so on. No cover charge. It will repeat as a recurring event on most but not all Thursday nights.
January 27 – Novemberkills plays an early show. Then later there’s a packed set at normal hours with Jonathan Burgess, Wake Up, The Blue Eyed Gunslingers, Asthmo, and Supersonic Theory.
January 28 – multi-level Battle of the Bands begins tonight. There are 3 rounds of competition, with the next occurring on Feb 25 and Mar 25. A list of the known participants: Dissonant Hatred, Occams Razor, Study of Revenge, Once Pure, Caje, Halo Effect, Sour Blood, Pollock, Ripcord, 1 Point 3, Bishop.
First place, which I’m guessing isn’t handed out until the final night in March, includes a sponsorship deal with Rockstar Energy Drinks, 10 hours of recording time, a music video filmed by Columbus Productions, press kit submissions to major labels, prizes from Evolved Body Art, and an unspecified cash windfall.
Second place nets prizes from Evolved Body Art and a press kit from Columbus Productions, but what also might be the most bizarre/hilarious reward for any such competition, ever: they will film half of a music video for you. How does that work, exactly? I am now dying to know how this turned out and what the finish product wound up looking like.
January 29 – Battle Of Gettysburg, Triceratops
February 1 – Shuttlecock, Freedom
February 3 – some sort of Myspace party. DJs, drink specials, and no cover charge.
February 4 – so this is something else new they are starting, which is a “Psychedelic Supper” on Gallery Hop nights (first Saturday of every month.) Running from 5-9pm, it will feature a meal, of course, but then followed by live music from Mas Bagua – this is presumably the psychedelic part, and not anything you will be ingesting.
February 5 – quite the action packed day here. First, from 1-5pm, there’s a rugby party hosted by Scioto Valley and OSU’s teams. Then there’s a Super Bowl gathering later, featuring 25 cent wings, the game itself of course, a halftime draft for what I’m guessing is a fantasy football league organizing this event (called the QuarterBack Club), and then afterwards DJs Alan Greenspin, Detox, and Kenny Ki scratching records or whatever it is they do.
February 6 – the usual Monday night punk rock karaoke thing has been upgraded, tonight only, to Strip Tease Karaoke. Hosted by “local hotties” the Project X Girls.
February 7 – and now the weekly Tuesday amateur night is followed by a proper show, featuring Circle Takes The Square, Junius, and Freedom.
February 8 – Old English, MOB, We Rise Records, Sangreal
February 10 – In what is to be a multi-week installment, donewaiting.com kicks off its 3 year anniversary party. One thing that’s odd about this is they don’t appear to have written about the shows at any point on their actual blog. Like I could find nothing, before or after, relating to these events in the slightest. Then again, can I reasonably claim there have never been any bizarre and baffling marketing lapses in my own half-baked strategies? Not exactly. But anyway, Sweetheart, Houseguest, The Six Parts Seven, and Beaten Awake are the scheduled performers for tonight. Celebrations will continue on the next two Fridays as well.
February 11 – Marah, a band Stephen King is apparently really into. Unless this is a made-up quote.
February 12 – Mice Parade, Pompeii, This Morning, and Elephants Gerald
February 16 – speakerFIRE, Listed M.I.A., Lest Still Bleeding, and Probably Cyborgs play an early show. Then Edith Frost, The Zincs, and Tiara play one at the proper time.
February 17 – Donewaiting’s celebrations extravaganza continues with Little Darlings, 333, Mixtape vs. Atakbot, and Apocalypso as the scheduled acts.
February 18 – An early show features 1931 (for a CD release), Kill What I Adore, Gone To Graceland, and The Bloodstain Prophecy. Then much later, at 11pm, there’s a Rapfest with acts, in running order, Infinite, Lyrical and the Association, L-Marr The Great, Blackhouse, Streetkor, Distinct1, and Swift all on a tightly wound schedule. Tito 6, who was recently signed to Shady Aftermath, makes a special guest hosting appearance. Doors open at 9, though, with DJ Carma spinning records for a couple hours. $5 cover, $1 drafts, $2 imports, $5 uh, Hennesey and Heineken combo? That’s what the ad says.
February 19 – something which didn’t happen but has me intensely curious about it, and thus I will list here anyway: Report Suspicious Activity, The Bomb, and Early Empire were supposed to play, but the show was cancelled.
February 22 – The Black Angels, The Slide Machine
February 24 – Donewaiting’s anniversary wraps up with Envelope, The Evil Queens, Miranda Sound, and Necropolis
February 25 – the three part battle of the bands (from January 28) continues. Group B so to speak features the acts Azygous, Templetons Zeal, Day Nine, The Nothings From Nowhere, Addison Iane, The Most Beautiful Losers, An End To All This, Caption, Triceratops, and Mystic Syntax
March 1 – Curt Kirkwood of Meat Puppets fame plays a solo gig here. The Rackets open for him.
March 3 – not entirely sure what’s happening here, but it sounds pretty awesome. “Columbus Dude Band Extravaganza,” says it is starring Freedom, Pretty Weapons, Sweetheart, and a couple other acts. Come hear us sound like your dad is the tagline for the show, listed on the High Five events calendar. In other news, something billing itself as Nicks Shit Fit is also on the docket, though it’s unclear if this is related to the dude band blowout or what. All we have to go on by way of description is that this is a “doom patrol” of some sort.
March 4 – the whole Mas Bagua/Psychedelic Supper thing, tying in with the Gallery Hop, happens again from 5-9pm. After that, you are encouraged to “come enjoy the hospitality of the OSU Women’s Rugby team,” heh heh, from 9 o’clock onward. This is related to some Arnold’s Fitness Classic afterparty that they are hosting here.
March 6 – Strip Tease Karaoke again, featuring Project X Girls and free giveaways. This seems to be a first Monday of the month occurrence, an appendage to the punk rock karaoke on all other Monday nights.
March 8 – another dodgeball afterparty
March 10 – The Life And Times, Russian Circles, and local band Miranda Sound.
March 11 – Desolate Mindframe, A Vicious Cycle, Life Shot, Study Of Revenge
March 12 – An extensive early show featuring Valencia, Time and Distance, Dusty Innocenti, Five Year Breakup, and Levi
March 14 – Psyclon Nine, The Brown Notes. DJ FailSafe opens.
March 15 – The Receiver, Eagle Seagull, Pirate
March 16 – Folly, The Static Age, Paulson play an early show, followed by the whole UNDERGROUND dance party thing
March 17 – the latest Evolved Kings Of Rock with a bill of Ryan Smith and the Agency, Bullet Jones, Nicholas Williams. Before that, there’s an early show involving The Junior Varsity and the awesomely named Small Towns Burn A Little Slower.
March 18 – and now the latest Rapfest. Distinct1, Forever Fam, Catalyst vs Kadiz, RNS, and Lyrical are the performers. DJ Carma is “dropping straight hip hop sets,” whatever that means, during the interludes.
