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Andyman’s Treehouse

Halloween at Andyman's 2005

Andyman’s was such a crucial C-bus institution that it’s still shocking to me that it’s no longer around. You’d have thought at the very least that, like, some arts council would have come up with a grant or something, to keep it afloat, or maybe an executive order would have drifted across the governor’s desk at the 11th hour, demanding that it remain in operation – this place was seriously on that level, it seemed, in our minds and hearts.

Andyman’s sprang to life in the late 1990s when veteran bar manager/bartender Quinn Fallon agreed to join forces with his best friend, local DJ Andy “Andyman” Davis (of CD101 fame) in purchasing the place. At the time, this bar was a major dive named Hidden Cove, had changed hands often, wasn’t making any money. Fallon and Davis bought this place for a mere $30,000 or so, decorated it exactly as you might expect some indie and especially homegrown rock fanatics to do so, and flung this teensy door open wide. Let’s just say they struck gold with this whole treehouse concept, the loose, shambolic, ultra cozy aesthetic – it seriously felt like hanging out in your living room, or maybe more accurately a friend’s slightly spruced up, basement rec room – and booking a wide array of mostly local talent. It officially opened its doors to the public on May 26, 1999.

In many respects, it’s surprising that I haven’t created a page for the Treehouse until just now. After all, this eventually became such a predictable second home for me that I started getting personal phone calls here, during that whole era where I wouldn’t answer the landline at my actual home and refused to acquire a cell. Which became its own separate problem – the phone calls, that is, not the part about not having a cell.

But, although this site might seem like complete chaos, there is a certain strategy in place, as far as the order of topics I’m tackling. It’s just that this pattern would make no sense to anyone but me. And now is that time. Regarding that first phone call received here (hard to even accurately depict now, if you’re not of a certain age and weren’t around for that ancient epoch; many businesses probably don’t even have a dedicated phone, aside from the an owner/manager’s cell, and it’s even unlikelier still that you would call them nowadays asking if a certain customer was there), this was understandably an eye-opening moment. The bartender, Brandon, answering the ring behind that bar, then handing the phone off to me. This is when it first sinks in, okay, I guess I do spend quite a bit of time here…

Though I would eventually work the door a time or two (I think exactly twice, if memory serves), I was never an official employee in any way, shape, or form. At least in my experience, the bands themselves had to perform the dirty work of lining up their own doorman here, although you would be paid in some cash and unlimited beer for your services. And while I had been here a fair amount of occasions, would slide through a respectable amount afterwards, the real wheelhouse of my haunting these grounds would occur the three years where I owned a house in the same neighborhood, well within stumbling distance. Hilariously enough, if I’m not mistaken, however, that initial phone call of someone tracking me down here via clever detective work (my good friend Matt Montanya), that occurred before I moved over thisaway. Only after which, it’s safe to say, my attendance truly exploded.

But what made Andyman’s Treehouse so special? Well, for starters, to state the obvious, yes there is that tree. My stepdad is still talking about that tree, twenty years after I brought him here. On that occasion, he somehow wound up doing shots with Andyman, who apparently recognized me well enough at that point to tell my stepdad I was “a good kid.” One other side note is that Andyman’s wife worked in the customer service department at various Kroger stores around town, including for quite some time the same one as my ex-girlfriend Jill. So we got a little bit of intel about the inner workings of this place via that route as well.

That’s me on the far left in the photo above, from Halloween of 2005, in the long frilly blonde wig. I cobbled this outfit together in a last minute burst of inspiration and, just before leaving the house, decided it would be funnier to shave off every bit of my goatee except for the mustache – to date, the only night of my life I have ever rocked a solo ‘stache. The light’s hitting it kind of funny in this photo, but rest assured, it looked the same on the right as on the left, though quite clearly nowhere near as rad as the Thomas Magnum edition a couple spots down from me.

This window made for a popular photo op spot. In the 12/31/01 issue of The Other Paper, there’s a review of owner/bartender Quinn’s band X-Rated Cowboys and their debut CD, Honor Among Thieves, where they are posing on the other side of it, i.e. the small middle room with the pool table. I know enough about this place that I can tell you, just to the right of the dude who appears to be smoking in their group photo, there was some old movie poster hanging which had Norman Fell listed as one of the actors. And actually, there’s also an Early Empire article in one of those weeklies where they too pose in front of this window, albeit (if I recall correctly), on the side we assorted dorks are in this Halloween classic.

The main entrance, located on what was technically the backside of the building, basically poured in from the direction of whoever’s holding this ray gun. The photographer must have been more or less blocking the men’s room door. And the jukebox was located right beside Darth Vader here. As one might suppose, this puppy was stocked with an impressive arsenal of prime slabs, some obvious and others not so much. I can remember at least a couple specifics about it, like how on 2-3 separate occasions I tried to play Beck’s Lost Cause, but there was evidently some glitch and it would spin a totally different track instead. Which I forgot about until it happened again. Also, in the way it’s oddly majorly gratifying, like you were somehow personally involved with their creation or something, a night where I was somewhat aglow after picking out a handful of cuts, and different random people came up to me to rave about the choices. One of these I know was Jesus and Mary Chain’s Sometimes Always, which I’d never heard anyone else pick before, wasn’t even aware of anyone knowing much less liking this song…but would subsequently hear in here on a semi-regular basis, including a night where it was blaring when I entered the bar. Funny how that can almost make you feel like a band’s producer, or at least their publicist. If nothing else, it became a small sliver of the soundtrack.

But anyway. With this photo as again our reference point, to the left of me would be the bar. Behind us, you took a single step down into the pool room, and could continue more or less straight on out of it, to the obscured patio area which faced Chambers Road. To the left, also accessible and fanning out as a wide open space from the bar, a sort of living room-esque chill space with couches, an Elvis lamp, odd trinkets like these Kiss figurines with giant hands in a glass memorabilia case. Shooting off to the right of the pool room, meanwhile, a single step back up into the performance area, which also featured that infamous oak tree in the middle of the room, standing 3 and a half feet wide, tall enough to extend outside and tower over this local music mecca.

Sometimes, national acts would even grace the “stage” here, the most prominent of which that I can recall is possibly Cracker. More commonly, though, it was instead a secret handshake type place, which visiting musicians might attend on the down low, to hang and soak up some suds along with supremely homespun vibes. If you were lucky (ish)(maybe?), you might even rub elbows with them. Like for instance I remember some friends telling me Nash Kato of Urge Overkill was in here once, standing beside the bar in his ridiculously oversized shades, a scarf so long it touched the ground on both ends, basically acting like a pretentious dick. Also, in one interview I recall Quinn was guffawing about how Creed tried to book an afterhours party here once, when they were relatively new, and he declined – on the grounds that, as he explained it to Andyman later, they were “some assholes I’ve never heard of.” In between these two extremes, the local and the internationally famous, I might offer the example of Columbus Crew player Kyle Martino, who circa 2004 was just learning the guitar, and came here to polish up his act on open mic night.

If you were in search of the most pristine audio sound imaginable, then this was not your place. For example there was a night I brought some friends here and Paul Radick considered the sound so shitty he claimed he couldn’t even watch the otherwise decent band. And did not, as he dipped out to go sit on a couch instead. But, I don’t know, it wasn’t really that bad, and like the establishment as a whole, the vibe was tremendously warm. A little wooden rail even wrapped around that massive tree, in the middle of the room, for some extremely intimate seating options. Plus, if you were in here on a night where it was snowing, that giant hole cut through the ceiling meant the flakes would often be swirling around inside this space. Totally awesome. Basement-esque paneling in most of the rooms, if I recall correctly, and carpeted just about everywhere.

Andy was a big dude with an ever bigger personality, a person you basically couldn’t miss if he was anywhere inside this building – or any other, I’m sure. He would tragically die in a drowning accident, in the summer of 2010, at the age of just 42. Quinn, eh, I can see where others have found him maybe a bit smarmy, but all I can tell you is he was always cool to me, and I also thought he was quite hilarious. He would go on to, though protesting his bar-owning days were behind him, eventually open another music club years later, called Little Rock – it is now the permament home for that backdrop sign, from the Andyman’s performance area, the one with the earth image and all those signatures everywhere.

I don’t remember exactly when the bar closed. Davis and Fallon sold it in 2008, but it limped on for a while under new owners, I think as just “The Treehouse.” My last visit must have occurred in 2010, which would have been during that era, though I guess it’s telling that I couldn’t even say for sure what the place was called then. But when I research this matter online now, it seems that by early 2009, it had indeed dropped the “Andyman’s” portion of its name. And was just known as the Treehouse, then later, apparently, as the Tree Bar (complicating matters still further: even back when it was Andyman’s Treehouse, if you used your debit card here, it would show up on bank statements as simply TREEBAR) before giving up the ghost entirely.

I’m somewhat torn on whether to include the show dates and Youtube videos et cetera from 2009 onward, because it’s sort of the same thing, except not really. To me, it’s a completely different enterprise. You might stumble across videos as late as 2015 where these musicians are still saying they played “Andyman’s Treehouse,” and not to be a purist snob or whatever, but the two guys who began that who concept are long since out of the picture by that point. The bar might look the same, except it’s changed names once or twice by then, too, so no, you didn’t play Andyman’s.

Other businesses have since called 887 Chambers Road home, yet if I’m not mistaken, it is at present just an empty shell. The magic, I feel confident in saying, you will never reclaim here – but I wouldn’t exactly be opposed if some enterprising soul decided to open these doors again and give it another shot.

The Judas Cow Andyman's Treehouse flyer

Click on the year below to jump ahead. Otherwise just keep a-scrollin’. By the way, when viewing this page myself for errors, occasionally the videos are showing up even to me as “not available.” As far as I can tell, this just means the page is taking a long time to load. It’s possible I am “breaking the internet,” so to speak, with these ridiculously long posts. But, eh, what can you do? I can’t think of any better way to organize things than this. So you can either wait for the page to load or maybe try to refresh or something. Or perhaps buy one of my books, in which case I might be able to afford an upgrade.

1999

2000

2001

2002

2003

2004

2005

2006

2007

2008

1999

September 11 – Fred Haring and Dan Baird show (Baird, the former Georgia Satellites frontman, produced Haring’s forthcoming album); Andy Harrison, Watershed, Franklin County All-Stars, and Quinn Fallon also play.

October 29 – an Andyman-a-thon benefit for local children’s charities, this one features Lucid’s Dream, Fletch, Jamie Walker, Ron Arps, Born Digital, Jason Clayton, Elliot 12 Trees, Rod Paulette, Anna Paolucci, Bobby Cloyd, Jim Rico. Oh yeah and also Quinn dressed as Gene Simmons, playing a few Kiss numbers.

November 6 – The Stepford Five play and according to one band member (see comments below), he thinks they closed with an Afghan Whigs tune. Miranda Sound and The Vague play also.

December 15 – charity event featuring Keith Jenkins, Colin Gawel, Hope Vitellas, Jason Clayton, Quinn Fallon, and Jim Rico

December 16 – Benefit show on behalf of Columbus Coalition for the Homeless.

2000

January 15 – Willie Phoenix, Jason Clayton

January 29 – The Stepford Five. Billy Peake, Christian Hurd, and John Riccardi open

March 25 – Fletch

April 1 – At 4pm, Rhinocerous play a free show for bartender Chey’s birthday. Then there’s a later show called “Attention Deficit Disorder Night” featuring Quinn Fallon, Christian Hurd, Keith Jenkins, and Jason Clayton – the joke being that their sets only last one or two songs.

May 26 – Willie Phoenix plays again, this time in honor of his own birthday

June 9 – a second Attention Deficit Disorder Night. This time around, the musicians play two songs before leaving the stage, but there are approximately eight rounds of this (not sure how it worked the first time around). Chuck Oney, Joe Oestreich, Keith Jenkins, and Josh Kayser are the performers.

June 16 – Prevent Blindness Ohio Benefit with Billy Peake, John Riccardi, Christian Hurd, Rick Kissinger, Bobby Cloyd, Jon Chinn (of Pretty Mighty Mighty). Also each member of The Stepford Five doing one song solo.

August 29 – Acoustic Stonebyrd

September 8 – Sin-o-Matic play a loud show, at a time where this bar is still mostly known for acoustic nights. Wolfgang Parker opens.

October 23 – Andyman-a-thon show with local musicians dressed as their favorite rock stars, performing covers.

November 11 – another Andyman-a-thon. The first of the ’80s Power Ballad Nights. The Stepford Five play as a complete unit for the only time at one of these. Also features Billy Peake, Chuck Oney, Quinn Fallon, Wolfgang Parker, Bobby Cloyd, Rick Kissinger, and Rhonda Everitt.

November 30 – Mamontovas plays an acoustic set, followed by a normal one from Willie Phoenix

December 9 – latest Andyman-a-thon show, this one features The Vague, Watershed, X-Rated Cowboys, Jack Neat, Emperors of Bad Luck

2001

As of January 2001, Quantum Parker was here every Tuesday. Colin Gawel played every Wednesday from 7-11pm. Their Friday and Saturday night shows start at 10 and have a $2 cover charge.

January 5 – Columbusmusic.com’s Showcase Weekend kicks off at Andyman’s Tree House. Watershed, Detroit All-Stars, Scott Gorsuch, Jon Chinn and The Ryan Horns Band perform. Entry is just $5 at the door, for tonight and tomorrow each. According to Rob Harvilla of The Other Paper, Chinn played a straightforward but solid set, Watershed went over extremely well (crowd members sing along, keep time on beer bottles, etc) and Gorsuch rocked. Accompanied sometimes by second guitarist Andy Harrison, he blew through some originals and a Jeff Buckley cover in sloppy yet compelling fashion, beatboxed on one song, and in another instance had this dude in a black leather looking coat (can’t tell for sure, but this might actually be co-owner Quinn) hold up a lyric sheet. Then Joe Oestreich of Watershed returned for some reason to play a Cheap Trick cover (I’ll Be With You Tonight) before Gorsuch encored himself, playing his own tune Popular. Finally, Ryan Horns Band closed things out on a mellow note, strumming some decent but not especially memorable modern folk music.

January 6 – Showcase Weekend continues at Andyman’s. Fletch, Clayton Band, The X-Rated Cowboys, and John Morgan are tonight’s scheduled musicians. Harvilla’s Other Paper piece explains that tonight’s crowd is fuller and rowdier, though John Morgan kicks things off as if continuing the Ryan Horns Band vibe of last night – more of an old fashioned sound, albeit in this instance Morgan is ripping through his instumentals with incredible dexterity. He relates that Clayton delivered a credible rock set, replete with numerous guitar solos, and that X-Rated Cowboys (apparently just two guitarists and a drummer at this juncture) were a little shaky initially, though eventually settling into their standard crass groove. Finally, Fletch closed things out with a mighty set, expanded lineup and all, with her on acoustic and two more electric guitar players.

January 12 – Chris Mulvoy, Steve Poulton, and Angelo Palma

January 13 – “Fetch” is listed, although I suspect this may be a typo and was actually Fletch instead.

January 19 – Microphonics, Ukelele Man, and Fred Haring

January 20 – Delyn Christian

January 26 – Harold Chichester, Christian Hurd

January 27 – Billy Peake, Jon Chinn

April 13 – Jack Neat, to promote his Three Way CD coming out the same day.

April 19 – Tim Easton

June 1 – something called Leroy’s Dinner Theatre, which I guess can be described as some kind of variety show: bands Le Petit Hurlemonte and Apocalypso play, but then there’s also a spoken word performance by Julie Otten

June 22 – a night called “I Didn’t Get Invited To The Prom,” featuring five bands who applied to play Comfest, but were denied: Superstar Rookie, Salthorse, The Black Swans, Parker Paul, Ohioanna

October 11 – open stage with Jim Volk

October 12 – League Bowlers

October 13 – Good Kissers, The Randys

October 15 – Jamie Walker’s Keyboard Karnage

October 16 – Poophouse Reilly

October 25 – open stage with Jim Volk

October 27 – CD release party for Parker Paul’s Wingfoot, featuring him, Black Swans, and Christopher Forbes. 

October 29 – Jamie Walker’s Keyboard Karnage

October 30 – Poophouse Reilly

October 31 – Colin Gawel

November 1 – open stage with Jim Volk

November 17 – an Andyman-a-thon benefit show, this one themed an “80s Power Ballad” night. Hosted by Keith Jenkins (Stepford Five) and featuring many other local musicians. This is the 2nd of three such planned events for the year.

December 8 – final Andyman-a-thon event of the year. This one is dubbed the “X-Mas Bash” and features Prison Tattoo, Aaron Pauley, Joe Oestreich, Aaron Pickering and Doug Beale (Johnson Brothers), Matt Surgeson and Josh Kayser (Jive Turkeys), Todd May, Jon Chinn, X- Rated Cowboys

December 15 – X-Rated Cowboys play a CD release party for their debut album, Honor Among Thieves. Fletch also peforms.

2002

January 12 – Ben London plays solo just a few hours after his similar show at Used Kids Records. Here, Pat Dull and the Media Whores and Salt Horse also perform.

February 6 – Adam Stokes

April 15 – Adam Marsland, The Vague

May 3 – The Stepford Five acoustic show. Also Twincam.

June 27 – Tim Easton and Kosher Spears

June 29 – just Tim Easton, no Kosher Spears

August 17 – John Mullins and the Citybillies

September 26 – Pee Wee Fist, Moviola

October 24 – Mark Eitzel, The Black Swans.

I wasn’t aware until reading Jerry Dannemiller’s review in the 10/26 Dispatch, though, that Eitzel used to live in Columbus. As far as the show itself, he relates that aside from early volume related troubles, it was mostly a success. I’ve Been A Mess is singled out as the emotional highlight, while later selections such as Theme Show For Any Song on the Discovery Channel were a bit more on the lighthearted and comedic side.

November 9 – another ’80s Power Ballad Night, this time with Rick Kissinger, Chuck Oney, BA Baracus, and The AquaNet All-Stars (Jamie and Ben from The Honeys, Mike Lovins from The Roomful, and Keith Jenkins).

December 21 – next installment of the ever popular Andyman-a-thon shows – leading up the actual stunt itself, which is his 48 continous hours on the air at CD101. All in the name of children’s charities as always. Manda & the Marbles, Scott Gorsuch, Pretty Mighty Mighty, X-Rated Cowboys, The Sun, The Jive Turkeys and The Johnson Brothers play this one.

2003

February 15 – The Caribbean

May 16 – Adrian Crowley, Milan Karcic, The Black Swans

May 23 – Moist Star CD release show

June 2 – Barn Burning, The Black Swans

July 18 – The Damnwells, Mrs. Children

August 16 – Audio Van Gogh

October 22 – Rosa Chance Well

Despite the poor recording quality, you can tell these guys are playing some decent jangle rock. Although even so, I have to admit the background footage of the pool room is nearly as interesting to me.

December 11 – Daryl

December 26 – Christine Costanzo

2004

January 3 – Compiler

March 13 – moveon.org voter fund benefit show. It’s a whole slew of solo performers from local bands on tap: Sue Harsche, Jake Housh, Ron House, Jerry DeCicca, Jerry Dannemiller, Ryan Horns, Chris Forbes, and Lou Poster.

April 6 – The Method And The Result, Dan Gerken, Billy Peake

May 1 – The Whiles, Trapper John, Miranda Sound

May 10 – Chris Brokaw, Hal Hixson, The Black Swans

May 22 – Cavendish

July 15 – Jack Rose, Christina Carter, Jerry DeCicca

September 17 – another moveon.org event, this one in support of the Democratic Party. Whether this is your political bag or not, the lineup is still mighty diverse and jam packed with talent: Columbus Power Squadron, Log Almighty Players, Catalpa Boys, Fort Recovery, 3 Amigos, Barry Hensley, Cassie Jacobs, Ricki C.

October 2 – The Black Swans, Moviola, Sword Heaven, Alwood Sisters

October 8 – AIDS benefit show featuring The Bygones, The Pleasure, The Hoodwinks, Bum Wealthy, Elliott 12 Trees, Olly, Paul Goll, Garnett and the Midnighters

October 29 – Halloween bash where attendees are encouraged to dress like dead rock stars. Admission is $7 and all proceeds benefit the Andyman-a-thon. As far as performers, we have The Black Swans, X-Rated Cowboys, Fletch, $3 Shirt, Ron Arps, BA Baracus, The Shatters, Trapper John, Glare

October 30 – Early Empire, Teeth of the Hydra, Pretty Mighty Mighty, The Judas Cow

December 18 – ’80s Power Ballad Night featuring Keith Jenkins, Chuck Oney, Christian Hurd, the irrepressible Quinn Fallon, Jamie Walker, Billy Peake, Brian from Kopaz, Rick Kinzinger, Ian Hummel, and Jamie Cambpell. A CD101 Show For The Kids tying in with the Andyman-a-thon charity drive.

2005

The big city-wide indoor smoking ban goes into effect early this year. Andyman’s Treehouse sits in this weird zoning anomaly called Clinton Township, however, which means they are exempt – for now.

March 19 – Tupalev, Last Hotel, Box

April 8 – The Method & Result

May 5 – Miranda Sound, Tiara

May 6 – The Randys

May 7 – The Midnighters, Stella

May 27 – my buddy Travis Tyo arranges for me to work the door at tonight’s show. I’m paid $30 and all the beer I can drink.

June 22 – Hoy, Lori

July 9 – Nick Castro, The Black Swans, In Gowan Ring

July 14 – Christian Hurd, Keith Jenkins

August 13 – Unfinished Wood CD release show

August 16 – Slow Dazzle, Eric Metronome, Jordan O’Jordan

August 23 – Josh Lederman y Los Diablos

September 3 – Electric Grandmother

October 13 – Cerulean, Earwig, Trapper John

December 1 – Joe Kile

December 16 – Homeless Families Foundation Benefit show with Colin Gawel and Joe Oestreich of Watershed performing, as well as Joe Peppercorn, Bob Sauls, John Vincent, R.J. Cowdery

December 17 – the latest ’80s Power Ballad Night. This time around we have Keith Jenkins, Chuck Oney, Happy Chichester, Joe Oestreich, Poophouse Reilly, Rick Kinsinger, Evil D., Tom Boyer, Bullet Jones, and Jamie Campbell

December 31 – Trainwreck, which is Kyle Gass’s side project, is listed in one prominent directory. However according to the Dispatch, X-Rated Cowboys and Lab Rats play. Then a couple weeks later they have yet another different listing that mentions Cinema Eye and Lab Rats instead. Although I suppose it’s possible all of these things are true.

2006

January 7 – Coltrane Motion

January 15 – The WMDs

February 20 – Voxtrot

February 28 – Cola Coca Death Squad

March 6 – Mi and L’au, Jerry DeCicca

March 10 – The Black Swans

March 17 – Trapper John

March 18 – The Stepford Five, Jon Chinn, Autumn Under Echoes

April 6 – The Wells, Jason Quicksall, Chris McCoy and the Gospel

April 7 – Bullet Jones, The Doggers, Sarah Asher, Aaron Hibbs

April 8 – Early Empire CD release party

Tonight is the long awaited Early Empire CD release party. A five song EP titled Resolutions and a Gun, it’s the first thing they’ve put out, after 4 years together (and official releases from The Handshake and The Judas Cow are still nowhere in sight, even though they too have both been around since ‘02). Recorded it a long time ago, but money hassles and just general dicking around even after the thing was pressed have kept them from booking this until now. As among the first 15 people in the door, our $5 cover charges mean we get this CD for free – I had no idea, but gladly accept.

Slow at first, talking to Quinn about this article I read recently saying he and Andyman are trying to sell this Treehouse. “Yeah, I’ve been in this business pretty much my whole life – eighteen years – it’s time to try something else,” he says, mentions devoting more time to the X-Rated Cowboys, etc.

Tony Bair comes up and does fake boxing moves, which I match. “Hey, I heard you guys’ stuff, man, you gotta look up this one friend of mine, he goes by Nate Dominion!” Tony enthuses, “his stuff reminds me of yours, like really off the wall, you guys should get together. You can get his email off our MySpace page…..”

Copper asking me about my experience at the Anderson’s, says he couldn’t find the place, was thinking about applying. I tell him about the ultra-precise filets, ridiculous cutting list, etc. He’s mildly discouraged, but intrigued by the potential (top dollar, I tell him, for it is) pay. Talking about how he plays street hockey in the abandoned Big Bear warehouse lot on 3rd, tore up his hamstring, should have taken a few months off, but came back after a month and tore it up again.

Elissa’s wearing this puke green shirt tonight, okay, and when she showed up at the door earlier, she had this red backpack on. Except I didn’t know it was a backpack, not initially, all I could see was this diagonal red strap cutting across the front, which even has buttons all over it. Therefore…it seriously looked to me like a Girl Scouts outfit. “Okay, I want a box of Thin Mints, and two boxes of Do-Si-Dos,” I joke, as she punches me in the arm.

The reason she’s rockin’ the backpack tonight though is that she wanted to bring her new Hi-8 camera to the show. She’s walking around all night filming stuff, pregame footage, then the bands playing, et cetera. She and I are singing along with Thin Lizzy’s Jailbreak which somebody played on the jukebox. I think she’s totally awesome and am really into this now. The only downside is I know she slept with Ultimate Donnie over there in the deli, and I’ve heard rumors about Gold as well, but, eh, for some reason I just don’t care when it comes to her. I don’t know, our personalities just seem to click.

Her sidekick Amy meanwhile is admittedly dressed to the nines tonight; Crystal I feel like I bust on repeated occasions checking me out from across the room; talking to Carracher about the motorcycle he recently purchased, he’s sitting at the bar. On opening day, the Indians night game we all watched over at the Glass House (before rainout), everyone (Carracher not present) was sweating this purchase, saying it “was too much bike for him,” and worried because he tends to space out, they were saying. But I don’t know, he seems like about the most straight-laced no nonsense dude in the world to me, and is surely proud enough, confident enough talking about his bike at this moment.

Vena Cava are the opening act tonight. I saw them in ’98 at a Superstar Rookie show at Little Brothers, and remember being considerably unimpressed. I think in my journal I might even have said they were horrible. Tonight, as it turns out, just two of the four members are playing, though I don’t initially know this; I wander back about three songs into their set, and assume they’d suffered a gradual defection of other members.

Whatever the case, I find my attitude concerning this group, aftere all these years, instantly thrown overboard. Who knows, maybe had all four members been present, I wouldn’t have felt the same way. “The other two are on vacation in Florida,” the singer/guitarist explains, a guy I later introduce myself to, after the set, name Keith.

“Really?” the drummer says.

“Well, one of them is, the other one’s stuck closing a Borders bookstore tonight.”

Wearing some kind of archaic plaid sport coat over a white tee shirt, a vertically rectangular goatee spotted mostly with grey and the wildest yet most natural looking bedhead ever – which means it most likely is a genuine bedhead, not some look he’s affecting – Keith’s voice has this husky genuineness to it, and his guitar playing, while not the greatest on the planet, manages to wring out these terrific little passages now and then, from the whole less-is-more camp mostly during these moments, just a line picked out w/ the right kind of mournful effect on it. A cornucopia of effects pedals down by his feet, and most of their songs feature at least one extended, high energy jam, but the aforementioned bits are what impress me more than the latter.

“This means we can play songs we never get a chance to,” Keith adds, in reference to the missing members, “this one here goes waaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy back, it’s one of the first ones I ever wrote.”

“How far back?” someone in the crowd questions.

Keith’s mouth flies open in a dismayed smile as he ventures, “‘88? ‘89? I don’t know, it was right around then, back when I was still living at my mom’s house.”

“So last year, then,” the drummer jokes.

Wearing a dapper tophat from roughly the same smoking-a-pipe-by-the-fireplace era as Keith’s sport coat, the drummer is nothing short of amazing, armed w/ a steady supply of perfect, original, impressively creative beats, without overplaying. My only complaint is that their songs are often structured as verse-chorus-verse-chorus-extended jam to the finish line, but that’s a minor one. Glad I had a chance to catch them again, here almost a decade later.

“You caught us in our infancy,” Keith laughs, when I track him down by the pool table later, explain my first experience.

“Same four guys?” I question.

“Yep, same four guys,” he says. A pretty nice dude – Travis and Chris were remarking earlier that they’d met him a bazillion times, and he was cool, but they felt bad because they could never remember his name.

Bumping into Tony Allman in the restroom: we both issue near simultaneous sarcastic, “well, well…..”s, and I add, “they’ll let just about anybody into this place, won’t they?”

The Pretty Weapons play second, and are a hard act to classify. Travis tells me beforehand they rock, but need a different singer (“he sounds like a bad Geddy Lee”), whereas Spain swears they’re heavy, but not good. Having watched them now myself, I’m not sure what to think. First off, the bass player does have about the most phenomenal sound I’ve ever heard in such a setting. I honestly had to leave the room at one point because I thought my kneecaps were going to melt. He’s playing some obviously heavy – literally, physically weight-wise – full bodied bass, and his amp has that logo of the little dude wearing, like, an ancient Roman battle helmet. Like a Stratego piece, whatever brand that is. And the guitarist and the drummer – they were a trio – could definitely play, but the songwriting surely needs more work. Like they’ll get on this cool groove, and sure, it takes chops to play it, but they ride out this same groove w/o any changes, and often no vocals, for sometimes up to two minute long stretches, and after awhile you start to figure – yeah, so what. I didn’t mind the vocals so much, actually, but thought the drum chair in particular could use an upgrade – Vena Cava’s was better, for instance.