March 19 – Simply Waiting and All Left Out
March 21 – Kiss Me Deadly
March 22 – Aloha, Kopaz, and Jon Chinn
March 24 – Haram with opening act Freedom
March 25 – At 3pm, the Scioto Valley RFC rugby team has their social event here. Later, the third and final night of that multistage Battle Of The Bands (January 28, February 25) concludes with the finalists pulled from the first two shows. The roll call is as follows: Azygous, An End To All This, Occams Razor, Once Pure, Day Nine, Mystic Syntax, A Vicious Cycle, Caje, Ripcord, Study of Revenge. Although at present, I haven’t discovered who won.
March 26 – an early show that appears to be some traveling horde from Portland, Oregon. At least four and probably all five bands hail from there: Privacy, A John Henry Memorial, The Watery Graves of Portland, TI-83, and Thanksgiving.
March 28 – Premature Burial, The Bloodstain Prophecy, 4th Plague
March 29 – at 8pm, the Ohio Roller Girls conduct their league meeting here. This gives way to a show headlined by My Way My Love (all the way from Japan), opening acts 333, Church of the Red Museum, and Kim Chi
March 30 – an early all ages show featuring The Joggers and Oxford Collapse. Then later UNDERGROUND again.
March 31 – another Rapfest
April 1 – Gallery Hop deal with Mas Bagua again. Also something called Funk Fashion featuring J Rawls. Cosmo martini specials are in store for the lucky visitor.
April 2 – Liz Janes is in town and is joined by a free jazz group called Create (!) – and yes that exclamation is part of the name, not my doing. Half-handed Cloud and Parker Paul are also on the bill.
April 3 – something called “hold” is listed as the early show. Later comes the strip tease karaoke business.
April 4 – A duo called Dangerzone, which features Amos Famous and Bru Lei, graces the stage. Kru Kid is also in the mix somewhere.
April 5 – a show featuring 1 Point 3, Black Cobra, and the incredibly named If He Dies He Dies.
April 6 – Racebannon, Gospel, Freedom all play. There’s also that Underground dance party business at some point, either before or after or between these bands.
April 7 – Centro-Magic, Great Lake Swimmers, and Two Cow Garage play. That last one is touting itself as “the last rock and roll band.” I like these guys, but that’s a bit much.
April 8 – Call Me Lightning and I Against The Tower play an early show. Later, there’s a “Skatetillion Ball” offering patrons the chance to meet the various teams of the Ohio Roller Girls League: Band Of Brawlers, Take Outs, Blackeyed Bullies, and Sprockettes. DJs Moxy and Drastic soundtrack this soiree.
April 9 – This month is littered with dates on the High Five website’s event calendar where they have an entry marked “hold (rd)” or in one instance “hold (nw)” as it was on April 3 also. I have no idea what this means, but today is one such day. It’s possible this is some kind of TBD designation that they used internally and only made sense to them. So while it’s possible this is the name of some performer, I’m guessing no.
There is an early show listed however featuring Capital Tragedy, November Kills, Triceratops, and Philo.
April 12 – Torche and The Sword
April 14 – An event for some entity called columbusparty.com
April 15 – A tribute night in honor of the Uncle Tupelo/Wilco/Son Volt family tree of music. I’m not sure exactly which performers were involved, however.
April 17
John Vanderslice is in town for a gig, with Wooden Wand for support. There’s also a punk rock karaoke just like all other Mondays. Here’s my notes on the show:
Opening act (must be Wooden Wand) is this bland folk trio with a hot skinny brunette singing mostly unnecessary backups to main guy; she sang lead some and sounds good but her background vocals – not harmonies – pretty, yet thin, mostly just echo same note guy was singing, or close to it.
Anyway, JVS: every bit the disheveled weirdo I’d hoped. Drummer is this dark haired stocky guy, Dave, vaguely looks like a car mechanic to me, but rocks; lanky bass player with Tony Allmon haircut, also named Dave, also rocks. In fact although I was expecting a somewhat tinny sound, the whole band rocks it up to a surprising degree. Keyboard player curly red Sammy Hagar type poodle-do, somewhat of a big nose (drinks Capt N’ Coke, though, I notice), nice vintage equipment; John plays some sweet hollow body guitar with f-holes.
The band is in a jovial mood. John says t hey have “about 70 songs” to pick from; takes requests throughout show but mentions this an asks if it’s “okay” if they don’t know that song perfectly, but try it anyway. He also mentions they hit Cleveland twice on their last tour – 2 different stops – but skipped Columbus entirely. Until he got so many emails he knew he had to come here this time around. And is blown away by reception, says, “we’ll have to come here every time now.”
And then polls the crowd with a serious question, asking, “what’s the largest city in Ohio?”
“C-bus!” most everyone shouts.
“C-bus,” the bass player repeats, chuckles, looking at John, “I like that.”
They’re also cackling over a song that John says he just heard for the first time last night and is totally smitten with, it’s that J-Kwon rap number about e-body in the club gettin tipsy. He doesn’t seem to know that this song is about 2 years old. The bass player even beckons this kid up from the crowd – some well dressed young Asian lad – to speak that line into the mic. John then mentions the punk rock karaoke they’re having after this show (it’s an early one, started at 8) and promises they’ll hang around, fire this cut up for the occasion (he has the CD with him).
As far as their own material, they play Keep Dream Alive, Time Travel, that song about you’re a stripper now…in New Orleans, and I would say about 1/3 of the songs are familiar. Regarding this bar, our Rolling Rocks are cheap; there’s this huge mural on the wall behind the stage, end to end: pirates, galleons, sea serpents, etc, very heavy on the blues and purples and blacks. Band keeps equipment in chill out alcove accessible both from stage and hall – video game blocked in.
Smoking patio out back now. They still serve food here, the bartenders fighting through the crowd with plates, which seems ridiculous given the size of this mob. I’m sure they hate it. As promised, as soon as the gig is up, the J-Kwon cut is thrown on and the band mingles with us for a bit.
April 20 – You Will Die perform, and otherwise there’s an Underground dance party just like all other Thursdays.
April 21 – Fine Dining and The Proper Nouns play.
April 22 – Another Scioto Valley RFC rugby team social event, beginning at 3pm
April 23 – Capital Tragedy play another early show, joined this time by Inked In Blood, Hand to Hand, and 1931.
April 26 – High On Fire, Goatwhore, and Waiting To Die. A solid Wild Oats contingent and other assorted associates are in attendance.
April 28 – first there’s an early show featuring Bottom Line, Break Away, and The Aesthetics. Later, a Tribal Night hosted by Raks Jahanni, with special guests Snakes Rising
April 29 – Scioto Valley’s rugby squad convenes here again, at 3. Later there’s a CD release party for Aether.
May 1 – a bit confused because according to their events calendar, tonight is a party celebrating their 2nd anniversary. But I’ve been coming here since early 2000 and they were certainly in business before then, for who knows how long. So was this place closed at one point? Did it change hands or undergo a remodel/rebrand? That could maybe explain the switch from apparently preferring High 5 in the early days, to styling it as High Five in more recent ones. Whatever the case, it’s also a party for Evolved’s sixth year in Columbus, with the whole Strip Tease Karaoke thing a-happenin’
May 5 – Thought Set and a Cinco De Mayo party
May 6 – Mas Bagua and the whole Gallery Hop thing
May 12 – First, an early show featuring Bloodstain Prophecy, Every Bridge Burned, The Devil Wears Prada, and 1931.