Dan Bandman’s here w/ this cute brunette he just started dating, really nice. The story of how they met is odd and funny, which makes you think, as the old rule of thumb goes, they’ll stick around. He was buying a guitar off someone and she was the gopher, for whatever reason, bringing it to him at this coffee shop on behalf of the seller, and they hit it off, she stuck around, chatted, the rest is history.

“Good for Dan,” Spain tells me, “she’s gotta be better for him than that other nut he used to date, I hear she was a psycho.”

“Who, Kara?” I laugh.

“Yeah,” Spain nods.

Anyway, talking to Dan & his girl before the Pretty Weapons play, stage right on the other side of the tree. Leaving the room during my kneecap melting episode, I encounter Spain sitting at the bar. He’s told me, earlier, that Matt Miner is all about the Pretty Weapons, which doesn’t surprise me; now he wants to know what I think.

“Well, it’s like, they rock, but are they good? I don’t know. They get on these grooves and ride them forever, it’s like, big deal.”

“Exactly!”

“I wish Miner was here so I could debate him,” I lament.

“Matt Miner tries to come across as being into all this extreme music, but you’ll find he is actually really very conservative in what he listens to,” Spain says, which is funny, because Miner says the same thing to me about him almost verbatim. But Kevin has a point, talking about how Miner claims to be into total noise merchants like Sword Heaven but that he has a hard time believing Matt “gets home after a long day at work, and says to himself, hmm, I think I’ll throw on the Sword Heaven record to wind down to. I just can’t picture him sitting around actually listening to that stuff at home.”

Early Empire play a smoldering set, of course. Chris drunk and commiserating, before one song, that the Dispatch bought out Columbus Alive and are about three weeks away from completely overhauling that weekly, cheesing it out with a format change, et cetera. “Three weeks…three weeks…,” he says repeatedly, into the mic. Copper distressed because someone drew an arrow to him on the flyer above the men’s room urinal, with a caption that read, “fire this man.”

Chris telling me he’s had writer’s block for a year and asking me for advice. “You’ve got to find some way to break up your routines,” I tell him, “you know what really helps me, walk around the library aimlessly and don’t even pay attention to what section you’re in, then if some book catches your eye, whatever it is, pull it out and start reading it. It sounds crazy but it works.”

April 20 – Jonathan Hape, Eric Metronome

May 5 – Mark G. Turns

May 12 – Keith Jenkins and the Moving Parts, Jon Chinn, The 1803

June 23 – Semi-Precious Weapons

July 11 – Willie Phoenix

July 18 – Say Hi To Your Mom, Dirty on Purpose, The Polyatomic

July 21 – Early Empire farewell show

July 22 – Electric Grandmother, The Lindsay, and Greenlawn Abbey

July 23 – Tigersaw, This Is Smoke Signals, Matt Hubbard

September 8 – Los Caminos

September 21 – Yummy Fight, The Stragglers, Slim Red Soul

September 22 – Unkown, Matt Beckler, and Micah Schnabel

September 23 – Chris McCoy CD release event, with The Townsmen

September 26 – Willie Phoenix. Or else/also Ryan Cox, Josh from The Doggers? My notes are conflicting and confusing.

September 27 – open stage night

September 29 – Cracker, The Whiles. Admission was $15, possibly a record for this establishment.

October 5 – Richard Buckner and Doug Gillard, Joe Anderl & The Universal Walkers

October 27 – Halloween bash and benefit in support of the Andyman-a-thon charity drive. The Whiles, Fletch, Elliot 12 Trees, Jamie Campbell, Unit 1, Postcard, Teamtim, The Slang, Pretenders to the Throne, Hells Bells perform, which Andyman himself acting as MC throughout the night.

November 3 – Poop House Jug Band

December 9 – Shapes and Sizes, Eric Metronome, Joe Anderl. There’s at least a small clip of Metronome’s set:

December 16 – this year’s edition of the ’80s Power Ballad Night, to benefit CD101 for the Kids charities.

2007

January 26 – Mark G. Turns CD release(s) party to celebrate his dropping three albums on the same day: Just Like It Is, Stop Spraying Cologne and Perfume on Odor and Funk!!!, and Are You Aware? Can You Accept?

January 27 – Sarah Asher

An artsier approach with this clip, to say the least. But you know, I kind of like it – a lot of these other videos all tend to look the same. Whereas this individual seems to have just set an unfocused camera down and walked away. Plus, more importantly, it allows you to focus more on the actual music.

February 26 – Relay, Lymbyc Systym

March 1 – Little Brazil

March 11 – +/-

March 16 – The Mike McGraner Podcast is this cool series of videos that were filmed at Andyman’s. I’m not going to post all of them here, but this clip here should give you a good idea of what you’re in store for. Quinn Fallon, Nealbot, Twin Cam, and Bullet Jones perform on this particular night, though only those first two make it into this clip:

April 5 – Say Hi To Your Mom

May 1 – Zelazowa

May 4 – another Mark G. Turns CD release event! This time in support of The Message and Hearing Your Words

May 15 – Ole Soap

May 27 – Devilcake

July 6 – Lollipop Factory, Aether, Go Robot Go!, Postcard. Filmed as part of the Mike McGraner Podcast series. Some of Aether’s set was filmed, at least:

July 9 – Weird Paul. His set list is known and runs as follows:

What I’m Gonna Do to You
Cold Drinks
Pay for Your Tacos Quickly and Securely
I Dropped My Almond Joy Bar
Bowl Cut
Robot Armor
Acting Like Mel Torme
I Got Drunk at Chuck E. Cheese
Human Eye
If You Choose Rock ‘n Roll
More Time for MySpace
Wine Coolers

August 17 – Willie Phoenix, Twin Cam (they have one member from Watershed) play Andyman’s Treehouse

October 21 – Adam Franklin (of Swervedriver fame) & Bolts of Melody, Heavy Mole

October 27 – Darynyck

November 13 – Eric Bachmann

November 15-17 : a unique offering in the form of a 3 night residency from Megan Palmer. Miss Molly opens on the 15th; Joe Kile, Luther Wright, and Chris Brown on the 16th; then Church of the Red Museum, Wright, and Brown again on the 17th.

November 30 – Wussy, The Judas Cow, Bookmobile

December 23 – The Kyle Sowashes

2008

January 4 – Steve Shank (AKA Timid Blue). Clearly the video footage is becoming a little more plentiful as the years progress. Although still mostly on handheld cams, and uploaded by fans rather than the bands promoting themselves.

And so it is we also have footage, thanks to one dedicated fan, of The Black Swans playing here on this same night:

And then also Megan Palmer – same night:

January 11 – Willie Phoenix, Ryan Cox

Kyle Sowashes Yeah Buddy CD release flyer

August 22 – Hawkline, The Vague, Adam Marsland

November 1 – Hammer Of The Frauds, which is apparently some thrown together Zeppelin cover band, but dressed in costumes for Halloween. Sean Sefcik, Dan Bell, Billy Peake and “Party Steve” Howell are the fearsome foursome involved. Captain Exploder also plays, but I think that’s a whole separate thing.


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Carabar

Panda and Angel show Carabar Columbus Ohio

Zaun Zehner, sitting at a table in a 3 piece, is the first person I see upon entering tonight. This seems poetically fitting. The other guy seated with him turns out to be Chris Bay (from Night Vision, back in the day) but he doesn’t look least bit familiar to me – also in 3 piece.

A former classmate and current friend of who knows how many years’ standing, Zaun has basically always been considered the ultimate musical prodigy of my age bracket, back in our little hometown. But even so, our exposure to his prowess has proven relatively limited. Across the decades we’ve had scattered glimpes of him rocking out on various instruments, and doing so nimbly, with many more additional legends about performances we were not on hand to witness. Playing out with a couple bands here and there, or maybe just jamming in somebody’s basement. Still, one of the more puzzling aspects about his musical “career” to this point is that he really hasn’t done much else that we know about with these talents. For example, nothing that I’m aware of by officially released music – until now. His band Panda & Angel have just released their eponymous, debut EP in July of this year, and they’re in town all the way from Seattle on a tour to support it.

He’s such a tremendously nice guy, though, and in the big scheme I guess it really doesn’t matter – but only if we are making the bold claim that music doesn’t matter, period. I mostly think it does, however, and therefore kind of fall into the same camp as everyone else, not exactly grilling him about his lack of output, but privately wondering what the deal is. But maybe he always intended just to keep music a casual hobby, despite his oversized talents.

“Here’s McGathey,” I hear Josh Wackerly say, as I move deeper into the bar. He’s the guitarist in Panda & Angel, also a longtime friend, and is currently standing with Nate Sautter as well as some chick who turns out to be the singer: Carrie Murphy. Josh tells me Matt Montanya saw them 2x in Chicago; that they stayed with Chris Nicholson in Idaho; and for some reason, the first thing he tells Carrie about me concerns my involvement in the Goofy Guys.

“You guys had some good stuff,” he says, and appears to be serious, incredibly.

“What do you play?” she asks.

“A little bit of everything. It was good fun, though – bedroom recordings, 13, 14, 15 years old, using the two boombox method.”

“What’s that?”

I explain – incredibly, too, she says she’s never heard of anyone else doing this before.

-Andy Carpenter (big ol beard) and Melissa are here right after me: “what’s this I hear about a baby? I never heard nothin about that crap,” he says. Then Damon and Maryland (she’s got OSU attire and buckeyes on a necklace), along with some Carrie Ann chick she works with (tall, brunette hair shellacked sharply, stylishly; a shiny dress w/ decent cleavage, alternately blue and green; tanned; mischievous glint in her eyes) and Maryland’s brothers, Ted and Gary, whom I met once each about 6 years ago. Jason Woods is here, camera dangling from his neck. Jenny Mundy outrageously hot w/ long blonde hair tied back in ponytail – didn’t recognize – and also a black 3 piece suit. She’s talking about her ten year reunion.

“Was it a bust?” Damon asks.

“I wouldn’t say it was a bust, but it was definitely disappointing,” she says.

“That’s about what I’d say about our ten year,” Damon seconds, “it wasn’t quite lame but it was really close.”

“I never bothered going to any reunions because all the people I’d wanna see, I still see them,” I note.

“That’s pretty much how I feel,” Jenny agrees.

-I wanted to introduce Taylor and Damon, and finally have a chance to. Josh loves mentioning the Goofy Guys when introducing me, maybe, but for some reason I can never resist introducing Taylor without bringing up his Recordtown days.

-apparently, Clif sent Damon pictures of himself with Andrea, either before or after wedding. “She’s pretty hot – I’m not sure how he did it,” I praise Clif as we stand beside where he’s sitting.

“That’s what I was thinking,” Damon laughs, tells Clif, “and I agree with you, dude, that’s great: she’s from this white conservative Republican family, you know they gotta be just loving this.”

-I ask Maryland if she had to flash someone to get that necklace.

“I’m not that kind of girl!” she gasps, but laughing.

-I ask Taylor, across room I shout it, for a “Columbus Ohio.”

“I can tell this is gonna be good,” Damon says.

Taylor looks to Lori, then back at me, shakes head. “She says it’s too early. Let me finish my wings first.”

-Brian Schaub rolls in, he’s quit Grant Hospital to go back to school, is now at Cap City but claims he doesn’t need the money; Jeremy Wendling; Matt Wackerly in a sweater, looking totally unchanged.

“You know, there’s only one guy in this room who looks exactly the same as he did 15 years ago,” I tell Angela.

“Matt!” she laughs, “I know, that’s what everyone says.” She resembles the old self, but like many of us I suppose just a little older and with the edges rounded off, or whatever you’d call it. Her hair is longer, reddish now too.

-“Is that Jack Edinger?” Damon gasps

“Yeah; that’s the same reaction I had the first time I saw him after it had been a few years,” I reply.

“Man! He’s lost weight and he’s really shot up!”

“Little Jackie’s all grown up now!” Schaub cracks, “he’s shaving, he likes girls, he’s even gotten his pubes….”

-Jessie Adkins looking rough in yellow hoodie, giant rings in ears, bags under eyes. Insists he’s been off heroin awhile but “now I’m just a really bad alcoholic,” he says.

-Donnie Larck’s here; now, I’ve seen him a couple times in the past year, once shopping at Oats and once at North Market, and he I believe must be clean – both times he was immaculate and dressed to the nines in brand new threads, and I thought both times, this guy is supposed to be a big junkie? But he says it’s been 3 years, actually.

-Dan says he’s most surprised to see Donnie here out of anyone. “He always used to come into the String Shoppe scratchin his nuts, his nose all red…”

“Lookin for something to steal?”

“Well of course. I kept my eye on him.”

-Mr. Enderle is here! Looks the same, only greyer of head

-Ryan Fry and some girl; come to think of it Jack has a girl (Jeremy says it’s been going on a year and they’ve yet to sleep together); Megan Stolfi, looking hot; Dan’s woman Carrie, who waves hi to me from where she stands nearby, along w/ 2-3 other chickees – we talk briefly; the drunken entourage supporting Hostetler’s last hurrah: Travis (up from NC), Tony, Keith, Norman, Yarman, Pitt – I spot Carrie Ann talking to him.

-“There’s something wrong there,” Damon says of Carrie Ann, “she makes a ton of money, she’s good looking, she seems cool but she can’t find a guy? I tell Maryland there’s something wrong, there, and she says no! She’s nice! And I’m like yeah (scoffs, nods knowingly). Like I said, there’s something wrong with her.”

“She’s got an ugly pussy,” I speculate, and we both start cracking up.

-Matt Wackerly is also asking me about Emma. I keep telling Andy and Melissa they’re next – “don’t say that!” she laughs.

-Eric Voss is here in a head to toe St. Louis Cardinals baseball uniform. It’s unclear why, other than his status as a hardcore Redbirds fan. Knowing his Lee Marvin fanatacism, I mention catching an obscure movie of his recently (Gorky Park) and asking him if he’s seen it. He nods, but then realizing he doesn’t have this movie in his collection, actually pulls out a notepad and scribbles this down, a reminder to acquire it. I think this is hilarious, but then again guess I don’t really have much room to talk.

Less defensible are his apparent game-crushing antics. Jeremy Wendling drifts over to a few of us at one point asking who on earth this guy with the “radio announcer voice” is (Eric), wondering why he’s talking like this (always does), and lamenting that this dude was totally fucking up his game in trying to hit on some chicks.

-somehow, don’t ask me how, I end up spending a great deal of time hanging out and chatting with…Andy Thomas’s parents.

-Opening band: Sarah Asher. Damon insists, “eh, if you stand up there close, you can hear there is some cool stuff going on.” But for me, it’s an intriguing idea that needs a lot of tweaking – she whelps a la Bjork and plays violin (dressed in Geisha outfit, as is chick guitar player); aside from that and guitar, there’s a guy playing drums a guy

(*this is what you might call a “fractured narrative.” My notes stop right there, mid-sentence, at the bottom of a page. But I obviously wrote more than this, recall doing so as well, but am simply unable right now to find the page(s) to conclude this tale. So about 2 1/2 reviews are missing here. Actually I feel like there’s at least one more handwritten page, possibly two, and that I had them out not so terribly long ago – so have hopefully just misplaced them for the time being. I’ve been sitting on this post for a while, as a result, was leaning toward shelving it – but recently decided to just publish it as is instead. Why not.)

II.

Carabar (sometimes stylized as Cara Bar) was a former live music venue/bar located at 115 Parsons Avenue. It opens in the summer of 2005, courtesy of wife-husband founders Cara Borkes and Ron Barker, in a spot once occupied by The Dell. They obviously drew the bar’s name, in case you didn’t quite catch that, from a mash-up of their own. Although I must also relate that in the course of my research, I found an unexpected reference in a 1903 edition of the Dispatch, this poem by someone named Margaret Kirby Taylor, whereby she mentions (twice) someone named the “Earl of Carabar.” I’m sure this is just some wacky coincidence, but a great one – and it makes me wonder at opportunities lost, if they couldn’t have held a yearly event or something crowning the current Earl Of Carabar.

Carabar’s unique in that they almost never charge a cover. Instead, they pay the bands a certain percentage based upon sales for that night. It’s an intriguing business model, though I haven’t personally polled any musicians on how this concept worked in practice. But, moving forward about a century to a January 2007 piece for the Dispatch, Sarah Asher’s accordian player, Alana Odenweller, is quoted as saying, “we’ve gotten paid more there than lots of other places we’ve played that had a cover.”

John O’Connor’s a bartender here circa this era, and though we have some mutual friends, he’s always been a dick to me for some reason – although it’s unclear whether he’s a dick to all unfamiliar people, or if it’s something specific that I did. Or didn’t do. One thing I know is that while able to be “cool” in the sense of just hanging out and going with the flow, I’ve certainly never been “cool” in the sense of saying and doing what’s trendy. And it feels like maybe this is the beef: I’m not trendy enough for his tastes. One night for instance some of us ended up at his place somehow for afterhours, and he was positively apoplectic with disbelief over my admittedly dumb but totally harmless jokes – these observations of mine just weren’t cool enough. And ditto a different night at the Glass House.

Well, at least he serves the drinks here without too much drama, so that’s something. Joining forces with him on some nights is Amber, who is also known to sling drinks at Andyman’s Treehouse too, and is Judas Cow bassist Ryan Haye’s girlfriend during this stretch. And as far as highlights for this bar, Tenacious D’s Kyle Gass once played here semi-incognito (sporting a hilariously cheesy fake wig) with his side project, Trainwreck. Otherwise, they have a treasured old pinball machine named High Speed, and Christmas lights hanging year round to spruce up the joint. This bar never trifles with a website, which I somewhat admire, even as it’s made figuring out who played here when a daunting enterprise. They do, however, feature for a spell this regular dance night called Sweatin’, so some may consider this a worthy concession prize. They also have their own little record label going, titled Manup, with the first ever release being Dragged Out by The Lindsay.

As for why Carabar ever closed, all I can find are some references in the early 2010s that the state of Ohio was acquiring the property, just to demolish it for a planned interstate widening project of nearby I-71. While I’m not sure if the proposed acquisition ever took place or not, the demolition clearly did not, for 115 Parsons Avenue still stands – currently, it is occupied by KB Fleet Solutions. There is some dude on Youtube, however, who says he was given Carabar’s former payphone booth. That, some live footage, a couple flyers and mountains of memories are all that remain, it seems, from this once treasured musical oasis.

2005 events:

December 22 – Mark Mallman

2006 events:

As of 2006 (not sure if this is eternally true), Carabar proudly declares that admission is always free at its shows. Taco Ninja, he of Cafe Bourbon Street fame, is running the in-house kitchen here. They also serve hot dogs, though it’s not quite clear who is responsible for such. Vegan options, too, including hot dogs as well as chili.

In the early part of the year, the big smoking ban goes into effect for most of Columbus. Some of the less thrilled bar owners are combating this in extremely creative ways, and here, they hand out Altoids tins to the smokers – I think the strategy here was that, in case of some raid, you could just close up the tin, with the cigarette and ashes, and pitch the thing.

March 3 – Early Empire show, with The Handshake and The Judas Cow

March 7 – Townes Van Zandt tribute night

April 6 – Jesse Henry

April 7 – Todd Deathrage, Todd May.

April 8 – The Skilletlickers, Bob Sauls, Mors Ontologica, I’m With Stupid.


The Judas Cow will play here every Saturday in May. The performance area now has its mirrors (left of stage) covered with a giant American flag.

May 4 – Opening night of Columbus Fringe Festival, held at multiple venues around town. There’s a show here, but I’m unsure who plays. It runs for at least 4 consecutive weekends (I think Thu-Sun each week).

May 6 – Wussy, featuring this guy who used to be in Ass Ponys, headlines. The Judas Cow and Kyle Sowash also play.

May 20 – I only “catch” one of these Judas Cow May shows, although even that’s not totally correct, because by the time I show up they’re already finished. But El Jesus De Magico are next, followed by Greenlawn Abbey, neither of which I’ve seen live up to this point. El Jesus sound great, but I feel like their songwriting needs a little work. Tony Allmon plays keyboards for those guys. Ned Hodge is here and runs up to thank me for coming to his get together the previous weekend.

June 21 – Marianne Dissard, Chris McCoy

July 1 – Ocean Ghosts (duo consists of Scotty Boombox and J Rhodes) hold a CD release party for their new release, Stars and Stripes Foreva.

July 22 – The Little Darlings, Drop Dead Sons, Sons of Solomon, Kockasains

August 4 – one year anniversary blowout featuring El Jesus De Magico, Greenlawn Abbey, The Squares, The Outerspacists, Posture Coach

September 2 – New Bomb Turks play a reunion show, with Grafton and Necropolis opening.

September 14 – afterparty for an art exhibition being held across the street, at The Chop Chop Gallery. Featuring artists Chad Gordon and Klutch, that event wraps up at 11pm, so I’m guessing the festivities kick off here around that time.

October 19 – bash held in conjunction with Chop Chop Gallery kicks off at 9, to celebrate co-owner Ron Barker’s birthday. Teeth of the Hydra play on this side of the street (Drop Dead Sons and Welcome Farm are over at the gallery).

October 27 – Church of the Red Museum play. There’s an article in the 10/26 edition of Alive! and “Ultimate” Donnie Roberts, who works in the deli at Wild Oats, is front and foremost, in a black sport jacket and tie, blood red colored shirt, looking quite menacing and serious indeed.

The interview is conducted at Mac’s Cafe. Some of these characters were in Go Evol Shiki but I’m not sure which ones – Brian Travis (singer/primary songwriter), Robby Coleman (I think he plays drums), Tom Butler (guitar), Donnie (bass), Bill Jankowski (organ), Leslie Jankowski (violin/trumpet). In particular they are discussing the tune A Flush Never Felt So Bad, which Coleman describes as “it sounds surgical to me, like you’re standing in a crowd and then – boom! You’re standing there with your guts hanging out.” Here I thought the title was a poker reference.

Butler goes on to say that with Go Evol, they spent five years working on an album that never saw they light of day. But that this Church CD, which just came out, was recorded in a day and a half.

Beat The Devil play tonight also.

October 28 – Panda & Angel show reviewed (well, sort of) at beginning of this piece

October 29 – The Lindsay, Coffenberry

October 31 – Halloween throwdown featuring comedy music duo Pleaseeasaur. This is one rare exception where they are charging admission, which somehow ranges from $3 to $10.

November 10 The Kyle Sowashes play an album release party. Distribution of this puppy is limited to 300 copies of a vinyl seven inch. Very cool! Miranda Sound, Loretta, and Fine Dining play also.

November 16 – MTV2 is on hand to film Ryan Smith & The Agency, for their internet series On The Rise.

November 19 – Portastatic

December 2 – Buffalo Killers

2007 events:

January 11 – Benjy Ferree

January 13 – Odawas, Jorma Whittaker

March 13 – Hot Cross

March 19 – Sarah Asher

March 28 – The One AM Radio

March 31 – another Ocean Ghosts CD release party – this time with pizza! It’s in support of their latest effort, which is of course titled Pepperoni Lovers.

2008 events:

January 18 – Terribly Empty Pockets/Psychedelic Horseshit/Tree Of Snakes/Rage Against The Cage. In mentioning this show, Alive is complaining that the bar doesn’t post its schedule online.

February 23 – Cheater Slicks

April 18 – Guinea Worms

May 16 – Deadsea

2009 events:

January 25 – Skeletonwitch

May 1 – a benefit show for local musician Bob Sauls, hindered at this moment by a broken leg. Happy Chichester, Megan Palmer, Baby Lindy & The Drugmothers, Nuclear Children, and the compellingly named Rock, Ravage, and Coleman are listed as performers. Chris Ryan and Myke Rock made this event happen, to help pay Sauls’ medical bills.

May 12 – Thrones

August 22 – Rosehips

October 16 – Super Desserts

November 23 – Earthless

December 30 – Swamp Leather

2010 events:

April 2 – Couch Forts

April 6 – La Dispute

July 11 – Plague Mountain. The band could shred and all, but the vocals are more of this Cookie Monster crap that I just don’t get. Songwriting and structures seem pretty, um, cookie cutter as well.

August 12 – Flotation Walls

October 16 – Lifeguard

November 20 – Saintseneca. I’m digging the rustic Appalachian approach – not that I have the first clue where they’re actually from…

2011 events:

As of 2011 (if not sooner), local musician Nick Tolford can be found manning the soundboard here during his free time. However, for some reason I’ve yet to find any listings for him playing Carabar.

February 17 – Steamboat

May 17 – The Whines

May 24 – Daytrader, Hostage Calm, Light Years and Colors

May 27 – Way Yes

August 12 – Carabar Metal Fest featuring Churches Burn, The Pledge Of Cain, Red Sun, Bridesmaid, Locusta

November 11 – Zebulon Pike

November 24 – legendary local (and beyond) rockers The Godz play a Thanksgiving show. As you might expect, they come up the most professional and informative footage of any that I’ve seen shot here:

2012 events:

January 8 – not an event within the bar per se, but on this date a band called Enabler does release a live album recorded here, imaginately titled Live At Carabar.

March 7 – The End Of The Ocean

June 5 – Sun Valley, in their first ever live performance

September 12 – Icon Gallery, who’ve posted this clip online. The sound quality of the recording isn’t the greatest, but man, it certainly sounds as if these fine folks know how to rock! I think another band called Inservibles played here this night as well. Not digging their rather simplistic approach quite as much, but hey, this is just one man’s opinion.

October 4 – Wooden Teeth

2013 events:

February 8 – Liquid Crystal Project

February 17 – MAMA. Here’s another live clip. Some wonderfully funky stuff.

I’m a technology buff as much as the next guy, and love my modern gadgets the same as everyone else. But sometimes it’s hard not to feel a little nostalgia for these earlier eras, when any live footage at all was a rare, rare treat. Though clearly becoming much more widespread, even during these years.

March 9 – If These Trees Could Talk. Here’s a nice long video documenting their set. Not much to see here, but it certainly sounds killer:

March 16 – Modes

August 12 – My Dad, The Para-Medics, SRVVLST, I Mustache You A Question

November 22 – Abazagorgath

2014 events:

February 21 – Henry Passion, Eternally Dizzy, Mr. Morning Sunshine

May 23 – Mugger.

And that’s the last live show I can find, folks. Anybody with a hot tip concerning others, I would love to hear from you.

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Bob The Fish Guy

Bob The Fish Guy polo shirt

For the record, I loved working here. I actually wish I could have done this full time, and had started years earlier. Yet as it turned out, I was only able to last about 3 months, in this murky grey zone somewhere between full and part time. This mostly because, insanely enough, it became my THIRD job that I was holding down, all at once, for those few months there in late 2006. It couldn’t have arrived at a better time, though, and for this I have to thank my good friend Dan Bandman. My hiring here was entirely his orchestration, under circumstances that are no less than bizarre.

But before we get to all that, let’s run down the particulars. For many a year, Bob The Fish Guy was an institution at North Market, a sizable shop that eats up pretty much the entire north wall of that building. Bob Reany is the guy who owns the place, this extremely brash New Yorker. His youngest son Devin works full time here, and oldest son Alex also chips in a handful of hours a week. Also Bob’s mom, Pat, ever so slightly more than that. She’s this hilariously grouchy old lady (hilarious to me, anyway; others are less than enthralled by her antics)(then again you could say that about the entire family) while Devin is this bespectacled, ballcap-rockin’ dweeb. He is a huge baseball nerd, though, so we at least have this to discuss, and in fact during any lull whatsoever, Devin can be found religiously kicking back in front of the lone computer here, to visit one or more New York Mets websites – that’s his team and he is completely obsessed with them, would easily do this for hours if left to his own devices.

Alex, who clearly must have gotten most of his genes from his mother, whoever she is, stands taller than the others, is more the conventionally handsome type, and actually has what you might call at least a modicum of normal social skills. So a total outlier with that clan. He’s also going to college during most weekdays, which is why he doesn’t work here much. The interaction between these two brothers is possibly most comical of all, because they don’t have a whole lot in common whatsoever. To the extent even I am in (silent) agreement with Devin, the day the two of them are sparring, because Jon Stewart is coming to speak at OSU, and it’s only open to students – Devin wants to go, but doesn’t attend; Alex attends, but can’t go, and is therefore adamant his younger brother can simply borrow his student ID. Devin correctly considers this totally preposterous, that there’s no way he could pass for Alex.

“I mean, all he’d have to tell them is he forgot to take his acne medication!” Alex is complaining to me, when Devin refuses.

Apart from this family, the only other two employees are this dreadlocked black dude named Rich, with whom I probably interact the most, overall, and this mild-mannered guy in the back, Bobby, who is basically tasked with nothing more than handcrafting soups every day, and washing up his own dishes afterwards – but oh, what soups these were! Typically nothing short of phenomenal. And such a huge draw that it made sense for Bob to have Bobby focus on these every moment of the day. These would rotate out regularly, depending on what we have available, although two of his more fondly recalled concoctions for me are the Pumpkin Nut Brown Ale Cream Soup, with tilapia and swordfish in it, and also the Black Bean Corn Stew, also featuring sword. These might sound strange, but trust me, they were awesome, a sentiment you could apply to everything Bobby made.