Then later it’s a bash celebrating Sean’s birthday. Freedom, Tree Of Envelope, and Pat Minotaur are on the docket.
May 13 – Desolate Mindframe, Lifeshot, Stapled Mouth Shut, Axiomatic, Human Incineration
May 14 – An early show involving Chiodos, Number 12 Looks Like You, Lorene Drive, and The Blackout Pact
May 19 – First another early show, this time with Clearview Kills, Near Miss, and The Finals. This is followed by a BA Baracus CD release event, with Earwig and Welcome To Bangkok also on the bill.
May 20 – Weightless Records, a local hiphop label, stages an all ages show. The Other Paper reviews this in the issue that follows. According to the piece written by Rick Allen, Blueprint leads off the show by explaining that the format will be somewhat unusual, in that everyone will only be performing a couple songs apieces. “Tonight, everyone is headlining,” he is quoted as saying.
Greenhouse Effect kicks things off, with Amos Famous in the role of DJ, and are described as only okay; Blueprint, Manifest, Envelope, and Zero are all given high marks, however.
May 24 – Phobia, Electro Quarterstaff, Disfear, Misery Index, Strong Intention, Bohemian Grove
May 25 – Hempfest Fundraiser. Bum Wealthy, RTFO Bandwagon, Fists Of Fusion, and Doug Guttenberger are the listed acts.
May 26 – Growing Thrones. (Kranky) is also listed off to the side, in the High Five ads, whatever that means.
May 27 – Battle Of The Bands. Last Minute Messiah, Life Shot, House Of Cards, and Threshold Of Pain are the listed acts. Doors open at 5pm.
May 28 – 30 OT 6, Left 4 Dead, and Grey Scale
June 2 – Infinite Number Of Sounds, Ocean Ghosts, Electric Grandmother
June 10 – early show is Queen Anne’s Revenge, A Vicious Cycle, and Azygous. Late show is Foley.
June 11 – early show is Jetpack U.K. Late show is Yekrats, Winston Jazz Routine, One Life Lost, and Statebird.
June 17 – an early show featuring The Fold
June 24 – another battle of the bands
June 25 – Dysrythmia, Behold The Arctopus, Idiedtrying
it seems redundant to list these, when I already have the picture
July 29 – battle of the bands
August 2 – Only Flesh, Mankind Is Obsolete, Ohm Ghost
August 26 – battle of the bands
September 21 – an early show features Much The Same, God As A Bullet, Wars Of The Future, Houseguesst, and False Alarm. Then there’s a late show with Beaten Awake, Brainbow, and Houseguest again.
September 22 – Byzantine, Demiricous, Shocking Jesus, Cadavary Spasm, A Chaotic Dream
September 23 – From 6 to 9pm there’s something called A Bossa E Nossa which ties in with Jaime’s birthday party. Then later Homegrown Hero headlines a local talent celebration including Clutterhouse, Derk Vana, Rese Jhordan, The Damnits, W.D.K., Dan Swartwout, and Barry Lanier
September 26 – Asia’s Hope, which has something to do with a skreened.com launch party. Peachcake, Less Pain Forever, Matt Beckler, Cale, and Stealing Bismarck are also here.
September 30 – battle of the bands
October 14 – Curtis Vodka show. He is a DJ from Alaska.
October 28 – battle of the bands
November 1 – something they are calling BEATLOUNGE.
November 2 – Outlook First Thursdays at High Five evidently begins here, whatever this is. The Yekrats are the featured act.
November 3 – Burn In Silence, Year Of Desolation, A Love Ends Suicide
November 4 – there’s an Urban Sound Showcase, and also the Scioto Valley rugby team has its latest social.
November 5 – Jack Rinella is here from 1-4pm
November 6 – the punk rock karaoke thing is still going on, as it is every Monday
November 10 – Fetish Under Glass from 5-9pm. I think this might be an art exhibit, not a band.
November 11 – Gear Pit runs from 3-9pm. If I’m reading this correctly, it involves the following acts: Razor Key Exit, Garblejunk, Only Flesh, Darkness Undying, CC Manded, Dark Monarchy, Mystic Syntax, Remains Of Eden.
Then at 10pm there’s something called Pornucopia staged by Students Pursuing Avant Garde, with DJ Daddy Whorebucks performing.
November 12 – A Chaotic Dream, Human Incineration
November 14 – Los Burbanks
November 16 – Searius Add
November 17 – the DownFront Beat Michigan Rally, with musical guests What We Are, Trailing Grayson, Downplay, The Andy Shaw Band, and Vinyl
November 18 – The Wild Breed Boys
November 23 – Misery Index, Swarm Of The Lotus, Intronaut, Premature Burial, Human Incineration. I’m going to take a wild guess that these acts are not performing the top 40 hits of today.
November 24 – Brazilian Night! Featuring $3 Caipiranhas all night, and special guest Magia Tropical
November 25 – Tribal Night! Once again somehow featuring $3 Caipiranhas all night, and special guest Magia Tropical. But then a Brazilian acoustic segment begins at midnight.
November 30 – Rikets, Only Flesh, and An End To All This
December 1 – DownFront Holiday Benefit Show. Proceeds go to Toys For Tots and the Franklin County 2nd Harvest Food Bank. The Damnits, Morning Round, and Exceptional Edward perform.
December 2 – another Urban Sound Showcase
December 3 – Level C has their CD release party here, even though they actually hail from Cleveland.
December 4 – Strip Tease Karaoke celebrates its one year anniversary.
December 5 – another Outlook First Thursday
December 8 – Ryan Smith, Your Favorite Assassin, Pike
December 9 – DEJAVU Latin Fusion Rhythms
December 15 – the second DownFront Holiday Benefit Show. This one has Zomo, The American Imports, and Blackcoin on the bill.
December 16 – third and final of the DownFront shows. Cardinal Hill, The Andy Shaw Band, and Downplay take the stage this time around.
December 25 – Santa Claus Karaoke!
December 29 – Magia Tropical
December 30 – Tribal Night
I guess I forget that they actually served food at this place. Then again wasn’t this a late night destination for such? Like people would go here late for 3am breakfast? In late 2008 local bar owners Skully (Skully’s) and Mike (Ravari Room) purchased the place. It was remodeled and renamed, possibly to Circus. The kitchen had closed by this point.
Well, I can’t even believe it. But I just found out DiMarco’s is gone, replaced by something called The Crescent Lounge. In what strikes me as comical yet fitting fashion, though, they seem to have kept half of the DiMarco’s marquee sign intact and unchanged – that entire right side, where it says LIVE MUSIC in white letters on a black background, POOL DARTS & PINBALL below it in red on a white background. Funnier still, though passing underneath this sign countless times, and though I can see some Facebook posts talking about live music…if you had asked me, I would have guessed they did not have live music here, because I can’t remember seeing any in the hundreds of hours I’ve spent in this place.
At least Ange’s Pizza next door is still an ongoing operation, and that corrugated blue header that runs atop this tiny strip (it presently includes Quenching Caverns Drive Thru and Northwest Cleaners as well) continues to visually tie this era to that of previous occupants. And what difference does a name make, anyway, right? Though I knew DiMarco’s previous owners, from coming in here often, and am sad they no longer have this, otherwise I’m thinking little has probably changed. Probably the same vibe, and many of the same regulars. Nonetheless, something about a change like this inevitably leads you to a stroll down memory lane…
DiMarco’s is a simple dive bar with a pair of real dartboards along the back wall, one pool table near the front picture window and not much else. Booths around the rim, and wobbly mismatched tables in the middle, square and shoved together in blocks of two or three. Jukebox topheavy with 1980s hair metal the clientele has never stopped listening to, one large screen television between the pool table and the entrance. This place might not have much of that elusive element, class, but enough that nobody’s cracking someone else over the head with a pool cue. Everyone here’s a friend, including the squat blonde middle aged barmaid Jan, quick to smile, her slightly pudgy right hand man Zerby, wiry black curls distributed sparsely across his prematurely balding pate, large black eyeglasses lending him the appearance of an owl. They are always here, I’m told. A schedule as religious as the price slashes they apply each trip to the bar, just because we know Doug and the Yanik sisters.
This has at no point ever been my favorite bar in town, but I sure have spent a ton of time here, nonetheless. Enough friends who lived up this way did consider it their top spot, to where the rest of us wound up here constantly by default. There’s so many random memories swirling around my head about this place, as is often the case, that it’s difficult to determine what episodes or details to share.
I know I’ve spent at least two Halloweens here, including the 2001 edition. As far as other memories are concerned…Roy, Doug Fogle and I once caught a ride here in a pizza delivery girl’s pickup, in an absolute downpour. A bunch of us had been at Polo’s and virtually everyone else in our crew already left on foot for DiMarco’s. By virtue of hanging around just a smidgen too long, the three of us are caught up in this rain, though we don’t know it until stepping out the front door.
“Hey,” Roy says, spotting a pizza joint next door, “let’s wait in there until this lets up.”
We walk over and begin rattling the locked glassdoor.The lights are still on, there are two girls working behind the counter, and an Asian couple is milling around in the lobby.So what gives?Finally, the Asian lady strides over and unlocks the door, to the visible consternation of both employees.
“We’re closed,” one of the girls calls out as our motley trio staggers in. Apparently, the two ladies were making up one last order for this couple, and that was to be the end of their night.
“Here,” the other, nicer girl offers, a modest looking brown haired chick, “we’ve got two whole pizzas left over – you guys can have them.”
We thank her in an appropriately profuse fashion, and Roy hands a pie each to Fogle and me. Then he lays three dollar bills on the counter before we leave just as abruptly as we came, and in no better shape.The rain hasn’t abated any yet here the three of us are standing beneath the same awning, except encumbered now with the additional weight of two pizzas.
The nice girl bursts through the glass door, jogging to a nearby truck, expertly toting a piping hot pizza bag in one hand which bears the well known company logo.One last delivery, it seems, before her night is through, before she can wash her hands of fools like us – that is, until her next shift in hell comes calling.
“Hey, can you give us a ride up to DiMarco’s?” Roy shouts across the parking lot, long after she’s passed us. She’s standing beside her truck now, fishing for keys, and offers no immediate reaction to the question, or whether she’s even heard it.
“I’m not supposed to,” she shouts back to us, “but okay. Come on!”
Sprinting over to join this chick before she changes her mind, Roy jumps into the shotgun seat while Fogle and I are left sitting like a pair of rain drenched idiots in the bed. She tears out of the parking lot and only then do I realize we’re still holding the pizzas, also, too moronic to keep them inside the truck with Roy.Still, weighing the pros and cons of this arrangement stacks up well for us, better than walking, and the cardboard boxes somehow fare better in the rain than we do.
Two minutes later, we arrive at DiMarco’s. Roy and Fogle sprint inside, while I stop to have a few kind words with our driver.Inviting her to either come in for a drink or else swing by Doug’s apartment later, though she laughs off each suggestion before driving away. I have no choice but to join the others, now, and meet them inside.
II.
I happen to remember the night Damon first met the Yanik sisters, too, for whatever reason, even though nothing about it is all that remarkable. I think this is because we’d been in town for almost a year, and Alan and I both had already enjoyed some scattered bedroom adventures with Lisa, not to mention partied with these people an unholy amount for months on end. Yet here our third roommate had somehow not even made their acquaintance, not only the sisters but this entire crew.
Then again, our lives are often more compartmentalized than we think. Coworkers we’ve worked beside for years upon years, though they’ve never met our families, to give one example. Or, like how this particular gang never really ventured down to campus or Grandview much, just as my campus and Grandview friends were almost never up here.
Bored on some random winter weeknight, I decide to call them up, having not seen these folks for a number of weeks myself. Since Doug Freshwater moved away and I had temporarily left Kroger, that outrageous era had ended and I hadn’t been on this northwest end of town much.Learning now that a bunch of them are heading to DiMarco’s, Damon and I decide to ride up there ourselves.
Their younger brother Tommy now occupies Doug’s old couch, and Dane, who’s gotten into one bad situation after another over the course of a few weeks, has wound up getting fired from his most recent job, at a department store, for not showing up, and basically just dicking around when he did make it in. Then he busts out the windshield of Maria’s car during a nasty fight, and Mike Nelson drops him to the ground with a haymaker and he’s kicked out of their pad as well, exiled from the charmed circle of friends.
I introduce Damon to everyone – seated at one table in the dimly lit other half of DiMarco’s, the half away from the bar, is the cool but somewhat spacey Charlie, a part-time drummer, his stringy black musician’s hair now almost as long as Damon’s; the ever talkative and impossibly busty redhead,Jen McBride; Lisa with her admittedly comparable breasts, dark blonde locks currently worn straight and halfway down her back; and her sister Maria, a brunette, whom we are fortunate to catch in a really vocal mood this time around.The two of us squeeze in beside them and brace ourselves for this conversation.
Junior, Tommy, and their preppy jock friend Cooper, who I remember from one other party back in the spring, are playing pool nearby, while the girls relate to us the latest adventures and trending gossip concerning everyone else. Meanwhile, Damon sits looking bored and sipping on a beer, or else trying to strike up a conversation with Lisa and Jen, even though they didn’t know what to make of this longhair character in horn rims.
Although, it is possible he’s having a better time than it appears. “I knew I’d be in trouble meeting these fat girls with pretty faces,” he whispers to me at one point, after downing a couple brews. Even if Lisa’s ruining the good cheer by bitching incessantly about her roommates. Finally, the clock reaches two thirty and house lights are coming on, as we pay the ever present bartending duo and head for the doors.