And an extremely nice guy, too, although he didn’t say much. As for Rich, we have a decent amount in common, as far as chatting about music and the nightlife scene and so on. Although it’s originally bothering me for the longest time, at least the first few weeks, because right off the bat I feel like I know this guy from somewhere, but I can’t figure it out. Then one day he mentions he likes to play pool at Oldfield’s On High, and that’s when it hits me: that’s where I met him, on just a single occasion. It was a night where he was running the pool table, I showed up, and though typically not very good at all, was having some kind of flukish night and kept beating him. And while he seemed to have some talent, I could tell he wasn’t exactly a pro, yet seemed to regard himself as a real hustler and was getting extremely agitated that I kept winning. I don’t mention any of this now, though, because he’s a pretty cool cat and it’s okay to let that night slide into obscurity.

One day Rich is trying to explain to Bobby and me everything he knows about Rosh Hashanah (although he can’t remember if it’s that or Yom Kippur that is coming up soon) and says, “it’s like, you can’t drive a car, you can’t talk on the phone, and you fast until evening, you can’t eat anything until then. And somehow, that proves you’re worthy to God.”

To which Bobby quips/observes, “yeah but I don’t drive a car, I don’t talk on a phone…a lot of times I don’t eat anything until evening, either, so what does that mean?”

Then there’s Bob. As mentioned he’s this totally over the top, highly vocal character from NYC, but this doesn’t bother me in the slightest. You might even say that I prefer this management type. It never fazes me to work for dickheads (though I wouldn’t even characterize him as this, not really): just give it to me straight, I can handle it. This is so much better than the typical corporate environment, or what you would even call the joke of a management style we’re running into over at Wild Oats, where the bosses will tell you one thing one day, tell you the complete opposite the next, then get all huffy and pissed like you’re some kind of troublemaker when you call them on it and ask for clarification. And that’s as GOOD as it gets for the most part over there – at least then, they’re speaking directly to you. Far more common is for those clowns to tell this guy to tell that guy to tell someone else to tell you that you need to knock it off with such and such.

This is not going to be a problem with Bob Reany. If he wants to flip out on you, he’s going to do so right then and there, at maximum volume. But at least he is consistent, and knows what he’s doing. So as a result, I really vibe with the guy. In fact, the whole reason Bandman called was that he heard Bob was hiring, and instantly thought of me. “I had a feeling you two would hit it off,” he says.

II.

One day Rich is on this extended kick, ranting in amusing/amused fashion about the Reany family, one with concludes with him smirking and saying, “and of course the crown jewel in all of this is (extends his arms and raises his palms for dramatic effect)…Granny!”

So, yes, there’s the Pat experience. Although she’s one of these cranky old people who is so over the top that it’s impossible to take seriously, and is therefore more hysterical than anything. Her most notorious episode by far stems from the day mayor Michael Coleman stops by our shop, but she has no idea who he is. Yet for some insane reason Pat is actually left alone helping him. To say she “muddles” her way through a friction filled transaction with Mr. Coleman, owing entirely to her thickheaded abrasiveness, is an understatement. Although our illustrious mayor handles it well, to his eternal credit. All he wants is for Pat to cook him two fish sandwiches in this nifty contraption Bob has, which does most of the work for you, provided you set the timer right. Except she apparently doesn’t, as Mayor Mike reluctantly returns and asks if she can cook them a little longer – she grudgingly does, though is grumbling to everyone all over this building afterwards that she was just stuck helping “some crazy black guy.”

It’s therefore obvious why I think her interactions with other people are 100% pure buffoonery. Yet even when directing her tirades at me, it’s comedy gold in my ledger. There’s this night where I plastic wrapped all the bowls in our case, per daily closing ritual, and while I’m admittedly so experienced at this point in my career that these babies are tight as can be, i.e. a wrinkle-free Saran wrap sheet, she’s still arguing with me for a minute or so there whether I did this or not, whilst she is looking right at them: “you didn’t wrap those.” “Yes I did.” “No you didn’t.” “Yes I did.” Until she finally poked one of the bowls and discovered – lo and behold – there was indeed a sheet of plastic covering it! There were plastic wraps covering each of the bowls! How amazing!

“Oh,” she says with a sheepish grin, “I guess you did.” Then issued a somewhat backhanded compliment about how she’d never seen anyone wrap these so tight.

Early in my tenure here, she actually punches me in the arm because I’m trying to store tilapia with sheets of wax paper in between the layers. Putting away the fish at night, and she sees this, totally wigs out.

“We don’t need these! Come on, you worked at Whole Foods, you should know that!”

I calmly explain to her that every place you work, they all have completely different methods for pretty much everything. But they act like you’re completely off your rocker if you have experience and yet show up and don’t automatically already know this particular place’s methods for doing everything (as she is doing just now, for instance). Anyone who’s ever worked for multiple businesses would know this to be true…which come to think of it is probably why I already expect as much, and am able to shrug her off.

Far more hysterical is the night where it’s just the two of us working, yet again, and I just can’t take this seafood cart anymore, its balky wheels which won’t quite roll right. Therefore decide to flip it over and grease them with some sesame oil I found nearby – a tiny bit of which ends up on the floor.

“Why didn’t you think to take that outside?” she barks.

“If I thought it was a big deal I would’ve taken it outside.”

“That’s the problem with you smart guys,” she curses, sprinkling salt on the oil, “you never think about the easy way to do something. Well, you can’t get workman’s comp for being stupid if you slip and fall on this – and I’d go to the hearing, too, and tell the judge, he’s a moron, I saw him do it, don’t give him anything!

Aside from the bucket o’ laughs this inspires, however…I don’t see how wheeling the gimpy cart all the way outside and oiling it and bringing it back in is “easier” than sprinkling a little bit of salt. But maybe that’s just me. To fill this picture in a little better, also consider this day where she gets on me, two separate occasions, for leaving the skin on the cutting board after cutting it off by request for a customer – while I was still dealing with the customer. It reminds me of this older jackass at the Sawmill Road Kroger who would go POSITIVELY APESHIT if you didn’t clean and sanitize the grinder the instant you were finished using it, before you even got around to wrapping and putting out the ground beef, even though nobody else I’ve worked with in all my years of meat/seafood experience operated like this. But anyway the real kicker with Pat here is that later on the exact same day, she left an entire mahi mahi fillet sitting on the cutting board for half an hour.

III.

But yeah, how this job comes about in the first place is completely off the wall. Sometimes you just have to speculate the universe is looking out for you and leave it at that. I had seriously just spent the earlier portion of this day in August at the Child Support Agency downtown, which nobody else whatsoever knew anything about. Had just been handed a thoroughly baffling verdict, to the tune of $580 per month I’d be forking over to baby momma, which I can assure you in 2006 dollars was certainly no small amount (hell, even in 2026, this is not exactly pocket change). It left me wondering how in the world I was going to manage this, even working two jobs. Dan knew nothing of my plight – none of my friends did, I hadn’t mentioned it to anyone – leading up to this meeting. But I had just shown up for an afternoon gig at Wild Oats, this child support situation hanging over my head, and shortly upon arrival here at the store…Dan calls, asks me if I might be able to squeeze in working for Bob The Fish Guy, because they need help, and he feels like I would really vibe with this dude.

And he’s right. All it takes is one short conversation with Bob, where we dip out to one of the picnic tables outside the North Market, for us to hatch out an agreement and exactly what shifts I’ll be working. And from the outset, it’s apparent that this is a perfect fit. As previously mentioned, I’m not the least bit concerned about his blustery tirades, feel confident enough not to land on the wrong side of them too often. And when I do, well, then he probably has a point. He obviously knows what he’s doing – is generally considered one of if not the absolute top seafood captains in town – and I might even learn something from him, who knows.

Meanwhile, as far as the perks, he has one gigantic heaping mound of clean Bob The Fish Guy and/or all purpose North Market shirts always at the ready, meaning you never have to wash any if you don’t want to. I show up and throw a fresh one on, grabbing whatever I want from the impressively diverse arsenal, then throw it in the nearby hamper later, when it’s dirty – at least most of the time. To this day I still have at least one Bob shirt and two North Market ones dating from my tenure here. Which I obviously wore out of here on the nights in question. He also gives us one free meal a day, from his somewhat diverse array of offerings, and best of all, perhaps, is that I am paid in cash. I’ve never been able to figure out why any legit businessman would do so, but you do run into this from time to time, and all I can reason is that it must just be for convenience’s sake.

Also, I’m so brainwashed by corporate retail life that it takes weeks upon weeks to adjust – if ever I truly do – to the fact that nobody cares what I’m doing with my time here. Working for various millon and billion dollar megachains, you’re always looking over your shoulder, attempting to stay busy at every minute even if the work is technically done. Here, you just have to do your job. There is no “manager” patrolling the North Market. Especially on the many nights where I’m closing alone, if I want to sit and read a book for hours (and of course I often do just that) while keeping an eye on the counter, so long as the required tasks are done and done right, then Bob doesn’t give a fuck. It’s unbelievably refreshing.

He and I do get along great, too, or at least as great as you can with the guy, to where his tirades don’t bother me in the slightest, though I am determined to do as good a job as I can for him. One of the first topics we “bond” over concerns the idiocy of the OSU Buckeye football fanatics, who remain as annoying as ever. It’s already a topic for us, and then there’s this morning where I’m listening to the radio on my headphones, on the way to work, and some local dork of a DJ is gushing about the most recent win, as though about to pee himself as he exclaims, “I just hope we can keep this run going!” This was after their second game of the season…a win which put their record at a whopping…yes, 2-0. The first win of which was against an unranked Northern Illinois team. Nonetheless, there were riots aplenty here on campus, to the tune of a couple dozen student arrests or thereabouts.

I get to work and am relating what I just heard to him, adding, “since when is winning two games in a row considered a run!?”

“These idiots don’t realize they’re the laughingstock of the nation,” he replies, concerning OSU football zealots, “I’m in New York this weekend and it’s all over the radio, 22 people arrested for rioting. The announcers are cracking up, they’re like, you’ve won two games – at least have something to riot about!

One day Bob gets pissed off trying in vain to repair a hinge on the freezer, and therefore chucks his screwdriver into the trashcan. It’s a “coffin” type freezer, though, thus has its uses beyond merely keeping food cold, wonky hinge or not. Like this other occasion, where he has the trash can flipped upside down on top of the freezer, and is pounding it with a hammer to attempt fixing the wheel. Which is also unsuccessful, and now means that the trash can has one less wheel.

Many of the Bob-isms uttered are priceless. Among those I remember and manage to jot down are him telling a customer one day, “I’m menstruating. Now’s not a good time for silly.” Or also the time he’s flipping out on me for using too much butcher paper to wrap an order: “hey buddy! Easy on the paper!” he shouts from across the shop. Then there’s the occasion whereby a young female customer walks in and complains that some scruffy looking guy is playing electric guitar way too loud, right outside the door. Bob immediately walks out to talk to this character, then returns, calls upstairs to the office to tell them – dude needs to have a permit in order to play here.

“I’m tired of being the market fuckin bouncer, but that’s what it’s turned into,” he tells me.

Speaking of bouncers, or at least fashion police, during this era, North Market Poultry is across the aisle from us, and are by far our most interacted with allies. Jerry, the owner, does get on me one day for wearing a Wild Oats hat into the building, and yells at me to take it off – which I don’t mind doing, because his point about not advertising for other businesses, competitors at that, is a valid one.

His wife, Annemarie, is also in the mix plenty over there, as are Dan Bandman, Chris Burney (he of local band The Sun), and Hubert, this hardworking yet extremely nice and somewhat older Polish guy who eventually opens his own shop in this market. They frequently give me their leftovers at the end of the night, to the extent my fridge at home becomes overflowing with them – to this day, hearing, seeing, or smelling anything to do with Chicken a la King instantly reminds me of this place. And then a couple other familiar faces at the very least are floating elsewhere around the building. Eric, a former bartender at R Bar on High Street, also works the juice bar here, and Shea, a former coworker at Wild Oats, is over in Omega Bakery. She’s also dating Chris Burney at the time, and swings by to say hi often in her travels.

IV.

Things take a surreal turn just three weeks into my tour of duty, though. I show up one afternoon and Bob unexpectedly asks me if I want to run this place. Which is shocking on any number of levels, although we can start first with the most obvious: so what is he going to be doing, then? Well, as it turns out, he’s just gotten a job offer back in Manhattan, one which he considers “too good” to turn down. Therefore he is moving back there almost immediately, yet intends to maintain ownership of Bob The Fish Guy. Can’t hardly handle the day to day affairs from that distance, however, which is why he’s making this pitch to me.

I’m extremely flattered, while also considering it amusingly telling that he didn’t offer it to his kids, certainly not his mom, nor for that matter Rich. And it goes without saying Bobby would have no interest in this level of responsibility. Yet I mull the matter over and finally admit to him that…I just can’t take him up on this offer, not with a clear conscience. And the reason for that is, which I hadn’t spilled the beans on yet, was that I planned on moving out of town at the end of the year. More than a plan, actually – it was happening. I needed this job so badly that I hadn’t mentioned it to him until now, was just banking on issuing the standard two weeks’ notice when the time arrived.

In retrospect, I probably should have just said screw it, taken the extra money he (presumably) would have given me for that role, did my best for the next three months, then bailed. Because I wind up shooting myself in both feet by turning it down. Some of my other concerns, though, are also personnel related, shall we say. Everyone does a fine job and all, but I have an extremely hard time imagining that Devin and Alex and Rich are going to really listen to anything I might say from an orders-issuing standpoint. And having your head on the chopping block as the guy “in charge” without possessing any real authority, eh, think I’ll pass on that one. Also, though confident enough, can I really and truly handle that job, anyway? I believe I could, but who knows?

Bob’s standards are mighty high, after all. I’ve stood there watching various fish mongers show up with their wares, only to have him cherry pick through the merchandise and sending them packing with half or more of their intended delivery refused by him. This one older guy, who apparently also used to work here at one point, sometimes looked more on the brink of bursting into tears, rather than the anger I would expect, when Bob shooed him away, still holding most of the fish he’d shown up with and hoped to sell. But he needed whatever meager crumbs Bob would throw him, and apparently had no choice but to continue doing business with our mercurial owner.