“Jesus Christ, Dude!” Damon exclaims with a sigh as we step outside, “they seem like nice girls and all, but man, that one was getting on my nerves.”
“She’s usually not that bad,” I explain, which is true.
“And what about that other one, the redhead, what was her name, Lisa?”
“No, Lisa was the blonde,” I correct.
“Well, whatever, she was the one sitting on the outside, right? I couldn’t believe she was bitching about everyone not cleaning their rooms! Maaaaaaan, I’d tell that bitch to fuck off!“
“Well, they’re usually not that bad,” I tell him, “especially after you get a couple beers in them.They throw good parties though, and they do have some nice looking friends.”
III.
They used to keep decks of cards behind the bar here at DiMarco’s, as we played many a game of euchre here. There was a long running tradition of pool tournaments played blatantly for cash in this bar, and nobody batted an eyelash. Then again, I don’t remember ever seeing law enforcement around these parts, and the help situation was always remarkably consistent, with Jan and Zerby here just about every night. So you weren’t going to catch any heat from them, either.
That TouchTunes jukebox at the very least had an REO Speedwagon album on it. This I know because Lisa, who I constantly berated for her somewhat horrible tastes in music, was particularly fond of that one, would play it here often. At some point along the line, though sleeping together off and on for about a decade, we did try actually dating for approximately an eight month stretch there in the middle. One night she was at this juke and that infernal Speedwagon disc was blasting Time For Me To Fly, while Lisa and Jen F stood there still picking out further tunes, and Jen told her, speaking of me, “Lisa, this song is for you. It’s time for you to fly.”
Despite this period (or maybe because of it, as the more Lisa would yell at me, the more inclined I was to laugh in her face), I always was and continue to be thought of as somewhat of a zany, hopeless goofball with this crew. It’s funny how you get off on a certain foot with various scenes, be it socially, or with work, or with family, and nothing much can ever really change this. You begin to realize it’s a combination of elements contributing to this phenomenon: a little bit of people only seeing what they expect to see, a little bit maybe of you falling into your familiar role with each circle, but then also, I half suspect sometimes, it almost seems like life is throwing events in everyone’s lap to bolster these impressions. Even one night here in DiMarco’s where Lisa’s been screaming again and Tommy’s threatening me with, “don’t do anything stupid!” won’t change the dynamic, is pretty much forgotten about five minutes later.
“She doesn’t listen to anything, dude,” I tell him.
“It’s my fuckin sister – you think I don’t know that?” he retorts.
Perhaps riding around with pizzas in the rain isn’t the best idea, if you’re trying to dispel some image. Even so, in the late 90s I was dating this perfectly fine looking brunette named Stacy, however briefly. I’m pretty sure that the first time I ever came out with her around this group, we were at DiMarco’s. At any rate, it was one of the few occasions I was ever with her around this bunch. We’ve been here a while and she says something about wanting to dip over to Polo’s. So the two of us say goodbye to everyone, climb in my car and drive over there. Stacy and I sit at the bar and order one beer…and then she completely disappears. She saw somebody she knew across the bar and was going over to say a quick hello, and this was the last I saw of her that night.
I was more than a little embarrassed at the time about my pathetic glasses, thus would never wear them. So my eyesight wasn’t the greatest to begin with. Nonetheless, I did sit there for quite a while, nursing my beer, and even made a cursory lap or two of the place. May have possibly ordered a second brew, even. In this pre-cell-phone era, this basically represented the extent of your options. Therefore, despite not exactly rushing into this decision, I eventually shrugged it off, hopped back in my car…and returned to DiMarco’s alone.
“Where’s Stacy?” everyone asks, baffled by this turn of events.
“I have no idea,” I tell them.
Of course the entire mob – which, now that I think about it, was fanned around one of those larger central tables, itself a rarity, instead of spread like normal all over the bar – is howling, clapping their hands together, pretty much on the verge of spewing beer out through their noses. I was unwittingly playing the same old part as always. I guess it’s somewhat amazing that Stacy and I actually went out some more after this. But I never quite lived this one down. Nor did I ever bring her to DiMarco’s again.
IV.
While pretty much everyone else moved on, we still continued to swing by here from time to time, of course. It was here one night that it became obvious Damon was really hitting it off with this Maryland chick, who worked with Tommy, and the two of them soon turned into a serious couple. At some point, a window was installed connecting DiMarco’s with the Ange’s Pizza next door, and there became even less of a need to leave your barstool than before. Fluke reunions across the years have almost always meant a pit stop in this place is required, if it involves any of this old gang. And though I know neither Jan nor Zerby are involved with this spot in its current incarnation, I like to think that the two of them are still behind the bar, every night, just like always.
A pressing situation demands our attention, one pertaining to Leigh’s male cat, Gus. She recently purchased a pink bow for some reason and tied it around his neck, a development which has Alan joking the cat’s going to turn out gay unless she removes the thing. As Leigh has done nothing of the sort, Alan determines he’ll have to take matters into his own hands, and somehow comes up with the brilliant idea that this requires a trip to Wildman’s Leather-N-Lace.
“I figured I’d head over to there and see if I could find Gus one of those black leather collars with metal spikes on it,” Alan says, grinning, “you feel like coming along?”
“Yeah sure,” I agree with a shrug.
He got the idea from these hilarious commercials which are on the radio constantly, where this gravel throated pardner who sounds like a cross between Sam Elliott and Wolfman Jack, his accent half vaguely southern and half pure cowboy, extols this store’s wares in rapid fire fashion, spots where he is sure to squeeze the outlet’s name – Waaaahldmansleathernlace! – into the mix on average a good five or six times. We’re not exactly sure what specific wares might await us there, but based upon these ads, they do seem like a good bet to carry such an item, even if it is ordinarily meant for humans.
After consulting the phone book for an address, he and I finish of our beers and pile into his oversized electric blue pickup, tooling east from campus to the interstate and finally out to South Hamilton Road. We finally locate the place, and are not disappointed to step inside, as it does indeed fuse an odd mix of hillbilly/biker/kinky sex sensibilities all together into one raucous package. They have cowboy boots, leather jackets, motorcycle helmets, sure, but also leopard pattern bikinis, nurse outfits, and handcuffs. And as Alan searches for a spiked leather collar, I get it into to my head to secure a wallet chain.
The wiry, bearded, middle aged dude, who is working alone at the moment behind the counter, we theorize might be the actual voice from the radio pitches. Then the phone rings and we get to hear him answer with that distinctive business moniker slash catch phrase – “waaahldmansleathernlace!” and thereby erasing all doubt. He’s not just this operation’s radio adman, he’s probably the owner and possibly its primary if not only employee. We almost feel we are in the midst of celebrity. Unbelievable…and unbelievably cool.
Alan does eventually locate a collar for poor Gus, but I come up empty in the wallet chain department. Which is really just as well, considering this novelty shop is pretty damn expensive. A recent hilarious online review makes it sounds as though the old man is still holding court behind the counter, however, and though this less than pleased patron gave it one star, I’m kind of tickled to see this shop is still around, at 2264 S. Hamilton.