Given all this, there’s one more dimension to relate about this enterprise, which is completely unfathomable, and makes no sense to me no matter how many times I turn it over in my head. Bob ran a somewhat maniacally tight ship, had the most refined standards from a merchandise standpoint that I’ve ever seen, and was constantly talking about his numbers. Not just his numbers, either, but the market’s overall numbers, versus how they did x numbers of years ago and so on.

So you would suffer through all of this on a typical day, only to reach closing time. Where you’re taking all the cash he accumulated throughout that day, and stuffing it into a safe in the back of the shop, which had no lock. There’s a sign on the safe door saying SMILE! YOU’RE ON CAMERA! which everybody obviously knows to be false because…his safe is seriously cleaned out in its entirety on a regular basis. Somebody is drifting in here, after I leave but before the market’s doors are closed, and wiping him out. Constantly.

It happens a few times right off the bat, after I start here. This is one of those situations which is incredibly awkward for everyone who works here, and I can’t understand why he wouldn’t just get a damn safe that works. But there’s no way to make yourselves look any less guilty – again one where bringing it up and denying any culpability, I feel, only makes a person look more guilty, not less. The only way to look less guilty, really, is to not mention it at all, which is how I choose to handle it.

Though it must be somewhat apparent that this is weighing on me, anyway. Because one day, apropos of nothing, Bobby says to me, “hey man, don’t worry about it. This has been happening for years. Since way before you got here.”

Well, I do have my suspect in the case, but don’t mention this to anyone. It’s this fake rastafarian looking white kid who used to work in one of the vendor stalls elsewhere around here, apparently, yet now goes around cleaning the market floors and so on. Wears this freaking knitted toboggan in the summertime and is extremely chummy with seriously just about every employee in the building, though he curiously doesn’t seem to come around this end much.

I figure I’ll just keep my eyes on him, who knows, something may come of it. At the very least, though, Bob does eventually decide to give up on the crackpot safe strategy – instead, at the end of every night, I take the cash, stuff it into a fish box, take the elevator down into the basement, and stow it in his freezer. And this does work for a solid couple of months without incident. Until exactly one night, shortly before I leave here for good, when somebody has evidently figured out what we’re doing with the money, and it’s stolen out of the basement freezer. I’m not even sure what he decides to do after this, but it seems like we went back to keeping it in the “safe” again.

For months, Bob had been running the shop long distance, via phone calls from Manhattan. It’s the weirdest dynamic ever, though I mostly still love it here. Until the day when Devin and Alex decide on their own that they’re going to cut me loose early, a couple of weeks before my agreed upon end date. They do give me slightly more cash than I was due at that point, as some sort of “severance” pay, which I guess they didn’t have to do – although it’s less than I would have made if simply working out those final two weeks. It’s then that I’m informed they’re bringing back Tim (a friend of ours, at one point he was even Bandman’s roommate), the guy I had replaced. He was working at this bicycle shop in Westerville, but was game to returning when they approached him about it. So yeah, the guy I replaced replaces me, and I am out the door.

I actually think this operation is a good example of why businesses are difficult to pass down from generation to generation. The kids have inherited the attitude from their dad, but not the experience. And you kind of need both in order to succeed.

2006 timeline

August 11

my first day at Bob the Fish Guy, 1:30-7. I’ll be working exclusively 11-7 shifts from now on, though. I can already tell I’ll love it here – easier and better paying, more laid back than Oats. Clientele not the least bit condescending, not to mention even more girlies crawling out of the woodwork: yeah…….

August 23

“You ride your bike here all the way from Hilliard?” Dan asks when I get in at 11, seeing me all sweaty as I drift past North Market Poultry. When I say yes, he grins and declares, “I’m proud of you.”

Weird night – hit steadily with customers as soon as Devin leaves (5), all the way up until 6:45. Thus 15 minutes late getting out.

August 25

unexpectedly given $415 in cash today by Bob for the week I’ve worked thus far – he’s a good guy, he was worried about me having to wait till two weeks from today till I got any dough. Jason (W.O. customer) in shopping, bumps into me, we talk too long, Bob yells, Jason feels bad buys two pounds of sole. “Talk to him all you want, now,” Bob jokes. Pat smacked me a couple of times earlier today. “How ya like working with Pat?” Dan came over and asked me, “she’s a maniac, isn’t she?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you two get along?”

“I think she’s funny,” I admit.

August 30

hookup bonanza. Pete and Dan give me a bison burger they had on display, bun and all, as well as this cabbage (which I don’t eat) stuffed w/ rice (which I do), then Dan brings over these brownie type sponge things, not sure what they’re called, that Shea had donated to the cause from Omega Bakery. Dan also gives me a healthy dose of this coffee like beverage called toddy (not the alcoholic drink, but not sure how this one is spelled) which is potent as hell, I don’t even finish.

* Bob makes me an offer today to run this place. He’s moving back to NYC – a job offer “too good to turn down” for him. I tell him I can help him out short term, but am thinking about moving (actually, certain).

*lady asking when turn came in, I ask Bob. He says “it’s not for her” twice – we stare at him – he says slowly “IT’S…NOT…FOR…HER!”

August 31

Bob: “I sell 50 pounds of tilapia a week, it’s farm raised and nobody says a word about it, nobody asks. You know what they do to farm raised tilapia? They give it a gene to make it automatically change sexes at some point to become a male so it grows faster. But you feed your salmon some carotene, and all of the sudden you’re Hitler. Back before all this shit started I was selling 150 pounds a WEEK of the farm raised salmon, 120, 120 to 150, I sold a little less when the wild was in season but still….since then, I’m lucky to sell fifty.”

-I’m making tuna patties out of ground up scraps. “What the hell’s the matter with you?” he questions, barks, “would you buy these?”

“Uh…..yeah, actually, I probably would….(he slides over to show me proper method) but that doesn’t mean it’s what you’re looking for….”

September 1

-banana nut bread from Benevolence this morning good flavor but a touch too dry

-black coffee from Touch of Earth Bob springs for late is great

Bob closing with me, as he did last Friday, because his sons are in Italy. Near the end of the night, screaming over at the guy from North Market Poultry who always leaves cooked ears of corn on the eating counter for me: “What did I tell you! Don’t give this guy anything!”

September 6

Bob flipping out because Bobby was giving old man change for pennies for meter. “I can’t use that in my fuckin register!” Also, found ripped dollar (chunk gouged out, actually) I used night before to buy drink. “A customer give this to you?”

“No.”

“Well it was in my drawer!”

“I put it there.”

You put it there! Are you crazy?”

Makes me buy it back.

September 8

Dan brought over this shredded barbecue chicken left over for me to take home. I took one bite and thought wow, this is great….but then this second wave of flavor hits you and it’s like HOLY SHIT, this is the best barbecue I’ve ever tasted. Unreal. Of course, everything I’ve tried from that place, virtually, has been unreal. Two days ago, instead of eating my daily meal I’m granted at Bob’s, I traded it (Dan came over and approached me, his idea) for two barbecued chicken legs – “we do a dry rub under the skin beforehand, then we baste it throughout as it’s baking,” Dan explains, “that way the skin doesn’t just taste good, which it should, but the meat does too” – and this is nothing short of phenomenal, plus some mashed potatoes (very good) and these garlic parmesan wings. “These are kinda played out, but I’m proud of em,” Dan says, meaning they’re a bit past their prime, and dry, which they are, but have great flavor. “I’m not gonna hook Devin up,” Dan curses, “that guy’s a tool.” But ends up adding a few extra wings, anyway, tells me Devin can try them if he wants. Then later on that night, Pete brings me over even more mashed potatoes (a different batch) – “very creamy” he says – and these are absolutely ASTOUNDING, the best mashed potatoes I’ve ever had. Then last night, the guy who’s always bringing me the corn on the cob (which I can’t even keep up on, so jammed with it is my fridge) has a container for me to take home of mashed potatoes on top and this rabbit goulash (rabbit, mushrooms, pasta, in some kind of sauce) which is just fantastic.

September 12

These two old guys order 8oz clam chowders each. This burly black guy walks past with his toddler son, and one of the older men darts over, on a mission, begins wailing away on this harmonica right in the kid’s face. The black guy smiles politely.

“What’s the deal with the harmonica?” I ask Devin, after they leave.

He rolls his eyes and says, “they do that every time they’re here, especially if there’s a child around. It’s so ridiculous.”

For the next few minutes, I’m laughing so hard my eyes tear up and I can’t see straight.

Lunch is China Market. These places are interchangeable in name, menu, taste, you name it. Lady seems suspicious, too, when I ask for employee discount, and even then only knocks 50 cents off an order of $6.75 – broccoli chicken and fried rice (75 cents extra for that instead of the steamed). I only order the egg roll after she’s given me the 50 cent discount, and it’s 75 cents more, no discount. Food average, egg roll maybe less so but somehow the fried rice is awesome – not sure how, as it’s pretty much always the same everywhere else. Still, I doubt I’ll be back. Rainy day thus far.

September 13

Bob left for NYC over the weekend. Now it’s just Devon, Bobby, & me on the days I work, except Alex, too, on Fridays. Already a killer job, now even better.

September 20

I fillet whole carp & whitefish 1st thing for 2 Jewish (Rosh Hashanah) orders. Carp ribcage tough, tricky to fillet – flesh dark maroon, surprisingly; I thought it would be lighter. Sloooooow day. Crazy old man in line at Firdous wearing wild patterned collared shirt, maroon hospital-esque pants w/ black jean shorts atop them, & a plastic cowboy hat, originally off white, spray painted neon green (badly) on top only, though, some accidental spots on underbelly.

September 26

-some of the people who work here, led by hippie chick from bead place & A Touch Of Earth, are complaining they “can’t breathe” due to the grease from the salmon grill (?)

“If these places that aren’t making any money spent as much time trying to figure out ways to make some money as they do complaining about everyone…I mean, they’re gonna run all of us that do make money out of here!” Rich notes.

October 17

Alex cracking me up – talking about how for dinner last night his grandma (Pat) made pork chops: no seasoning whatsoever, she just threw them in a pan; and then they weren’t even cooked all the way through; and then she collected them all in a pile and poured water on them, called this “gravy.” He had one bite, told her he wasn’t really all that into pork. That woman is a complete lunatic.

October 27

Pat is in at 3 to close with me. She immediately wraps the bowls in plastic and then plops down in a chair, evidently considering it a job well done and determined to mail in her performance from here.

October 31

3:10pm here at Bob’s. Rich left at 2, I’ve been reading & writing most of the day. NPR”s been on all day, great cuts: a new New York Dolls rocks, believe it or not; Morphine’s Potion, which I’ve never heard before; A Bob Dylan cut, slightly jazzy, off Modern Times (one word title – started w “S”).

I go thru phases. Sometimes music seems completely unimportant; every once in awhile I get in that funk. Was feeling like that a couple weeks ago, but then there was one day here where it was raining – a few of us were working, but it’s slow – & I’m standing staring out onto the side street behind us at the day, and Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic is on the radio, by the Police (a song I’ve never exactly cared much about), but I was thinking at that moment that this is why music is important, if nothing else; it fills our days like nothing else can.

So I must confess I may have brought the rain today: in my walkman this morning I had my old Police/Cars tape in on the way here – the greatest hits of each, one side apiece.

Later, I overhear Alex talking on the phone with Bob: “have you ever met any of Devin’s friends? They’re the biggest dorks I’ve ever seen, it ‘s actually almost sad…they’re almost as bad as Devin.”

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Glass House

Glass House New Year's party 2002-03

Glass House, as it came to be known over time, was a memorable and dare I say even legendary residence located at the corner of Mulford Avenue and McClain Road. Well, the house is still there, of course – it’s just that the people and circumstances which made it so remarkable, lending it that nickname which would even wind up making its way into places like Columbus Alive!, have long since gone away.

Among the unique features, at least during this time, were that it was a large house chopped into two separate units, and yet both shared the same basement. One had a Mulford address (1177) and the other McClain (977). Also, which is probably the ideal setup – considering the whole shared basement business – all the people living in both halves during this period in question knew one another prior to moving in here. You wouldn’t exactly want to roll the dice with some random dude having access to your half of this funky duplex, only for him to wind up as the next Dahmer or whatever.

But anyway. My first visit to this residence occurred during the New Year’s Eve transitioning from 2001 to 2002. I can’t quite recall the exact mix of roommates at this time, because for example Norman Flores hadn’t entered the picture over here yet, but the most “famous” lineup I would say eventually consisted of Chris Hostetler, Keith Spain, and Norman on the Mulford side, with Kevin Spain and assorted roomies or even flying solo on the McClain half. Whatever the precise mix of occupants at this point, though, I know Chris was living here, because he was the primary instigator and ringleader for a big New Year’s blowout at his pad. Which would become, if it wasn’t already prior to this, an annual ritual.

Speaking of annual rituals, Mad Dog 20/20 entered that hallowed realm itself on this very night, but only on New Year’s. We had all long since moved beyond our formative years drinking Mad Dog otherwise, which is what made it such a hilariously retro pick for the party. To be reprised every single year thereafter, by whatever crew I happened to show up with. On this initial occasion, it was Matt Montanya, Libby, Kevin Kasper (I don’t think Vanessa was with him for some reason), Kim, and me, riding together to the house, which had not yet been labeled Glass House. Libby and Kim had both eaten mushrooms prior to leaving for the bash. We stopped off at this convenience store on Kenny Road for some alcohol, which was when an already half drunk Kasper insisted with a mischievous snicker that we should totally show up with some Mad Dog, totally. Which is where the whole thing started.

Of course, by this stage in our lives, if you’re showing up with Mad Dog, you’re going to suffer some wild guffaws and eye rolls. It’s the equivalent of maybe rocking a bottle of Boone’s Farm wine or clutching cans of malt liquor or something as you roll up into the shindig. One year, by which point the MD 20/20 had long since become ingrained in our New Year’s culture, a bunch of us wasted no time in passing the bottle around the kitchen, instantly upon arrival. Scott Imsland declared, “you guys are fuckin stupid”…then proceeded to immediately reach out and snatch it from whoever was holding it, tilt his head back for a healthy slug himself.

Eh, so onto specifics. I actually don’t recall a ton about that maiden voyage into this precinct. Other than it was still years before I would get a cell phone and, this being an era where I was messing around with Lisa, I called her at some point from the kitchen landline phone, surrounded by mobs of people, only because I had promised to do so. But couldn’t stop laughing for whatever reason, which in one of the most baffling examples ever, made her ultra-paranoid mind leap to absurd conclusions. “Why are you laughing? Are you getting a blowjob?” she demanded. Which only served to make me laugh harder, in turn upping her paranoia. “You are, aren’t you!? You’re getting a blowjob right now!”

I’m like, “what!? What on earth would make you think that?” but she just kept going on and on, and therefore so did my laughter.

By the next year’s party, I had long since become a basic fixture here myself, and become that much more comfortable. Enough so to show up toting a film camera, snapping photos…and to also bring Miles with me as my lone guest. He was already quite blasted and this was the infamous New Year’s where, though not bringing up this topic at all prior to our arrival, somehow the instant we strolled onto this quite crowded scene, he got on this huge kick, practically shouting, “AW, DUDE, WHO’S GOT THE COKE!? ANYBODY GOT COKE?” in that notorious loud and chalky voice he gets when drunk. He went around from room to room, repeatedly, demanding this of its occupants. When everybody he encountered basically just shrugged and told him sorry about your luck, but no, Miles then eventually pivoted in most unexpected fashion indeed: by going through the kitchen cupboards until he found a big bag of totally normal white sugar. And chalking up lines of that on the countertop, snorting it instead.

Andy Lorenz and Dan Bandman at Glass House
Andy Lorenz holding on for dear life to Dan Bandman. Seeing this picture for the 1st time, Dan joked, “the most remarkable thing about it is I’m wearing a long sleeve shirt on one arm and a short sleeve shirt on the other.”

Word of Miles’s sugar snorting antics spread like wildfire, more so than actual drug usage ever would have. And as such this became a huge attraction, watching Miles continually vacuum up a line of Domino every so often – because, try as he might, he was unable to convince anyone else that they should join him. Despite, pinching his nose, his continual instance that, “DUDE, I’M SERIOUS, YOU GUYS SHOULD TRY IT! YOU CAN REALLY FEEL SOMETHIN!” and so on.

He wound up leaving at some point, but I crashed there that night. Then the next morning a handful of us were sitting around the living room, recapping the events, when Crystal said to me, “was that your friend?” regarding the already infamous sugar snorting fiend.

“Yes….,” I reluctantly admitted.

“What an ass,” she concluded with a disbelieving laugh.

I don’t think I ever really made an ass of myself at any of these, personally, although maybe it’s just that my bar for embarrassment is so high (or is it low? This is one of those euphemisms which somewhat confuses me). The closest you might argue I came, though, was one New Year’s where I worked two jobs, back to back, but had seriously eaten nothing all day, prior to coming here. Was kind of banking on there being some food here of some sort, but instead only encountered…this gigantic frosted red velvet cake, sitting on the dining room table.

After the long work day, no food, probably not much sleep the night before it’s safe to say, I was just completely spent. Therefore all I did was inhale a couple pieces of cake, drink actually very little, before effectively saying fuck this to myself. But not a word to anyone else, as I stealthily crawled behind the couch, in this gap I had spotted between it and the wall (don’t ask me how), and passed out for the night, I think before the ball even dropped. It seemed like an awesome hiding place. Yet I awakened the following morning to discover I was completely covered in red velvet cake – people had eventually spotted me there, then found it hilarious to drop little cake bombs from up above, chortle over how I wasn’t even responding.

Norman making a triumphant Glass House entrance.
Norman making a triumphant Glass House entrance.
me outside Glass House
Me outside the house. I don’t think this was the red velvet cake night, but it may very well have been. I actually kind of like this picture, except of course MUST have something spilled all over my shirt – I suppose it’s too much to ask that I would ever take one totally normal photo, ever.

II.

Leap Year Glass House show 2004

Live music would of course become a staple here, too, in the basement. In addition to the show referenced above, I recall at least one other where Superstar Rookie played (I think) their only ever reunion set, some five years after disbanding. That was I believe the night Matt Montanya acted as between-band entertainment, as he got up on the mic and did his world famous, spot on Bill Cosby and Richard Pryor imitations, reciting many of their comedy bits verbatim, to the delight of the masses.

Naturally, in a sprawling house at least partially occupied by musicians, some tunes were recorded here as well. Including at least one full-length album I’m aware of, A Year At Mulford & McClain by Kevin Spain and Phil Minor. It’s a stunning, fully instrumental effort, somewhat of a departure – at least for Spain, from his work with The Judas Cow and others. You can listen to a solid chunk of it here, along with one video I made (on my own, but with their blessing) of my favorite track, Weave:

As you can see from the liner notes, this was fully recorded and mastered et cetera right here. The project has a tremendously warm and atmospheric sound to it. Unfortunately, for years now my disc has been so scratched up that it won’t play or rip the last three songs on the disc. And I’ve discussed this with Spain, but it appears that he doesn’t have any left in his possession, or at least can’t locate them if he does. He probably has those tracks somewhere in his files, but admits at this point he can’t remember what names they gave to which instrumentals, and isn’t fully confident exactly what these last three tunes are. So it remains an incomplete mystery. Copies were only ever handed out to some of his friends, so if any of you have one, by all means please let me know.

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Victorian’s Midnight Cafe

Songs for Victorian's mix CD 2006

I’m sitting in an actual Victorian style dinner chair, dark wood, low back, the kind with padded arms and gold beans lining their sides. Circa 2006, I liked sitting in this “living room” section of Victorian’s. Assorted planters on the floor and hanging, all around the bay window. The floor is elevated two steps up here. Scuffed rectangular wooden table, thick (3 or 4 inches I would estimate) and rounded at corners, faded, stained. Cement wall is lavender with a mural painted directly onto it, enclosed by a painted black border: a sleepy town scene and astral bodies overhead – planets, shooting star – the cloud cover separating them. There is carpet up here alone – green, with purple, red, and pastel green squiggle shapes, badly needs swept. Apart from the chair I’m in, there’s also a beige leather armchair up here, huge but dirty. Also a standard kitchen table chair, like we used to have at home for a while when I was growing up – different color, but same shape – which is brass, or chrome or something colored to look like brass, a round blue padded seat, the chair back also made of metal with this vaguely heart shaped interior. Then a relatively new looking couch and loveseat set, which match each other, embroidered in glossy tan feather shapes on a gold, purple, and light green background.

Sarah McLachlan is playing overhead. Elsewhere, a neon blue peace sign hangs above the entrance to the kitchen. A couple is playing pool in the other room. Board games arrayed in bookshelf perpendicular to door. When I asked for some cream to go with my coffee, he handed me a quart of plain half and half. Strongbow, Shiner Bock, Bell’s I see on tap, among others.

Victorian’s Midnight Cafe was a former…well, I don’t even know what you’d call it, but it sure was something. A cafe, yes, I suppose, and definitely located in Victorian Village. And though I was certainly there past midnight on occasion, those times were rare – and yet I still might have classified it, for a few years there, as the most interesting place to visit in all of Columbus. Cafe at some point morphed into this meaningless all-purpose term applied to just about any spot, equally at home on the floor of a dance club as to a quaint diner two seat table that is only open for brunch. And Victorian’s encompassed nearly every plot point between these extremes as well as anywhere ever did.

It wasn’t just the mismatched furniture and similarly inclined artwork, the weatherbeaten floors. Or the patrons you could also often apply some of those modifiers to. It was a certain vibe you couldn’t get anywhere else – in large part because even those running this enterprise kept the borders fuzzy, as far as what Victorian’s was even supposed to be. But then again, they weren’t afraid to draw the line at what they absolutely were NOT: owner Greg Rowe usually told people who were hoping to bring CDs in here and have it cranked over the system to politely forget it, even when other bars would often play ball with such a concept. Or back when, though it’s hard to really fathom this now, you could pretty much smoke cigarettes everywhere (places really only started going smoke free en masse somewhere in the mid aughts, a concept that probably seems as alien to youngsters now as this mysterious “compact disc” music playing medium I just mentioned), Victorian’s was a notable outlier in that it was always forbidden here. They do have at least that one pool table, covering yet another base in that regard.

I once brought my brother in for breakfast, and he is still known to gush about it, specifically the corned beef hash, twenty years later. Connie Harris and Za Hansen are among the cooks who pass through here, during its spirited run under Rowe, and the signature morning offering might actually be a heaping casserole named Mr. Gut Wrencher: eggs, gravy, home fries, cheese, three kinds of meat in one large dish. “That scared the hell out of me the first time I read the ingredients,” Hansen admits, in a May 2008 Dispatch piece, “first I thought, why?, and then I wondered, do we even have a plate big enough for this thing?

Well before that, in fact before I’d ever set foot inside the place, a coworker once secured some of us a slot to play at their open stage jam night, though I chickened out and failed to show – though assuredly no great loss for anyone involved, whether performer or attendee, I still sometimes regret not following through. Because of course they had live music here, too. This place was a local institution for such, with for example the various members of Cowboy Hillbilly Hippy Folk meeting one another here, after which Victorian’s was only the most natural choice for their CD release party. The Moops played their first show here in 2001. Of course, unlike many “open stage” jam nights I’ve attended over the years, the Victorian’s take on this meant that during the Thursday night edition, poetry readings were totally okay, too, if that’s how one chose to fill his/her slot – Wednesays are reserved for acoustic music alone.

So once again totally fitting the Midnight Cafe aesthetic. But yeah, I would say music mostly prevailed anyway, on balance. When I introduced Damon to Victorian’s, to catch some other random band on an equally random night, he was instantly a fan and remarked that a place like this could only exist in Columbus. As those in charge of the operation are quite aware, considering the top of their website home page describes this cafe, in a dictionary style definition entry, as “an eclectic home for people wanted or unwanted. Loyal patrons refer to her as the “hub of weirdness” where all walks of life come and go. A refreshing gateway from reality, a place to find a warm smile and friendship.” Yep, that pretty much sums it up.

Incidentally, their website offers yet another punctuation plot twist that I didn’t expect. Working on this Love Letter To Columbus project has, however improbably and unwittingly, often thrust me into the role of an apostrophe detective (there’s two words you never thought you’d see together). And so I am presented with another case here. In every single article I referenced online (47 of them) and in my own writings, thoughts, whatever, the name is never spelled as anything but Victorian’s Midnight Cafe. I never even entertained a notion that it could be anything else. However, much like other defunct operations such as Brewmasters Gate and Tommy Keegans, the conflicting truth is hiding in plain sight – either that, or we have to assume that we know what the founders of these operations truly intended, and they just weren’t polished up on their grammar. Because according to the logo at the top of the VMC website, which runs unchanged for years, it’s actually spelled with an apostrophe after the S: Victorians’ Midnight Cafe. Although in this instance these waters are certainly further muddied when you consider the abbreviation, the logo inside the logo, which calls this place Vic’s. And then the “dictionary definition” beside it as spells this as Victorian’s. These three variations are, what, an inch or even less apart. So I’m really not sure what to think. But crafting a logo you would think has to take more time than typing words on a web page – even back in 2004 – so it would seem more thought had to have gone into that as well, and the logo therefore carries more weight.

I guess maybe in the name of keeping a clear conscience, I should refuse to take on this truly baffling case.

II.

Sometimes Vic’s was even open on Thanksgiving, serving a customarily funky meal that had nothing to do with your traditional Turkey Day offerings – and sounding no less inviting because of it. Circa 2006 meanwhile, on most totally normal nights of the week, there was this cute redheaded waitress, her belly swollen and many months along with child, working here, that us guys all agreed was “the hottest pregnant chick ever.” And the reason I’m coming here so often then stems from my greatest stretch of involvement with Victorian’s, strollling through these extremely funky doors roughly once per week, as a central figure in this writer’s club we’d started.

Nathan McKnight (a pen name, BTW), his friend Shannon, our mutual pal Dan Bandman, and I are the four who materialize here for its first ever meeting, in January 2006. Bandman is the one who told me about it, and as I’d been trying in vain the entire time I lived in Columbus – nearly a decade at this point – to catch on with a decent writer’s club, I’m instantly all about it. I guess it somehow never occurred to me to just start one myself. In a hilarious stroke of just about the most predictable cliche ever, three of us bring our copy of The Elements Of Style to this first meeting – and the fourth person almost did, but decided to leave it at home.

Nathan was here every single week, though, and deserves credit for organizing the thing, keeping it together for a solid year (possibly more, as I moved away at end of 2006, and have no idea what happened beyond that point). I made it a good 90% of the time, I would estimate, easily the second most involved. Nathan’s dad, Joe, would eventually become a predictable attendee, and while both Dan and Shannon were only intermittently engaged, moving forward, other highly random figures like Rob, Alison, and Brad would pop in on occasion, in descending order of frequency, culled from whatever rock we could find them under. One or two of them might not even have really been writers, or at least weren’t writing much, but liked to soak up the atmosphere and debate things anyway, possibly take a stab at editing a copy of whatever you brought.

Some of these conversations stick with me to this day. Like a passionate extended group argument one night, in that window seating area section, concerning the use of the word habit, which someone was claiming didn’t fit in such and such scenario. We had just about settled the debate, agreeing that it was basically applicable in situations where a person couldn’t stop doing something often. Until some guy piped up and wondered, “yeah, but would you say robbing banks is a habit?” Which set the argument ablaze all over again. Another time, I brought a then short story where the main character killed himself at the very end. A plot twist which Shannon was quite vocal about not liking.

“I just don’t remember ever reading a story where the main character killed himself at the end, though,” I pointed out.

“There’s a reason you’ve never read a story like that – it pisses people off!”

Well, I ended up using this scene anyway, eventually, in one of my novels. So who knows. These philosophical dustups were always highly entertaining, at least, even if you didn’t take the advice. And some of this stuff was demonstrably helpful. Another occasion, Dan brought a ton of song lyrics to the table, and was lamenting that he kept trying to squeeze in more adjectives, but they never seemed to rhythmically fit into the songs. I suggested in response that instead of adjective cramming, which a lot of people try to do in whatever they’re writing, it’s usually better to come up with stronger verbs instead, like replacing the words go and went et cetera whenever you see them. Nathan’s mouth was open, because he was just about to say the exact same thing, but I beat him to the punch. So he agreed with me, as we elaborated on this point. Then the next week, Dan proudly brought his revised songs to the meeting, and was effusive in praising us, because he felt like that one tip had made a huge improvement on his lyric writing.

I would eventually conclude that although these meetings were a lot of fun, and gave me something to look forward to every week, they were ultimately not that productive for me. And the reason for this was that I felt I’d advanced beyond everyone else on the seriousness front. It might sound a bit pompous to declare, but I wasn’t thinking this from a quality or talent standpoint, because most of them were great writers. They just weren’t doing much, which was the whole issue. Whereas I couldn’t seem to stop, even back then, and was cranking out reams of material, writing something just about every day. I had an endless stockpile of material I could and sometimes did bring for them to dissect, passing copies out to everyone who attended. But then would feel like I was hogging the spotlight, so might skip a week, except then there would be times where nobody brought anything as a result.