Upon leaving there that day, we wound up next at a nearby Service Merchandise. I can’t find the exact address for that one at the moment, as it was closed down eons ago, and in fact it seems this chain has disappeared completely in favor of an online-only business model. I couldn’t even tell you what sort of merchandise they specialized in, but circa 1997, they were definitely out of backpacks, trash cans, and fuses, the three remaining items on our shopping list.
This entire excursion was obviously a little strange, but then again Hamilton Road itself carves out somewhat of an odd niche in the Columbus landscape. It’s also central to my first significant experiences in Columbus, at age ten in 1985, when my dad and stepmom wound up living at an apartment complex down here, off of Hamilton.
Living as we did an hour north of here then, in some boonies outside of the Mansfield region, it felt like an epic journey anytime you made it down to Columbus. Aside from a couple of family trips to pick up someone at the airport, or a singular, fondly recalled visit to COSI, an earlier one with gambling crazed relatives to bet on the horses at Scioto Downs, my first memories of this city are during this winter. It’s Christmas break of ’85, when they pick up my brother and me for the first time in two years and bring us down to check out their new place.
Maybe it’s the distortion of being so young, and catching your first extended glimpses of a major city, but I really do think Hamilton Road was a little more glamorous and happening back then. They took us to this magical land we’d never seen before, known as Toys-R-Us, which seemed completely mind-blowing, and the weekly all-you-can-eat perch dinner on Sunday, at another unfamiliar establishment we didn’t have back home, Captain D’s. This chain has without question lost much of its luster throughout the subsequent years, and I think its overall plight (although if I’m not mistaken, this particular location has held steady for about four decades now, somehow) is emblematic of this corridor as a whole.
They have a cheerful two story apartment on some side street, a stone’s throw from Hamilton. I remember they rented a Herbie movie and a couple of others for us to watch – VHS, of course – and that there was some Alvin & The Chipmunks holiday album spinning often on the turntable. A Christmas tree in the living room corner bearing gifts, one of which was this bizarre boxing game featuring Optimus Prime and Megatron.
It has plastic upright models of these two characters in the middle of a ring, and if you landed a punch just right, your opponent’s head would pop upward a few inches on this spring, meaning you’d won the game. There’s one instance where I’m getting just a little too into this, however, an occasion where Daniel and I are playing it on the kitchen floor, while Dad and Faith are learning some new board game they’ve gotten, above us on the table. Having just lost the latest match, I also then receive a stern talking-to for punching my little brother in the arm.
Daniel and me, presumably opening presents, at the apartment along Hamilton – Xmas 1985. That’s our dad looking somewhat ghostly in the back.
By the next time we saw them, they’d bought a house on a sleepy residential street in Gahanna. But if in town with them, over Easter or summer or Christmas break, or even some random weekend, we would still make the occasional trip out this way. The perch dinners at Captain D’s became something of a tradition, if we happened to be around on a Sunday. I also remember Dad taking me on a meandering motorcycle ride one afternoon, in part along the slightly pastoral northern stretches of Hamilton by the airport, so he could show me where he worked, at the Rockwell aircraft plant.
Of course, they wound up moving away from here before too long, and a good ten years would pass before I ended up in Columbus myself. Thus my experiences here are broken apart into three widely separated chunks: those childhood visits in the mid 80s, an adult living in Columbus in the late 90s/early aughts, and then researching what it looks like now nearly twenty years later.
It’s kind of weird to be occasionally reminded that there are major thoroughfares in your own city which you never travel to, even though that street alone is probably more action packed than 95% of the towns in Ohio. A gluttony of riches, you might say, often taken for granted. And so even though far removed from the trendier districts, well past its prime and sorely in need of a reboot for the most part, Hamilton Road has plenty going for it and is interesting enough to examine in depth – possibly even more interesting, you might even argue, due to its overlooked status.
But enough about this ancient history. Let’s examine the current state of this critical if neglected artery…
Goodwill Thrift Store (5130 N. Hamilton Rd.) – you presumably know the score here.
Kohl’s (4865 N. Hamilton Rd.): Somebody drew me a map to their apartment back in the early 2000s, and it has this on it. At this point, weird artifacts like that feel like something out of Treasure Island, and I’m compelled to mention this place for that reason alone. Kudos to a brick and mortar retail establishment for sticking around this long, though, even a corporate one.
Stoneridge Plaza: It’s the corner of Morse and Hamilton, but is another instance where they’ve given a parking lot a street name (Stoneridge Ln). You suspect this is done to make a new development seem more important than it otherwise is. It doesn’t matter much in this day and age, of course, but was mighty annoying in the time before prevalent online maps. And, really, it’s still kind of pretentious, even now.
But these minor quibbles aside, this charming little plaza offers highlights aplenty, even as it’s decades past brand new. Alumni Club was a classy if somewhat yuppie-centric bar of longstanding, where you’re likely to catch live music most nights. At some point I believe they slightly rebranded as Alumni Sports Bar, but either way, it’s sadly gone now. Currently that spot sits empty, though I imagine someone will fill it before too long. Elsewhere, there’s a satellite restaurant of the local Cap City enterprise here, and also one of another Columbus institution which has expanded well beyond here, Max & Erma’s. 101 Beer Kitchen is newer than either of these, a nuevo rustic gastropub with craft beers aplenty. The ever present Kroger, quite naturally, because heaven forbid there’s a spare block without one of these, and then a Cinemark 16 screen theater, which I’ve only visited once – oddly enough, because of Kroger. They’d rented out a screen one afternoon for a meat/seafood manager’s meeting, following our tour of the nearby store. My buddy Miles was working at this Kroger until recently, actually.
Though I see the sprawl has blazed beyond this region like wildfire, I’m still thinking back to the prehistoric, pre-Google Maps era (2001-ish) where it was basically wilderness beyond here, to the north and to the west. But by all means, explore to your heart’s content. Otherwise, this particular tour is moving south.
1325 N. Hamilton Rd. – no longer in use, though it did once belong to Provincial House Fireplace & Patio, as of Oct ‘01
1245A N. Hamilton Rd.: Beds N’ Stuff/Waterbeds N’ Stuff Superstore. Occupies the left half of a building it shares with (and receives second billing to, on the roadside sign) Second Sole, a shoemonger.
1137 N. Hamilton Rd.: As of October 2001, this was a chill little bar called Cactus Cafe. Currently, this address does not exist, but would be located roughly where the Fresh Thyme Market (1125) is now.
1014 N. Hamilton Rd.: Currently belongs to Cornerstone Pub, a classy enough looking divish place nestled in that northeast elbow between Hamilton and Route 62. Up through at least 2006, though, Crown Sports Lounge IV was here, a spot that frequently featured live music. I’m not sure if the Cornerstone trifles with that or not. One online reviewer is raving about the pizza, though, which if I had to guess probably comes from Ange’s next door.
Gahanna Christian Academy (817 N. Hamilton Rd.): Here’s a video of a volleyball game shot inside the gym there, from September 2008. A bunch of us went to watch my sister Robin play in this epic battle for the ages. Not the most compelling footage in the world, maybe, but of possible interest to history nerds and/or friends and family of those involved:
I’m splitting the road into east/west halves for the next stretch here. This is my goal for all such major roads (at least until technology/personal know-how emerges to match what I really envision) but you’ve got to start somewhere. As always, I would say please try to use a computer or at least a tablet when you’re visiting this site, or if nothing else turn your phone sideways:
Gatsby’s (151 N. Hamilton Rd., Gahanna): While not without its charms, in my experience this has been the kind of sedate establishment where office workers will stop by for one drink on their way home for the day. You can probably do better than this.
Rusty Bucket (73 N. Hamilton Rd., Gahanna): One of many locations around town…and now elsewhere, as well, including some other states.
316 S. Hamilton Rd., Gahanna: one piece of the Hunter’s Ridge strip mall, which also features Kroger (300) and many other tenants. Nobody is using this specific address at the moment, but it used to be long to Scotch & Soda Lounge up through at least September 2006.
358 S. Hamilton Rd., Gahanna: Another address in this strip mall. Bicycle One is Suite F, another Goodwill location gets this address without the suite letter.
Damon’s Grill (formerly known as “the place for ribs”) was here through at least March 2006, though! This was one of seven locations remaining in town at that time – not sure how much longer they weathered the storm after that.
If traveling in this direction along Hamilton Road, you’ll notice the addresses go from North to South to North to South again. Although my helpful little tips might be useless in this connected day and age (here and elsewhere), this is due to passing from Gahanna into Columbus proper. The dividing line between the two is a natural one, that of the I-270 outerbelt.
Airport Golf Course (900 N. Hamilton Rd.): I can’t say I’ve ever golfed here, but it has to be pretty cool. You’re teeing off in the shadow of John Glenn Columbus International Airport, the backside of which is across the street on Hamilton.
I have actually ridden my bicycle along Hamilton Road, one day many a summer ago. It feels like this completes the range of possible experiences along this major road, somehow. I know that legally a cyclist has every right to be out here, but you escape from jaunts like this feeling as if it were divine intervention that you managed to survive the onslaught of cars. Anyway, I was living on campus at the time, and like many a young idiot of that transitional age (you were required to carry car insurance, but they had no way of regulating this; many of us just rolled the dice that we wouldn’t be pulled over, ever, with mixed results) I’d had my license suspended for failure to carry insurance. When I was finally eligible for reinstatement, for whatever reason a trip to this license place off of Hamilton Road was required.
Bicycling out from Summit Street to the license bureau, I just sort of improvised my route with a general lay of the land in my head. And then back again, too, of course, which wound up being 20+ miles round trip. Anyway for some reason I have distinct memories of being on Woodland and somewhat surprised to find that it dead ended into 5th. But then taking 5th over to Hamilton and then south from there, all the way across I-70 to the license place – which seemed like sheer hell at the time, though this journey is actually one of my fondest memories of that summer now. Funny how this works.
Pioneer Meat Co (151 N. Hamilton Rd.): A quaint little butcher’s shop.
Wrap City Vinyl (101 N. Hamilton Rd.): Hipsters please note, this is NOT a vinyl record shop. Take it from this hard hitting reporter, beating the streets for a scoop – I clicked on the link for this just now and discovered the bad news. Instead it’s a graphics shop specializing in car wraps, wall murals, and the like. They were founded in Atlanta but opened a second shop here in 2012 to deal with demand.
561 S. Hamilton Rd.: Racha Tea Boba and Desserts is here at the moment, as it has been since 2022.
Prior to this it was Indochine Cafe, however, owned by the same family. This was a highly regarded Vietnamese restaurant, in existence at least as far back as 2006. All dishes are homemade daily, according to their ad, and they are especially proud of their Pho soup. Catering options were also available. Here’s an old WSYX news clip touting the place:
Tee Jaye’s (350 S. Hamilton Rd.): This country themed comfort food chain is much less ubiquitous than it used to be. It looks like there are just four remaining within the outerbelt, two slightly beyond, and one more each in Newark and Zanesville, that’s it. The most famous of these was probably the now demolished one at Morse and High, which I’ve also personally visited the most. Although running a close second, as improbable as it seems now, there also used to be one at the bottom of the hill down from Grandview, along Dublin Road/Riverside/Route 33, which was a perfect late night option after clubbing downtown.
One charming touch at this particular location, glimpsed during a recent visit, is a historical photo gallery hanging in one corner. Though this franchise probably had its apex in the late 90s, they remain solid alternatives to something like a Denny’s. Offering breakfast around the clock, too, but better than a Waffle House – something closer to if Cracker Barrel remained open 24/7. Having said that, the best thing here might be the country fried steak, breaded and covered with gravy. Oh yeah, also, this here Whitehall outpost appears to be the only one of the eight which isn’t open all night. They close at 11pm now, so plan accordingly. During that aforementioned 2022 visit, they were positively slammed, which our waitress said has often been the case since the nearby Brice Road location closed.
Waterbeds N’ Stuff Superstore (815 S. Hamilton Rd.): another outpost of this famous local enterprise, with just a slight rebranding (Beds N’ Stuff) at one point, around 2018 I think, although they seem to have reverted back to the original name now. A larger than usual location, as one might gather from the “superstore” modifier.
Body Language Tattoo (1101 S. Hamilton Rd.): Has been here since at least October of 2001. Back then, it was called BodyLanguage Productions, however.
Lalibela Restaurant (1111 S. Hamilton Rd.): once upon a time the address Breezer’s, a club that was open up through at least October 2001.
Roosters (376 S. Hamilton Rd.): Another in this series of Columbus-centric (though rapidly expanding) operations. You basically can’t go wrong here if in the mood for pub grub and a beer. If you find yourself in an unfamiliar stretch of town and are too hungry to take a chance on something weird, yet don’t want fast food or another famous franchise, I feel like these locally based ones at least make for a respectable compromise. This one has been here at the very least since 2006.
Alexander Hamilton Plaza Apartments (496 S. Hamilton Rd.): One day we had to improvise a route to the east side because I-70 was completely shut down or something, due to Mike Pence’s motorcade driving through town. Once we make our way out here via Broad, my daughter Emma cheers, “Hamilton!” upon seeing the name of this road. This due to her being a huge fanatic of the highly popular musical of the same name. My stepdaughter Maddie and I attempted to convince Emma that this was just a coincidence, that the naming of this road has nothing to do with that figure. Seconds later, of course, we pass this complex, and she points it out to us.
Otherwise, I know nothing about the place. Although the pictures online make the apartments look a little more stylish and modern than I would have expected.
836 S. Hamilton Rd: Above is a monthly statement from our second landlord, for the house we were renting on Summit. I have to say, I don’t remember the office being anywhere near this close to Kroger (it’s basically right behind it), but memory can be a tricky thing sometimes. At least a couple other businesses have called this address home since then (Trendsetters To Trendsetters, the awesomely named Dezalovsky Investments), and it is still listed as office space, though I can’t find any info on a current resident.