Plus, as previously alluded to, would typically not apply any of their notes anyway. I could get into debating philosophies and word usage and so on until the end of time, though in general believed that as a rule you couldn’t really carpet bomb any of these strategies onto every piece of writing, or anything near it, because every piece was different and we all had such diverse styles on top of it. Like I recall that after some of us attended this Kurt Vonnegut speaking appearance, where he was ranting and raving about semi-colons, Nathan showed up at the next meeting and proudly announced that he’d gotten rid of 63 semi-colons in something he was writing. And I was thinking, well, that’s cool, but that’s just never going to be me. Vonnegut might have felt they should be eradicated from the face of the planet, and Nathan might have agreed, but I thought and continued to feel that they are occasionally quite useful.

My fondest memory probably concerns a session where I brought this thinly-veiled “fictional” piece about the Mansfield area music scene, which had Bandman howling with laughter at various points. He loved it so much he was praising it later to people who didn’t even come to these things, like for instance Travis Tyo’s girlfriend Martha. She came up to me somewhere, weeks later I believe it was, and told me that whatever I had written, Bandman thought it was hysterical.

The picture up top, meanwhile, stems from a mix CD Nathan once brought to everyone in attendance. He did this at least twice, because I have another one titled Jug O’ Tunes that I liked so much I made copies of it myself to pass around. Songs For Victiorians as you can see is pretty solid, too, and a number of those tracks have entered my permanent playlist as a result. And on exactly one instance, I cranked out a mix of my own, which I titled J-Mac’s Spring Mix 2000 and 6. Those discs I foisted on this club to start with, though eventually expanding outward and handing them off to the likes of Kevin Spain or my brother, people who had never come to any of these meetings.

Nathan had some experience organizing these things, and in fact a previous club was so organized and serious that they were printing impressively professional looking zines for a while. He brought me a couple-few issues at some point, though I only seem to have one in my possession now. He’s also one of these guys who seems to know everybody in town, to the extent I wasn’t exactly surprised to eventually discover he was working with Damon’s sister, Melissa, at one of her jobs, a short while after I left town and this writing club had ended. When I asked her if she knew Nathan McKnight, she chuckled and said, “well, he might wish his name was Nathan McKnight…but yeah, I know him.”

It was only then that I even learned this was a pen name! You might say I’m bad at asking people questions about themselves. Well, actually, I feel like I’m good at observing some stuff, noting various details about people, and learning a bit of their history – it’s just the material I get down isn’t necessarily important. A kink which this Victorian’s writing club never did straighten out.

Smuggler's Cove early draft with suggested edits
A sample of Nathan’s edits (in green) of a short story I brought to the group. I did use some of his suggestions on this one.

III.

I still possess some of the pieces that others brought to this group, but haven’t had much luck getting their blessing to post them here. So the above snippet from one of my short stories will have to suffice, to give you an idea of the work we did here.

The final occasions I came to Victorian’s all occurred in 2008, the absolute last of these a bar-hopping odyssey marking my return to Columbus, during which we wound up here for a spell. That night was also, to date, sadly the last time too that I’ve hung out with such disparate characters as Alan Kline, Ancie and Dan Schmidt, Kevin Spain and others, all of which were among this Victorian’s entourage that night. Though it seems most surreal of all to recall this was the site of my first conversation in 19 years with on old friend who’d moved away, Byron McClurg, because he had called someone, and a few of us were passing around the phone on the back patio here.

From here the picture becomes a little murkier. In March ’09 it’s announced that local musician Andreas Kleinert has bought the place, along with his wife, Kristy Venrick, and that they are renaming it Vic’s Cafe. It is closed a short spell for remodeling, although they maintain many of the same employees, even some menu standouts like weinerschnitzel or the Behemoth Burger. A continued or perhaps slightly elevated devotion to live music, six nights a week, including open stage jams on three of those. Yet they are also switching gears, somewhat, like with a curious focus on a lengthy pina colada list (or is this not playing right into the site’s scattershot, eclectic vibe?) including one that’s served in a coconut shell.

And yet by July, it would appear they’ve reverted back to the former name, Victorian’s Midnight Cafe, though closing right at midnight on every night not named Friday or Saturday. Even so the last event listing I can find occurs in March 2010, a fundraiser in support of and featuring local musician Billy Zenn. Shortly thereafter, those owners sold it to the next, and whoever bought this now not only changed the name but the entire aesthetic as well. One night in 2011, Kyle, Erin, and I drifted through the new establishment, which was like this voodoo rockabilly place called The Shrunken Head. And while cool enough for that sort of thing, it was also just not the same, and none of us ever came back. Nowadays this spot, at 251 W. 5th Avenue, is known as the Vic Village Tavern. This one’s rocking some old school vibe, and I’m sure it has its adherents, but it also looks even more normal and therefore farther removed still from what once made this spot on the map so special.

I said their website was hilariously generic, even by the standards of that time, and this is true. A plain white background, no photos whatsoever, text even more basic than my somewhat vanilla choices here in the year 2025. If visiting that page, you would have no idea what a wacky establishment you were in store for, should you follow up with a physical visit. However one cool feature they did have, which I haven’t quite seen replicated anywhere else, is that they also made a running list of every musician they could think of who graced their stage. So here’s the roll call up through 2006:


Amy Steinberg
Andy Germak
Andy Shaw
Annie Schumm
Apocalypso
Ariel Godwin
Athena Reich
Avalon Nine
Barrie Z.
Beau Bristow
Bel Auburn
Bill Kurzenberger
BlueForms Theatre Group
Blue Level Music
Brad Yoder
Brian Griffin
Brian Lisik
Bryan Christopher Lee
Bumwealthy
Cathy Wicks
Chad Eric
Chief Johnny Lonesome
Chris Gough
Chris McCoy
Cropchecker
Dan Gonzalez
Dan Vaillancourt
Dave Golden
Dave Lippman
David Nefesh
Deep Blue Groove
eight foot cactus
Elisa Nicholas
EN2
Ennui
Eric Nassau & Friends
Eric Pressler
Frisky London
Garrin Benfield
Gipson & Fitz
Greg Klyman
Gruver/Gruver Deeluxe
Hal Hixson
Happy Dragons
heather shayne blakeslee
Heather Waugh
Hipswitch
Jared Mahone
Jason & the Argonauts
Jeffrey Altergott
Jesse Henry
Jen Miller
Jen Shamro
Jeremiah Birnbaum
Jim Volk
Jim Zartman
John Turck
Jonah Sage
Jonathan Rundman
Kara Kulpa
Kit Malone
Kristy Hanson
kristi strauss and the blue medusa
La Revancha
Larry Mariotto
Leah-Carla Gordone
Liz Malys
Maioan Person
Mark Fitzharris
Mark Webster
Megan Palmer
Michael Joseph
Michael Shoup
Mike Mangione
Modern Gomorah
Myke Rock
Nathaniel Seer
Nic Engel
Nobody et al.
Nude
Porterhouse
Pretty Balanced
rachel ries
Rachanee
Richard Thorne
Ripley Caine
Sarah Asher
Sarah Cohen
Sarah Lovell
Scott Stein
Shelley Miller
SJ Tucker
Sonya Lorelle
Stickmen Music
Summertooth
The Bogtrodders
The Farewell System
The Floorwalkers
The Kyle Sowashes
the moist star
The Peasants
the red wheelbarrow
The Sure Things
The Vague
Thora’s Birch
Tom Freund
Tristen Shields
Ukulele Man
Way Past Frown (Thomas Boles)
Willie Phoenix
Worldwide Ocean
Yikes McGee

Victorian’s also had a little artwork gallery, dubbed the Hub Gallery, where they would rotate in various featured artists. So they have listed just a pair of artists, John Nagy and Tom VanKuiken, who it says “have visited Vic’s Hub Gallery.” Although I’m not sure if that means these are the only two artists who stopped by to view their own gallery (which seems more likely), or if those are the only two artists who ever swung through, period.

2006 happenings

Beyond the punctuation shenanigans, their hilariously simple website was also a little confusing for another reason. The events calendar would list things that were happening all over town, not just here, yet to my mind it’s not always entirely clear which is which. So I think these things I’m listing below all happened at Vic’s…but I could be wrong about that. And of course regarding the writer’s club, etc, I am inserting my own details here, not theirs:

January 11

our 1st writer’s club meeting at Victorian’s. Dan, me, Nathan, Shannon. I’ve never been involved with anything like this before, but they have, they’ve held clubs like these for years, off and on. And even published a zine for a while called Floating Liars which is sweet, it looks professional as hell. We talk books, parameters for future meetings. Always a short story guy, Nathan recently bought a book on writing a novel in 30 days and then did exactly that. “Well, 30 days and 6 hours, technically,” he concedes. Dan brought his song book, and some loose imagery from one about a burnt down house he drove past. We pass it around and critique it. Meet at 6 – I’m late – have a couple beers.

January 18

open mic night, hosted by Crazy Pete Frenzer. This is a regular Wed and Thu night thing and it runs from 8 to 11.

January 19

The Thursday edition of open mic night, hosted by Crazy Pete Frenzer.

January 20

themed musical night under the banner “Folk The War – A Bush Bashing.” UkuleleMan, Pete Cassani, and Bob Starker play.

January 22

movie time with Tadit Anderson, whatever that entails

January 25

open mic night with Crazy Pete

January 26

open mic night with Crazy Pete

January 28

Mike Mangione plays at 8pm, followed the The Two Timers at 10.

January 30

Rob has a short story and then another piece of dialogue (unrelated). These meetings have been surprisingly productive: “okay, has it been established what he’s shooting the whore with?” I question, reading Rob’s story. Nathan busts out laughing. “You have to find a way to say that again!” (Rob’s sci-fi “Fast Food Galaxy” novel he’s working on). Talk strays into movies. I suggest comedy is a form of drama: “it’s a skill.”

“It can be, if done right,” Nathan says.

“Some actors, they can just walk onto the screen and I start cracking up, they don’t even have to do anything…”

Nathan and I both say “Bill Murray” at the same time, pretty bizarre. More cracking up. We discuss possibility of an award winning literary choose-your-own-adventure novel – writing one. Nathan has some sci-fi book he’s picked up from shelf, a what if – Hitler a sci-fi writer isntead. So bad it has to be hilarious, but he doesn’t buy it…

Tonight I also bring a piece for everyone to critique, from my eventually published (in 2025!) Well-Behaved Monsters novel:

Well-Behaved Monsters draft snippet

January 31

Something called “the people’s address to the State of the Union.” Megan Palmer, UkuleleMan, Connie Harris, and Victoria Parks all appear in some capacity. Ohio Peace Network are listed as the primary speakers.

February 4

Connie Harris headlines some “Come Together For Peace” event from 8pm until midnight

February 5

Amy Steinburg plays from 8 to 10

February 6

It’s the first Monday of the month, which means it’s time for the latest Columbus Area Filmmakers’ Group to meet. It begins at 7pm.

February 11

The Yogi Poets perform at 8pm, followed by Moonlight Child at 10

February 25

Mardi Gras Costume Ball. Chief Johnny Lonesome plays and the special drink of the night is the Hurricane

March 3

Brad Yoder plays from 8 to 10pm. Chris Gough then takes the stage at 10.

March 4

reserved for a private party

March 17

Folk The War

March 18

Central Ohio Peace Network

March 24

SJ Tucker plays at 8pm

March 31

Thomas Birch plays at 10pm

May 1

latest meeting of Columbus Area Filmmakers’ Group

May 3

Open mic – no host listed, so it may or may not be Crazy Pete by this point

And it also happens to be the night for one of our writer’s club meetings as well. This time around, Nathan is here as usual, but I get to meet his brother and dad for the first time. Before they show up, though, we hand in our critiques of each other’s short stories submitted last week. I dusted off Smuggler’s Cove (from ’98, though edited a touch before bringing it here), which I really don’t care much about, so others can have fun slashing away with their proposed edits. Meanwhile Nathan had this one called Milk Dragon – very good, its tone and protagonist remind me of the Moody sci-fi piece from that Eggers anthology.

The “hottest pregnant chick ever” (Dan quote weeks ago, and everyone agrees) (curly red hair, blue eyes, great smile), the tall thin brunette, and the shorter brunette with doorag (Nathan rates her 9.8 today), who has these dark brown eyes that positively sparkle (prettiest dark eyes ever), as well as the tanned blonde who somewhat resembles Virginia are all working “bar.” We sit at “bar.” Man in tie dyed AC/DC shirt running sound. Guy in long goatee doing spoken word, is somehow wearing the exact same tee shirt at Nathan’s brother. On laptop, watch and listen to Steven Colbert’s funny speech at this G. W. Bush banquet. Nathan rates tall black haired waitress (white tee, small breasts), Ruthie, a 7.

“Well, that might be 7 on a worldwide scale, but as far as the parameters of what’s actually obtainable are concerned…,” I joke.

May 4

Open mic – see above

May 10

Open mic. Meanwhile at our latest writer’s club meeting, I bring another of these J-Mac’s Spring Mix 2000 and 6 mix CDs I’ve been passing out like candy, and give one to Nathan. Owing to the limited storage space left on my computer at the moment, I was only able to put 9 songs on there, but am pretty happy with it anyway.

May 11

open mic

June 9

Liz Malys & Nic Engel perform, 8pm

June 14

Writer’s club meeting. It’s just Nathan and me showing up this time. I had printed out a new 5 page beginning to Pushed Over and give him a copy to review before the next meeting. I wrote this in a fury last week – where does this come from? I have no idea. Obviously, I started the story years ago but have compiled ideas ever since, and then one day out of the blue just finally attacked it.

June 17

SJ Tucker plays, 8pm

June 21

Writer’s club meeting. Shannon, Nathan’s dad, and Nathan’s brother show up in addition to the two of us this time. Nathan has his suggestions for Pushed Over. Shannon doesn’t like my proposed ending, when explaining it, that I plan on having this guy kill himself. I haven’t even written that part yet, obviously, am nowhere near doing so, but argue a case for it anyway: how can this possibly be any different than the main character dying by different means? Plus I also believe that the title alone has you somewhat expecting a passive resolution, like things happening to this character that are maybe beyond his control.

Well anyway. Elsewhere, Nathan, his dad, and Shannon debate the meaning of the word “discipline.” We all also discuss whether anyone can truly make it writing exactly what they want.

July 12

open mic

July 13

open mic

July 19

open mic

July 20

open mic

July 21

Heartbreak Ochestra play at 8pm

August 12

Heartbreak Orchestra with special guest Neal from Go Robot, Go!

August 23

Writer’s group. First one I’ve attended in a month. Nathan and Joe just bought motorcycles, both are here. I tell them I’m a semifinalist in Alive sportswriter contest (well, sweet 16, anyway). We agree we’re going to start having “submission nights,” where we’ll all show up with a short story and send them off to the same magazine. Also talk of our own magazine, and vending machines.