BC Campus doesn’t ring a bell, but Hamilton Village does – I think this is who we were making our rent checks out to. At any rate, I was only out here once, when our landlord Mark Myers asked me to drive over one afternoon. Upon arriving there, he explained that he found four bounced rent checks of mine stuffed into a desk. Apparently his former secretary, who just left the company, didn’t know what to do with these – not just mine, but everyone’s – and buried them in the back of a drawer instead. Let’s just say in those younger days I had a “creative” approach to balancing my checkbook, in other words nonexistent, and had no idea these were floating around in limbo, unpaid. In our defense, youths of this era were caught in this tricky middle period where ATMs were suddenly everywhere, yet you couldn’t yet track anything online (and certainly not with a touch screen phone).
In addition to our building on Summit (a large house that was chopped into four different apartments), I know he was also renting the one right beside us (1996 and 1998 now – I’m not sure if they had 1/2 designations also or what back then), plus who knows how many more around town.
Kroger (850 S. Hamilton Rd.): I only breezed through this location once, right after that memorable low point with the bounced check. That day we reached an agreement that I’d catch up by giving him an extra $100 a month. To give you some perspective of how much money this was and the cost of items circa 1998, I had $5 to my name, no food to speak of at home, and wouldn’t get paid for two more days – but just so happened to be scheduled off those same two days. I stopped at this Kroger and walked around until buying a box of mini chocolate donuts and the materials to make hamburgers, planning to stay indoors and live off of these items alone until payday. Which is exactly what I did.
1383 S. Hamilton Rd.
Currently Zara Restaurant & Bar, an East African establishment. As of October 2001, however, it was Selam Restaurant. They had stand up comedy night every Wednesday.
1403 S. Hamilton Rd.: pure emptiness at the moment, though Record Connection used to be here. Circa December 1999 but probably not for too long beyond that.
AT&T Store (2583 S. Hamilton Rd.): As of late ’99 we had four different CD Warehouse stores here in town, and one of them was located here.
Eastland Mall: Though the address for the Eastland Mall is given as….2740 Eastland Mall (don’t get me started on this topic), everyone can see it sits at the corner of Hamilton and Refugee, with I-270 buzzing by diagonally overhead. Although they’ve also made the questionable decision to have a Sears entrance with a STORE CLOSING banner as the official photo on Google Maps, this was in fact the last of the four “geography” themed shopping malls left here in town. Northland was bulldozed years ago, while Westland and Southland have been taken over by other businesses.
At the tail end of 2022, this puppy bit the dust. I tried gaining entry here during a Sunday morning in October of that year, but was informed by security that they didn’t open until noon. Somehow I just knew this would be the last chance to explore the interior, and it turns out I was right. Some of the final businesses hanging on here ranged from Tropico Caribbean Grill and Sone’s Bridal, to standard mall staples like Claire’s and Auntie Anne’s Pretzels and a Kids Foot Locker. The Sears anchor store itself left eons ago, but they held onto the space afterwards, kept it open as an appliance repair shop.
2194 S. Hamilton Rd.
Currently Showroom Auto Sales. It used to be (up through at least October 2001), however, an altogether different kind of “show” room: a strip club named Platinum Fox. For Monday Night Football, they had a wet tee shirt contest every halftime, a complimentary food buffet throughout.
ZZ Boots/Wildman’s Leather-N-Lace (2264 S. Hamilton Rd.): Though the visit mentioned up top is my only, it’s somehow heartening to see that this operation, established in 1980, is still up and running. You even hear the radio commercials constantly, with this same dude extolling his wares, in what hasn’t been a hip part of town for at least three decades, and this seems somewhat miraculous.
2596 S. Hamilton Rd.: The AMC Eastland Center 8 movie theater was once found on this plot of land, but the entire building has been knocked down. It’s just a huge and mostly unnecessary parking lot now not particulary needed by any of the other nearby businesses.
Captain D’s (2850 S. Hamilton Rd.): And I’m saddened to see this place is closed now, too. Though standards went kind of south with this franchise at some point, I still have fond memories from childhood. It would be fascinating to see a list or interactive database or something from a company like this, showing which locations have been around for how long. I’m not sure why they’d be interested in maintaining such a thing, but it would be cool. And as far as Captain D’s, I feel the tenure on this one has to be among its longest ever, nationwide.
3100 S. Hamilton Rd.
Currently Thunder Tire and Service. As of 1997, though, it was still one of 5 Kmart locations remaining in town.
Raising Cane’s Chicken Fingers (3820 S. Hamilton Rd.): Erin still cracks up and gives me a hard time about our last visit here, the morning after Maria’s wedding. It was not a pretty sight. Her maniacal brother Tommy would not leave me alone on the coffee flavored tequila front and while I made it through the night without incident, let’s just say an early lunch here did not sit well. Fortunately that was the only such night for me in about a dozen years or so. But yeah, these folks have some amazing chicken, and they haven’t yet expanded everywhere. If you spot a location in your travels, by all means check it out.
The Caniac Combo (currently $10.99) is probably the best deal on the menu, which breaks down as 6 large chicken tenders, a pile of fries, Texas toast, cole slaw, and 2 containers of their Cane’s sauce. The chicken is itself terrific, but what ramps it up to a whole other level is this dipping sauce – I think it must be some kind of smoky BBQ mixed with mayo, and a healthy shake of black pepper. Whatever it is, the stuff is tremendous.
Ricart Automotive Group (4255 S. Hamilton Rd.): For decades, this establishment billed itself as the largest car dealership in the world. In more recent times they seem to have lost this title, but whatever the case, it’s still a huge complex, probably bigger even than back when they were making that claim. Among other things, there’s even a Subway franchise and fitness center located on site here.
Pretty much anyone who has lived in central Ohio for the last four decades is familiar with Fred Ricart’s TV commercials, during which he is often found hamming it up via song parodies or impressions of famous personalities. One of the most memorable for me was probably his version of War’s Why Can’t We Be Friends? which in his hands became I Can Deal With Fred. To this day, I still get that version stuck in my head whenever hearing the original. Usually spotted with an acoustic guitar in these promos, and/or serving up zany marketing stunts such as “buy this $10,000 teddy bear, and I’ll throw in a free car!” his trademark slogan was and probably still is, We’re Dealin!
On a more serious note (well, sort of), there has always been this longstanding rumor which I’ve heard from countless people in nearly identical fashion, which makes you think there might be a kernel of truth to it. This rumor involved his wife allegedly catching him with another woman, and coming after him with a curling iron in particularly graphic fashion. Pretty much anyone living in central Ohio has probably heard this, too, but let me restate again that as far as I know it’s only a rumor.
Stop Rewind Fast Forward: 1993. (click to view/read more)
Pick up a copy of my latest music history tome, concerning that iconic year! Among the shows covered are a Primus and Smashing Pumpkins, both held at Newport Music Hall. Also the Lollapalooza stop at nearby Buckeye Lake, where local band Scrawl was on the bill, and Cbus musician Foley played as a member of Arrested Development.
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